a slice of pizza as the two T-named members of the group hum conflicting melodies in increasingly noisy
extremes in an effort to drown out the other one. Instead, they manage to create a conflicted mish mash of
sound loud enough that anyone within a twenty foot distance wouldn’t even be able to hear themself talk-
fortunately, that isn’t a problem with Royce and Pac*
Pac: Mmm... pepperoni.
Royce: Mmm... cheese.
Tini: *Pauses, halting her music* Mmm... idiots.
*Pac blinks, then looks at Royce and Tiger*
Pac: She was talking about you two.
Royce: ...why are we dating again?
Pac: Because I buy you pizza.
Royce: *Finishes off the last bite of stuffed crust, and wipes her hands on the side of Pacs shirt* Well, it
looks to me like I dont have any pizza. Are you going to fulfill your one and only use or what?
Pac: *Reaches into his pockets* But I dont have anything...
Tini: Hah! Told you! In your face Tiger, you owe me 5 bucks!
Pac: ...I meant money. I dont have any money.
*The group pauses*
Tiger: Oh... my... god...
Tinis: Its finally happened.
Tiger: Youve spent all your money on the Texan chick over here...
Tini: Hes poor! Hes finally poor! Ah hah ha! Poor boy!
Pac: ....you know what, this is causing me serious psychological harm.
Tini: Like you can get any worse. Poor!
Pac: I dont see why you get such joy from-
Tiger: Poor!
Pac: This really is off-
Tini: Poor!
Pac: Your offending an entire financial class h-
Tini and Tiger: Poooor!
Pac: FUCK YOU! I hate you! And you! And somehow, when the two of you are together, my total hatred is
higher than the added hatreds from when I see you both individually!
Tini: ...thats awfully fancy talk for someone who qualifies for Russian welfare
Tiger: *Snickers* The ‘Russian’ made that work
Tini: I know, it was inspired....
Royce: Hey look... hes, uh, hell... doing the opposite of coming.
Tiger: Leaving?
Royce: Yes! Leaving!
*Indeed, Pac is seen hastily retreating down the street, his head bobbing and swerving so its obvious hes
ranting to himself. Sighing deeply, the other three race to catch up to him, but he ignores them when they
get there*
Tini: Pac?
Pac: ....
Tini: Pac!
Pac: ...
*Tini puts her mouth an inch from Lucia’s ear and takes a deep breath*
Tini: PAC!!!
Pac: Argh! *Collapses to the ground, clutching his ear drum* Oh my god! The ringing! Someone stop the
ringing!!!
Tiger: ...you have impressive vocal chords there, Tini-Bop.
Tini: ...Tini-Bop?
Tiger: ...I was just trying it out.
Tini: *Rolls her eyes* Slick, Tiger-tot. But thank you, I muscled them up helping counsel summer camp
Tiger: By yelling at people or making out with the guy counselors?
Tini: A sort of blend. More of the first, cause there was only one guy there who didnt have glasses and
braces. I can accept the two exclusively, but when theyre together it just makes you twitch. Not in the happy
way.
Pac: *Looks up from the ground, rubbing his bleary eyes* Some attention for the guy hearing sirens in his
inner ear, please?
Tiger: ...no. What if theyre sun glasses?
Tini: ...Ive never actually met someone with braces and sunglasses. Im not sure I want to.
Tiger: ..that does seem like it would be kinda weird.
Pac: Fine... *scrambles to his feet*... fuck you all. Im out.
Tiger: Out where?
Tini: Of your mind?
Royce: Of the closet?
Tiger: Of the loop?
Tini: Out of your ages average weight percentage?
Pac: ....
*Pac sighs*
Pac: Out of that. All that. Im out.
Tiger: Yeah, yeah, weve heard this before. Youve been sleeping in my appointment with the italian food
nympho here for weeks, where are you going to stay if you leave?
Pac: ...Ill get a job.
*Royce, Tini, and Tiger burst out laughing*
Pac: I will! Really!
Tiger: Yeah... sure you will...
Pac: I will!
Tiger: ...hehe...
Pac: What!?
Royce: Nothing honey... its just that jobs require physical strength, mental prowess, typing speed... some
sort of skill!
Pac: I have skills!
Tini: Masturbation does not count as a skill.
Pac: *Suddenly pauses* Oh really!?
Tini: ...yes. Really.
Pac: What about that!
*Pac points behind them, at one of the building on the street. They turn as one, and with various levels of
disbelief at the impossible coincidence of it all, read the sign on the office: Sperm Bank*
Tini: ....son of a fuck toy.
Pac: Hah! Thats where I can make money! And I can do it doing what I do best!
Tiger: Dude, dont do this...
Pac: Why? Because its NC-17 Rated? Because I might end up with kids I never even meet? Because I don’t
even come close to passing any of the health qualifications?
Tiger: No, because it was already done in Road Trip. We stole enough jokes in the last ramble.
Pac: ...I don’t care. Im going in.
*Pac rushes across the street and charges into the building before any of them can stop him. Sighing, they
trudge after, partially because they don’t want to see him arrested, but also because they need to- Tiger isnt
talented enough to write more than one group of people operating at one time. They enter and see Pac
leaning against the counter, speaking with one of the nurses*
Nurse: Ok, heres the rules... you cant donate if youve done drugs in the last seventy two hours.
Pac: ...how many days is that?
Nurse: Its, um, three sets of 24.
Pac: Way to get off subject. I asked how many days it was.
Nurse: ...three.
Pac: Right. And... uh.... ok... go on.
Nurse: Are you sure?
Pac: ...yes.
Nurse: Ok, if you’ve had sex or masturbated in the last twenty four hours, you also can’t donate.
Pac: And how many-
Nurse: One day. Thats one day.
Pac: ...right. Well... ok then, lets get started.
Nurse: *Looks at him skeptically* We do test for this, you know. You won’t get paid if your lying.
*Pac sighs*
Pac: What if weve done all of those three things in the last... *looks at watch* twenty seven minutes?
Nurse: ...then we pay you extra, and submit your specimen to special government studies. And I go boil my
eyes in bleach just for looking at you.
Pac: Ok, sign me up for that program. *Notices the other three standing there, looking at him in disgust*
Royce: ......*shudders*....
Pac: Did you hear that? Extra money! Scientific studies! Im overachieving already!
Royce: .....*backs up and shudders*....
Pac: Well, ok, Paccy is going to work now. Hell be back soon.
*The three take seats with stunned, disgusted looks on there faces, and watch in horror as the nurse puts on
a thick leather glove and uses it to guide Pac into the back by his hand. Tini, Royce, and Tiger sit, gripping
the arms of their chairs tightly, as a whole plethora of sounds burst from the back room*
???: Hey, do you have any more selections than this?
???: Sorry sir, youll have to do with the wall to wall video library
???: But Ive seen all these already!
???: Youll need to make due...
???: Fine. Christ.
???: Hey! Wait until I leave the room to pull that out!
???: Oh, like its something you havent seen before...
???: It is!
???: ...your a virgin?
???: No! But what the hell is that smoldering green lump!
???: ...that isnt normal?
???: It winked at me!!
???: She likes you.
???: She!?
???: ...you know its a girl, cause it gets mean for a week every month
???: ...Id hit you if I didnt think it would give me a fatal disease.
???: Yeah, well it would.
???: Ugh...
*The sound of a door closing is heard, than frantic footsteps. Another door opens and closes, and then the
sound of running water is heard*
???: Unclean, still unclean...
???: Why hello little asian princess... that bathing suit looks uncomfortable. Perhaps you should... oh yes.
Thats right. And your body looks amazingly unfilled with- WOAH! THERE WE ARE! HAH! Thats not
supposed to go there!!! And its *definetely* not supposed to go *there* after its already been in *there*!
Haha!
Royce: ...I am so breaking up with him
Tini: *Looks up from the knife she was polishing* Thats it? You werent planning to ritualistically cut off his
testicles so the world doesnt have to deal with him anymore?
Royce: ...I dont like blood
Tini: Fine. Well let the evil continue. *Sheathes knife* Slut.
Royce: Prude.
Tini: Slut!
Royce: Prude!
???: WOW! Oh man... oh yeah... I love porn... that was great...
Tiger: *Blinks* Its been, like, forty nine seconds....
Royce: Really? He *has* been practicing stamina.
*Door opens*
???: Oh my god! What the hell happened in here!
???: What do you mean? I contibuted to the greater cause
???: We gave you a cup! Why didnt you use the cup!?
???: ...I got thirsty and filled it with 7-Up.
???: You do know local recycling laws dont allow us to throw out used cups, right?
???: .....eh. *Sound of sipping is heard*
???: Oh my god, its even on the electrical outlets! Its sparking! Run! Run!
???: Wheres my money!?
???: Here! Two hundred bucks! Get out!
???: Thank you... *Pac bursts out from the back, face red and looking sweaty.* Hey guys.
Tini: ...Im going to say this once, and only once. If you ever want us to even look at you again, your
spending that money on all of us.
Pac: ...ok... what should be buy?
*Cut scene*
*The four are standing on a dark street, which is odd because its still day time- thats how bad ass this street
is. They look nervous and cold, as there breath freezes into clouds even though its seventy some degrees
out- see, bad ass. Really bad ass.*
Tini: Are you sure about this?
Pac: Yeah... I know a guy who knows a guy. Besides, your the one who wanted this.
Tini: I wanted a group gift, not narcotics!
Pac: Yeah, well, you were outvoted.
*Tini glares at Tiger and Royce. They hang their heads*
Royce: I like to experiment.
Tiger: ...I didnt understand the butterfly ballot.
Pac: Well, it won. And here he comes...
*A large, shrouded figure comes up, a dark back pack strapped over his shoulders, most likely contained the
stuff they are looking to buy. He comes up, and after scanning them, throws his hood back... its-*
Tini: -Woody!?
Woody: Sup?
*Tini glares at Pac*
Tini: You said you knew a guy who knows a guy!
Pac: So??
Tiger: *I* know Woody!
Pac: FINE! Then youre the guy! Jesus!
Woody: ...so what are you lookin for?
Pac: Were looking for you to come back to Tigers apartment with us and smoke up. You in?
Woody: ...Im in. Whos supplying?
Pac: ...um, you.
Woody: Right.
*Cut scene*
*Like the last joke, this is stolen right from That 70’s Show. The five are gathered around a table,
surrounded by billows of smoke, laughing*
Tini: And the legal document actually says we need to stop this right away!? Hehe!
Tiger: Haha... yeeeeep. Thats a nice sound. Yeeeeep. Yep. Yip. Yup. Yes. It does. Hehe.
Tini: Why?
Woody: Ummmmm. Ummmmm. Ummmm.
Royce: Stop sayin’-
Woody: Ummmmm.
Royce: Stop sayin’-
Woody: Ummmmmm.
Royce: Stop saying pants!
Woody: ...I wasnt saying pants.
*Group pause*
Group: Bwahahaahaha!
*The door suddenly burts in, and a swarm of cops swarm in, weapons drawn and badges out*
Cop: Freeze right there!
Pac: Aw... busted for having pot?
Cop: No! Busted for breaking copywright laws!
Tiger: ...hell...
*The cops drag them to their feet and cuff them. Looking tired, Falcon walks into the room, rubbing his
eyes*
Falcon: Woah, what the... Officer Grant, whats up? Officer Jack, hows your kids? Seargant, I thought you
had today off?
Seargant: Bastard called in sick. Youre coming with us.
Falcon: What!? Why!?
Seargant: Sorry. Standing order is if we see you within twenty feet of a crime, to arrest you. NASA
scientists say its statistically impossible for you not to be imvolved.
Falcon: Ah fuck...
*Fade to black*