sun, smirks firmly planted on their faces as they just heard the story of Woody, Pac’s, Falcons and Tiger’s
make up day of school, and if any evidence is needed, its presented in the peppy, blonde field hockey player
who is currently lying face up on Falcons legs. For Falcons part, he seems to be sleeping*
Tini: I’m bored...
Royce: You look bored.
Tini: That probably has an awful lot to do with the fact that I’m *bored*... *randomly kicks Tiger* Entertain
me!
Tiger: Ow! *Rubs shoulder* What the hell do you want me to do, dance for you?
Tini: ...yes.
Tiger: Well that’s too damn bad, lady.
Tini: *Sighs* I’m bored.
Royce: ...yes, we’ve established that...
Falcon: *Randomly sits up, bumping Liz’s head from the vicinity of his lap* Hey, look around... if you’re
bored, I’m sure we could find a pigskin and bust it out.
Tini: *Raises eyebrow* Football? You have to be kidding me.
Falcon: Oh what? Come on... I haven’t played in over a year, and you cant tell me you have anything better
to do
Royce: *Whines* But its hot and sticky and I’m already tired...
Tini: *Notices Royce’s reluctance* Well, it wouldn’t be so bad...
Royce: Aw!
Tini: What, don’t got the ovaries for it?
Royce: ...you are on, pixie girl.
Falcon: Sweet... *bounds to his feet. Yo! Everyone! Football! Cmon!
*Tiger, Royce, and Tini slowly get to their feet. Liz bounds up after Falcon like a lost puppy and clings to
his arm. Everyone else stays down and quiet*
Falcon: ...oh get the hell up.
Woody: *Lying on the grass, slits open one eye* Why?
Falcon: Because maybe well put to rest our running argument on who would black out the most consecutive
times when we hit each other at full tilt.
Woody: Oh... *clambers up. Pac reluctantly follows him, realizing hell have the chance to tackle some
humans of the opposite sex*
Griffon: *The only one still sitting* You are aware that I am the only one here who has any conceivable skill
or knowledge at throwing a ball, right?
Falcon: ...good point...
Woody: See? Now, can I sit back down?
Falcon: Oh shut up you... well just have Griff play full time quarterback
Griffon: *Slowly starts to rise, and then pauses halfway* Wait a second... then the teams are uneven, genius
Woody: NOW can I sit down!?
Falcon: No! *Looks around* Hey! You! Doofy looking guy with the trombone!
???: *Member of the school band looks over* Huh?
Falcon: YOU! What’s your name?
???: ....Dave
Falcon: Dave. Fan-fuckin-tastic. You’re playing football.
Dave: Uh... *sniffs*... I’m really more of a soccer player
*An involuntary shudder runs through Falcon*
Falcon: .....I *said* you’re playing football. Did that sound like a request to you?
Dave: ...oh... *dejectedly trudges onto the field*
Falcon: All right. Griffon. Get the fuck up.
*Griffon gets the fuck up*
Falcon: Since you’re all time QB, Woody and I will be captains
Pac: Hey! Why cant I be a captain!?
Tiger: ..because your skill is widely inferior to theirs
Pac: Ah. Just checkin.
Falcon: Ok, Ok, gather round... let us get a look at you...
Group: ......
*The gathered ensemble of people slowly and listlessly gather around Woody and Falcon, who look over the
less than favorable lot with distaste. These are two who are used to playing with high class varsity athletes,
and their being faced with a group of pop culture junkie layabouts*
Falcon: Oh... jesus... uh... *Closes eyes and randomly points* Tiger. Yo.
Tiger: ...I would feel a lot prouder of being first draft pick if it wasnt done randomly...
Falcon: Oh shut up and get over here.
Tiger: *Ambles over by him*
Woodson: Ok, Lucia, your with me. I need a blocker.
Pac: A blocker? Bitch, I can sprint down this damn field and catch a 90 yard pass if need be
Woody: Do you really want to play?
Pac: Uh, yeah.
Woody: Then shut up.
Pac: ...*sighs, ands walks over to Woody*
*Falcon picks Royce, and Woody picks Tini. Not wanting to be on the same team as the bouncy little bimbo
thats taken to following him around, Falcon resigedly chooses Dave as his final man. By default, Woody gets
Liz*
Woody: ...its like the Bad News Bears if they were all retarded...
Tiger: *Blinks* Well, on that altogether encouraging note... play ball?
*Cutscene- twenty minutes later. Everyone is dressed, stretched, and ready. The flip of a coin designates that
Woody’s team will be kicking off first. Griffon, the all time offense man, takes that over*
Griffon: *Rears back and punts the ball. It goes soaring through the air, and lands exactly one yard in front
of the end zone. Somehow, some way, it lodges in the ground and doesnt roll into touchback area*
Tiger: Ah son of a... *darts backwards towards the ball*
Falcon: *Watches him run, then looks back towards the other team, charging the ball. As Woody darts past
him he casually juts a foot out, tripping him and sending him face first into the dirt. Pac tries to charge past
and Falcon grabs the back of his color, yanks him back, and slams him viciously to the ground. Tiger, in the
mean time, has scooped up the ball, and is charging with a completely open field*
Tiger: Woah... Im actually breaking away! Im actually- agh!
*Tiger trips over his own feet and goes tumbling, barely managing to hold onto the ball*
Falcon: *Stares at him is disgust* And he was my first fuckin draft pick...
*Next play*
Griffon: Well... no offense... but none of you are particurally good at anything.
*The group is huddled around him, while Woody’s defense tries to eavesdrop. Most of them agreee whole
heartedly with Griffon’s opniion, but Falcon raises a questioning eyebrow*
Falcon: ...
Griffon: Except for hurting people.
Falcon: *Grins* Thank you.
Griffon: ...right. Now. I figure we just bomb the damn thing into the end zone, as the only fast person they
have on their team is Tini, and I dont think she even gives a damn about this.
Group: ...*shrugs*
Griffon: All right then.
*The group hustles to the end zone. Tiger quickly hikes the ball back to Griffon, and the entire team sprints
forward into the end zone, leaving Griffon totally unprotected. Instantly, the defense blitzes in on him*
Griffon: *Eyes go wide* I should have mentioned I needed a line man... *shakes off Pac as he attemtps to
spear him by the waist, but is simply crushed by a body splash from Woody*
Tini: ...oh that looked like it hurt.
Griffon: *From the ground* Ow...
Tiger: *Jogs back and hauls him to his feet* Oh get up, you big wuss. You have several dozen more plays of
this.
Griffon: *Whimpers*
*Cut*
Woody: All right guys, that went well, but we really need to crush them. Im talking full on, double body
splash, incredible painful hist of dea-
Liz: We get it!
Woody: Well... good.
*They hustle up to the line*
Griffon: Blue... forty two... italian shoe... rabid emu...
Liz: Can we get on with this please?
Griffon: Hike!
*Griffon falls back and quickly makes a tossing motion to Tiger, who clutches his stomach and charges
down the field. Instantly Woody and Pac go into hot pursuit, while Royce lets out a war cry and charges the
quarterback. Liz stands around looking lost*
Royce: YAAAAAAA!!!!
Griffon: Agh!
*Royce creams Griffon. Down the field:*
Tiger: *Has his head down and is sprinting for all hes worth. Unfortunately, that isnt much and Pac quickly
apprehends him and tosses him into the dirt*
Pac: OH yeah... got yo ass, biznitch ho dog!
Tiger: ...I didnt know football brought out the Harlem in you. But I didnt have the damn ball.
Pac: Huh? *Looks around* Ah son of a...
Falcon: *Is standing calmly in the end zone, holding the ball* Havent yall ever heard of a reverse?
*Cut*
*Tigers team now is on defense. Griffon glances to the left at Royce, across the line of scrimmage*
Griffon: Now... you understand that next time you go on defense, you dont attack the quarterback unless he
still has the ball. Ok?
Royce: *Nods sagely*
Griffon: Good. HIKE!
*Royce promptly tackles him*
Griffon: OW!
Royce: *Pops up, smiling* I got him! I got him! He had the ball and I got him!
Griffon: *Screaming from the ground* ONLY WHEN YOURE ON DEFENSE YOU STUPID BINT!
Royce: ...oh. Ok.
Griffon: *Mutters, and crawls back to his feet.* ...hike...
*Instantly, Tiger and Falcon leap over the line of scrimmage and charge him. He deftly tosses the ball over
their heads to Liz, where it bounces off her hands and hits the ground. Undaunted, Tiger and Falcon drive
him into the ground*
Griffon: .......owwww...
Royce: Hey! How come they get to do it?
Griffon: ...shut up and peel me off the grass.
*Royce pulls him up, and as soon as hes on his feet, Griffon yanks his arm away from her and looks over his
offensive team*
Griffon: Oh screw dis... Ill do it myself... HUT! *Not even looking at his team mastes, Griffon charges
forward, barreling directly over Tiger and making a big effort to stomp his chest a few times as he goes.
Falcon cuts in to intervere, and Griffon throws a quick stiff arm, snapping the boys head back like a whip
and dropping him to the ground. Seeing this, Tini and Dave promtply back up and allow him to score*
Wooo! *Spikes it in the endzone*
Falcon: *Is staring up at the sky, blood trickling from his nose* Hey... Griffon?
Griffon: *Calls down the field* Yo?
Falcon: You know how your only supposed to stiff arm people if they have a face mask?
Griffon: Uh-huh...
Falcon: And how you stiff armed me?
Griffon: Yeah...
Falcon: And I wasnt wearing a face mask?
Griffon: Uh... yep.
Falcon: When I get up, I am going to kill you.
Griffon: Hehe. Nah you wont. Cause Im your quarterback next.
*Cut*
Griffon: Hut!
Falcon: *Has taken a running head start, and promptly spears him, taking him off his feet and several yards
foreward before driving him down into the grass* BOOM! Now were even!
Griffon: *Weakly* ...I... stand... corrected....
*Cut*
Griffon: *Back in the huddle* So, does anyone have a plan here?
Tiger: Well... that thing where you did all the work yourself. That seemed to work.
Griffon: Over you two, maybe. Woody is about 250 pounds and Pacs only 50 less. Do you really expect me
to steam roll them?
Tiger: ...*shrugs*...
Griffon: *Jogs to the line of scrimmage* Useless... HIKE!
*Griffon launches the ball in a huge bomb over the entire defensive team, and as they watch it fly, he sprints
down the field after it. With an amazing diving catch he snatches the ball right before it hits the ground, and
rolls into the endzone*
Tiger: Yes! My plan worked!
Falcon: Hells yes!
Griffon: *Yelling down* Hey! I did the work! Can I get a little congrats down here?
Falcon: .....
Dave: Way to go Tiger!
Tini: Way to make plans!
Griffon: ...*sighs*...
*Cut- Tigers team is on the defensive*
Griffon: *Voice noticeably strained and tired* Hike!
*Everyone but Griffon moves.*
Griffon: It was on TWO you idiots!
Woody: *Blinks*
Pac: So does that mean the balls in play?
Griffon: *Stares down at the ball in his hands* Uh... hike. Now it is.
Pac: Oh. Good. *Promptly grabs dave by the collar, lifts him up into the air, then drops into a sitting
position, slamming the boy down on his back with a thunderous crash*
Tiger: Woah...
Dave: ....*twitches*...
Griffon: *Is staring in horror at the carnage done to Dave. Promtly, Royce charges him, and tackles him*
Royce: Hehe!
Griffon: ....*simply stays down, and speaks with his eyes closed* Youre... on... offense... you... fucking...
idiot...
Royce: .....*kicks him for good measure*
Griffon: Hurk!
*Cut- Defensive Huddle*
Falcon: Cmon guys, if we stop them here, we win the game. Its almost getting dark and the school doesnt
turn the lights on during the day, so if we halt them hear we can just stall until we run out of time!
*They run up to the line of scrimmage. Tiger quickly whispers something to Dave, who still looks more than
a little out of it, but manages to nod anyway*
Dave: *Backs up and begins to chant to himself, psyching himself up* Charge as hard as you can, as hard as
you can, as hard as you can...
Griffon: Hike!
Dave: *Barrels full tilt towards Pac, stumbling over his own fleet, and slamming into the baseball fans chest,
collapsing on all fours onto the turf. Seeing Pac relatively open, Griffon turns, and laterals him the ball*
Tiger: *Charges up, uses Daves back as a stepping stool, and drop kicks Pac*
*Crunch*
Griffon: *Blinks* Yikes...
Royce: *Takes a cue from Tiger, jumps over Daves back, and attempts to drop kick Griffon. This time he
catches her legs, and easily tosses her to the side* Oomph... *rolls across the grass*
Griffon: *Cricks his neck and mutters* He walks back to the line of scrimmage, ignoring the general dissaray
of his team, and hikes the ball. The only one still moving is Liz, who absently wanders down the field in hot
pursuit of a butterfly. Griffon hastily backs up as Tiger, Falcon, and Tini charge him, and screams for Liz to
turn around*
Liz: ...? *Half turns* OMPH!
*Griffon bombs the ball as hard as he can, and it hits Liz right in the cut, the force of which drives it right
into her arms and knocks her back into the end zone*
Griffon: SCORE!
Liz: *Looks absently at the ball for a moment, shrugs, and resumes chasing her butterfly*
*Cut*
*2-2, it all tied up, with only a few precious seconds to go. This is where heroes are made, where goats are
born, where egos can be shattered and pride can be inflated to dangerous levels. Its what the competitive live
for and the lazy lament for the rest of their lives. Its the most poinant, the most powerful, the most intense
moment in any sport*
*It is all that is football*
Ding-a-ling, ding-a-ling, ding-aling....
Tini: *Suddenly perks up* Is that the Ice Cream truck?
Liz: ICE CREAM!
*Royce, Tini, Dave, and Liz lead the charge towards the ice cream truck. After a moments pause, Pac,
Woody, Tiger, and Falcon give up any attempt at appearing masculine and begin to run, rooting through
their pockets for change as they do. Only Griffon is left, staring after them in disgust, holding the ball*
Griffon: Uh... I win?