Rating: PG
Summary: Larry makes an offer Kenny's not sure he can refuse.
Author's note: Just for the record, Kenny's real name, 'Khalil', is mentioned in the season 2 ep, 'Gaza Strip'.
*****
School finally lets out for Christmas, and Kenny’s glad to get away from the place for a while. One of the guys in his History class has been hanging around him a lot lately, and while Kenny kind of likes the fact that someone’s interested in him, sometimes all that attention gets a bit too much to bear.
Mrs Gold invites Kenny to stay with them for a few days over their usual mish-mash of Christmas and Hanukah. She speands a lot of time watching him, so Kenny makes sure his smile is wide and his voice chirpy.
Hilary is home for the holidays too, and Mr and Mrs Gold spend hours listening to her stories aout how great college is, while Kenny listens to Larry moan about how Hilary always gets more attention than he does.
“They’ll probably throw a party when I leave, and turn my room into a guestroom.” Larry paces the floor while he talks, his voice the kind of mid-range squeaky that says he’s more irritated than furious.
“They were happy when Hilary left,” Kenny reminds him. He’s sitting on Larry’s bed, back against the wall. For the first time, he realises he’s never actually slept in Larry’s bed. Larry’s slept in his quite a bit lately; every so often, Larry comes over to study and ends up staying until it’s so late they’re both yawning. At that point, he’ll make some comment about whichever girl at school he’s fixated on that week and complain about how he’s never gonna get laid at this rate, and that’s Kenny’s cue to help out, in a very hands-on kind of way. Sometimes Larry returns the favour; other times, Kenny excuses himself to the bathroom to jerk off, or cry. Sometimes both. Then Larry crawls into bed beside him and Kenny tries to sleep with Larry squashed in next to him.
“They’re not gonna care when I’m gone,” Larry mutters. The next time he paces past, Kenny grabs his arm and pulls him to sit on the bed.
“Larry, they care.” Larry squirms, but Kenny keeps tight hold of his arm. “Hey, remember when your dad saw you kissing Bonnie and thought she was a guy?” Larry nods, evidently uncertain where this is going. “And your dad made that big speech about how he was proud of you? I never got the speech.” His own voice wobbles, and suddenly his throat is tight.
“I guess it just bugs me that they conveniently forget how evil Hilary and Mike can be sometimes.” But his heart isn’t in the complaint any more. He moves to sit so he’s leaning against the headboard, and his knee brushes against Kenny’s. A moment later, Larry’s hand comes to rest on Kenny’s leg. “How is everything with your dad?”
Kenny stares at Larry’s hand and tries to keep his voice steady as he answers.
“Mostly he’s taking comfort in denial. As long as I’m not seeing anyone, I think he can sort of pretend everything’s the way it was before.” He tries to smile, and knows it’s not working.
“Jeez, that sucks,” is the best Larry can manage, but Kenny recognises the sentiment behind it. He watches Larry’s thumb absently stroking back and forth over his pant leg. “Uh, Kenny?”
“Yeah?”
“Your dad.” Larry takes back his hand, and starts to pick at a thumbnail. “He doesn’t, uh...He doesn’t have any idea about what we’ve done. You know?”
It’s the first time Larry’s really talked about it outside of actually doing it, and Kenny’s not sure how to react. Larry talking about it makes it real, takes it out of his furtive night-time dreams and puts it right out there in the light.
“You think I’d still be living there if he did?” Kenny tips his head back and sighs. “He still doesn’t know about Dylan.”
“So you’re gonna have to wait until you go off to college before you get a boyfriend?”
He’s never really thought about it like that before. Mostly because he has no plans to rush out and nab a boyfriend.
“I don’t know. I mean, if I had a boyfriend, I doubt I’d want to take him home anyway.”
“You know you could always bring him here,” Larry offers. “If you had a boyfriend.”
“Thanks.” He offers a weak smile before going back to look ing at the ceiling.
“Do you want a boyfriend?”
Kenny folds his arms over his chest and closes his eyes for a moment.
“I don’t think so.”
“How come?”
“I just don’t.”
Larry’s quiet for a moment, and he can hear Mr Gold laughing downstairs.
“Kenny?”
“Yeah?”
“What’s it like to kiss a guy?”
He’s fantasized about this conversation so many times that he’s lost count; it’s such a cliché, but it works.
“Well, it’s not like I have a lot of experience. There’s only been Dylan.”
He holds his breath, afraid to look at Larry.
“Oh.”
That’s not how it plays out in his head, and he figures that fantasy isn’t going to work anymore. Instead of asking if he can try it out, Larry folds his arms and asks, “Do you think my parents even know we’re up here?” Kenny shrugs, and they talk about Hilary again until Mrs Gold calls them down for dinner.
On Christmas Eve, Mrs Gold takes them to Midnight Mass. Kenny sits next to Larry on a cold wooden pew and they exchange smiles throughout the service. When they get back, Mr Gold is still up, cursing at a recipe book and trying to make hot toddies. The kitchen reeks of alcohol, but that doesn’t stop the grown-ups letting the kids try some: “Hey, it’s Christmas, it’s a special night,” Mrs Gold explains. When he’s given a mug to try, the drink is so strong he spends five minutes coughing and spluttering while Mr Gold and Mike laugh at him.
In the end, he and Larry take their drinks upstairs to bed. Pretty soon, Larry’s all giggly, offering to finish Kenny’s hot toddy if he doesn’t want it. It’s kind of funny watching Larry trying to figure out buttons and pyjamas while he’s tipsy, but when Larry trips and almost hits his head on the nightstand, Kenny decides it’s too much and yanks him to his feet, fastening the last of the buttons on his pyjama top and steering him into bed. Once he’s in, Larry starts laughing again.
“How funny would it’ve been if I’d smashed my head just now? My parents would fight over who had to clean up the mess.”
“Larry, don’t start that again.” He yanks off his own shirt and tries to focus on buttoning up his pyjama top.
Behind him, Larry falls quiet, and by the time Kenny pulls back the covers on the cot where he’s been sleeping the last couple of nights, he’s sure Larry’s fallen asleep. But then Larry whispers, “Hey,” and he turns to see the covers of Larry’s bed pulled back. “C’m’ere.”
Kenny hesitates, still clutching his own blankets.
“You should go to sleep,” he warns. “It’s late.”
Larry ignores him.
“Come over here.”
Feeling a little apprehensive, he perches on the edge of Larry’s bed, feet still on the floor. Larry scoots right back against the wall and tugs on his arm, so with a sigh he slips into the bed properly, laying on his back, as far away from Larry as he can without falling off the edge of the mattress. Once he’s in, Larry drapes the covers over him. He lays on his side, elbow on the pillow, head propped on his hand so he can look at Kenny.
“It’s not fair,” Larry says, once they’re settled.
“Look, in a few days Hilary’ll go back to college and - ”
“No, ‘s not what I meant.” Larry’s practically pouting. It’d be cute if he weren’t so uncomfortable. “It’s not fair you don’t have a boyfriend. You should have a boyfriend.” Without warning, Larry slides further down the bed to rest his head on Kenny’s chest. His right arm winds its way around Kenny’s middle, and he can feel Larry’s cold feet against his own. “Someone who’ll kiss you,” he continues. “’Cause you should get to kiss someone. Kissing’s fun.” He giggles again, and Kenny can feel his warm breath against his chest. He’s all loose-limbed and heavy, and it’d be so easy to hold him tight and fall asleep with him like this.
When his giggles have died down, Larry lifts his head and looks at Kenny. There’s a mischevious half-grin on his face.
“What?”
“I could be your boyfriend.” Larry whispers it like it’s some big conspiracy. He smirks and ducks his head, his cheek against Kenny’s chest.
“Ha ha, Larry. Real funny.” Kenny covers his eyes with one hand and tries to ignore the way Larry’s leg has slipped between his.
“I mean it. Half the school thinks I’m gay anyway.”
“But you’re not gay.”
“Kenny, Kenny.” Larry’s fingers are toying with one of the buttons on his pyjama top; it’s very distracting. “You’re my best friend. You know I’d do anything for you.” He pops the top button and moves to press his lips against the little triangle of skin he’s exposed. Kenny bites his lip and tries not to shiver. “See? I could kiss you.” Larry tries again, this time on Kenny’s cheek. He has to stretch up to reach, and when he’s done he’s right on top of Kenny, chest-to-chest. Kenny keeps his eyes tight shut, not daring to look at Larry’s face.
Because suddenly kissing Larry is the last thing he wants to do. All this, it’s not real, and why did he ever think he could let it keep happening? Larry thinks he’s helping out, or maybe that he’ll get another blow-job out of it or something. He doesn’t think Kenny’s cute, doesn’t go weak at the knees when he sees Kenny, doesn’t get butterflies when Kenny hugs him.
He manages to get both hands on Larry’s shoulders and pushes him away. Maybe a little too hard, because Larry rolls to the side and his head bumps against the wall. The shocked, hurt look on Larry’s face is almost enough to make him crumble, but somehow he manages to get out of the bed and out of the room, ignoring Larry’s pleas to come back.
He expects everyone else to be in bed – it’s after two in the morning – so he’s surprised to find Mrs Gold in the kitchen, clearing away the last of Mr Gold’s hot toddy experiment. As soon as she sees him, she puts down her cloth and crosses the room.
“Kenny? What’s wrong?” He must look pretty messed up, because straight away she has an arm around his shoulders, and she steers him towards the little grey couch.
He opens and closes his mouth a few times. There’s no easy way to say, ‘I gave your son head and now he wants to kiss me even though he’s straight’.
“Something happen between you and Larry?” she asks, and he nods, too dazed to lie to her. He’s spent enough time with her that she knows how to read him; right now he’s not sure if that’s a good thing or not. She hugs him tight, and without thinking he rests his head on her shoulder. “Kenny,” she says, low and soft like she’s about to tell him a secret, “I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but there are plenty of other boys out there besides Larry.”
He doesn’t question how she knows. Mostly, it’s a relief that he doesn’t have to say it himself.
“But it’s been Larry for so long.” He barely recognises his own voice; it’s all tight and strained, and the last thing he wants is to start blubbering. “Even with Dylan, Larry was...”
She shushes him and holds him tighter.
“I’m not surprised. You two have been joined at the hip practically since you met.” He can hear the smile in her voice, like she’s thinking of some happy memory. “You were the only kid in the street Larry would talk to. How’d you think he managed before you moved here, huh?” She pulls back and treats him to an affectionate look that makes his insides hurt a little. “The day he met you, he spent all evening trying to get his father to pronounce ‘Khalil’ properly. God, you two boys did everything together.”
Kenny can barely remember the day he met Larry. He remembers moving to the neighborhood, but inside it feels like he’s known Larry forever.
“Kenny?” Mrs Gold pats his knee. “You think maybe it’s time you started thinking about dating someone else again?” He starts to shake his head, but she keeps going. “I know how you must feel, but if you keep pining over him like this, it’s gonna end up crushing you.”
He’s about to answer when he hears footsteps on the stairs.
“Mom? What’s going on?”
Larry’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking sleepy and confused. Kenny thinks it might be the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen.
Mrs Gold taps him on the shoulder.
“Think about it, Kenny,” she tells him before she heads up to bed.
Larry stands awkwardly at the edge of the room until Kenny motions for him to sit down. He does; as far away from Kenny as he can manage without falling off the edge of the couch.
“How’s your head?” Kenny asks when he can’t take the silence anymore.
“Oh. It’s okay, I think. It didn’t hurt that much.” Larry rubs at it absently. “Am I really that repulsive that even you don’t want to kiss me?”
Out of nowhere, Kenny starts laughing, clapping a hand over his mouth to keep from making too much noise. Larry only looks more hurt, and he has to work to calm down, ‘cause he hates the thought of Larry being upset with him.
“You’re not repulsive.”
“Then why wouldn’t you let me kiss you? I meant what I said – I think you should have a boyfriend. I want you to be happy.”
Somehow, Kenny manages to smile at him.
“Thanks. But it wouldn’t be right.”
“Why not? I like you, and we’ve...you know, done other stuff.”
“You’re not gay, Larry.”
“Does it really matter?”
“Kind of, yeah.” He wonders just how drunk Larry actually is; his eyes are still kind of glassy and his speech slow, but that could be because he’s tired. Kenny sighs. “Look, it’s not that I don’t appreciate you trying to help. I just...if I’m gonna kiss somebody, it should be because they’re into me. Not just because they want to help out. It wouldn’t be right.”
“I guess that makes sense.” Larry wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. “And I guess it wouldn’t be that much fun for you if you’re not into me either.” He offers Kenny a weak smile.
“Know what I think?” Kenny asks him.
“What?”
“I think it’s late and we should go to bed. To sleep.”
“Okay.” Larry waits for him to move.
Feeling reckless, Kenny leans across the couch and kisses him. He manages to get a hand on Larry’s shoulder to hold himself steady, and for a moment he thinks Larry kisses back, but when he’s done and he opens his eyes, Larry just looks stunned.
Kenny smiles.
“You’re not repulsive,” he says, and gets up. Larry follows him up the stairs, and they don’t say another word as they climb into their separate beds.