Go look for it. It shouldn't be too hard to find. If it is something you really want then it should practically come to you, right?
But you've been searching. Not all the time, of course. There isn't time for that. An hour here, ten minutes there. You look for it in between going to work, making dinner, going out with friends.
But it's been a long time and you still haven't found it. That's okay, though. You didn't expect to find it at this point in life. There's still plenty of time left to look.
But you're running short on places to look for it. It wasn't in Italy. It wasn't in France. It wasn't in an engineering degree. It wasn't in a family with three kids.
You went to the graveyard to put some flowers on your father's grave, in hope that you might catch a glimpse of it there. But no.
You visited your mother at the retirement home. You read to her from Gulliver's Travels. But she didn't reveal any secrets.
That night you slept and dreamt. You dreamt of the day you wanted to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were seven, but they were out of you favorite Popsicle. You woke with a start, unable to remember your dream or why it woke you up.
The moon shone through your window, making yellow shadows on your bed. In the back yard the swing set stood still; it looked as though time had stopped. You went out side and sat on one of the swings. It groaned under you adult weight, but held up.
You started swinging. Slowly at first, without even taking you feet off the ground. But then faster. The swing set was complaining loudly, but you ignored it. Finally, you stopped.
What were you doing here, in the middle of the night on your kids' swing set? You're too old for this kind of thing.