Authors Note: This is fiction. Flames are totally welcomed...I don't really expect more form anyone.
 
Log
 
  My whole life I wanted, or needed, a purpose. I was excluded and informally outcasted. I was not one to be with societies better half. Therefore I became an outsider, an observer if you will. I unconsciencly studied things. Over the period of years I absorbed things, without knowing I'd done so. I would move from one obsession to another. I tried to fill a "empty space" with one thing. For a short time that thing would work, but inevitably it would fail. I'd then move to something new, somehow hoping it would be my salvation. Nothing ever completely satisfied me. I had nothing. No one, that I trusted completely. I was 'swallowed' into a haze that was the world. And I never knew any of this.
 
  While all of this occurred I tried to be accepted. It is human nature to do so. I became engrossed into the idea that if I could fix one thing, then everything would fall into place. Utter nonsense, but I did not get that at the time. Then over time I grew to to accept. But not in a way one normally does. I didn't become accepting, rather I grew to indifferent. I was detached in a sense. Everything became a vague notion to me. The sky was said to be up, and I didn't know or care if that was true. Everything was, and is, observed in one's perspective. The human race sees things mainly the same way, so they all assume that anything above their heads is up. But how can they prove this? They cannot. I cannot, and you cannot. No one can say that their really is an earth. This might all be a dream, and our dreams the reality. But no one can prove Anything. Everything is a theory.
 
  To return to the main purpose. As I said before I have subconsciencly observed things. I have knowledge I never knew was there. And I believe I have found a purpose. But I cannot control the fate of this purpose, because it lies in others hands. They decide if it occurs, I do not. The thing that I'm talking about is something I think I can do. I believe if given the chance I would 'excel' in it. But I would do it on my own, not in a controlled and regulated setting. I have always been one to want my own control. To have things my way, if that explains it better. I cannot, and would not listen to a "higher power". And My purpose?
 
War.
 
  I said I've observed things. Most would say useless things, but then again I have not told most people. It may sound sick but I truly think I would 'do good' in this. From books I've read of how to make attacks. How to plan the 'perfect' murder. I know not to rush, or be fooled by certain things. How to make explosives or weapons to serve my purpose. I know odd things, like that peanut butter is in bombs. Or that one of the most powerful assault can be made by using the simplest things. I have learned warfare, and guard, that I have never used in front of others.

   Putting it into words makes it sound cheap, or a bit scary. Like I'm suddenly going to go off and shoot people. But let me assure you I am Not. I would only do so in self protection, or to protect someone else. If this country were to go to war, I would do it for the country. Not because I felt the need to do something for them, far from it, but because it would be something to do with my life. I know I am not destined to great things. But neither am I to do ordinary or mundane ones. So when things do head towards conflict, as they will inevitably will, I shall be ready. I will be knowledgeable, and know what I should do. I am going to be prepared, for the most part. And I will have the power to do this. I know but one thing. I could give my life for this.

                                  ~End Log~