"Are you sure you want to do this?"
I'm really beginning to hate that question.
It's been a month since I found the most promising lead on my cure, and every day I've had to put up with the same question--from Lina, Amelia, even Gourry. They're worried. They have a right to be. But I've been stuck in this body--with this demon--for too long not to at least try.
"For the last time, I'm sure," I say.
Lina sighs, arms dropping to her sides in a gesture of defeat.
"If you say so, Zel," she says, and turns to pull the temple door open.
In a city of faces
That never look back
Xellos is waiting for us inside, leaning on his staff. His casual attitude sets my teeth on edge.
"Good morning," he says, opening his eyes to sweep us with a glittering, slit-eyed purple gaze.
"Everything ready?" Lina asks. Her tone is bright and hard.
He gestures widely; symbols and runes begin to glow purple-red on the floor, linked together in a huge magic circle.
Where doors never open
And eyes never meet
Xellos moves to the edge of the circle, keeping his eyes on me. I turn to look at my friends--their faces are lit with alarm.
I attempt a smile. But, L-Sama, they're really scared for me. After everything else we've faced, a relatively small spell terrifies them.
Something flutters in my chest. I have to put their concern aside. I have to go through with this.
Someone behind me
Was tracing my steps
I move forward, hardly knowing how. The circle's outlines crackle with energy as I step on them; a surge of heat prickles in my veins. Xellos smiles faintly: his brother is awake.
I swallow hard. He gestures again, and I hear my friends moving to form a triangle at the outer edges of the circle, three corners of power. Gourry has my sword; since he can't use magic, it'll have to conduct the others' power on his behalf.
"Everybody ready?"
As I ran through the fog
Down a cobblestone street
Lina begins the chant--a long incantation, modified from the text of an exorcism. The circle sparks and sizzles around me, absorbing her power; a strong glow builds behind me, etching my shadow long and thin against the pale floor.
Mentally, I follow along with the spell. The words are strong and clear and I breathe in rhythm with them, whispering the words without sound.
Warmth rises between my shoulderblades, spiking into fever heat.
In a city of crossroads
That never leave home
Now Amelia is chanting, and Xellos' voice joins her; the spell begins to run together in my my head, buzzing and humming in my ears in a mindless flow of syllables. The glow builds on all sides of me; my heartbeat roars against the confines of my skull, searing every vein.
My breath catches, and then my lungs and throat are sealed. Panic surges: I want to stop the spell, I've changed my mind, I'm not ready--
And then Lina shouts.
"Proskaleou!"
Where secrets unravel
And fates intertwine
Four points of brilliance erupt, and then silence slams into me from all sides.
Everything is blurring, splitting apart. Darkness and light flow into my vision and then, suddenly, both are gone. Time stops. I see nothing. I fall and I am suspended; I am alone in utter void. The world rushes away from me in broken pieces.
A few pieces float together and fit themselves into a body. Shining fragments of ether take on the pale smooth sheen of skin, the waterfall of copper-black hair, the shimmer of lapis lazuli eyes.
Someone was calling my name
In the night
//you...//
//Let go of me,// he says, as if through clenched teeth.
//i am//
//Let. Go. Of. Me.//
I fill my mind with fire, with ice, with blasts of hurricane. His image grows more distinct, more solid.
Somewhere very distantly, or maybe very close to me, I hear one of my friends cry out in fear.
"Zelgadis!"
As I ran from a voice
That was echoing mine
I gasp, and suddenly I am aware that I have lungs, that I have a body anchored to earth. The thought races down my reality like a glass breaking, and the demon jars loose from me with a piercing cry.
He cannot hold the rest of this chimeric body together. I shudder; the golem splinters, and stone and wire explode away from my body.
Marble floor panels rush up towards me. I feel bruised. I feel light. I don't know what I feel, aside from pain and vertigo.
I look up. The world's edges have softened; I see as if through an age-stained mirror.
There is copper-black hair everywhere, falling like flame across the white and grey of the temple. A wave of smooth darkness floats forward: Xellos reaches out and catches the thin form.
The farther you run,
The more you recall
I watch them for another moment, then let my head fall forward. The stone floor, pressing against my cheek, is so cold that I shiver--I actually feel hairs on the back of my neck rising. I feel. I have human skin.
Something hot splashes my fingers. Tears. My tears. This is beyond belief. This can't be happening, this is all a wonderful dream.
I haven't had good dreams since I was a child.
I push the heel of my hand against my eyes and cry.
The loss of your innocence
After the fall
"Xellos..."
The nightmare-voice, cracked and weak, sounds very faintly at the very edge of hearing.
"Xellos..."
I look up; the demon is slumped against Xellos' chest. He looks tiny, thin, almost transparent.
Suddenly I realise he's as drained as I am. The golem did not survive separation; I can barely keep my head up, and that demon...
He needs strength. But he does not need rest to heal himself.
"Brother," Xellos murmurs, the ghost of a smile in his voice. The edges of his slim frame begin blurring, as if dissolving into mist. Into vapour.
The farther you run,
The more you recall
After the fall
Coils of smoke rush out, crackling with dark energy. I hear small light bodies slam against the floor: Lina, Amelia, both crying out in pain. Gourry puts up more of a fight; with blurred vision I watch him struggling.
An electric shock courses through my body; then another, until it becomes a constant current. They must be feeling this, too--this hot-and-cold starburst of pure pain that cuts dangerously close to the heartbeat...
My friends are in pain. They are dying. I am weak and I am human; I cannot reach out to protect them.
I can do nothing but scream.
In a city of magic
That spins out of time
Eternity tightens its claws around my open throat for a pulse-beat--two--and then, quite suddenly, the pain stops.
I gather my strength and turn my head. My friends are lying silent and still on the floor around me.
Where God has no image
And man finds no grace
There are voices.
"Better, now?"
I don't understand...
Something inside me
Was seeking itself
"Xellos... mmph, my head..."
How could I alone have survived?
"If it's only your head that hurts, you're quite lucky."
How could I, weak and drained, have been the only one to live through that?
"Yes... thank you, brother."
How... how... how...?
I want to get up. I have to get up. But even if I could find the strength to rise, I would have to sidestep bodies; even if I could lift my sword, I would have to pry it from Gourry's hands...
Something cold and flat floods my chest. My heart. Broken. Useless.
As I ran from a shadow
Who'd stolen my face
Words ring in my ears. I hear with a deadened sense. "A few more minutes--?" The demon's voice sounds, almost tentative.
"Of course."
"How is Zelas?"
"As well as can be expected."
"And you?"
Silence.
"Brother..."
The farther you run,
The more you recall
"You know... you are still in exile..." There is strain in his voice. "You should go."
"I should."
A high chuckle. "That wasn't the best choice of words, was it?"
"No. But thank you for reminding me."
There is a quick, liquid sound, and then a pale narrow-featured face is looking down into mine.
The loss of your innocence
After the fall
"Well," he says, just above a whisper. His eyes shine indigo. "I suppose I owe you some thanks."
Black hair brushes my face. Tickling, almost. My stomach turns.
"I'll see you around..." He chuckles. "Eventually."
The farther you run
I try to force my hands to move, to push him away, but he's already straightened up.
"That goes for you, too, brother," he announces. His tone is light and cheerful. "Tell Zelas I said hello."
And then, in a flash of blue, he is gone.
Quiet fills the room. Nothing matters anymore.
And then--
"...darkness beyond twilight..."
The more you recall
it can't be...
"...power... burning bright..."
A wave of red moves in the corner of my eye. I struggle, find a little strength, turn my head: Lina is getting to her feet. Bloodied and charred and slit-eyed with rage, she's beautiful.
"That won't be necessary," Xellos says softly.
The loss of your innocence
There is a soft sound, like sobbing. Then a groan of pain. I know the voices. I know they are alive.
"You bastard," Lina says hoarsely.
His head comes forward slightly, until his bangs shade his narrowed purple eyes--and then he is gone.
After the fall
I feel the rough, worn fabric of a glove against my forehead.
"Zel, are you okay? Zel?"
"Miss Lina... look at his eyes..."
"Zel, come on. Say something."
My entire head is ringing. They're alive. I hear their voices, I see their outlines. I'm human. They're alive.
Sound rises in a bubble to my lips, and I feel more than hear a dry ghost of a laugh break free of my throat.
"God, Zel, you're burning up--we gotta get you back to town and healed..."
"Here, let me help--"
Gourry lifts me. Or maybe it's Amelia who pulls me upright. I don't know. I don't care.
I just can't stop laughing.