J.C. aka Kolos
May 1962 - September 2003
This has to be the hardest page that I've ever had to make.
I've started it and deleted over 100 times.
I sit here with tears streaming down my face, at a complete loss for words, because in my heart, nothing I say can ever convey how wonderful and great this man was, no, still is, even if only in memory now.
What can I say.....I am most completely and thoroughly biased.
Oh god this is hard....very hard.
He was the greatest man besides my father that I've ever had the priviledge of knowing. He was a wonderful lover, my best friend, my greatest teacher, my biggest supporter and my wonderful Master. He was very old fashioned about certain things, the way his slave would behave at the top of that list . A noncomformist, for he followed his own beliefs in protocol, and I followed him. He was strict, he was amazingly intelligent, a wonderful conversationalist, a great sadist and the best hugger that I've ever known.
My Master taught me that it was okay to be me, to be a submissive, to be a slave. He always encouraged me to do better, to be better, not only as his slave, but as a woman, as a person, as a human.
The first thing I noticed about him was how he spoke to other people. He was never condescending to anyone, never tried to make them hurry-up when they were talking, he had a way that when you spoke to him, nothing else mattered. You had his complete attention. He gave respect to all, no matter their position, whether it was in the lifestyle, on the street, in a restaurant or any of his employees or business associates. He taught me that no matter what someone else did, I was always to be respectful to them.
I remember when I questioned him about that, wanting to know, if they are not respectful to me, why should I have to give it back and put up with their sh*t? His answer was very simple. "Because I said so." A couple of months later, when HE wanted to, he expounded on that answer. It was simply because, no matter what someone else does, it is up to me how I react to it and respond to it. That yes, I would always give respect, that, however, did not mean that I had to let someone walk over me. I said, I don't understand. His answer to me was... "...think of it as a learning experience, not for you, but for the other. Apparently they know no different. You, however do. If they say something or do something that offends you, you still have to be respectful when speaking to them, however, if you do not have to be near them or associate with them then you will have no problem. They may learn from your reaction or non-reaction how to be a better person. If you still have to associate with them, then be pleasant and respectful. Do not let their problems become your problems. The only person that you need to worry about is me!" No truer words could he have ever taught me.
The second thing I noticed about my Master, was that he was strict! Oh, that does not by any chance mean he didn't have fun or allow me to have fun, he did, we did. He could reign in my attitude, my playfulness, my stubborness, and add any other adjective you would like here, simply by either one word or 'the' look.
Yes, Master was strict, but he was also very generous and loving. He was also a sadist at heart. He tuned my body to his like no one else ever had. With a word, with a look, with a touch, he would have me melting, he would have me flying high, he would have me begging for more. With Master, nothing else mattered. I was safe, I was home. He could have my body hurting so bad, so welted, so bruised when he wanted to, yet, I never felt safer.
Master didn't care that I had gained so much weight, sure, he would have liked his slave to look like a model, but what was most important to him, was inside. He knew my heart, he knew my soul. He knew that I wore my heart on my shoulders. He knew what made me laugh, what made me happy, what made me sad, what made me cry. He knew what my different cries were, whether they were happy cries, sad cries, mad cries or even just because cries. He knew my secrets, my fantasies, my fears, my desires, my heartaches, my best times. He knew everything about me and still wanted me and loved me, inspite of me. He slowly, brick by brick, took down the wall that I had enclosed myself in way before meeting him. He saw beyond me, he saw what I was inside.
This page will change as I am able to share more of my memories.
This lifestyle....this world....has lost a great Dominant.
Je T'aime Maitre, Je T'aime.
Toujours, le ciorstaidh de Kolos