Hello to all. My name is Pauline. I've been a member of this group since February 23rd of this year. I have posted a few times and just recently filled out that survey thingie. My Master/husband and I live in Palm Bay with our 3 dogs and 7 cats.
The posts on here have made me laugh and cry. It breaks my heart to see anyone suffer pains of the heart.
All my life I have been Domme...........just never knew there was a name for it. Always in control, always directing, always the leader. Never thought it would be any other way. Then my husband of 19 years died of cancer. He was my friend, soulmate, confidant and any other adjective that could be said about a wonderful man, and he died. My life was over and I died inside. I lost the ability to see joy in anything. A childs smile.....a rose with rain on it...sunsets and sunrises......the sound of laughter...the awe of fireworks....I lost it all.
A few years after he died I retired from a major communications company with 30 years of service. I was 50. I felt old and had no wish to ever become involved with another person ever again. It hurt too much when they died. My brother and father (after some, no no MUCH nagging) finally convinced me to sell my house (because it was just a house then, not a home) in Miami(where I was born and raised and had lived all my life) and move to Palm Bay. So I bought this beautiful house and me, my 3 dogs and 11 cats moved in December 24th, 2000. Just across the street from my Father and brother.
Ok, I had no intention of telling ya'll this stuff when I began. It's just coming out of my finger tips. Ciors suggested doing a profile so I guess my fingers are doing it for me.
I have worked with computers for about 20 years now, and before I left Miami I had purchased a refurbished IBM computer. I didn't take it out of the box though until June of 2001. When I did, a friend suggested going to some chat rooms. I was scared 'cause I'd never done that before. Well one thing lead to another, I got pretty good at it and met a few men.
My first date turned me onto "Bondage.com". I thought "WOW, do people really do that stuff?", but I kept coming back to the site to learn more. I met a few more men from here and was a Domme to them. I liked that and figured I would NEVER be a sub. Then I met a very kind Dom in another state and he began to really educate me about what being sub was all about. Not being weak but just the opposite, being strong enough to give yourself to another and submit to their will. I still wasn't convinced I would or could ever be a submissive. The idea of someone having that much control over me and my life was rather frightening. But still I kept reading about being Dom/Domme and being submissive. Castle Realm and Steel Door REALLY educated me in the finer details. But still, I was adamant I was a Domme. I had two male subs and was enjoying that very much.
Now to get to the point of all of this rambling. One night, (February 8, 2002....LOL not that I remember exactly) while I was chatting with several men from all over the world, on a site called "Odigo".....and having cybersex with all of them.....a man typed "Hello". Just hello, Not "Hi baby wanna f--k?" or anything else, just "Hello". LOL, I was intrigued by that simple greeting. That was different, not some guy from anywhere in the world that wanted to just jump my cyber bones.
"Hello"......it's amazing how a very simple word can snap your head around and make you STOP!
I responded with the same...."Hello". Then both our lives began to change and bloom. (I'm getting tears as I type this now)
We started with IM, then to the phone, then a cam on his side only. He flew from Vancouver, British Colombia, Canada, on March 1st, to see if this woman in Florida was real. We laugh and say we couldn't have been any farther apart and still have been on the same continent. Well, maybe he could have been in Alaska and I could have been in Key West, but small difference. Over 5000 miles apart!
We were in love before we ever met. The first time we saw each other I flew into his arms and felt that I was home. He left here March 11th. I was out there March 22nd. We arrived back here April 17th, after driving across the country. We were married July 17th.
Now back to my point.
I still thought I was gonna be a Domme when we met that first time. That lasted about a day. It just did not feel right to either of us. The gods bestowed on me another best friend, confidant and soulmate. This time however I am NOT the leader, nor am I the one in control. I AM SUB 24/7! AND I have never been happier. I gave my gift to my Master, and though I am still learning to be submissive (it's hard at times) it is the most wonderful experience I have ever had, or could have ever imagined. It can only get better as we grow old together and become the people we were always meant to be. He cherishes my gift and takes is as a very serious responsibility.
We both are learning to BE better at what we are. He is my Dominant/Master/husband. I am his submissive/wife, and I love every second of it.
Once again I see joy in everything. A rain storm...sunlight streaming through the window....a bird singing.....a frog croaking...and YES, ciors, even fireworks again.
There is laughter in my life all the time. There is love in my heart constantly for this man that made me live again. There is JOY with the lifestyle we now live 24/7. And I will never ever go back to the vanilla life again. I am forever and always, his to do with as he sees fit.
I trust this man with my life and am free and loved and cherished.
Pauline of Master Zoom and pauline
29 June 2003