Disclaimer: Not mine. Unfortunately.
Description: Tess's POV on Alex's death and what he meant to her.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: After Cry Your Name
Author: Shadowgrl
Feedback would be great.
Their eyes cut through me like knives. As I look around the room they burn me. Accusation, anger, pain. . .it is all I see. They don't feel I should be grieving. They don't feel I have the right.
They think I didn't know him. They think I didn't care.
They know nothing.
He was mine you see.
We had things in common. Neither of us ever really belonged. Neither of us knew how to express that need to be accepted so we pushed and shoved our way in.
Both of us grew tired of fighting against the current.
Both of us drowned.
But only one of us fell.
It wasn't a suicide. I hate agreeing with Liz. I know how petty that sounds. But, in this case, I do. Agree, that is. He wouldn't have killed himself. But not for all the reasons Liz so glibly states.
Those concert tickets weren't for Isabel.
The book-marked poem wasn't for her either.
As I look around the room, I am met with condemning eyes. Eyes that say "Go away." "You don't belong." "You're not wanted." "You will never be enough."
I am drowning again. But this time, I drown alone. There is no one to cling to in the hours where night becomes day. In the shadows where secrets are kept I am alone.
I look around the room. My tears are still falling. I see it in their eyes. I am not allowed to cry.
My eyes focus on her. The one he loved the most. His best friend.
She is looking at me.
In her eyes I see. . .knowledge. She knows. She understands. She does not condemn me. I am allowed to grieve for him.
Her eyes throw me a lifeline.
I take it.
Thank you Maria.
Goodbye Alex.