“Maria, can you take table three?” Liz yelled from behind the counter. Maria hurried to take the people’s order but stopped in her tracks when she saw who was seated there.
“Josh,” she said trying to hide her surprise with a smile. They were good friends now, but why did he have to come here? He reminded her of cancer, of hospitals and medicine. She didn’t want that. Everything was going well, her friends and her were getting along better than ever, Liz, Max, Tess, Isabel, Alex, even Kyle. They were a great group. And then there was Michael. Michael who never let her feel sorry for herself, Michael who kissed her and held her when she cried, Michael who loved her. She couldn’t help but feel angry with Josh. He didn’t belong in Roswell.
‘Stop,’ she yelled at herself. ‘He can’t help being sick, and neither can you.’ She felt like such a two-faced liar. She was the best of friends with him but only when it was convenient to her. ‘You’re better than that,” she told herself. She hated those kind of people, now she was one.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I stopped by to see what your life is really like.”
“Oh, what do you want?”
“Sorry, I guess…”
“Food wise, I meant,” Maria laughed. Josh ordered and Maria ran back to the kitchen. Suddenly a wave of nausea took her over. ‘Damn that medicine,’ she thought. Maria grabbed the counter to steady herself.
“Are you ok?” she heard a voice from behind her. Slowly she turned her head to see who it was.
“Josh, you shouldn’t be back here.”
“I saw you clutch the counter. I was just concerned.”
“Sorry, it’s just…”
“I understand, the medicine can be pretty wicked.” Josh gave her a small smile. Just then Liz rushed over.
“Maria, you ok?”
“Yeah, I just need to sit down.” She started to walk towards the back room, but stumbled. Maria felt strong hands grab her waist. “Thank you,” she whispered to Josh. He wrapped his hand around her back and steadied her till she reached the couch.
Maria looked behind her to see a stunned Liz. “Who’s that?” she mouthed.
“Josh,” Maria mouthed back. Maria sat down on the couch and motioned for Josh to sit next to her. He sat at the other end facing her.
“I’m sorry Liz.” Maria felt terrible. She hated putting her life on hold for cancer, and she hated having to apologize for it.
“It’s ok. You rest. It’s been so busy today I wasn’t thinking that it might be too much. I’ll find someone else to cover your shift.”
As if on cue Tess and Izzy strolled into the room, “Hey guys,” they said together.
“Who’s the hunk?” Tess asked. Maria laughed as Josh’s face turned five different shades of red. Tess and Izzy laughed too.
“What’s all this giggling for, girlies?” Kyle sauntered in, Michael not far behind. Maria looked at Michael and immediately felt guilty for, well for nothing really, she just felt guilty. The look on his face told her he didn’t like what he saw.
“Maria you ok?” he asked. She nodded her head. How did he always know how she was feeling? And how did he always know when to be there? Michael walked over and gave her a kiss. Michael eyed Josh, his eyes intense and almost hateful.
“Who are you?” he spat, standing up to get a better look.
“I’m Josh,” he said extending his hand. “And who might you be?”
“I’m Michael, Maria’s boyfriend.” Maria could see the challenge Michael was presenting to this boy and Maria gave Josh her admiration for not backing down.
“Nice to meet you. Maria talks about you all the time.” The others in the group were watching this display closely. It was quite entertaining actually, although Maria was sure Michael was dead serious by the look on his face.
Liz broke the tension by asking Izzy to waitress with you. Isabel immediately shook her head. “Please,” Liz begged. “You’ve done it before.”
“Yeah, and I vowed never to do it again.”
“Will you do it if I do, Iz?” Tess chimed in.
“Fine,” she sighed. “But I didn’t do this willingly.” She gave everyone in the room the Ice Queen’s “stare of death.” Liz threw each girl a uniform.
Moments later Isabel emerged from the bathroom decked out in Crashdown attire, antennas and all. “Why do I bother?” she rolled her eyes. Someone whistled from the doorway. All heads turned to see Alex staring at Isabel in total admiration.
“Oh shut up boy,” she laughed. “What took you so long?”
“Nothing,” he sighed. Everyone knew it was not nothing but they didn’t press for answers. “So who’s the new guy?” he asked.
“Josh,” Michael cut in.
“Sorry I asked,” Alex said moving towards a chair. Tess came out of the bathroom just them. Maria saw Kyle’s eyes bulge out of his head. God he had it bad.
Liz peeked her head around the doorframe, “Come on,” she called.
“Go on sexy mamas,” Max joked. Alex and Kyle eyes’ followed them from the room, and Max stared longingly at the place Liz had just occupied. Maria suppressed a giggle and saw a slight smile on Michael’s face too.
About an hour later Tess came into the room sighing. “How do you guys do this every day? My feet are killing me.”
Kyle moved in his seat and motioned for her to come sit by him. Maria laughed. “I’m super woman and Liz is my sister.”
“Must be.”
‘If only it were true,’ Maria thought dreamily. If she was superwoman she wouldn’t have to worry about cancer. But maybe she was superwoman, and cancer was just her kryptonite. Well she would overcome that. With the help of the radiation, the doctors, and her friends and family she would make it through, she would live. She was determined to.
“Maria,” Josh said. “Maria.”
“Oh sorry,” she replied shaking the thoughts from her head. “Just thinking. What did you want?”
“I think I’m gonna head home. I just didn’t want you wondering where I was.”
“Ok,” she smiled. All her bad thoughts about him had left her from earlier. He had been nothing but sweet to her friends, like she knew he would be. He was a wonderful guy, and she hated that he had no one special in his life. They had talked about that before.
“Anyone special in your life?” Josh had asked her. Maria avoided his gaze and looked at her hands. “I guess that’s a yes. Don’t be embarrassed, it’s ok.”
“His name’s Michael. It was an off and on relationship until I got cancer. When he heard the news he flipped out and now won’t let me go.”
Josh smiled, sort of, she could see sadness reflecting in his eyes. There had been a girl, a girl who hurt him. “You had someone too, didn’t you?”
“Yeah she had the same reaction, but her solution was the opposite. She thought she would catch the cancer or something.”
“People can be so dumb.” Maria pitied him, but even more she related to him. She knew what her friends might have done, it’s not easy living with the possibility that someone you’re close to might die. But it’s harder to live with the fact you might die, not a normal death, everyone dies, but that you might die young.
“You’re lucky that your friends care about you so much. Cancer is not easy. You know that, I know that, but the healthy people don’t. They don’t understand, they only understand that it’s not easy for them.” Maria couldn’t help but feel his every emotion as if it were her own, maybe because they were.
“It’s death. People are afraid of death. Are you?” she questioned Josh.
“I used to be. And I used to think everything meant death. When I look back, I used to think a fallen hair was the end of the world. Boy was I wrong.”
“I know. I’m still afraid to die. I want to live with every ounce left in my body, I want to fight until the end. Never give up ever, but some days that seems impossible. But then I look at all I have around me, and I am reminded of why I both to struggle, why I am going through the torturous medicine.”
“You have such a passion for life that I wish I shared. I still want to fight, but not as hard. The cancer is wearing away at my mind. It’s not just a physical disease. Sometimes I just want to give up.”
“Don’t, Josh, never give up. If just for me, never lose hope. You will live, you will make it through five years of remission. You will beat the odds.”
“No, I won’t,” Josh’s tone of voice and expression, told her he wasn’t joking. Her mouth dropped open slightly and she didn’t know what to say. “The doctors told me this morning that my last tests came back negative. A bone marrow transplant is my only hope.”
Maria couldn’t believe she was staring death in the face. She knew what bone marrow transplants were, she knew the odds. Josh had a fifty-fifty percent chance of living with it, without he would most likely die.
“I had no idea,” she breathed, her voice barely audible. Now she understood why people didn’t want to hang around cancer patients. But she had no choice.
“You couldn’t have. I had no clue either. I thought I was doing fine, until I saw the doctor’s face. I knew something was wrong immediately. Now I have this decision to make, I just don’t know if I’ll make the right one. Either way I might die.” His face was filled with desolation, she could see him desperately crying out for an answer, and a friend. She couldn’t be the first but the latter wasn’t beyond her. Maria slipped her arm around his shoulders.
“I can’t tell you what to do. But without it you have less of a chance than with.”
“Yes but if I do get it, everyday I will be waiting for rejection. Everyday I will wonder whether my body will except life, or choose death. At least without it I know the answer.”
“But are you going to accept death as the final answer?” she looked at him.
No one in the room knew the secret. None of them probably cared. But Maria cared, she couldn’t bear to see her friend going through something so difficult. If it were she going through this the decision would have crushed her. And he had no one who understood, except her.
“He seems nice,” Tess commented. Michael grunted, displeasure still sketched on his face. Maria looked at her watch, 5:00. When was this day going to end? She just wanted to curl up and sleep. Her head felt like it was filled with lead and spinning in fifteen different directions.
“Yeah, he is,” she said absentmindedly. She was still looking at Michael and when he shot her a dirty glance that was it. “Michael, grow up. He’s just a friend.”
“Sure,” Michael groaned. Maria didn’t know why he was acting so childish. He knew she loved him. Why did she have to prove it?
“Michael, I love you,” she whispered and leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips.
“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just hard to let such a beautiful girl out.”
“Michael, you can’t keep me in a cage. I’m not going to leave you. No one is leaving you.” Maria knew what he was worried about. It wasn’t Josh, or any other guy. It was abandonment. And because of that, Maria couldn’t die. She couldn’t let Michael down.
“None of us are leaving you,” Max said.
“Nope,” Tess added. “Not a chance.”
Michael just looked from one to the other. “Ok, enough of the mushy sappy stuff,” he said, breaking the mood. He was such a guy. But silently he slipped his hand into Maria’s and squeezed it tightly.
“Take me home,” Maria said to Michael. “I’m tired.”
“Yes ma’am.” Maria said goodbye to her friends and walked slowly to her car. They drove in silence the whole way, a peaceful silence. When they reached the driveway Michael reached for his handle.
“No,” Maria said to him. “I just wanted to tell you something.”
“What is it? Is something wrong?” his voice was high with panic.
“No, I just wanted to make sure everything was right between us. Josh is nothing more than a friend. He understands me.”
“I understand you.”
“I know, I know. But there is a special bond between cancer patients. A bond that ties together even total strangers. It is a friendship that you can count on when no one is there.” Michael opened him mouth but realized Maria was going to go on. “I have you and everyone else. You are a great support group and I don’t know what I would do without you. But Josh, Josh has no one, no friends. They weren’t understanding like you.”
“That’s stupid.”
“But it’s true. He’s going through a very tough decision right now, it will determine whether he lives or dies. Please, let me be there for him.”
“If that’s what you want I can’t stop you. I only want you to be happy.”
Get your own Free Home Page