I immediately left David’s office and the building completely. I went home and sat on my couch unable to think. I called Grams to tell her what had happened. She wasn’t home, and after leaving a brief message on her machine, I tried to watch some mindless TV but I couldn't even concentrate on a stupid program about video games.
Taylor and I had always been so close, and if I didn’t fix this I cold lose him forever. I definitely didn’t want a girl, no matter how special she was, to come between us; but I didn’t want to lose Libby either.
I got up and went into the Kitchen. It was raining outside and thunder started to roll. I remembered that Libby was terrified of storms, and then realized I had nothing to worry about as Taylor probably had his arms wrapped tightly around her bringing her the comfort she needed.
I poured myself some milk and grabbed a few Oreos and sat down at the Kitchen table. I wasn’t thirsty, nor was I hungry but it gave me something to do so I ate and drank my snack.
Just as I was planning to go back to bed the lock on the door clicked and the knob turned. I almost jumped out of my skin and stood there very quietly waiting to see who the intruder was. The door opened, and Libby quietly stepped inside. I was standing around the corner where she couldn’t see me, and when I came into view she jumped a little, “Zac. You scared me.” She whispered in the dark.
A slight smile tugged at my lips, she was sopping wet. “I scared you? How did you get a key, and why are you here?”
She looked up at me and I could see tears welling up in her beautiful eyes. I went closer to her, and even though she was creating a gigantic puddle of water on my floor I wrapped her in my arms. She leaned into me and began to cry uncontrollably. I held on tightly and rocked back and forth whispering, “Shh… it’s ok Little Girl. Cry it out, don’t hold back.”
Finally she stopped crying and looked up at me, “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”
I shook my head and wiped the tears from her cheeks, “No. After what happened today, I couldn’t sleep. But lets get you into some dry clothes and then we can talk about it ok?” She nodded and the two of us quietly went to my room to find her something to change into. This was a little tricky seeing as I’m a lot bigger than she is, but I manged to find her an old pair of sweats and a t-shirt. After she had changed out of her wet clothes we sat down on my bed.
She was playing with her hands, “Lib, you want to tell me what happened?” I could see a new puddle of tears forming in her eyes, and I came closer and wrapped her up the way we used to cuddle.
She sighed and relaxed some, but she was still sniffling up a storm. “Why are you being so nice to me? After what happened at my place, I never thought you’d speak to me again.”
I leaned my forehead on her shoulder and breathed in deeply, “I can’t just turn it off. I still love you, and when you hurt I want to make it better.”
She sighed again and shifted slightly. I knew she was getting ready to tell me what had happened, so I held onto her tightly and waited. “When Taylor got home, he purposed to me. Just out of the blue like it was a last minute decision.” I stiffened and held my breath; she laughed a little, “Zac. If you saw a ring on my hand then you’d have something to worry about.”
I kissed the back of her head and waited for her to finish, “I was shocked, and I knew that something wasn’t right about it. So, I asked him why he was doing it then and he just kind of broke down while he was still on one knee. We both sat down on the floor and he told me what happened and then asked me if I had known about it.”
I swallowed hard, this was worse than I thought. “What did you say?” She shifted slightly and held my hand.
“I told him that it was just as much of a surprise to me as it was to him. He accused me of cheating on him, and no matter what I said he wouldn’t listen to me. Finally, he calmed down a bit and we were able to talk about it and I assured him that you and I were just friends like we had always been. “ She stopped and the sniffles came back as she tried to hold herself together, “While I was cooking in the Kitchen later on, he read my Journal. I had written down what had happened in the studios and during the party and he read it all.”
I frowned, “Did he say he did?” She shook her head and the tears spilled over again.
“He didn’t have to. He walked into the Kitchen and set it down on the Island opened to the entry. He just gave me this sad look, grabbed his coat and walked out the door. He didn’t come back. He was still gone by the time I left to come here.”
I let my arms drop, and she turned around and leaned on my chest and sobbed. I wrapped her up again and licked my dry lips, “I’m so sorry I caused this to happen. If I had learned to control things better everything would have been fine. This isn’t fair to either of you. I shouldn’t have dragged you into it.”
She sucked in a big gulp of air, “I dragged myself in. It’s not your fault. I just really need you right now. That’s why I’m here. Taylor’s old key was in the junk drawer in our room and I figured I’d just sleep on the couch and tell you what was going on tomorrow. I’m glad you were awake though.”
I nodded, “Yeah me too.” She looked into my eyes, and reached up to play with my hair, which was actually down for a change. I could barely breathe because every so often, her fingers would brush against my chest and tickle me. She didn’t realize it, but just the slightest touch sent my senses reeling.
She came close to my face, “What do you want from me? You’re holding back and I know it.” She was right; I was holding back. I had good reason to though.
She bit her lip waiting for me to tell her, “You’re sending mixed signals here. You say you love my Brother and yet your actions speak so differently. You can’t flip on me anymore. It hurts too much when you do.”
I searched her eyes for some sort of reaction, but she just simply closed them. She was so close I could feel her breath on my cheek, and I could smell her hair and it was driving me closer to my own breaking point. I wanted to kiss her, and I knew that’s why her eyes were closed; she was waiting for it. Instead of her lips though, I kissed her eyelids. That way, I could still keep some sort of distance between us; small as it was I needed it to be there.
She opened her eyes slowly and smiled softly, “No one has ever done that before.”
I kissed her forehead, “I love you. I want to be with you. I want to share the good and bad with you. I want you to love me too, but I don’t think you do. At least not the way I want you to, and because of that, those few kisses are all I can handle giving right now. Anything more and I’d be going against everything I believe in, and right now I can’t.”
She touched my cheek, “Do you want me Zac?” I closed my eyes, and my body’s reaction was not one I was happy with.
I sucked in a breath, why was she making this so difficult? “Oh God yes.” I whispered, “But not like this. Not until I know that having you that way would mean having you in every way.”
She smiled, “I knew you’d say that, and I have the utmost respect for you because of it. But, I think I’m starting to realize that I want you too.”
My eyes grew wide and the already present butterflies in my stomach picked up speed as my body’s reaction became one of pain. It was my turn to close my eyes. I squeezed them tightly shut and tried to calm myself down. Hormones are awful when you can’t act on them. Once I had gained some sort of self-control, I again kissed her forehead, “Let’s get the pull-out in Taylor’s old room ready for you to sleep in.”
She smiled weakly, “Can you just hold me? We don’t need to do anything I just need to feel you close to me.”
Damn, she had me wrapped around her finger and I couldn’t untie myself. I sighed, leaned forward and kissed her lips lightly. The kisses grew deeper and I lost all control. I knew what I was about to do was insanely wrong but there was something deep inside me telling me that it was going to be ok this time.