| Piccolo's bad habit By: Reber Warnings: Some bad language, but that's it... Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic except for Shy... Description: A weird little songfic I did when watching "Goku's Ordeal" and combine this with Offspring's "Bad Habit" and you get... This. It was my lifter from writing "What You Give", and I hope you like it! If you don't remember Shy, he was my evil character in "Duck and Run". I do not own DBZ; I only own a cat... His name is Clancy, and he's orange... His breath smells like cat food, too.... I also wish to thank Annabell, SSBra, and Alex, so thanks! *^*^*^*^* A large, green man stormed into the DMV. People scattered into parts unknown as the shorter man walked behind him "WHY do your women choose me?" The large green man demanded. "I had to go with Goku to get his driver's license because of his onna." "Namek, shut up and help me pass," the short man ordered. "It's not my fault you know everything." "Piccolo? Are you back again?" A cheery woman from behind the desk asked. "Yeah, and I've brought another baka along." Piccolo mumbled, pointing to Vegeta. She smiled and waved at him. "Welcome, I'm your Driving Instructor, Ann." Vegeta gave a `humph' and walked towards the car with Ann not far behind. Piccolo gave a `humph' and walked towards his car, where the driving instructor was already there. "Ok Piccolo, I'm your driving instructor, Shy." A young man with shoulder-length blue hair said, standing next to the car. Piccolo smirked. "I know damn well who you are, so let's get this over with." "Nice outfit, by the way." Shy snickered. "Where'd you find that?" Piccolo rolled his eyes and adjusted his backwards blue hat. He stared down at the door handle, wondering why he didn't remember how to open it. Shy just shrugged and went to the passenger's side door. Piccolo stared at his door, trying not to act like a fool as he tried to figure out how he worked it. Soon, all that remained were the charred bits of metal as Piccolo walked up to the next car and tried to figure out how to work that one as well. "Don't tell me you don't know how to work this?" Shy demanded, looking at Piccolo. Piccolo glared and not bothering with the door, climbed over the top and into the driver's seat. Shy shrugged and did the same, wondering why he didn't think of that himself. For you see, Shy was roped into being the Driving Instructor because the nice lady had been taken. He knows as much about cars as Piccolo does, but he's doing this as a favor to Reber. Anyways, Shy looked over at Piccolo and almost burst out laughing. Piccolo shot him a death glare and tried to move, but he was scrunched up so bad that his knees were touching the dashboard. Shy dug out his clipboard and studied it. "I see you're in perfect physical health," he noted. "Do you have any mental problems that they should be worried about?" *Hey man you know I'm really okay, The gun in my hand will tell you the same...* "Yeah, I have three voices in my head that talk to me continuously," Piccolo smirked. "I just don't know how to get Kami, Nail, and myself to quit arguing and shut up." Shy smiled as he looked down at his clipboard and made a big red X on the piece of paper. "That'll teach Vegeta's woman to try and order the great Piccolo around." Piccolo muttered under his breath. "Now," Shy said. "Let's put on our seatbelts." "I've never had to do that," Piccolo pointed out. "Well, it says so on the clipboard, so do it!" Shy ordered. Piccolo rolled his eyes at the ignorance of this baka driving instructor and pulled on the seatbelt, or tried to, anyways. He pulled to make it connect, but he was a little too big for the average-human car. Soon, the seatbelt was snapped in half and thrown out the window. Piccolo's glower on his face told Shy that the laws on the clipboard didn't have to apply to him. "Well, what do you know about cars and driving?" he asked. "I know that in order to be lazy and not get off their fat *** to FLY like the rest of us do, humans need cars to haul them from place to place." Piccolo replied. Shy nodded, but then put another X on his clipboard. "Let's try driving," Shy read. "Now, start by turning the ignition switch on and putting the car in reverse." Piccolo looked over expectantly at Shy, who sat there with a clueless look on his face. "Just press this button and move the stick on your steering wheel only once." Shy read off of his clipboard. Piccolo did as he was told and was soon backing out of the DMV car- hold. When he backed out, he stopped and looked at him again. "Now shift the lever twice more in order to go forward." He said nonchalantly, paging through his clipboard notes. Soon, Piccolo was driving slowly for about a block or two and then he started to pick things up a little. Shy leaned back and started to relax. "Let's try the Interstate today." Piccolo nodded and then signaled right, where he merged with the other Interstate users. He began to relax a little, and as he sped up to the speed limit of 70, he paid more attention to the road. *But when I'm in my car don't give me no crap, Cause the slightest thing and I just might snap...* "So this is what people do while driving." Piccolo muttered as he spied a man talking on a cell phone zooming past him, a woman putting on her makeup beside him, an old couple that their left blinker on for about three miles, and a bunch of suspicious-looking teenagers behind him. "It's a wonder how THESE people even managed to get their driver's licenses," Shy agreed. "Definitely not a problem that we three can't handle, right guys?" Piccolo asked, tapping his temple. Shy smirked and then looked around again. "Perhaps we should speed up more," he suggested. "To go with the speed of the traffic." Piccolo stepped on the gas and upped his speed to 80, but he was still stuck with those four cars surrounding him. As soon as he decided to do that, Mr. Cell Phone Guy decided to move from the left lane to the right... And then slow down. Piccolo put on his brakes, nearly missing rear-ending the guy. *When I go driving I stay in my lane, But getting cut off it makes me insane...* Piccolo was now hunched over the steering wheel, his total concentration on the car ahead of him. "That jerk," spat Piccolo. "He's gonna get it... SCATTER SHOT!" After Shy had finally stopped laughing, he then read his clipboard again. "Drivers mustn't use violence or abuse on the road." "He got in my way," Piccolo glared ahead of him. "No one gets in my way." They looked around to find that everyone was staring at them, ignoring the road ahead. "What are YOU looking at?" Piccolo growled to the woman next to him. She then shrugged and went back to applying her makeup. After things had calmed down a bit, Miss Makeup woman must have been in a rush, because when she started to pass him, Piccolo's Ki flared up again. "Get off the road and learn how to drive someplace else!" She shouted as she drove ahead. *I open the glove box, reach inside, Gonna wreck this ******'s ride... I guess I got a bad habit, Of blowin' away... (Yeah yeah...) I got a bad habit, (Yeah yeah...) And it ain't goin' away... (Yeah yeah...)* "BAKURIKIMAHA!" Piccolo shouted, almost blowing her car sky-high before she could even react. He had missed as a warning, because he wanted to prove to everyone that he really could get a driver's license. "Did you miss on purpose?" Shy asked. "Yeah." Piccolo replied. "I'm going to have to dock you another point," Shy informed. "If you want to flaunt your powers, you must finish the job." "Too bad." Piccolo said calmly. The woman was now even with him and started to glare. "I'm not afraid of you!" She shouted. "You think you own the road? No way!" She then started to put on her mascara and tried to pass again. "Now, let her pass and let's try this again." Shy ordered. Piccolo clutched the steering wheel and started to grind his teeth as he tried to let her pass without blowing her to bits. He slowed down to about 65 as she merged and started to slow down. "Why doesn't she speed up?!" He demanded, ready to blow her car sky- high. "Well, wait until she actually does something before you blow her up." Shy said patiently. "SPEED UP!" Shouted Piccolo, who was ignoring Shy. She then flipped him the bird, and any person who does that is either insane or dead. She was going to be the latter when Piccolo got done with her. *Well they say the road's a dangerous place, If you flip me off I'm the danger you'll face...* As soon as she told Piccolo that he was Number One, Piccolo's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "IS THAT YOUR AGE OR YOUR IQ?!" Piccolo roared, waving his fist at Miss Makeup woman. Miss Makeup woman was in such a shock at being yelled at, she drove right into Kami knows where... With a little help from Piccolo, whose powers had `nicked' her car and sent her reeling towards oblivion. Shy nodded his head approvingly and smiled. "Extra points for that comeback." No one dared to approach the two trained killers, except for the old couple and the car of suspicious-looking teenagers. "We're supposed to turn in the next exit." Shy informed, yet again reading off of his clipboard. "Yeah, but it's 30 miles away," Piccolo smirked. "How am I doing?" "Well, let's see here," Shy said, paging through his clipboard. "You're schizophrenic, you suffer from severe bouts of Road Rage, and you have powers that can't be explained to humans without me looking like a lunatic... All in all, the manual says you failed." "WHAT?!" Piccolo demanded. "I've been the perfect defensive driver!" "I guess so," Shy agreed. "I'll give you one more chance before I fail you completely. As long as I don't see it, it's legal." Piccolo nodded and straightened, determined to conquer this task of driving. He eyed a dial on the dashboard, and then clicked it on. "And that little boy whom nobody liked grew up to be... George W. Bush. And now you know the rest of the story. Paul Harvey, good day!" The speakers blared through the car. Shy reached over and turned some more dials, without a clue to what he was doing. "Hey, Macarena!" {Click} "Hit me baby one more time!" {Click} "Man, I feel like a woman!" Shy and Piccolo both pointed their hands at the radio and blew it out of the car, wondering why humans needed such horrible entertainment. Piccolo gave a quick glance in the rearview mirror to see that the car full of teenagers was slowly creeping up behind him. He glared as they were tailgating him to no end, so he slowed down a little. *You drive on my ***, Your foot's on the gas, And your next breath is your last...* Shy smirked, looking behind to see them still riding on their tail, so he watched Piccolo, wondering what he was going to do. Piccolo slammed on the brakes, letting the teenagers go flying overhead. While they were still airborne, Piccolo took the opportunity to fire a couple potshots at the car, blowing off the tires and hood. Shy laughed and wrote something down on the clipboard, which he kept hidden. Piccolo began to relax again, as if he drove around with his enemy all the time. "Nice weather we're having," Shy said, looking around. Suddenly, the old couple with their left blinker on finally decided to turn left, smashing the headlight of Piccolo's car. Piccolo glared over at them, making sure they knew his intentions before he attacked. Shy shook his head. "Sorry, but the elderly can't drive nowadays; it wasn't intentional." Piccolo nodded and then quit glaring. "I suppose. They're just lucky you're getting soft lately." Shy cocked an eyebrow and pressed his pen against the paper. "I'm going to have to dock you another point for insulting a Demon." "I get insulted all the time, but you don't see me whining about it," Piccolo pointed out. "I'm the Demon Prince, and people shouldn't insult me. They don't insult that damned Saiyan Prince, now, do they?" "That's because they know he will DO something about it," Shy replied snidely. "Vegeta can and will kick someone's *** if he gets insulted." "I can and will, too." Piccolo grumbled. Shy snorted and laughed. "Speed up so we don't kill each other." Piccolo nodded, tramping on the gas. When he was going around 85, he glanced in the rearview mirror again. Red and blue lights flashed brightly as Piccolo grumbled and pulled over. The officer got out and walked over to Piccolo's window. "What have you two boys been up to?" The officer demanded. "There has been so many reports of injuries on this road in a car described exactly like yours." Shy smirked and handed the officer a driver's license. The officer took one look at it and pulled out his gun, pointing it at the two in the car. "All right, Mr. Goku, not only do you have a fake ID, but you're under arrest for attempted road-slaughter," the officer said. "Get out of the car, both of you." Piccolo got out and looked down at the puny officer, who was trembling at the sight of the eight-foot tall green man. "What was that?" Piccolo demanded. "You're still under arrest," the officer said. "Do you want me to draw you a pretty picture of me canning your ***?" Piccolo pointed at the police car, and without looking, blew it sky- high. As if that didn't intimidate the officer, Shy was floating about 20 feet above, looking down on them. "I don't need a picture." Piccolo growled, turning back to the car. Shy smirked and lowered himself down, getting in the car. The officer was trembling as they took off, leaving behind a cloud of dust. *I guess I got a bad habit, Of blowin' away... (Yeah yeah...) I got a bad habit, (Yeah yeah...) And it ain't goin' away... (Yeah yeah...)* Piccolo smirked, satisfied that they were about 25 miles from the exit. Shy glanced around, wondering if there was anything else to blow up. "Bored?" Piccolo asked. Shy nodded, and then saw something that caught his fancy. "Catch that car with those two guys in it." Piccolo nodded and sped up, until he was almost even with the car. Shy glared over at them, giving a quick nod. Both Piccolo and the two guys slowed down until they were at a complete stop. "You think you got what it takes, green man?" One of the boys asked snidely. "I KNOW I got what it takes, but you don't." Piccolo replied calmly. "It takes balls to challenge us," the other boy said. "We have the fastest car in all the universe." "Balls are not a problem, because you don't have any," Shy shot back. "We can beat you any day of the week." They both revved their engines, counting down from three. As soon as they hit three, they were off in the race of their lives. "I love drag racing!" Shy shouted, glancing at the speedometer, which now read 115. Piccolo laughed and pushed on the accelerator harder, nudging ahead of the other car. They were evenly matched, with one barely pulling ahead, only to drop back again. Then, all hell broke loose. The passenger of the other car must not have known to piss off a large green guy, but he leaned out his window. "You freaks SUCK!" He shouted. "Close your eyes." Piccolo ordered to Shy, who looked puzzled. "Why?" Shy asked. "As long as you don't see it, it's legal, so close `em!" Piccolo shouted. Shy obeyed with a smirk as Piccolo turned to the passenger in the other car. "Learn how to drive, morons!" The guy shouted again. *Drivers are rude, Such attitudes, But when I show my piece complaints cease...* "SPECIAL BEAM CANNON!" Piccolo roared, blowing the passenger out of the window and into the ditch. He stood up and flipped them off, eyes growing huge when Piccolo slammed on the brakes and started to back up. "Don't hurt me!" He pleaded. "I didn't mean it!" Shy pointed his index finger and shot a beam, severing both the guy's middle fingers. He looked at his hands in shock, wondering why it didn't hurt. "AUGGGGH!" The guy shouted, running around in circles. Shy and Piccolo nodded at each other and sped off, soon catching up to the driver, who stared in horror at his buddy. Pretty soon, they were racing again, going neck and neck until another driver decided to join in the fun by ramming against Piccolo's bumper. Piccolo did a 360 as he slammed on the brakes, plowing into the other car. Shy laughed as he got out, surveying the wreckage. The car that slammed into them sped off, with no one getting a good look at who it was. Piccolo hopped into his slightly damaged car and revved it up. Shy barely had enough time to jump in before Piccolo took off, barreling down the road at top speed. "What color car was that?" Piccolo demanded. "Red with a yellow stripe on the side." Shy replied, watching the scenery go flying past. Piccolo put the pedal to the metal, taking out cars as he drove in the middle of the lanes. He was hell-bent on catching that jerk, and no puny cars would stop him! *Something's odd, I feel like I'm God, You stupid dumb **** ******* mother ******!* "How DARE he do that to a Kami?!" Piccolo seethed, trying to speed up even more. Shy snickered and got out his clipboard. "Let's see here, I'll spare you the wait and just say you failed." Piccolo gave Shy and horrid death glare, neither of them barely even noticing that they were now long past their exit. Shy just shrugged, showing his clipboard to Piccolo. "Look at how many red marks you have!" Shy insisted holding up the clipboard. "You're insane, and you'll never pass. Plus the fact that you only made me close my eyes ONCE, and I'd be willing to let those little incidents pass by without seeing them. Remember, as long as I don't see it, it's legal!" A long silence passed between them, and then Piccolo spotted something ahead of him that brightened his day considerably. The red car with the yellow stripe had made its appearance well-known, shoving cars into the ditch as it sped down the Interstate. *I open the glove box, Reach inside, Gonna wreck this fucker's ride...* Piccolo gathered his energy into his palm and released it. When the car had been blown to bits, Piccolo jumped out of the car to look for the driver. He was nowhere to be found as he searched the smoking pile of debris. "Looking for someone, Namek?" A voice above him demanded. "You PUNK!" Piccolo raged, flying up and throwing a punch at Vegeta. Vegeta carefully set down the fainted Ann and began to glare. "How DARE you do that to the Prince of Saiyans!" Vegeta said, powering up. Piccolo rolled his eyes. "You know, that Prince bit is getting OLD!" "Well, at least I'm a Prince with a Driver's License!" Vegeta pointed out. Piccolo stared in shock. That damn maniac got his Driver's License?! This was something he couldn't comprehend, not even with Kami. He then got an idea and turned to Shy. "We still have that car for a few more hours, right?" Shy nodded and dug out a fresh scoring sheet. "If you can prove to me that you can handle your road rage, you'll pass. If I don't see it, it's legal." Piccolo nodded and got back into the car. They took off again, this time more slower and in control. They drove for a few miles pleasantly and peacefully. Then, without warning, a car zipped by, flipping them the birdie. Piccolo looked at Shy, who smirked evilly. "I'll close my eyes..." *I guess I got a bad habit, Of blowin' away... (Yeah yeah...) I got a bad habit, (Yeah yeah...) And it goin' away... (Yeah yeah...)* |