I think I've finally come to terms with the fact that the ideas I had as a girl regarding love and marriage were simply dreams. I know in my mind I had this picture of what love was supposed to be and feel like and that it would last forever....
Ahh, forever...the infinite infinity...is there really anything out there that lasts forever?
I am sure I have felt those feelings that I dreamt of...I know I have. It was everything I thought it would be....high clouds and soft music...hot air balloons and laughter...flying through space without a care...never falling...the rush...the adrenaline rush...you just know it will never end. Then it does.....sometimes it crashes....leaving you breathless and unconscious for a time. Almost coma-like...until you snap out of it, get over it, move on or finally deal with it dead on. Sometimes you don't crash....you just float to the ground...slowly...like a feather that has been caught in the wind and has finally found a quiet spot to land. Later after you have landed and the dust has settled all around you, you stop and wonder what happened to the great ride you were on...when did it stop and why didn't you notice when it ended? You also wonder how in the world did you end up way down here covered in dirt?
Love is like that....
I love being "in love". It's the rush and the high I am addicted to. Just as an airplane starts its descent and you prepare yourself for the landing, as soon as I feel the winds of change I am ready to bail. I don't like the comfort zone...I want the excitement of discovering unknown territory.
I don't like crashes at all...it takes too long to heal and the scars are deep and always visible on the surface. And I never, never want to wake up and find myself buried in the dirt ever again. |
