Diane and Olivia stand in the mortuary over Sean's lifeless body. "Wait!" said Olivia, "before you tell me, you must know
the truth about who I am, and why I could have possibly spawned as ugly a child as Sean." Olivia, begins to peel her face off, proving that it was in fact a mask. Diane stares in amazement at the face which is revealed underneath. "Oh my God!", she said....

"Steel!" screamed Diane, "You've returned to me, I knew we were made for each other." Derek's face grew in wonder, "Steel? I'm not Steel, I'm Derek Evans, I came here to search for my one true love Prunella, but since I'm wanted by this whole damn town I had to steal a disguise and who not to use but the moping, sad, drunken housewife Olivia Richards."

Diane was shocked but still she didn't care, she had Steel in her arms so she threw off her clothes and hopped on Derek and started to have passionate sex with him.

Annie smacked Sara across the face with her large lips knocking her out cold and looked at Vanessa Dorman and Olivia Richards, "So if you're really Olivia, then where on earth is Caitlin?"

Suddenly a tree came crashing through the walls, "TIIIIIIIIIMBER!" screamed the tree as it landed on Annie. Olivia and Vanessa both jumped in fear as they saw Annie get crushed to a pancake. But that wasn't all, The tree branch started to grow very rapidly and trapped Livvy and Vanessa in the corner, the two of them grabbed onto each other for there lives and started to scream as the branch grew closer and prepared to attack them. But then both Livvy and Vanessa heard a chomping noise, suddenly there was a cloud of sawdust and soon as that cleared away they saw the strong, built, big toothed body of Michael "The Beaver" Bourne.

Back at South Bay General Hank and Joan arrived and saw Casey sat down. "What is it? Is Meg okay?" shouted Joan.

"It's touch and go. She lost a lot of orange out there, it could take a while for the skin to get back to normal." Casey replied. Hank went over to the room where Meg had been situated and saw Ben and Prunella staring at each other. Hank closed the door and went back over to Joan and Casey. He grabbed Joan's arm and took her to a corner of the room where Casey couldn't here them talking. "You know," he began to say, "I've been thinking. It doesn't really matter if Meg does die. I could put that affair behind me and no one would ever know that Meg isn't really your daughter."

"I've been thinking the same thing." Joan whispered. "We only pretended that we worshipped Meg so that she wouldn't suspect anything. It is Sara that we love, not Meg."

"I think we should kill her."

"Maybe we should tell her who her real mother is first."

"How do you tell her that? 'Sorry Meg, your real mother is in fact Judith Chalmers? How would she take it?"

"It would explain why her skin is so orange."

"You have a point."

Gregory was snooping around Ben's office at the Liberty Corp. when AJ walked in. Gregory turned to AJ and looked longingly in his eyes. "Thank goodness you saw the error of your ways, AJ." said Gregory as he moved over to close the door.

"Yes Gregory, I was a fool to chase after Olivia. I couldn't take her hyperventilating anymore. I'm so glad I realized that it was you I wanted."

"Yes AJ, for you are the man I love."

"Oh, Gregory!"

"Oh, AJ!" At that Gregory and AJ embraced passionately because daytime censors wouldn't allow anymore than that. J

Joan and Hank were still discussing their torrid affairs. Joan had spent the past twenty years living a double life in Beverly Hills raising two children, Brandon and Brenda whilst Hank was sleeping with Judith Chalmers. "Meg must know the truth." Said Hank.

"I agree." said Joan. They then wandered over to Meg's room interrupting Prunella and Derek. Hank saw the hook that Prunella held in her hands and looked at her in amazement with a smile on his face.

Diane sat in the mortuary and put her bookmark in the latest 'Steele' novel. She took a look at the body of Sean Richards and noticed something rather strange as she looked at the wound where the scissors had been inserted in his chest. "What is this?" she asked herself, "It's a dummy!" As it was so difficult to tell the difference between a dummy and the real Sean it was an understandable mistake. "But if this is a fake, where is the real Sean?"

At a dark, abandoned warehouse was Sean Richards. He was alive yelling the words, "Daddy, don't kill me off.... please!!!!! I promise I'll never be nasty to Tori again!!!!! Daddy!"

Suddenly, there was a flashback, and another, and another - Sean with Tiffany, Sean with Amy, Elizabeth, Emily........
"Oh my God" said Papa Spelling, "I didn't know you were so popular with the women. Forgive me, my son, go forth and procreate with every woman on Sunset Beach. Make me proud of you, son."

Leaving the two Caitlins still fighting, Annie ran from the house. A flashback hit her on the back of the head. Everything
went misty, she was with Ben, trying to get him to marry her. Then she was with Tim, then Derek, then Gregory, then Sean. That was one flashback she hoped would never come back. She kept running and running. She had never run so far before. Where were all the taxis when you need one? When she finally stopped outside the Java Web she took a few minutes to straighten her very short, tight dress and mess her hair. Luckily, her lips hadn't exploded. She flounced into the Java Web, cafe extraordinaire. No one was internetting. No one was drinking coffee. What a dive this place was. Still, the answer to all her prayers was here somewhere. She took out the piece of paper from her bag and re-read it for the hundredth time. She wondered who this person was who claimed he or she could tell her exactly what happened about her father's death and how she could get her inheritance. She had received this letter a week ago. Not even Aunt Bette knew about it. Annie sighed. "I hope no one finds out that it was me who stole Olivia's baybeeeee and gave it to Caitlin. And Gregory must never find out that I married him so I could get my shares in the Liberty Corporation. And Cole must never find out that my father had an affair with his mother and we are probably half brother and sister and that makes me sort of related to Gobbi. Of course, Daddy had an affair with just about every woman in Sunset Beach so I could be related to everyone." She walked between the tables towards the counter. Suddenly, she heard her name being called. She looked round, there was no-one there. There was an open door..... she walked towards it..... Suddenly a figure
appeared from nowhere. Annie screamed.

Somewhere on Terror Island, something stirred. Something long since forgotten and abandoned. The creature stood up and stretched. "It was Ben" it howled, "It was Ben!" Flashbacks rained down on Terror Island- there was the mask, the hook, the old house, Jade alive, Jade dead, Jade naked (his memory was playing tricks) Meg screaming and screaming and screaming......Somebody kill her quick! At almost the same time Ben was standing on the beach watching the water. "What am I going to do about Meg and Maria?" He said to no one in particular. "Maria should have died all those years ago. I can't let her tell everyone how I really did try and kill her. Finally, I have everything I always wanted. Only Maria knows that I am really Derek. The man they all thought was Derek was really Ben. No one must find out that I have been pretending to be Ben for 5 years. Only Maria knows the difference between us and although I would prefer to bonk her than that Smeg person, she has to die. But how....?" Something rose up from the sea, something with white shining teeth and gelled hair. "It was Ben" it said and walked towards the lone figure still talking to himself.

Spike cocked his leg and..... peed over the inert bodies of Cole, Gregory and the maid. Luckily, mad Sara's meat cleaver
had only nicked his ear. He could continue his affair with Antonio! He trotted off to find his lover...

Meanwhile, at Cedar Oaks, the mystery woman woke up screaming, once again wondering why the nurses had to shave her face every day. The last thing she remembered was waking up on a beach covered in seaweed. Suddenly, the door burst open and there stood a priest and a strange long-haired, big-lipped, butch woman. Both looked vaguely familiar, and in a torrid scene of wailing music, soft focus lighting and fuzzy flashbacks, the mystery woman regained her memory. "Antonio! Maria!" She checked under the duvet. "Of course! I should've realized. I'm obviously Ricardo. Quick, help me get out of here. I have to grow huge sideburns immediately and find my lost love Joanna and save the world!"

"Who the Hell is Joanna?" asked Antonio and Maria simultaneously.

"Ben's identical sister. It was really her on the boat 5 years ago and she threw me overboard when I gave her a rash from my sideburns. She's really evil and set to destroy the world!"

"What, even more evil than Ben's evil twin Derek?" asked Maria.

"Yes. An even-more-evil triplet. And what's more, the evil-triplet thing is hereditary. If Ben or Derek were to father another set of triplets, the consequences for the planet could be disastrous! Quick, to the Torres-mobile!"
Dinna, dinna, dinna, dinna.....

Back at the Java Web, Annie confronted the dark mysterious figure. "Oh my God, "she pouted. "Ben, you've had a sex change! How will the Brylcream industry survive?"

"Wrong Annie," replied the figure. "I'm Ben's even-more-evil triplet Joanna, and I'm here to take over the world. But, I
need something from you first." Joanna advanced towards Annie with a scalpel. "You see, Annie. Ricardo grated my lips off with his enormous sideburns and now I need the excess from your lips to repair the damage. I might take the breasts too...." Annie screamed as Joanna slashed out with the scalpel......

Antonio, Maria and Ricardo sped through Sunset Beach, desperately trying to find Joanna and save the world. Suddenly,
a figure carrying a large machine-gun, a machete and dressed in combat gear appeared in the middle of the road. The
Torres-mobile screeched to a halt and our heroes confronted the figure. "Help us, armed warrior! You look like just the guy we need to save the world from even-more-evil Joanna."

Sean Richards cocked the machine gun. "Thanks Papa-Smelling. No more Mister Niceguy. Now it's time to kick some ass!"

Rambo Smelling looked up with his lost puppy eyes and dribbled "DUH!" as Maria lost control of Antonio's pink mini and swerved across the road.. Sean's body exploded as he hit the windscreen with a splatter. Retardo freed himself from the wreckage, checked his side-burns were unruffled in the mirror and tearfully began to examine Sean's various slabs of flesh littering the SB highway.
"What the HELL are we going to do?!" anguished Ric as he lovingly stroked Rambo's bloodied name-tag..
"The stupid Plonker's cracked the window, Damn it!!".
"Never mind that!" grinned Ant "I've laddered me tights here!"

At Cedar Oaks Vixen Ginny gasped in horror as she bumped into her old Boss, Gilbert. SB's best looking man realized just WHO Virginnia was from her disco-dancing Selita days, but before he could call hospital security Ginny whipped Gilbert across the face with her brillo-pad curls, instantly knocking him unconscious. "No more Batman & Robin games in the store-room for you Mister!" Viginnia laughed, as she turned around to grab her disguised comrade.. but Mrs. Moreau had disappeared like the rest of SB's beach and was nowhere to be seen. "WHERE the hell are you Moreau?!" squealed Ginny as her eyes met the trail of parrot dung leading her towards the darkened corridor....

SB's Bitch to Angel merrily hummed Randy's latest rap hit to herself as she cleaned out Antonio's ceiling-high stack of hamster cages at the Chapel. Suddenly her lonesome bliss was shattered by something so horrifying. Gabi could hardly find words to express the repulsion beating like Lena's boils, through her match-stick body. No, she had not found Ant's
collection of Just 17s or come across his black-laced Wonder-Bra.... Gobbi now a whimpering wreck had <gasp> caught a glimpse of her new hairstyle in the mirror.. Falling to the floor in frenzied terror Gab's heart-break was interrupted by 'Furry', Ant's favorite Hamster, who was frantically peddling a crumbling lego-bike, his little eyes filled with wanton hope, making his bid for freedom towards the opened door....

Casey finished off shaving his chest in SouthBay General's bathroom and skipped his way to Smeg's room, passing her several thousand distressed fanclub members, swaying lighters in the air and tearfully praying for their Munckin's recovery. Himbo threw open the door and gleefully hopped into the room, before hurling himself against the wall in stunned silence as all hell broke loose around him. The sweet, innocent and lovable Kansas Farm-Girl who he had plucked from the battering sea merely 2 years ago, was now nothing but a pile of mangled tangoed bones..

"Joanie & I felt peckish" burped Hank, licking a drumstick as Casey collapsed on top of Prunella like a bag of spuds.

"WATCH OUT!" screamed Joan as gallons of gushing water began to fill the room.

"It's a cotton-pickin' tidal-wave!" gurgled Hank as Prune yelled, "SHUT UP Dogbreath! My waters have broken!
It's time to welcome Tom, Dick <oh fond memories> and Harry into the world Derek!"

The hideous creature crawled towards Ben, as he stood by the shore combing his arm-hair. "HELP ME!" whispered the monster as a soaking, weaseling AJ fell at the Gorgeous One's feet. "Without Gregory, I'm nothing. My Little TinkleBell is no more!" AJ admitted to Ben as he continued to splutter, "I considered suicide but, that BLOODY shark Michael kept dragging me to safety.. the B***ard!"

King-Kong, still dazed with AJ's undeniable attraction, examined the teeth-marks of his Hero's tweed jacket (super-glued to his body) and trembling with excitement knelt down to give AJ mouth-to-mouth resuscitation....

Back at Castle Richards', Smurf grabbed Barbie by the neck, as their bitchfight continued precariously perched upon the spiraling staircase.. "Listen Luv," snapped Cait1, "You can't get rid of VD *THAT* easily!!.. well, not without Tyus the local Doctor/Vet/Dentist's help that is!" Babs looked at Smurfie blankly before leaping towards the sparkling chandelier.

"Leave <checks script> - me - <er?> - ALONE!!" squealed Tree as she somersaulted through mid-air.

Just then Sara - still playing with Gregory & Cole's dead bodies, grabbed Barbie's hair extension and sent her hurtling
towards the floor <THUD!!>.

"Well done Slave," purred VD as she machine-gunned Tree's plastic remains and summoned Sara to her presence.. "You have served your Master well, with Dad dead, I'm going to inherit his fortune and as for big-bummed Cole he was a new toy to play with.. batteries included." Cait1 clicked her magical fingers and downtrodden Sara was once more back in the land of the living.. "OH MY GAWD! Who murdered ALL these people?!" stuttered Sara as frisky Spike splashed through a puddle of blood chasing after nextdoor's voluptuous poodle 'Dolly....'

Joanne flashed...her scalpel and jumping with joy cut Annie's quivering lips with a vengeful terrifying swipe. "You BITCH!" Annie cried as SB was hit by yet ANOTHER disaster..

'SiliconeWave 98.'

The initial explosion rocked the town, demolishing buildings, burying people alive and knocking Olivia's wig off-centre.

"NOOOOOOO!!" roared Jo as endless planks of plaster board (left over from Barbie's construction) caved in from the Java Web ceiling and fell crashing to the floor....

THE END?