Chest-thumping, wit-displaying CONTEST
For those of you who believe that you are a hoot or somewhat
of a jokester, this contest is for you. Simply email Hill by
clicking below on the World, and put in the body that you want
to be entered in the contest. I will mail you complete rules
and guidelines, and then you can compete for some really cool
prizes. We need more contestants, so please sign up and try
it out. Remember, only the wittiest survive in this free
for all, so bring it.
CLICK ON THE WORLD
TO ENTER HILL'S CONTEST
|Current Leader Board: (as of 1/20/98)
||Response to a joke posted inwhich a man is consuming endangered animals.
||What would be a justified cause to 'dance a jig'?
(Extra Credit: what exactly is a jig, and make sure
you use it in a sentence.)
||Assuming you have the ability to become any pre-existing
superhero of your choice (ex: Superman, Batman, Aquaman...)
who would you choose to be and why? Who would be your
arch-rival? (In order to ensure that all participants
in the contest do not choose the same superhero, no
one is allowed to choose Jeff Hilimireman as who they
would like to be.)
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
Brown paper packages tied up with strings,
These are a few of my favorite things."
What are a few of YOUR favorite things? Be sure to
follow the rhyme and meter and make it 8 lines or more.
||You are suddenly thrust into Smurf Village. You look
around you and see all of your favorite smurfs, Handy
Smurf, Papa Smurf, and of course, the lovely Smurfette.
Assuming you can choose and become a new Smurf, who
would you be and why? (for instance, Sasha is a shoe-in
for Asshole-Breath Smurf).
||Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
: THE FOLLOWING WINNING RESPONSES CONTAIN
EXPLICITLY PROFANE LANGUAGE! IF YOU HAVE A WEAK
STOMACH, BAD ACNE, OR THINK THAT LYLE LOVETTE IS "A GOOD
LUCKING GUY", THEN YOU PROBABLY SHOULD NOT READ THE
FOLLOWING PRIZE-WINNING HUMOR.
Hill It is currently 4:26 on Monday afternoon and I just got through reading
your joke and I did indeed find great humor and amusement in it. You see
the irony of it all is that when the judge asked him what the bald eagle
tasted like he replied it tasted like a cross between a spotted owl and a
whopping crane. This may not seem too funy to a cross dressing late night
city pretty boy like yourself. But to a native Woodsman like myself I find
it quite appaling that the man had not only consumed one endangered
species(the bald eagle) but had further consumed at least two other known
endangered species the(whopping crane and the spotted owl) both of which
have been endangered in recent years not only by it's natural causes but
also by the human influences of deforestation and poaching. Both of which
have undergone severe scrutiny in recent years not only from left wing
political groups possibly pursuing their own deviously hidden agendas but
additionally from concerned individual activist groups as well as concerned
citizens who do not wish to see the continued rape of the natural world.
Furthermore it would definately be advantageous to you to contribute both
your valued intellectual skills as well as your ample monetary resources to
the worthy formentioned causes including but not necessarily limited to the
EPA, CIA, FBI, KGB, DEA, GOP, etc.
TAlk to you later. YOur much wiser and extremely more learned pal tony
Let' just start off with the extra credit: a jig is a lively dance
and the phrase "to dance a jig" is a transitive use of this word
meaning (According to the Webster's Unabridged New International
Dictionary 2nd edition) to execute a lively dance. A story to
One day Boone was walking home from the computer lab at school. His
hands hung lifelessly at his side, his head drooped in utter
depression. You see he had been playing a contest with his friends
over email. A contest of wit. A battle to be won by only the
funniest. And some faggot ass half wit had managed to slip ahead of
him with some damn nonsense about a wet dream and a lot of naked
German's with big cocks. He hears someone walking slightly ahead of
him. He looks up.... it's him!! That bastard who had won the
contest! He was walking down the streat right in front of him.
Right there Boone whipps out his AK-47 and pumps the fucker full of
hot bloody lead. Boone elated in the bastard's death proceeds to
"dance a jig" as he puts away his weapon and resumes his trek
Assuming I had the ability to become a superhero...what the fuuck? I already am fuck face. You and the rest of the universe already
acknowlegge me by none other than "Rocketman". In only ones years time at UNCC,
I've gained respect only my real self Jeff Kuchma could hope to acquire. I
don't have to go into to much detail as to what I do or who I am, all you need
to know is that if your ever in trouble, need a helping hand, or need someone to
save the world, there's no fuckin chance you'll sucker me into helping you...get
superman to help you with that shit. As for me beating the shit out of people.
Now that's something I can handle. The following people are worthy of a royal
ass kicking by none other than me: Dustin, Tony, Danny, Sean, Sasha, and any
other faggot who's name doesn't bring a twinkle to my eye. In conclusion, if I
am not to win this contest, I will also add another name to this list of no
good, cock sucking, shit eating, dickless, butmunches. His name. Jeffrey A.
Rainbows on windshields and rainbows on bumbers
Leather on fellows and big faggot humpers
Large naked men who are tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things.
Tony plays hoarsy while Sasha plays cowboy
Sasha rides Tony like he's a big play toy
Tony is laughing 'cause it bearly stings
This is one of my favorite things
When my man's gone
and my dick's hard
and I ponder straying...
I try to remember my favorite things
And then I don't feeeeel, so baaaaad.
If I were to pick a smurf that I could be it would definetly have to be Anal
Smurf. My reasons for this are obvious. There is no other smurf in the village
who has an anus as is obvious when you watch the show. The only one is
Smurfette who wears a dress to cover it up, why else would she wear a dress.
the other smurfs wear nothing, as they have nothing to hide. Anal smurf would
have a huge blue schlong measuring approximately 5 inches limp and 12 inches
hard. Being the only one with a penis of all the smurfs, this would entice a
relationship between Smurfette and Anal Smurf. Together they would engage in
extravagent anal and oral sex making all the other smurfs jealous especially
Handy Smurf who is one of the so called "tough guys" around the village.
However he has no penis, so the talk stops right there with him. In conclusion,
it is obvious that the only smurf one would want to be is that of one with a
penis, otherwise it sure is a big waste of Smurfette's blue muff. By the way,
what color is her muff? (for those who don't know what a muff is, meaning
Sasha, it's a girl's pussy hairs.)
OK, at first I wanted to answer this with something along the lines of, "Of
course the chicken came first, eggs can't come." You know the kind of
sophomoric humor like, "Why does Mr. Pibb come in a bottle?" "Because his
wife died." But then I thought that the answer must be something deeper
than that, so I thought about it a little bit. After a little bit more
thought, I came up with "Of course the chicken came first, eggs can't come."