Chest-thumping, wit-displaying CONTEST

For those of you who believe that you are a hoot or somewhat of a jokester, this contest is for you. Simply email Hill by clicking below on the World, and put in the body that you want to be entered in the contest. I will mail you complete rules and guidelines, and then you can compete for some really cool prizes. We need more contestants, so please sign up and try it out. Remember, only the wittiest survive in this free for all, so bring it.


Current Leader Board: (as of 1/20/98)
Danny Davis 2 Sean Sigl 0
Jeff Kuchma 2 Jason Black 0
Tony Duda 1 Sasha Parc 0
Stephen Venable 1 Dennis Dube 0
Wayne 0 Bryan 0
Jonathan 0

Question Archive
#1 Response to a joke posted inwhich a man is consuming endangered animals. Tony'S Response
#2 What would be a justified cause to 'dance a jig'?
(Extra Credit: what exactly is a jig, and make sure you use it in a sentence.)
Danny's Response
#3 Assuming you have the ability to become any pre-existing superhero of your choice (ex: Superman, Batman, Aquaman...) who would you choose to be and why? Who would be your arch-rival? (In order to ensure that all participants in the contest do not choose the same superhero, no one is allowed to choose Jeff Hilimireman as who they would like to be.) Kuchma's Response
#4 Maria says:
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
Brown paper packages tied up with strings,
These are a few of my favorite things."
What are a few of YOUR favorite things? Be sure to follow the rhyme and meter and make it 8 lines or more. Be creative.
Danny's Response
#5 You are suddenly thrust into Smurf Village. You look around you and see all of your favorite smurfs, Handy Smurf, Papa Smurf, and of course, the lovely Smurfette. Assuming you can choose and become a new Smurf, who would you be and why? (for instance, Sasha is a shoe-in for Asshole-Breath Smurf). Kuchma's Response
#6 Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Stephen's Response


Question #1
Hill It is currently 4:26 on Monday afternoon and I just got through reading your joke and I did indeed find great humor and amusement in it. You see the irony of it all is that when the judge asked him what the bald eagle tasted like he replied it tasted like a cross between a spotted owl and a whopping crane. This may not seem too funy to a cross dressing late night city pretty boy like yourself. But to a native Woodsman like myself I find it quite appaling that the man had not only consumed one endangered species(the bald eagle) but had further consumed at least two other known endangered species the(whopping crane and the spotted owl) both of which have been endangered in recent years not only by it's natural causes but also by the human influences of deforestation and poaching. Both of which have undergone severe scrutiny in recent years not only from left wing political groups possibly pursuing their own deviously hidden agendas but additionally from concerned individual activist groups as well as concerned citizens who do not wish to see the continued rape of the natural world. Furthermore it would definately be advantageous to you to contribute both your valued intellectual skills as well as your ample monetary resources to the worthy formentioned causes including but not necessarily limited to the EPA, CIA, FBI, KGB, DEA, GOP, etc. TAlk to you later. YOur much wiser and extremely more learned pal tony

Question #2
Let' just start off with the extra credit: a jig is a lively dance and the phrase "to dance a jig" is a transitive use of this word meaning (According to the Webster's Unabridged New International Dictionary 2nd edition) to execute a lively dance. A story to illustrate... One day Boone was walking home from the computer lab at school. His hands hung lifelessly at his side, his head drooped in utter depression. You see he had been playing a contest with his friends over email. A contest of wit. A battle to be won by only the funniest. And some faggot ass half wit had managed to slip ahead of him with some damn nonsense about a wet dream and a lot of naked German's with big cocks. He hears someone walking slightly ahead of him. He looks up.... it's him!! That bastard who had won the contest! He was walking down the streat right in front of him. Right there Boone whipps out his AK-47 and pumps the fucker full of hot bloody lead. Boone elated in the bastard's death proceeds to "dance a jig" as he puts away his weapon and resumes his trek home.........

Question #3
Assuming I had the ability to become a superhero...what the fuuck? I already am fuck face. You and the rest of the universe already acknowlegge me by none other than "Rocketman". In only ones years time at UNCC, I've gained respect only my real self Jeff Kuchma could hope to acquire. I don't have to go into to much detail as to what I do or who I am, all you need to know is that if your ever in trouble, need a helping hand, or need someone to save the world, there's no fuckin chance you'll sucker me into helping you...get superman to help you with that shit. As for me beating the shit out of people. Now that's something I can handle. The following people are worthy of a royal ass kicking by none other than me: Dustin, Tony, Danny, Sean, Sasha, and any other faggot who's name doesn't bring a twinkle to my eye. In conclusion, if I am not to win this contest, I will also add another name to this list of no good, cock sucking, shit eating, dickless, butmunches. His name. Jeffrey A. Hilimire.

Question #4
Rainbows on windshields and rainbows on bumbers
Leather on fellows and big faggot humpers
Large naked men who are tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things.

Tony plays hoarsy while Sasha plays cowboy
Sasha rides Tony like he's a big play toy
Tony is laughing 'cause it bearly stings
This is one of my favorite things

When my man's gone
and my dick's hard
and I ponder straying...
I try to remember my favorite things
And then I don't feeeeel,  so  baaaaad.

Question #5
If I were to pick a smurf that I could be it would definetly have to be Anal Smurf. My reasons for this are obvious. There is no other smurf in the village who has an anus as is obvious when you watch the show. The only one is Smurfette who wears a dress to cover it up, why else would she wear a dress. the other smurfs wear nothing, as they have nothing to hide. Anal smurf would have a huge blue schlong measuring approximately 5 inches limp and 12 inches hard. Being the only one with a penis of all the smurfs, this would entice a relationship between Smurfette and Anal Smurf. Together they would engage in extravagent anal and oral sex making all the other smurfs jealous especially Handy Smurf who is one of the so called "tough guys" around the village. However he has no penis, so the talk stops right there with him. In conclusion, it is obvious that the only smurf one would want to be is that of one with a penis, otherwise it sure is a big waste of Smurfette's blue muff. By the way, what color is her muff? (for those who don't know what a muff is, meaning Sasha, it's a girl's pussy hairs.)

Question #6
OK, at first I wanted to answer this with something along the lines of, "Of course the chicken came first, eggs can't come." You know the kind of sophomoric humor like, "Why does Mr. Pibb come in a bottle?" "Because his wife died." But then I thought that the answer must be something deeper than that, so I thought about it a little bit. After a little bit more thought, I came up with "Of course the chicken came first, eggs can't come."