Pete Gillen Is A Funny Man...
... and I've got quotes to prove it.
There is nothing I find quite so amusing as listening to the things University of Virginia basketball coach Pete Gillen will say to the media. The guy is a laugh riot. So I've put together some of his quotes here for you to enjoy. So enjoy.
PG's Wacky Words of Wisdom
On worrying:
"I worry about everything," Gillen said. "I worry about my clothes, my wife, the gerbil, the cat. I worry about my wife's spending, I worry about her tennis game. The gerbil's pregnant, so hopefully things will work out."
On walk-ons:
"We got a guy from the fruits and vegetable department of our cafeteria that's very quick, and we got a guy from 7-Eleven who's got great hands."
On former assistant coach Bobby Gonzalez:
"Our style of play is going to be very fast, but you still have to be able to recruit. You think I talk fast? Bobby Gonzalez makes coffee nervous."
On his undermanned 1999 team:
"We took a vote to see whether the players wanted to play [Duke]. Our seven walk-ons said they wanted to play, and our six scholarship players said 'No.' So we will play because it was a 7-6 vote."
On defense:
"Some of our guys think defense is a new underarm spray, and I tell them, 'No, you have to stop guys,' " said Gillen, whose Cavaliers were 19-12 overall and tied for third in the ACC at 9-7. "Another guy says it's a town in Bolivia, and another guy says, 'I know, it's a town in Romania.' It's something you have to do to keep people from scoring."
On maintenance men:
"The older I get, the faster I want to play," Gillen claims, with a sly grin on his face. "Our rule is, if you see the rim, shoot it.
"We're gonna be airing it out. We're gonna be chuckin' and duckin'. We're gonna be hitting the maintenance man in the back of the head."
On questionable officiating:
"That dunk they took away from Roger, I'd like a Supreme Court judge to see that. That's miscarriage of justice. The guy was almost on the baseline and Roger dunked it - to call that a charge is beyond belief."
On communication:
"We're trying to educate the players on how important the game is, but they have no idea, they don't believe a word I say. So I'm going to bring in a translator from Guam, and he's going to try to talk to them."
On Wake Forest's Darius Songaila:
"He's a killer. He's a mangler. He's banging, knocking people. He kills innocent bystanders sometimes."
On zone defense:
"I can't even spell zone. I know about traffic zones and parking zones and zone zones, but I don't know anything about a zone, so I read a pamphlet this afternoon."
On his team's turnovers:
"At the beginning, we were like a bakery. It was like, apple, cherry, whatever type of turnover you want, we had 'em. It's ridiculous. You don't win many games with 25 turnovers on the road."
On Virginia's top-five ranking early in 2002:
"If somebody had told me we’d be in the top five, I would have asked, ‘What are you drinking? I want some of it.' Or I might have asked, ‘Top five in what sport?’"
On 6-foot-10 center Nick Vander Laan:
"Vander Laan is physical. He knocks over people going to the concession stand. He's a wrecking machine."
On defense, again:
"Some of our guys thought defense was a town in Chile. Other guys thought defense was something you put up around d-house to keep out d-dog and d-cat."
On possibilities:
"If you finish top three in this league, you've got a chance nationally. Yeah, we've got a chance. But, you know, I once had a chance with Demi Moore."