What The Hell Am I Trying To Say?

Can you tell I'm faking it. But I want to be myself. I don't want to leave. I want you to know me. I want you to know how I've cared. I'm going to be honest with you. I am going to be true to his name. And his involvement in my life. Yet I will not compare you to him. I will not make myself miss him. When I know how you make me feel. I picture you at night. In a dream you are there. While I am giving birth and life to his child. What does it mean? Can something be coming from my mind? My past possibly meeting my undecided future. I feel that fate is just fucking with me. If I wait long enough. It will eventaully happen. Or I'm just emotionally sick and individually twisted. Please don't be like him. Please don't take my love away. Let it work. If it is to happen.