How to be Annoying

  • Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green and insist to others that "you like it that way".

  • Drum on every available surface.

  • Sing the Batman theme song incessantly.

  • Staple papers in the middlie of the page.

  • Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

  • Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

  • Specify that your drive thru order is "to go".

  • Set alarms for random times.

  • In a "chat" room, ask if "anyone wants to chat".

  • Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon

  • Publicy investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

  • Honk and wave to strangers.

  • Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

  • Decline to be seated at a restaraunt and simply eat thier complementary mints by the cash register.

  • Begin all your sentences with "Ooh la la!".

  • Rouse your roomates from slumber each morning with Lou Reeds "Metal Machine Music".

  • Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic- landscape mode.

  • Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

  • Pay for your dinner with pennies.

  • Write "X-BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someones roadmaps.

  • Light road flares on a birthday cake.

  • Wander around the restaraunt, asking other diners for their parsley.

  • Leave tips in Bidivian currency.

  • Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

  • Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

  • At the laundromat, use one dryer for each one of your socks.

  • Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

  • Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

  • Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

  • Drive half a block.

  • Name your dog "Dog".

  • Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

  • Ask people what gender they are.

  • Ask any school teacher their age.

  • Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

  • Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in cause the big one comes".

  • Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

  • While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

  • Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

  • Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

  • Change your name to Jane Aaaaaaasmith for the great glory of being the first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

  • Sit in front of your yard pointing a hairdryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

  • Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

  • Mow your lawn with scissors.

  • Finish all your sentences with the words "In accordance with prophesy".

  • Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket".

  • Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

  • Never flush the toilet.

  • Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

  • Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy rug and seek out victims.

  • Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

  • Never make eye contact.

  • Never break eye contact.

  • Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

  • Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

  • When taking a shower, make sure the drain plug is in.

  • Predict simple things such as tomorrow's date and claim you're psycic.

  • Talk to yourself in public.

  • Refuse to comb your hair.

  • Speak in "pig latin".

  • Talk to stuffed animals.

  • Talk and walk like a robot.

  • TyPe LiKe ThIs iN cHaTrOoMs.

  • Fart in public.

  • Pretend you work at a store and ask others, "Can I help you?"

  • Buy a "Big Glup" soda then go to a crowded subway and take tiny sips and after each one say, "Ahhhh".

  • Try to break dance to country music.

  • Sing Folk song in public.

  • Beg for money in your normal clothes.

  • Test drive every car in the lot.

  • Insist that you are "God".

  • Go to a drive-thru resturant and say, "Okay listen-up, I want two....a large fri. Umm, a .... with no cheese, a small .... with no ice and a large...." This will leave the person very confused. When they tell you to repete your order, drive up to the window really fast.

  • Paint your face when you go to chruch.

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