Learn

And so I have tried to learn

I have been everything

I have been nothing

Learning that lonliness is key to sorrow

Learning that my heart beats for others

Learning that hide and seek is not a fun game

If you are seeking

Is there no solace

Is there no peace

Nothing can be as important as being safe

I think it's a character flaw

Or maybe it goes a little deeper

There is not anything else to say

I can only hope for release, but

you know,

I'm not quite sure that would be enough

Maybe there is nothing else out there for me

Is it true that there is no one or me

I suppose the truth of the matter is thatI cannot find it

or you

In the corner of my mind

I am hiding too

From the truth

I know that there is an end to everything

Nothing lasts forever

I learned that lesson first

But is there nothing that will ease this whirlwind of emotion

Escape

Release

Release myself from you

But I have not

I have lied to you,

to myself

I know love

I feel love

But I am hiding well

I've learned a lot

The class has been very informative...

And still

There is a void

A key that I seek

A missing link

To me

A part that I fear has been lost forever

Innocence

I am sorrow

Sweet and sour

A prisoner of myself

Torn between having and aching

To give this up would be painful

But would it be as painful as having you without really having you

What happens when I become what I want

If I am alone then

What is the epilogue

Who can tell me the end

only want to see you happy

Isn't that horrible

I should be selfish and greedy

I should be playing you

And I can't

I'm wrapped around your finger

Warped

I don't think it's really all that important now

In the end

What we don't know can't really hurt us

But I know that is not really true

What you don't know now,

Can only hurt you more later

And so it goes on

And so do I

Unwillingly

How will I stand when all my love falls

I will have no strength

And you will not help me

You will smile your sweetest smile

You will wish me well

And go on with your life

As mine crumbles

I suppose fate must be a fun game to play

Someone must have been drunk when they made that one up

Stil, I have to give points for creativity

Even though it blows for me

What's so bad, they say

You don't see that part

I am playing hide and seek

I am hiding

I shiver to imagine what will happen

When I have to face myself

My fears

My truths

Should all be such bullshit

I say no,but

There is no love

No truth

No reassurance

No help

Nothing at all

Except for the lonliness

Damn

Saying that makes it kind of final

You can't change your fate, they say

What do they know about me

Nothing

I see that word everywhere

All around my life

It's basically me

I wish I could just blow my head off

5-17-02