~* 11:25 a.m. *~ I felt absoltly horrible for lying this morning but I had no choice. It was already 1 day until Christmas Eve. I only have today, tomorrow, and Christmas Day to be with Tay. And then after that, who knows. With the way things could be I may not be around to see him again. I blocked that out. I didn't want to even think that I would never see Tay again. I sat on the edge of my bed with my legs hanging over. I had already taken my shower and my hair was down and curled under. I wore a tight hunter green long sleeve shirt with some tan cargo pants. Tara was already awake and downstairs. I guess today was going to be a day of silence to me anyways. Everyone would just not talk to me, well at least everyone but Taylor. Just the thought of what if he didn't belive it scared me. I would then have to explain Richard, my Uncle, and the lie. I don't know if he would act angury, confused, or any other way. I got up and walked to the love seat next to the window. I sat across it pulling my legs to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs. I buried my face in between my legs and chest. I thought of the future in my life exactly like Tara did last night. The only difference between what I saw and what she saw was that I saw nothing. My future as so unclear. There were so many pathes that could lead to others and that could lead to others. I heard the door open and footsteps coming in my direction. I figured it must be Tara but I didn't change my position until a firm hand touched my shoulder. I brought my head up showing my red, wet, and blood-shot eyes. The tears were not for my father or fake. They were because I myself didn't have a clue on what my future was. The hand which surprised me was Taylor's. He kneeled down on the floor beside the love seat. I spun around and dropped my legs to the floor. Taylor had his hair down and was wearing an ADIDAS shirt with a pair of baggy jeans. Taylor took both of my hands in his. "I heard about your dad." He finally said. I looked to the ground. "I don't know how to feel, Taylor." My voice had sobbs in between words and was scartchy. "I mean, the man totally deserved it but he's all I got in the world." On the last word I started to choke up. I looked up at him and into his eyes. He seemed so inosent. He wipped away a tear falling down my cheek. "You've got me and I promise to never leave you." Man, why did he have to say that I thought. Tears just began to pour from my eyes. I slipped off the chair and kneeled down in front of Taylor. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder. His arms slipped around my waist and pulled my body against his. Tons of thoughts ran through my head. Taylor didn't deserve to have girl like me who has such an uncertain future ahead of her. Even an obsessed fan might be better, but not a girl like me. I cried harder and harder while Taylor just let me belt it all out on him. I finally regained control and pulled away. Taylor moved my bangs away from my face. "C'mon. Let's go back over to my house." He suggested. Finally away to get out. I slowly got up and walked into the bathroom to make sure it didn't look so bad. Taylor stayed in my room. I looked at myself in the mirror. Except for my eyes nothing else looked real bad. I splashed some water on my face and put a little make up on so that I looked normal. I walked out with Taylor standing in his original spot. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I gave a small kiss on the lips. I whispered Thank you into his ear. He smiled and we left my house. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ We walked into the basement. All the instruments were set up in the usual spots. Isaac was laying on the couch while Zac sat in front of the couch. They both shot up when I walked into the room. I held Taylor's hand as they both approached me. Isaac had his hair pulled back and wore some tan cords with a green sweater. Zac had on a pair of red leather pants with a loose black t-shirt. "I'm sorry to hear about your dad." Isaac said while giving me a small hug. "Me too." Zac also added while also giving me a small hug. I shrugged not knowing how to act. I turned to Taylor and as if he read my mind he answered what i was about to ask. "Do you guys want to have a little jam setion?" I have been told before by lots of my friends that I like to pound on the drums to get out fury or sadness. I never really thought of it that way. just a way to simply forget all the normal problems and have my own little world outside them. Everyone agreed and Zac went into this small room to the side. "I'll call Tar and ask her if she wants to jam." Ike said while half jogging up the steps. He really probaly didn't intend to get an answer and just went. Zac rolled out a spare drum set on a platform. He placed two drumsticks across it and walked over to his set. Taylor had wondered off to a tape deck next to the board they used for microphones, amps, and keyboards. I walked over to the spare drumset that was like an off white and sat and the stool. A couple minutes later Taylor was at the keyboard, Zac and I at drums, and Ike and Tara struming guitar. Taylor hit a switch on the board. "So what shall we play?" Zac asked. "How about ' I Will Come To You ' " I suggested. They all nodded and Zac counted off. I figured out a way about two lyrics into the song to sing back up for Tay. I sang the higher notes and Isaac sang lower than us both. Our three part harmonies worked out very well. Tara did an excellent job of keeping up with Ike on the guitar solo. When the song ended everyone praised each other on a job well done. Everyone loved the harmonies too. Taylor left the keyboard section. "I wanna hear you guys play a song." He said while standing in front of everyone. "We don't have Cordelia." I stated. Taylor had already had a plan for that. He walked over to the switch board. "Play her part and then I'll blend the two parts together." I guess working in the studio while recording Middle of Nowhere and Snowed In really got him up in how to do such a thing. I sat at the drumset and did my best to play the part. I would usually play my guitar on this song but what ever had to be done was. It was a good thing Cord never sang in this song too. They song was called Just Hold On. I had written it about 4 months ago and it kinda explained my life. It was a song that talked about the goods and bads in life and how no matter what you just had to go on living. They drumpart fit in nicely with mine and Tara's parts without Cord there. I sang lead in this song and Tara sang backup. The guys all watched silently as we played the slow song. Since Taylor was really the only one that knew about my dad he could understand that the song wasn't just a fairy tale I pulled from someone elses life. I had lived this tale and learned that all you could do was hope for the better, even when the canyon your hanging above seems to get lower and lower. You can't just let go, you've gotta hold on. Back Home Chapter 13
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