BoddAH
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who
obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complaind. This note
should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the Punk Rock
101 Courses over the years, it's my first introduction to the, shall we
say ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community
has been proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening
to, as well as creating music, along with really writing something for
too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things, for
example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of
the crowd begins. It doesn't affect me in the way which it did for Freddie
Mercury, who seemed to love and relish the love and admiration from the
crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't
fool you, any of you. It simply isn't fair to you, r to me. The worst crime
can think of would be to pull people off by faking it, pretending as if
I'm having one 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as though I should have a punch-in
time clock before I walk out on-stage. I've tried everything within my
power to appreciate it, and I do, God believe me, I do, but it's not enough.
I appreciate the fact that I, and we, have affected, and entertained a
lot of people. I must be one of the narcisists who only appreciate things
when they're alone. I'm too sensitive, I need to be slightly numb in order
to regain the enthusiasm. But, what's sad is our child. On our last three
tours, I've had a much better appreciation of all the people I've known
personally, and as fans of our music. But I still can't get out the frustration,
the guilt, and the sympathy I have for everybody. There is good in all
of us, and I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel
too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive unappreciative pisces Jesus man!
why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know! I have a
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep
going Courtney for Frances for her life which will be so much happier without
me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!
Below: Cobain's death certificate.