Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and and Bill Clinton get caught up in a tornado and transported to the Yellow Brick Road, where they make their way to the Wizard of Oz. The Wizard asks what each wants.
"I want a brain," says Quayle;
"I want a heart", says Gingrich.
"Where's Dorothy ?" asks Clinton.
Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton are on the Titanic when it starts to sink
CARTER yells, "Quick, save the women and children!"
NIXON: "Screw the women and children!"
CLINTON: "Do we have time?"
What did Arafat say to Clinton?
"Sheep don't talk, my friend."
What did Clinton say when he heard Paula Jones was speaking to the press?
"NOW she opens her mouth"
What's the definition of an Arkansas virgin?
Any woman who can run faster than the governor.
What does Bill Clinton say to Hilary after sex ?
"Hi Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
What's the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter?
One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.
The National Opinion Bureau of the United States (NOBUS) has today published an opinion poll conducted amongst female staff in the White House on Friday. They were asked 'Would you ever sleep with the President?'
Of the 97 replies, 2 reponded "yes", 4 "never" and the other 91 "never again."
Do you know why Clinton doesn't play his saxophone anymore?
'Cause he is playing with his horeMonika.
Clinton is sitting in the oval office when one of his aides comes rushing in. "Mr President, Sir, what are we going to do about this abortion bill?
"Just pay it" says the president.
A question for Bill Clinton: "What was Miss Lewinsky's Most memorable feature?"
Answer: "She has the whitest teeth I've ever come across"
Hillary Clinton's new name: Cleopatra - queen of denial
Why does Bill drink so much coffee and Coca-Cola?
He is required to "stay up" for many hours to satisfy the needs of his staff.
Why is Chelsea upset about Zippergate?
Her dad is getting laid more often that she is. And she's in college In California!
What is Clinton's new Secret Service Code Name?
Unibanger
If Clinton gets impeached, it will actually be the first time a president was BLOWN out of the White House.
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
" Sat on the Presidential Staff "
Do you know what the FBI discovered the stains on Monica's dress actually were?
A wad of Bill's.
What's Clintons new nick name?
Drippy Dick
What did the Chinese Premier say to Clinton as he boarded Air Force One to leave China?
Rotsa Ruck on your next erection!
Clinton has recommended to the Olympic Committee a new event exclusively for US Presidents and Sportscasters: Broad Jumping.
What did Hillary Clinton change her name to?
Sharon Peters
What is Bill Clinton's favorite slogan?
Give me liberty or give me head!
What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal?
Fornigate.
What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.
What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
When Hillary is out of town.
What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary?
He wants to be on top.
How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual appetite?
It Takes A Village
When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play?
Swallow the leader
Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
What's the difference between the Secret Service and Janet Reno?
There are some things the Secret Service won't do to protect the President.
Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird?
The Spread Eagle
Whats Lewinsky's favorite bird?
The swallow
How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they are to busy screwing the President.
Why did Clinton cross the road?
To get to the intern on the other side, of course
Why did the intern cross the road?
To get to the BOOK CONTRACT she needed to sign on the other side
What was Lewinsky's position at the white house?
1.Head Intern
2.Under Secretary
3.Missionary
What is Lewinsky's code name in the FBI?
Deep Throat
What is Clinton's favorite toy?
An Erector Set
What is Clinton's favorite card game?
Poker
What is Clinton's favorite food?
The Cumquat
What is Clinton's favorite T.V. Show?
Leave it to Beaver
What's Bill Clinton's favorite brand of potato chips?
Lays
What office equipment has been distributed to all white house secretaries?
The Dick-taphone
What is the unwritten Executive Privilege?
Having first pick of the new White House Interns.
Why would Clinton make a great rowing instructor?
Because he is so good at say, Stroke, Stroke, Stroke.
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