By Aly and Xris

As the 12” by 12” gray tiles moved under them (oh wait, maybe *they* were moving), Xris and Aly set forth to another fun-filled, exciting Spanish class. They never knew what exciting adventure they'd have! They scurried into class under the watchful eye of the teacher as the bell rang. They took their seats and threw 'em out the window, then proceeded to sit on the floor. The lesson started - 'El Baño' - and Xris and Aly were so bored that they were almost crying. This awful torture was more than they could bear, so they followed their seats, not caring that they had white-floor-yicky-powder-stuff on their jeans. Lucky for our two heroines, they landed in bushes that only had a couple of thorns in them. Saving themselves from the awful Spanish class, Xris and Aly headed off into the sunset, which is strange since it was second period and only around 9:00 in the morning. They took their time walking through Panther Way, admiring the lovely road. Finding out that together they had mucho dinero, they decided to go to Dunkin' Donuts. Lo and behold, Laura was working there! She explained to Xris and Aly that she loved work *so* much that she decided to skip school and make coffee.

So that is the little introduction. Let us once again join our characters.

"I want a chocolate donut!" Aly stamped her foot on the pavement.

"Well, why didn't you get one while we were AT Dunkin' Donuts? We're too far away now!" Xris scolded.

Aly squinted in the direction that she thought the shop was in and pouted. "Fine, be that way." Feeling sorry for herself, she started singing Paul tunes.

"STOP! STOP!" Xris yelled as she put her hands over her ears. "I can't stand it! Paul is bad enough, but *you* singing him..."

Aly stopped and pouted again. "Fine, be that way," she repeated.

Even though the two didn't realize it at the moment, they were lost. Was Aly ever going to get her donut? Was Xris ever going to kill Aly? Let's find out....

Xris and Aly continued walking. The stores were getting few and far in-between. Far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far in the distance they heard a bell ring.

"Spanish is over!" Xris announced. "That was the best Spanish class ever!"

Aly nodded in agreement. She then squinted into the sun. A vulture circled overhead. "Hey, Xris.... Where are we? I...I think we're lost."

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This is the beginning of the second part of the story. Of course, so far, it probably has nothing to do with the first part, because Aly's writing the first part and I haven't seen it yet. So I don't know how to continue on. So I'll babble for a while. Consider this Intermission. My finger itches. His name is Larry. He is 16 years old, 3¾ inches tall, and does not know how much he weighs. I don't either. If I did, I'd probably tell him.

Anyway, this is the 1 minute warning bell for the end of Intermission: BRRRRRRIIIIIING!

Okay. What can I say for one minute? I don't know. Can't he speak for himself? Anyway, I'll say this for him: He cares about the tax-paying people of this country, and about their safety. He will work for YOU. Vote One Minute. He IS the future. All right, Intermission is over.

The next day was tomorrow. Mr. Yello was teaching the class past subjunctive verb forms, when his head fell off and rolled out the door. The class was very confused. They had no clue what was going on. Finally, Xris decided to ask about it.

"So we DO have to change it to the opposite vowel ending?"

Of course, Mr. Yello couldn't hear this, because his head was proceeding to roll down the hallway. So the class still was very confused. So was Mr. Yello 's body. It couldn't do anything without its head, so it just died. Of course, the class still had no idea about past subjunctive verb forms. They also had no idea what to do with the decapitated corpse standing in the front of the classroom, grammar book still in his icy pale hands.

Finally, Ed got up, shut the door, and announced: "Día de descanso!" So the class talked and horsed around for the rest of the class period. Just minutes before the bell rang, the vice principal, Mr. Poorfield, walked in and asked what was going on.

"We're practicing a Spanish ritual." Aly offered. "Every year on this day, Spanish townspeople find a headless statue and dance around it, chanting 'Alguna ayudame que debo que hablar', which is a prayer to the gods to help the townspeople think clearly. Almost like they get rid of their old heads, and get new ones that work better."

"Very interesting," said Mr. Poorfield. "Now, what happened to Mr. Yello?"

"Actually," Xris pointed out. "He just left a minute ago to find you."

"Oh. Well, thank you." Mr. Poorfield said as he walked out, shutting the door behind him. Seconds later, a cow mooed over the intercom, signaling the end of the period.

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Now, some people might be wondering how Xris and Aly went from being lost back to being in Spanish class. I am wondering that myself. :) Spanish class was all really a mirage... or was being lost the mirage? And no, I'm not talking about the literary magazine. So anyway, back to the cow mooing... oh wait, it already mooed.

Xris and Aly braved the halls, forcing their way down the stairs and into the correct direction (they hoped) to their lockers. "Dummy! You're on the wrong side again!" Xris scolded Aly as she pushed her. Aly toppled over while trying to change sides, and ended up tripping and falling to the ground. As the people trampled over her, Xris laughed meanly.

"Bwahaha! I love Munky!" she laughed as Aly tried in vain to get up.

"Well, there goes YOUR cookie money!" Aly grunted while trying to get up, succeeding, and continuing with Xris the journey to their lockers.

"But I *have* cookie money. YOU'RE the one without it!" Xris pointed out.

Aly silently continued walking, then blurted out, "Xris, tell me the truth. Do you understand past subjunctive verb forms?"

"Don't be silly!" Xris reassured her.

Neither of them realized that the walk to their lockers from Spanish is really not that long, but why break their little bubble?

Deciding to skip class and just go to lunch (since Xris and Aly are such bad girls), they went to lunch. Xris got her cookies and Aly got her pizza. But Aly was thirsty and wanted another drink. Xris didn't have any moola, since she spent her money on cookies (Reggie and Samantha) and flavored water that was NOT raspberry. But Aly found some and went slowly up to the juice machines. She stared at the two that were standing next to each other, staring them down. She then chose the one on the left, and put her 75 cents in. Xris sat watching expectantly at the table. Aly slowly pushed the button for grape juice, and the towering machine banged around. Relieved, Aly gave a thumbs up to Xris and reached down to get her juice. But, lo and behold, there was no juice there!

"Nooooooooooooooo!" Aly wailed, slumping to the ground. "No juice again!"

Xris rushed over and began hitting the machine. 'Yesterday it was funny," she told Aly's back (she was still slumped over), "But now the machine means business." Xris gave it a swift, powerful kick, and two grape juices bounced out. Aly lifted her head and smiled.

"Thank you Xris!"

Xris grabbed the cans of cold juice. "No problem!"

And one more dilemma was solved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The problem with that, though, was that they had another dilemma. They still had a decapitated Mr. Yello. Now who was going to teach them past subjunctive verb forms? So Aly and Xris took it upon themselves to find someone suitable for teaching them past subjunctive tenses.

They searched high and low, left and right, inside and outside. They even looked up in the attic, which was very brave of them, because it's dark and scary up there.

Finally, they found the perfect teacher. Steven Tyler.

[Sung to tune of Mama Kin]
"It ain't easy, doin' past subjunctive.
Tell ya', honey, how it goes:
First person present,
Drop off the ending,
Stick on opposite vowel...."
"Oh my God!" Aly shouted. "I get it! I know how to do past subjunctive! Thank you, Steven Tyler!"

"See, Aly? I told you Steven Tyler could help us!" Xris told her.

"Hey, it's no problem. Just do me one thing." Steven Tyler replied.

"Sure. Anything for you, Steven Tyler. Just say the words...." Xris responded.

"Just call me Steven. You don't have to keep using my last name." Steven said.

"Oh. Sorry." they all said at once.

So, yet another dilemma solved. Now the class doesn't need Mr. Yello 's body anymore. Therefore, another dilemma arises: what to do with the body?

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Of course, the only logical thing to do with the body was to have Steven Tyler (whoops... Steven) take it away for them. 'Cos who would suspect him? So he took it away. The end. Oh wait, we still have to write more of the story. Xris felt bad about Steven doing the dirty work, and decided to make it up to him. Of course, the perfect way to pay him back was by buying him an Otis. So back to lunch Xris went, along with Steven, with Aly tagging along. But a problem arose...

"I don't CARE if the supply for 3rd lunch is depleted! Take an Otis out of the 4th lunch box for us. For HIM!" Xris pointed at Steven.

The lunch lady refused.

"But do you know who HE is?" Xris asked. "This is Steven!"

"Tyler." Steven helped.

The lunch lady still refused. So Xris did the only thing that she could think of - she cried. The lunch lady gave in and gave Steven the cookie, but it was too late. Steven was washed away by the river of tears that Xris cried.

"Oh, good going!" Aly glared.

Xris looked around. "Weird... I never cry. Let's go find Stevie-boy!" (--side note - Xris would never call him Stevie-boy, but Aly would. And Aly is writing this part!--)

So the two embarked on their journey to find Steven. They decided to follow the trail of water, which was pretty smart of them.

"Tell ya', honey, how it goes: First person present.." Aly softly sang.

"....drop off the ending, Stick on opposite vowel...." was the faint reply Aly and Xris heard. So they jumped. Had they found Steven?

YES!!!

He was laying face up in the graphics room. "Good distance!" Steven congratulated Xris.

"Why, thank you!" Xris replied proudly.

And THAT dilemma was solved. But what about the case of the Otis that Steven wasn't around to eat? Hmmmmm?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luckily, the lunch lady had not yet let go of the cookie, because she had seen him being washed away. So, when they returned to the cafeteria (leaving the graphics room only after a greeting to Mr. Effenhotter, of course), she was there, still holding the cookie. It was almost as though she had been frozen in time. But obviously she wasn't- she had been standing in the freezer where she keeps the Chip Burgers.

So Steven took the cookie and thanked her, Xris paid her, and they, along with Aly, walked back to Spanish.

Now, the fact that the class was over had nothing to do with it. Besides, they had no teacher, so who cared if they stayed longer?

So the three of them sat down cross-legged where Aly's and Xris' chairs used to be, in a circle. They didn't know what else to do, so they played 'Patty Cake'.

Then Mr. Sitdring came in, because he had a class to teach (Aly, Xris, and Steven hadn't noticed them when they walked in).

He asked them to leave, so they went to Xris' math class so no one would be stuck alone. Mr. Cornam got mad, though, and sent Aly and Steven out.

They didn't want to leave without Xris, so they sat down outside the door, waiting for math to end (and for someone to trip over them when trying to walk into the room).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Math seemed to last forever. Aly and Steven were getting pretty bored, and their hands were tired after playing 548927 rounds of patty cake. So they devised a plan. An EVIL plan. But, upon realizing that they could not do that (neither of them had any salt shakers), they decided to do the next best thing. Steven walked into the math class, picked Xris up and carried her out of the room.

"That was easy!" Steven looked down at Xris. "We should have thought of this before! Now, where should we go?"

"I should be in math right now... we could go upstairs to my math class..." Aly offered.

"No!" Said Xris and Steven.

"Okay." Said Aly.

"Good." Said Xris and Steven.

"Fine." Said Aly.

"Now what?" Asked Steven.

"I dunno, and I'm sick of talking like this!" Xris stated flatly (instead of 3D-ly).

"I know!" Steven said. "We could go back to lunch and get more Otises!" He reached sadly into his pocket, and pulled out a crumpled up Otis wrapper.

Xris looked at the wrapper, then Steven. "Nah." She decided. "Well, we could go back down to the graphics room!"

"What would we do there?" Steven asked.

"Oh! Photography is fun! We can roll our own film, take pictures, develop the film, make prints... fun!" Aly started jumping up and down.

Steven looked doubtfully at Aly, but agreed to give it a shot. So the three of them started going back to the graphics room - Steven walking this time.

But they got sidetracked. They got lost. 'Cos they were following the arrows on the FHS floor, but then the arrows suddenly STOPPED! Confused, the three musketeers looked around. Aly, Xris, and Steven all looked at the three musketeers and wondered why they were at FHS. Then Xris decided to blindly lead the way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, that wasn't hard for her at all. All she had to do was take off her glasses.

So she walked this way and that, with Aly and Steven following her doubtfully. Every once in a while, Aly would announce: "This isn't the right way," so Xris would turn around and walk the other way.

This didn't work very well, because even after 20 minutes, it turned out that they had just been walking up and down the main hall.

Finally, Aly stepped in front of Xris. "I'LL follow YOU, now." And turned down K- Wing towards the graphics room.

Mr. Effenhotter was surprised to see them again so soon, but had no problem with them staying. Especially Xris, 'cos she was supposed to be there, anyway.

Insert problem here: Candi is in Xris' group to take pictures, but she hates Steven (AND Liv- I don't think she'll go over too well with him). So how will they all be able to get along peacefully and still be able to take pictures?

Well, the easy solution would be to change Steven's name so Candi won't hate him. But they didn't do that. They decided to break up into separate groups. Mr. Effenhotter has three cameras, so Aly, Xris, and Steven were one group, Candi worked with Tim with the second camera, and there was one camera left to sit in the cabinet and not work for Xris, Candi, OR Tim (I'm telling you, it's that evil yellow strap).

So the three musketeers went outside to take pictures. This time, Aly Xris, and Steven wondered where the three musketeers got the cameras. Mr. Effenhotter didn't have anymore.

Anyway, Aly, Xris and Steven took lots of pictures of each other, then got one of the three musketeers to take a picture of the three of them.

However, when they went to develop the film, one picture had an extra subject in it. When they enlarged the print so they could see, it appeared to be Mr. Yello, far in the distance. But obviously it couldn't be: he was dead. So....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...... they were confused. Unfortunately, Mr. Effenhotter had cut up all the photo paper to make it last, so they couldn't blow it up really big. So they tried to blow up that little part. And KA-BOOM! It worked! They blew it up, then looked sadly at the remains of the film. NOW how were they supposed to see if it was Mr. Yello? No one had any brilliant ideas, so they left the dark room and returned to the graphics room, avoiding Candi at all costs. (It was pretty cheap - about a dollar five.) They asked Mr. Effenhotter what they should do, but he didn't know how to restore blown up film. Oh well.

Then Steven came up with something Xris and Aly hadn't thought of yet - maybe that picture was Mr. Yello's evil twin! Maybe his evil twin came back to revenge Mr. Yello's death! Now they REALLY wished that they had the negative. But they didn't (as I've already stated many times.)

"Hey! I have an idea!" Xris exclaimed. "Why don't we go back to where we took those other pictures, and see if we can get another shot of that guy in the distance!"

Now, Steven and Aly thought that was a wonderful idea. And they told Xris that. But then the bell rang. The cow mooed, and the chicken clucked. And Mr. Effenhotter told them to get out. But Aly saved the day!

Aly walked right up to Mr. Effenhotter and told him that SHE was in his next period class, so they HAD to stay!

And that problem was solved - Mr. Effenhotter couldn't throw her out when class hadn't even started yet, and he was growing quite fond of the three musketeers (who were on Steven, Xris and Aly's side.) So equipped with a camera and a fresh (not stale!) roll of film, Steven, Aly, and Xris retraced their steps. And when they were tired of tracing (the chalk was running low and tracing on the floor hurt their fingers), they took pictures.

When finished with that, they developed the film and went into the darkroom to look at the film. But they had to promise Mr. Effenhotter that they wouldn't blow up the film again - cleaning up blown up film was such a hassle. So they looked at the negatives while holding their breath.....

.....when it was time to breathe again, Steven pointed out that there was the Mr. Yello look-alike in the picture! But it was even further away than the last picture. How would they ever know who it was?

Naturally, they then made lots of 'Have You Seen This Man' and 'Lost Man' posters which they hung up around the school. They used that one picture that they had of him, which was better than nothing. Although he looked like a pineapple on the blurry posters. They stuck the posters on lockers, walls, doors, ceilings, floors, and people, knowing all the time that people don't usually look at the signs. But they gave it a chance. The job took a very long time. Unfortunately, they forgot to write who to contact if they found that man. So it was all a waste of time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luckily, by now, school had ended, so they had plenty more time to try again.

So they made new posters and made sure that there was a name and phone number on each one (of the posters). They used Aly's name, and coincidentally, her number, too.

Because anyone calling Aly wouldn't reach her since she was at school, she, Xris, and Steven decided to go to her house. Unfortunately, Aly had already missed her bus. Luckily, Steven could drive, so he hot wired a car in the teacher parking lot (Xris waved to her mommy as they walked by where she was waiting for Xris), and he drove them to Aly's house.

They sat around waiting for phone calls from people who had seen the signs but had not read them, but none came. So they played video games instead. They didn't play for long, though, because Xris and Steven got sick of Aly winning all the time.

Finally, the phone rang. Aly jumped up to get it.

"Hello?...Hi, Xris' mommy! ... Yes, she's here....okay, just a sec." Aly handed the phone to Xris.

"Hi, Xris' mommy!" Xris said into the receiver. "You better hang up. We're waiting for a call."

"I'm sorry, but when you just walked past after school today and got into someone else's car, I got worried. I didn't know if I was supposed to go home, or wait for you to come back so I could take you home. If Aly needed a ride, you could have asked me."

"Oh. Yeah, I could have. Well, we figured Steven could drive her home, 'cos he's the only one of us who COULD drive. I went with them to wait for the phone call."

"Well, okay." Xris' mommy said. "If it's all right with Aly's mom, you can stay."

"Thanx. You can come get me at...um..."

"You can sleep over!" Aly piped up.

"Tomorrow morning?" Xris had forgotten it was a Friday.

"Okay. Do you want me to bring stuff over for you?"

"Sure! Thanx." Xris hung up her jacket (she was getting hot). Then she remembered the phone was still off the hook, and hung that up too.

"Steven, you're invited to stay, too." Aly looked at him hopefully.

"Y'know- this is more of a teacher/student relationship than I had bargained for." he replied.

"I don't think of you as a teacher. " Xris said. "You're still the singer of the greatest band ever!"

"Well..."

"Not so!" Aly shouted. "The Beatles is the best band ever!"

"Fine." Steven said. "I can see where I'm not wanted. See ya'."

"No! Steven, don't go! She didn't mean it!" Xris pleaded.

"Yes, I did." Aly bluntly stated (then sharply provinced).

"I'm outta here." Steven walked out the door.

"NOW look what you've done!" Xris stormed out after Steven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aly looked high and low, but she just couldn't see what she did. "Where is it?" She called after Xris, but Xris was long gone. Realizing that she wasn't being a very good hostess, Aly left her house and tried to find Xris and Steven. It wasn't hard - they were standing in the cul-de-sac where Steven had walked in circles after getting 'lost'. Aly approached Xris and Steven, who were quietly talking.

"Listen, Steven.... I kinda apologize. I apologize for making you feel bad, but you can't be mad at me for having a different favorite band. I like Aerosmith - I have a cd and a tape, and my family has records and such...." Aly's voice faded off.

Steven looked at the ground. "I understand. Okay, then."

"Are you still gonna come over to Aly's house?" Xris looked at Steven with a pleading look in her eyes.

"Sure, I guess so." Steven said after looking at Xris' puppy dog eyes. He started walking back, but Aly paused and motioned for Xris to wait for a moment.

"Too many drugs in the 70s, eh?" Aly quietly said while tapping her head.

"Hey, at least it made him easy to find!" Xris whispered back.

And so there wraps up the somewhat serious, and very sentimental part of this story. Let us now continue...

Everyone headed back to Aly's, but then quickly got bored. So they decided to leave again, but this time they went out somewhere more exciting than the cul-de-sac, and they went as a united group.

They decided to spend a wild night in town, doing everything that they weren't supposed to do. Just kidding. This part ends here because Aly is tired and can't think of anything to write. Just kidding. No, actually, just kidding on the just kidding. Aly is done writing for now. Xris' part will be better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So the happy trio hopped into their new car and drove off to Newbury Comics. Steven had offered to buy them each a new cd.

When they arrived there, they could not believe their luck: Korn was doing an in-store!

Xris went running into the store, screaming, "Munky! I love you!" Then she stopped, looked around, and wondered why the store was so empty.

Aly walked up to her and explained, "They're not doing an in-store *here*, today's stop was somewhere in New Hampshire."

So Xris sat down and started to cry. "Mwuhhuh- mie nvuhuh krwhyhy," she sobbed.

"What?!?" Aly exclaimed.

"She never cries." Steven reiterated.

"Oh. I knew that." Aly said.

"It's okay, Xris," Steven tried to comfort her. "Remember- I brought you here to buy you a cd."

"That's right!" Xris jumped up- with no sign of having been crying, although she did have a stop sign.

"Oops. I musta accidentally grabbed this from the entrance to the parking lot. Hee hee."

Over the sound of "What it's Like" by Everlast, they could hear the faint screeching of tires and shouting of obscenities.

Aly ran down the aisle, grabbed a cd, and ran back to Steven.

"Okie dokie. I got mine- the Magical Mystery Tour!"

Xris walked up and down every aisle, carefully studying each cd.

"Xris! Hurry up! We've been here for an hour!" Aly wanted to get home and listen to her new cd.

"Hold on, Hold on! I'm deciding between two- Orgy and Beck."

"Hee Hee. They both have four letters." Aly giggled.

"Okay. Orgy... No, Beck. No, definitely Orgy. ...Or maybe Beck. Alright, Orgy. Beck."

"Xris? We still need to get back to Aly's- Mr. Yello, remember?" Steven pointed out.

"Okay, okay. Orgy."

Steven paid for the cd's and they headed back to Aly's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But first they had to make a pit stop, because they were hungry. There was a bit of a fight over where they were going to eat, but they ended up choosing Papa Gino's. Only because Aly was whining and complaining that she wanted a cheese pizza, and Xris and Steven were getting VERY tired of her. The easiest thing to do was to give in. So they went and ordered a couple of pizzas. Aly was very happy, until she realized that she had no money on her (or near her). She didn't bring any since Steven had offered to buy the cd's and they didn't know they were going out to eat after. So she broke the news (and her glass of soda) carefully to Steven and Xris. Xris didn't have any money either, so Steven reluctantly agreed to pay. Especially since Xris put on a guilt trip about how she bought him an Otis. Feeling better now knowing that the pizza was paid for, they dug into the hot pizza.

On the way out, they ran into Aly's manly burley macho man of a boyfriend, Jason. After apologizing for running into him, Aly made the proper introductions.

"Jason, this is Xris (you know her) and Steven. Steven and Xris, this is Jason."

Jason looked at Aly. "Wow, how were you able to speak in parentheses?" He asked her amazingly. Then asked, "Steven who?"

"Tyler." Xris helped. "He's a member of the bestest..."

"Not really *bestest*..." Aly interrupted, but then shut up after an evil look from Xris.

"He's a member of the BESTEST rock band in the world, Aerosmith."

"Ohhhh....." said Jason. "I don't get it."

"He's a little slow when it comes to old music, but I love him to pieces anyway." Aly stated, then gave Jason a hug.

Since they had been on their way out (and Jason on the way in), they were standing in the doorway. No one noticed the traffic jam that was in front of them and in back of them. Luckily, Xris noticed it and brought out her stop sign.

"STOP!" She yelled and stuck out her sign to her left, while proceeding to let the people on her right pass. "Wow, this really works!" Xris looked amazed at herself. "This is great! I think I'll bring it to school on Monday."

"SCHOOL!" Steven yelled. "We're forgetting something! We're supposed to be waiting for a call from someone who's seen the Mr. Yello look alike!"

"Oh yeah!" Xris hit Aly's head. "Let's get outta here!"

With a quick goodbye to Jason (who'll have a larger part in this story later... maybe...), the trio left Papa Gino's and went back to Aly's house.

Upon arriving, they found out that they had a message! But it was in Spanish! And no one could understand it!

"Man.... 4 years for *nothing*!" Aly grimaced while re-listening to the message. "Here Xris, you went to Spain... what is he saying?"

Xris listened intently to the message, then handed the phone to Steven. "I don't understand. Something about me wearing a dress, middle sized trees, and hot air balloons that fishes controlled."

Steven grabbed the phone. "Let me listen. For some reason I don't think that's correct." He listened, then handed the phone back to Xris. "You forgot purple health quizzes."

"It all makes sense now!" Steven and Xris jumped up at the sound of Aly's exclamation. "CAPES is always subjunctive... but NOT always CHAD something or other. I forget now."

Xris looked sadly at Aly. "That doesn't matter now. We're almost done with Spanish. Now we're trying to figure out WHO THAT IS IN THE PICTURE!!!" She screamed at Aly.

"Oh yeah!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So they thought and thought, not knowing what to do. They just couldn't decipher that message.

"I know!" Xris exclaimed. "We can get Mrs. Pounce to help us!"

"What are we going to do, call her?" Aly asked sarcastically.

"Sure. Natalia has her phone number." Xris replied.

"But we don't have Natalia's." Aly pointed out.

"Wait a second! I do! At home. Lemme call Mom." Xris phoned home, got Natalia's number, then called Natalia.

"But you have her number" Natalia reminded her. "The phone chain? Do you still have it?"

"Oh yeah. I forgot. Well, thanks anyway." Xris hung up and called home again to get the number. Finally, she called Mrs. Pounce.

"Blurgfphumbra?" Mr. Pounce answered the phone.

"Hello? Is Mrs. Pounce there?"

"Mrfagoggleputzerfleck."

"Donna. Donna Pounce. Is she there?"

"Shumicocaphonishai. Donna!"

"Hello?" Mrs. Pounce answered.

"Thank God! Mrs. Pounce, It's Xris {pronounced ehkees- rees}. I need your help. We have this phone message in Spanish, and we can't figure it out."

"Okay, what does it say?"

Xris played back the message for her.

"It says: 'Xris wore a dress the other day, which she wasn't supposed to do. She hasn't worn one in years. So, I hid behind middle sized trees, waiting for my signal: a hot air balloon being controlled by a fish, for me to jump out with a purple health quiz to help her assess the importance of not wearing a dress. At that time, someone had taken a picture, at which point I ran off. Sorry.' What? What does that mean?"

"Nevermind. It's a long story." Xris hung up (the phone). "Well, I guess we were right. We just left out a few pieces."

"But we still don't know who it was! We just know why he was there!" exclaimed Aly.

"Well, whoever it was objected to Xris wearing a dress. So it definitely wasn't me." Steven pointed out.

"But who *would* it be?" Xris wondered aloud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, I don't know." Aly rubbed her head. "I'm getting tired of this whole thing. Who cares about who was in the picture.... I don't."

"Maybe we should take a break from it." Xris agreed. "I mean, if we see him again, great. If not, fine."

Steven agreed also. Since they were in agreement, they now had to think of something else to do. Aly put on her thinking music - her new Magical Mystery Tour cd.

"Baby you're a rich man, baby you're a rich man, baby you're a rich man too!"

Aly sighed. "I love Paul. He is the best. I love how his and John's voices go together - oooooh!"

Steven agreed. "And he's such a nice guy, too....."

Aly gasped. "You *know* him?"

"Of course I do!" Steven looked surprised. "Why?"

"Man, I LOVE him! Do you think you could arrange for me to meet him?"

------------WRITERS NOTE-------------
Since Steven Tyler became a prominent figure in our story and Xris likes him, then Aly has to add in her love, right? Right. Now, back to the story.
-------------------------------------------

"Of course! When do you want to meet him?"

"NOW!!!!" Aly shouted. So they flew to England (on a plane) and went to meet Paul. Steven had called to see if it was okay while they were flying, and Paul had said to come on over. Paul was such a sweetheart that he met them at the airport!

He was everything that Aly hoped he would be. He was tall, handsome, polite, funny... the perfect being. So now the happy trio was now the happy quad... foursome. Except when one thing went wrong....

"Dang!!!" Xris shouted (since she's watching her language)(although her language wasn't moving or anything in the first place.) "I forgot to call my mom to tell her not to pick me up tomorrow!" So they went over to the pay phone and fed in quarters. LOTS of quarters.

"Hi Xris' mommy!" Xris said happily. "Guess where I am?"

Well, she couldn't guess, so Xris told her that she was in England.

"You don't need to pick me up tomorrow... I'll get a ride sometime. I don't know when, though."

"Well, as long as you are back in time for school Monday..." Xris' mommy replied.

"Okay! I will! Bye bye!!" And with that, Xris hung up the phone. And the pay phone burped rather impolitely, after eating all those quarters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So the four of them left the airport and did not go back inside. Then they figured they may have more fun doing something other than standing in the airport parking lot (at least they weren't standing on the runway), so Paul offered to give them a tour of the area.

[Author #2's Note: I'll have to leave it at that, because I do not know the area. We have not yet been formally introduced.]

Then, Xris figured, since she was once again in Europe, she would have to visit her Spanish sister, Ana. So they flew to Spain (*NOT* on Iberia Airlines).

After some difficulty, they found Algeciras, and after that it was smooth sailing (actually, they rented a car, so it was dandy driving). Xris knew the city like the back of Munky's hand (she doesn't pay any attention to the back of her own hand).

So they headed off to Ana's apartment. Xris rang the buzzer (okay, I guess she buzzed it), and when Paqui (Ana's mom) answered, she said, "Krees-tain Otain-tee." She didn't say it spelled like that, she said it spelled "Kristen Otenti".

Through the intercom, she could hear Ana's squeals of delight as the door clicked open (well, it kinda popped open, but it made a click sound as it did so). As they headed through the door, Ana ran down the stairs to hug Xris.

"¡Kristen!" she exclaimed. "¿Porqué estás aquí?" {for those of you uneducated in the complex idiom of Spanish, that means "Why are you here?"}

"Estuvimos en Inglaterra más temprano, y quiero visitar a tí." {We were in England earlier and I wanted to visit you.) she replied. "Son mis amigos, Aly Robichaud y Steven Tyler, y es Paul McCartney." (these are my friends Aly... and Steven... and this is Paul.... --notice how names are strangely similar in English to those in Spanish--).

"¡Venga! ¡Venga!" (come come) Ana said as she grabbed Xris' hand and led her up the stairs.

Xris introduced Aly, Steven, and Paul to Paqui and Pepe (Ana's dad) (just Pepe- I didn't mean Paqui, too), and they reminisced awhile about those two weeks in April. Then Ana invited them out to see Xris' old Spanish friends. Of course, they went to "the street" (only Xris knows about that). More introductions, more reminiscing (I don't know how to spell it)[I-T](Oh, thanx), more "¡Habla más!" (only Xris knows about that, as well). Then, reluctantly, the foursome decided they must go back to England, so they said their "Adios"s and left.

Only, on the flight back, they ran into more difficulties than just turbulence....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sadly, the plane was scared of flying - and no matter how hard the pilot tried to convince the plane that everything was going to be okay, the plane refused to budge. So Xris and Paul came up with a brilliant plan (after all, if it was a bad plan, it wouldn't be worth mentioning) together. Why not attach really looong poles to the plane with big wheels? The pilot thought that was a wonderful idea, and went to work immediately. In no time the plane was gliding really high in the air, with the wheels miraculously not running over anything. Since landing was difficult and the pilot thought that just going to England was a waste of time, the plane glided to the United States. (A place that both Aly and Xris can write about.) Since this is our story, the plane landed and dropped off Aly, Xris, Steven and Paul at Xris' house. That's 'cos Xris' mommy was interested in meeting the other three people that Xris had been hanging around with (well, formally two, now three.)

And there was much rejoicing.

Since Paul was English, Steven was a man, and Xris and Aly were silly, they decided to have a Monty Pythonathon (Hey Xris, does that sound silly?). Xris' mommy graciously let them use her house to hold the Pythonathon in, which was good 'cos they weren't about to go back to Paul's house. Amazingly, Steven's new car was parked at Xris' house ('How did it get there?' you may wonder. It's the magic of me writing it there). So Steven drove them to All Star Video, now Hollywood Video, where they stocked up on Monty Python videos. Paul offered to drive back, but after driving on the wrong side of the road for awhile, they decided to let Xris drive. This was bad because she didn't have her glasses on. Then they decided to let Aly drive, but she can't drive, so that was a bad idea too. So Steven took back the wheel (after the *minor* accident the parts of the car were scattered all over the place) and miraculously put the car back together. They drove back to Xris' house, and began their famous Monty Pythonathon. And that was more fun than a barrel of Monkees. Whoops did I just type 'Monkees'? I meant Monkees. Whoops did I just do it again? My fingers are programmed to type 'Monkees', what can I say? (Actually, I can say many things. I can say: hi, pineapple, forget, winter, teacher, cd, TV, purple, start, words, say, car, mouse, nose, paper, chin, helmet, bucket, wood, ruffle, mirror, cross, three, clock, triangle, supercalafragalisticexpaladocious [that's a toughie, to spell and to say], Paul, cow, pants, love, lava, glass, handle, spot, live, live [BOTH of them!], boa, sparkle, light bulb, and many, many more!)

Where was I? I lost my train of thought. Toot toot! (Is that old yet?) So the cheery foursome were in the middle of their Monty Pythonathon, when something happened. Something very interesting happened.

The clock chimed three.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, that was very clever of the clock, because none of the clocks in Xris' house were meant to chime (except the grandfather clock, but he's old and usually forgets to chime)

It was also interesting because it was only two o'clock, marking the time that Xris' annoying little sister gets home from school.

Naturally, Xris wanted to get as far as possible, so they went two rooms over to scan stuff onto the computer. Of course, then Xris' sister came over and shouted that she had schoolwork to do, so the foursome went to Xris' room.

Paul and Aly were quite offended that there were no Beatles posters on the wallpapered-by-music-posters walls. Steven was honored by the abundance of Aerosmith posters that were plastered along one wall. Despite this, he was jealous of Korn, whose posters covered two walls. Half of these posters featured mainly Munky. So he sat down on the bed and read Xris' Simpsons book.

"Did you know that Chief Wiggum's first name is Clancy? Hee Hee." Steven's input every few minutes was tidbits of information that none of them really needed to know, but all of them were very interested in knowing.

Meanwhile, Xris, Aly, and Paul were playing patty cake (they didn't want Paul to feel left out). By now, however, Xris' and Aly's hands were very sore. So they decided to do something even better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Actually, they didn't decide to do something better - fate decided for them. Even though there is no TV in Xris' room, the TV sucked them all in. While being sucked in, the foursome saw millions of colors swirling together, making rainbow designs.

"Man, am I on a bad trip?" Steven rubbed his eyes, then stared intently at the colors.

But before anyone could figure out what was happening, they landed. And they landed...

.... in the Monkees pad! With a loud *bang* and a somewhat softer *crash*, Paul and Aly and Xris and Steven fell on the instruments. Which was bad because the Monkees were playing the instruments. So PAXS all got up (it stands for Paul, Aly, Xris, and Steven. I'm lazy.) and ruefully looked at the smushed Monkees and their instruments.

"Well, uh, that was lovely." Aly stated while looking around. "Oh no! My Mike!" She screamed as she realized that the Monkee Paul landed on was no other than Mike Nesmith. "Oh horrors of all horrors! My number one love smushed my number two love!" She dropped to the ground and loudly sobbed.

Meanwhile Xris and Steven were looking around the place. They were .....admiring the interesting objects that decorated the room. Xris decided that she was hungry, so she looked in the fridge. That was a mistake, and she quickly lost her appetite. Steven and Paul were upstairs when one of the smushed Monkees began to rise......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wait! It wasn't a Monkee! It was... Munky!!

Of course, since Xris was upstairs, she didn't know he was there. But Aly recognized him from all the pictures Xris has shown her.

So she shouted, "Ow! My foot!" She had landed in the snare drum.

Xris and Steven got lost upstairs, so they tried to find their way back downstairs. Xris was leading this time, so they quickly returned to the smushed Monkees and...

"Munky!! I love you!" Xris shouted.

"At least this time he's really here." Steven pointed out.

Munky was looking very confused. "Who are *you*?" he asked Xris. He looked around. "What am I doing *here*? Oh, by the way," he turned back to Xris. "Thanks."

Xris giggled girlishly (very unlike her) and blushed (not very unlike her). She was in Xris- heaven. She could not believe that she was finally standing face-to-face with the man she loves.

But Aly soon tired of Xris ga-gaing over Munky, Munky standing there confusedly, Paul and Steven looking quite bored, and the poor, smushed Monkees on the ground.

So she sat down and played patty cake with herself. When she noticed that everyone was staring at her strangely, she defended herself, "Well, at least this way my hands don't hurt."

"Aren't you tired of playing patty cake?" Steven asked.

"Well, yeah, but no one else is doing anything." Aly replied.

"Let's go meet the rest of Korn." Xris suggested.

"Let's not." Aly said.

"The rest of Aerosmith?" Xris asked hopefully.

"Mmmm- okay."

So PAXS, Munky, and the smushed Monkees all headed off to the Wherehouse, where the rest of Aerosmith were recording new songs (without the lyrics, of course).

Obviously, Joey, Tom, Joe, and Brad were quite surprised to see such a crowd. They were very glad to have Steven back, though.

"Dude, we need your help. We don't think this riff is quite right. Whaddya think?" Joe asked him.

So Aerosmith were doing their thing, Xris silently getting their autographs when the opportunity arose (or adaisy).

After awhile, Aly and Xris were quite bored. everyone else, being band members, was quite interested in what was going on. Aly and Xris weren't as interested as they tried to pretend to be.

Munky noticed this, and suggested that they go elsewhere. Steven declined, saying that he really should stick around and finish up. The Monkees were all quite sore and just wanted to go home. But Paul agreed.

After a very teary-eyed first departure from Steven in the whole story ("Wow- I never cry." Xris once again observed.), the four of them, now PAXM, walked out the door.

"Where to?" Paul asked.

"I don't know. I'm not familiar with the area." Munky replied. "Any suggestions, girls?"

"Uh, no?" Aly was unsure of what to say. She didn't want to admit she had no clue what was going on- she had bumped her head pretty hard on her path straight down to the Monkees' snare drum.

"There's a restaurant that way." Xris pointed to the right.

So they walked down the road to the right. They could have taken Steven's new car, but they all were against stealing. After about a half an hour of walking, they still hadn't found anything.

"Are you sure this was the right way?" Munky asked.

"Yeah. It should be just at the end of this road. Not much farther."

"Uh oh. Where have I heard *that* before?" Aly sounded unamused.

"No, no. I mean it. Not even ten minutes away."

"Right." Aly said unbelieving, as they walked on.

Finally, after 9 minutes and 58 seconds, they reached it.

"A hot dog stand? You said a restaurant!" Aly exclaimed.

"Well, sorry. It's close enough. I think it was pretty good for someone who's never been here before." Xris countered.

Aly cabineted, and Munky said, "You've never been here before? Then why were we following you?"

"Because I like to think I'm better and smarter than everyone else, so I just made some stuff up. It's the worst case of BTYS- Better Than You Syndrome, a.k.a. Metallica Complex."

"How come I've never heard of it?" Munky asked.

"You've probably never been to TPWAP before."

"You're right. I haven't."

"Well, you should go. And *please* sign the guestbook!"

"Alright. Once I get home, I'll check it out. I'll need the address. "So Xris gave him the address.

Aly walked up to Xris and tugged on her sleeve. "What happened to Paul?" she asked, crossing her arms angrily.

"Whaddya mean?" Xris asked.

"He hasn't said anything for 2 pages! We didn't lose him, did we?" The three of them turned around to look for Paul.

"There he is." Munky pointed out. "He's at the hot dog stand."

"Sorry. I got hungary." Paul said.

"Yeah, and I got Belgium." Xris retorted.

"Never leave us again!" Aly shouted. "Keep talking. And you'd better hold my hand, just in case."

So PAXM walked on, looking for somewhere to go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unfortunately, they couldn't find Somewhere To Go (they don't know the area, remember?) but they found a neato disco, which they decided to go into. Aly was the only one excited to be at the disco - Munky wanted to go because there were public bathrooms inside, Xris wanted to go because Munky wanted to go (even though he really didn't want to go) and Paul just went along. With each step closer to the disco, the high-pitched wailing of the Bee Gees "Stayin' Alive" was more apparent. As opposed to asister. Upon arriving, PAXM was surprised to once again run into Jason! Especially since Aly knows how much he *loves* disco. Munky and Paul were rather confused as Xris and Aly warmly greeted Jason, so new introductions were made.

"Wait a second.... I thought you had a guy named Steven with you... from some band." Jason looked confused.

"Yeah, but along the way we picked up Paul, picked up the Monkees, picked up Munky, dropped the Monkees, and dropped Steven. So now we have Paul, who was formally in the Beatles and Wings, and Munky, who is in KoRn." Xris explained.

"Oh." Jason looked at Munky and Paul. "So a giant monkey with wings was formally a beetle?"

"No, no, no." Aly stated. "Remember Paul? My love?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, this is Paul. And Munky is Xris' love. And her other love, Steven, left."

After explaining this a couple more times to Jason, Aly finally got through to him, and the confusion was cleared up. So PAXMJ walked into the disco, where everyone went their separate ways. Munky headed to the little boys room, Paul went to talk to the DJ, Xris blocked her ears and tried to imagine Munky singing, Jason left, and Aly grooved to the music. (Which, as people who know Aly know, is highly unlikely. Aly = no dance.) This set up was fine for awhile, until everyone got lonely and tried to meet up with everyone else. With everyone moving, no one was able to meet up with anyone else. Aly was getting pretty worried when the music stopped and Xris' voice came through the speakers.

"ATTENTION: LOST PEOPLE. CAN ALY, PAUL, AND MUNKY PLEASE GO TO THE DOOR. THANK YOU." But before she put down the microphone, she sang a couple bars from Steven Tyler's song about the Spanish subjunctive.

Elated, PAXM met up again, and decided it was time to leave the disco. So they left. Then they right. It would have been easier for them to get a map, but Paul and Munky said that they didn't need one. So they wandered. Wandered, wandered, wandered. As they wandered, they sang medleys of Paul and Munky's songs, then threw in a couple of Aerosmith songs in memory of Steven, and a couplea Monkee songs in memory of the smushed Monkees (Aly was still quite worried about them). They were getting quite sick of wandering, for it was getting really hot outside. So they stopped at the beach!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Now, the author of this part of the story, who will remain nameless until she figures out which name she wants to go by, would like to straighten out a few things that are either a. wrong or secondly, confusing. 1. I don't, I mean, Xris doesn't *love* Steven. Munky is her only love, but Steven is still cool, and the singer of the best band ever. ii. Xris has a hard time imagining Munky singing, because he doesn't (regardless of what they say on "Who Then Now?" I know Munky is a god, but playing *all* those instruments, AND singing? That's a little too perfect. I can't have him make me look too bad). Third of all, in real life, Xris would not sing, alone OR into a mic, in public. Lastly, medley is not spelled medalie. Okay. Back to the story.]

Xris found a flaw in their plan, and a spot in their tea. The flaw was: at the beach, the sun beats straight down on you (meaning everyone at the beach). The spot was black. So they would probably want to (a) call the police and charge the sun with assault and battery (Hee hee. CHARGE with BATTERY), (2) leave, or (lastly) get new tea.

Aly agreed. "Why don't we go somewhere with air conditioning? Y'know, like, not here?"

"Come on. A little sun's not gonna bother you." Munky said. He has no problem with the "mild" (ha ha) temperature of 90-something degrees. He's lived in southern California all his life. Hee hee. What a hottie! (Get it?)

"A *little* sun? It's huge! It is about 865,000 miles in diameter, and about 333,000 times as massive as Earth!" Xris exclaimed.

Munky opened his mouth to say something, then changed his mind. He shook his head and let the statement go (It had bitten him on the hand, so naturally he wasn't going to hold on).

"I must say, the heat is a bit much for me, in my old age," said Paul.

"No!" Aly shouted. "Nonononononono! You're *not* old! You're 57 years young!"

Xris rolled her eyes as Paul thanked Aly for the compliment.

"Alright. I don't want anyone passing out from heat exhaustion." Munky said. "Let's go."

So PAXM headed off with their feet (so wouldn't it be feeted off?). They really didn't know where they were going, but Aly and Xris were happy: they were with their loves. Munky was enjoying the adventure more and more. He was glad to see that Xris and Aly had the same sense of humor as he did. And Paul... I don't know about Paul. Aly would be able to more accurately estimate Paul's feelings than I. And I'm sure she will in her part of the story. But I digress. And I just did, so I'll get back on topic. No, I'll continue telling the story (I'm sure Topic doesn't want me on him).

So they followed the road. They made sure to take pictures, because who ever sees a road as a tour guide?

Finally, they came to a place they recognized: the Statue of Liberty.

"How did we get here?" Aly wondered aloud. "We weren't in New York the whole time, were we?"

"I didn't think so," Xris replied.

"Well, as long as we're here, why don't we check it out? I've never been." Munky suggested.

"Neither have I," added Xris.

So they went up into the Statue of Liberty. They took lots of pictures. Then they realized that none of them had a camera. So they left and forwarded.

But Paul had to leave for a moment, because without him, the group is MAX. Ahhh, much better. Okay. Paul has to come back because Aly would hurt me (not really) if he doesn't, and she doesn't want to end up in the same jail cell as that nasty ol' sun.

So, yet again, PAXM went wandering and wondering. They wandered all the way to...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...Wisconsin, since Aly doesn't know New York. Doesn't everyone LOVE how we just change things to suit (or dress) our knowledge? Oh yeah. So they decided to go to the dairy state, and see the cows.

"Moooooooo" said the cows.

"Mooooooooooo" Xris and Aly chorused back.

But like all things must, the mooing of the cows and people had to end. Munky was going crazy from all of the mooing (it reminded him of a horrific past experience with a potato and a checkbook), and Paul was just bored, considering he could see animals anytime he wanted to on his farm. So they went in search of something else to do. The cornfields kept them pretty busy for awhile ("I have the last coconut!" Xris was known to shout), but soon even PAXM were bored. So they left Wisconsin, even though there are lots of other things to do there. And they wandered. And wandered. (Does this sound familiar to anyone?) With all of this wandering, PAXM's feet were beginning to hurt. They really wished that they had Steven's car now. They sat and wished, but it didn't work. The best they could do was a VW bus - which isn't bad for just wishing.

"This reminds me of something that I've never experienced." Paul stated.

"Why not, you're old enough to." Munky retorted.

"'Cos I was a member of the biggest band of the 60s, and I didn't live in the USA!" Paul answered.

Oh yes, things were getting testy between Munky and Paul. They just didn't mix. Kinda like oil and water. Kids and school. You get the picture. But they were forced together because this is Aly and Xris' story, and I love Paul and Xris loves Munky and we are putting them in if we want to... and right now we do.

So to cool the tensions, PAXM split a giant pineapple. Mmmmmm-mmmmmm. Sure, someone should have been driving, but who cares about driving when there is a giant pineapple to be eaten? People were hungry since the hot dog stand incident was awhile ago. Mmmmmmmmm Aly is hungry. Why is Aly writing a story when hungry? Well, after PAXM devoured the pineapple, they then ate a hot, steaming chicken pie. Mmmmm-mmmm. With mashed potatoes - the red potatoes with the skin still on. Washed down with a nice cold glass of fruit juice. And then spaghetti, with the perfect amount of tomato sauce with just a hint of meat. And then those great buffalo chicken fingers, with soda to cool of their throats. And a large cheese pizza, fresh and with just a little bit of sauce. And then some GREAT Chinese food - the hot and sour soup, vegetarian fried rice without the peas, those crispy chicken wings... mmmm and what about the great cream of broccoli soup that's served at Unos? Yum, that was eaten quickly. And Aly is really, really hungry so she's going to cut this short and send it to Xris so she can eat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, now that PAXM are all very fat, and Paul very disgusted because he IS A VEGETARIAN, they decided someone should take the steering wheel before they go barreling off the bridge they just happened to be crossing at that point in time. But none of them knew where to take it, so they all got out of the bus, hopped into barrels, and went barreling off the bridge. It was fun, so they walked back up the hill to the bridge and barreled off it again.

Since they didn't want to walk all they way back up the hill, they had to abandon the VW bus. So they sat down to think of how to get somewhere else.

"We could take a taxi," Aly suggested.

“Yeah, but what if we get caught? We'd get in trouble. Plus, I thought we were against stealing," Xris pointed out.

"We could just borrow it for a while..." Aly replied.

"But do we really want to be seen driving around in one of those? They're UGLY!" Xris told her.

"Let's hear some input from the men," Aly said. "What do you guys think?"

"I think that we should buy Xris her own car, so that she can drive us around." Munky answered.

Xris covered Aly's ears. "But it would be illegal. I only have my permit- I can only drive if one of my parents is in the front seat."

"Well, if it will help any, we'll just say we're your family," Paul said. "Munky and I can be your parents, and Aly will be your sister."

"No way! I'll just be her uncle or something." Munky shouted. "You just be her dad."

"Well, okay. If it'll get me a new car," Xris tried to hold back an excited scream of joy. "But you know, I'm not one for lying." No one noticed that her fingers were crossed behind her back. Which was pretty talented, because her hands were still over Aly's ears.

"I think you can take your hands off Aly's ears," Paul said.

So Xris took her hands off Aly's ears, and PAXM went to buy Xris a car.

"I want a 1953 Jaguar XKS Roadster!" Xris called to PAM, although no one knew why she was there.

"Wow. A Jaguar. That's pretty high-class, isn't it!" Pam called back. "Your Uncle John and Rick and Tory say hi!"

"Hi John and Rick and Tory!" Xris yelled.

"Xris! Who are you talking to?" Aly asked her.

"It's my Aunt Pam. She lives in Virginia."

"What's she doing here? Are we in Virginia? Did we really wander that far?" Aly wanted to know.

"Who cares! I'm getting a car!"

"Well, I'd get you a Jag," Munky said. "But they don't sell them at a Chevy dealer."

"Ooooh oooh ooh! I want a Corvette!"

So Xris chose a purty red Corvette, fully loaded, power everything, cd player, and, of course, room for PAXM. Munky paid, Xris hopped in behind the wheel and drove off.

It was only a matter of seconds before she drove back.

"Aren't you guys coming?" she asked the remainder of PAXM, who were still standing in the parking lot at the dealer's.

"Of course." they said together. So the three of them hopped in, and Xris drove off WITH them, this time.

About ten minutes later, Munky yelled, "Why are you going so slowly? We left ten minutes ago, and we're all of three feet from the entrance to the parking lot!"

"I'm sorry!" Xris whined. "I'm afraid of going fast! I don't know what's wrong with me!"

"What's wrong is that you've gotta put your foot on the gas!" Munky said as he stomped his foot down on hers, in turn pressing the gas pedal.

As Xris screamed in fear that they'd hit something, the speedometer shot up to 45.

"There! *Now* you're going the speed limit!" Munky sounded a bit more relieved. They were actually getting somewhere.

"Ow. My foot hurts." Xris complained.

"I'm sorry," Munky apologized. "But you really have to go at least the speed limit!"

"But no more!" piped Aly.

"What are you doing with that pipe?" Paul asked her.

"Uh-oh. It's not part of the car, is it?" Xris asked.

"I hope not." Aly replied.

"I guess we'll find out if it was important if the car falls apart." Munky commented.

"Oh no! Aly, put the pipe back where you found it!" Xris exclaimed.

"Oh, alright." Aly hung out of the window of the car and connected the pipe with the catalytic converter.

"You took the exhaust pipe!?!" Xris exclaimed.

"I guess so," Aly answered.

So Xris continued on, at exactly the speed limit, to no particular destination. She was just happy to have a car. And PAXM were glad to be off of their feet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So they drove, and drove.... and guess what? - they drove some more! But then they came to water.

"Uh oh." Xris looked at the water. "I don't know if my car can drive through water."

"Why don't you try?" Aly replied, since she knows nothing about cars.

Well, PAXM tried, but it wasn't long before they were totally emerged in the water. Xris couldn't back up, so they had to get out of the car and swim up for air.

"Aly, this was NOT a good idea!" Xris shouted while gasping for air.

"Well, sorry! You shouldn't have listened to me!" Aly yelled back. "You should know better than THAT! How long have you known me?"

Xris pondered for a minute, then realized that Munky and Paul were nowhere to be seen.

"OH MY GOSH! WHERE'S MUNKY AND PAUL?" Xris shouted hysterically.

"OVER HERE!" Munky and Paul yelled back. They had already gotten out of the water and were drying off.

"Oh." Xris replied. "Well, thanks a lot for checking to see if I was okay!"

"We knew you were," Munky shouted, "because we could hear you yelling a mile away!"

"Oh, oh yeah." Xris agreed. She then decided to get out of the water and join APM. Aly had gotten out of the water as soon as she saw Paul and was now clinging to him, claiming to be upset about what just happened. Xris rolled her eyes and pried Aly off of Paul, and Paul shot Xris an appreciative look.

"OW!" Xris yelled in pain. "Next time, GIVE, not SHOOT!"

Paul apologized, and PAXM were reunited (and it feels so good), except they were missing Xris' new car. This was a bit of a problem, because it meant that.... they had no car. But it was a problem that was not new to them. Aly felt bad, because she thought that the car was ruined because of her. So she came up with a solution.

"I know!" Aly clapped her hands. "I know how we can get a car without spending lots of moolah!"

Xris grabbed Aly's hands, because the clapping was getting annoying, and asked how.

"Easy! I'll just call Jason, and he'll let us use his car!"

Well, PAXM decided that it was a splendid idea, and Aly called him up. He said he'd be right there, and in an instant, he was!

"Oh, thank you!" Aly hugged Jason as PXM piled into the car. "Well, bye!"

"Bye? BYE??? What do you mean, 'bye'?"

"I mean, adios! We're off!" Aly replied.

Jason started to cry. "But I wanted a bigger part in the STORY! You can't just USE me!"

Aly thought about it for a moment. "Well, you are included in the story for a couple more lines... you should be happy!"

But he wasn't happy until PAXM changed to PAXMJ. So PAXMJ silently stood/sat for a moment.

"Okay, you're outta here. Thanks for the car!" Aly jumped into the car, and PAXM drove off, leaving Jason all by himself.

"I have GOTTA get a bigger role, I NEED to get rid of Paul..." he muttered to himself, as the car drove off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But he didn't know where PAXMJ (minus Jason) were headed, so he'll just have to sit and wait until they need him again.

So the car drove off (with the help of Munky, who was driving because everyone was too scared to let Xris drive again). Fortunately, it did not drive off the road. It just, you know, drove *off*.

"We don't know where we are yet, do we?" Aly asked.

"I don't remember," said Xris.

"There's a news flash," Aly muttered.

"What did you say?" Xris demanded.

"I said, 'There's cruel Slash,'" Aly pointed to the guitarist from the *old* Guns 'n Roses beating up some kid for a lollypop.

"Oh! That's mean!" Xris exclaimed.

"Where the hell-" Munky started.

"Heck" Aly offered.

"Heck- are we?" Munky finished. "How do we get from one place to another so fast? England, the Wherehouse, the Statue of Liberty, Wisconsin, now here. Wherever here is."

"'Cos you're with US!" Aly and Xris said. "*We* make the impossible possible."

"I'm scared," Paul said.

"Don't worry," Xris assured him. "It's fun!"

"So, where to?" Munky asked.

"I've always wanted to go to Germany," Xris suggested.

"But they speak *German* there! We won't know what they're saying! Unless you know German," Aly complained.

"Ja. Ich verstehe ein bißchen." Xris replied. (For those of you uneducated in the equally complex yet cooler-sounding idiom of German, that means "Yes. I understand a bit.")

"What?!?" APM asked.

"I said, 'Ja. Ich-"

"Nonononono!" Aly shouted. "En ingles! En ingles!"

"Si, señorita. I said 'Yes. I understand a bit.'" Xris explained.

"Which one? A snaffle?" Aly asked, although she doesn't think she knows what she's talking about.

"No, I meant a bit of German."

"Then why didn't you say so?"

"Fine- Ja. Ich verstehe ein bißchen von Deutsch. Is that better?" "What did you say just then?" Aly asked innocently.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH! You are impossible!" Xris screamed.

"So that means you can make her possible?" Paul asked, very confused.

"No, I think they mean situations." Munky shared.

"My head hurts." Paul whined.

"Let's just go to Germany." Munky decided as he stepped on the gas.

"You may want to change your shoes first," Xris suggested. "Before someone walks by and accidentally drops a lighted match on your foot."

"Uh, thanks, but all my other shoes are at home, and-"

"OooohOooohOoooh! Let's go! I wanna see your house and your car with the tv and-" Xris was getting very excited.

"I can tell." Munky said.

"You can tell what?" Aly wondered.

"The narrator said that Xris was getting excited, so I said 'I can tell'" Munky explained.

"Can you?" Xris asked.

"Can I what?" Munky inquired.

"Tell." Xris replied.

"Yes." Munky answered.

"Good. So you were justified in saying so," Xris stated.

"Thank you," Munky said.

"For what?" asked Xris.

"For justifying my statement," Munky replied.

"No problem. It's just one of my many talents."

Aly snorted.

"Why'd you do that?" Paul asked.

"Because I thought that was funny," Aly answered.

"Because you thought what was funny?" Paul wanted to know.

"That Xris has many talents," Aly replied.

"Hey!" Xris said.

"That's mean," Paul said.

"But she doesn't *have* any talents!" Aly retorted.

"Hey!" Xris said.

"It's still mean to say so!" Paul scolded Aly.

"Even if it's true?" Aly asked.

"Hey!" Xris said.

"Yeah, yeah. We get the picture. It's mean-" Aly stated impatiently.

"No, I'm trying to get your attention- we're here!" Xris told Aly and Paul.

"Where?" they asked.

"Munky's house. I'm going in with him. I wanna see my future home."

Aly started laughing hysterically.

"Hey. It could happen." Xris defended herself.

"Right."

So Xris went inside with Munky, and Aly and Paul stayed in Jason's car, talking.

"This is a nice house," Xris said as she followed (the leader. hee hee) Munky, her eyes scanning every room they walked through (them's gonna be some BIG pictures).

"Isn't it? I mean, it's not much, but I worked hard for it, so I can appreciate {Xris dun’t no how too spel- iz that rite?} it more. You know?”

“No. I’ve only held one job, it wasn’t much, I just worked Saturdays at the barn I used to ride at. Another girl worked then, too, so we split the six horses {not literally}. So I made 6 bucks a week, and of course I didn’t save any of it, so I never could buy anything big like this, and I could never really appreciate any of my purchases.” Xris explained.

“Oh, well, it’s a great feeling- not having to depend on anyone else….”

“But I like it that way- they can do all the work and I get to lay around all day, listening to Korn and thinking of you.”

Munky laughed. “Then have fun when your parents kick you out of the house and you have no job and end up laying on the streets, listening to Korn that someone’s playing in their house, thinking of me, who told you to get off your lazy butt {not the word he actually used} and do something!”

Meanwhile, back outside in Jason’s car…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

..Paul was trying to teach Aly to drive. It was hard, because Aly was having troubles and qualms (hey - first time I used the word ‘qualms’ in the story! All right!) about putting the key in the … keyhole thingie that starts the car. It was an understatement (overstatement, around-the-bendstatement) to say that they weren’t getting very far. Paul quickly grew exasperated with Aly’s driving lessons, and decided to terminate them immediately. That was okay with Aly, since she had no desire to drive anyway. Paul suggested that Aly move to the backseat, where she wouldn’t hurt anything, and of course she complied.

“So, when do you think Xris and Munky will get back?” Aly asked Paul.

Paul, who was sitting shotgun (bang!) (hey, no violence in this story!) (sorry about that.) (that’s okay, just don’t let it happen again.), turned around and replied, “I don’t know.”

Aly crossed her arms and asked impatiently, “Well, don’t you think you could at least change the radio station?” All she could hear was KoRn blasting.

“Ummmmm…. the radio’s not on.” Paul replied while fiddling around with the radio dials.

“Well, could you at least stop the fiddling?” Aly was getting cranky. “I don’t like KoRn. I think I’ll go inside and fetch them. Why are we here anyway - I forget.”

“Re-read Xris’ last part of the story.” Paul helped.

Aly read the story, then realized it was for a pair of shoes. “Well, they are taking waaaaaay too long in there. I’m gonna go get ‘em.” So Aly, equipped with earplugs incase the KoRn music (which was coming from Munky’s house) got too loud, went bravely into Munky’s house. And promptly got lost.

“Where am I?” She asked the air. There was no one in sight. “Well, I guess I’ll just follow the music.”

Aly started her hike around the house. Every once in awhile she would pause for breath. “Boy, one can get lost in here.” She commented. Then, she saw them.

A pair of shoes.

“Whoopie!” Aly yelled, as she picked up the shoes. “Part one of my mission completed!”

So she then ran to join Xris and Munky (Yes, she now miraculously knows where Xris and Munky are… because Aly is getting tired of writing only about Aly.) and proudly showed off her find. “I found the shoes! We can go now!”

Xris looked disappointed. “But I was just starting to feel at home here….”

“I know.” Aly tugged on her sleeve. “You’ve been here long enough, the neighbors must think you live here. C’mon, I left Paul alone in the car.”

Suddenly, Aly gasped in horror.

“Oh NOOOOOOO! I think I forgot to roll down the windows! He’s going to suffocate in there!”

Aly was crazily running around, bumping into things (which is pretty normal to how she usually moves) with Xris and Munky trying to stop her. Xris was yelling something, but no one could hear her because the music was turned up really loud. So she ran to the stereo and turned off the cd. Instantly, Aly stopped running around. Xris went up to Aly and yelled, “HE’S NOT A PET. HE IS A PERSON. HE IS OKAY.”

Aly looked blankly at Xris. “I know that, silly. I would never say that Paul is a pet.”

“But, you just yelled that you forgot to roll down the windows…” Munky trailed off uncomfortably, since Aly was looking at him rather strangely.

“Hey, come back here!” Xris grabbed Munky off of the trail. “Boy, between the two of you…”

“Xris, I think I know what happened. You see, I have this disease… when I listen to KoRn for too long, I end up going a little… Wacko.”

“Where’s the rest of the Warner Brothers?” Xris interrupted.

Aly just kept on talking. “I can never remember what happens, I sort of… blank out.”

“That’s okay. Maybe we should leave.” Xris was getting a *little* worried about her friend’s sanity. First she’s obsessed with 50-something year old men, now blanking out while listening to KoRn….

So, with Munky leading the way, they left Munky’s house and joined Paul. Of course, Paul was okay, because he was in the car, he is a human, and he can open up windows. They piled into the car and instantly, they were off! Until Munky discovered something….

“Oh no! I was so preoccupied with talking to Xris that I forgot to get another pair of shoes!”

Aly looked down on her lap. “Hey, it looks like I have a pair of shoes that will fit you!”

Munky took the shoes from Aly. “Hey, these ARE my shoes! Thanks!”

Aly smiled. “No problem. I try to be prepared.”

Paul rolled his eyes. “You went in there to GET them, remember?”

Aly looked blankly back at Paul. “No.”

Xris leaned over to Paul (but not too close) and explained Aly’s disease to him.

“Hey, that explains a lot!” Paul concluded rather loudly, while looking back at Aly.

Aly ignored them and looked out of the window. “Hey - who’s driving? So far I’m looking out the window and I had a pair of shoes on my lap, Munky was able to take the shoes from me, Xris was able to lean over and quietly talk to Paul, and Paul was able to roll his eyes and turn to me! That leaves… no one driving, at least driving safely!”

Everyone looked around them. “Hey - I’m in the driver’s seat!” Xris exclaimed. “Great! It’s my turn to drive!” She turned her attention to the road. “Thanks Aly, for bringing it to my attention! We could have crashed or something!”

“Is Xris *always* like this?” Munky asked no one in particular.

No one in particular answered, “Only when she’s around you, her love. She’s not usually like this. Believe me.”

“I believe you!” Munky answered, then embraced No one in particular.

“Hey!” Xris was hurt. “What does no one in particular have that I don’t? Why are you embracing *it*?”

Munky preferred not to answer. So he didn’t. And Xris continued driving.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a short time, however, they reached the Pacific Ocean.

“Now what?” Xris asked. “Germany is over there, and we’re over here.” First she pointed across the ocean, then to the location of the car.

“Drive through the water,” Aly suggested.

“Okay,” Xris said as her foot approached the gas pedal.

“Didn’t you learn anything from last time?” Munky asked.

“Well, I knew all along that cars don’t swim, but this time I don’t care- It’s not my car.”

“Then why did you do it when it *was* your car?” Paul inquired.

“’Cos Aly told me to,” Xris replied bluntly.

She continued into the water, and within minutes, PAXMJ (minus Jason)(and his car), were standing carless on the beach.

“Well, there’s always my car,” Munky said. “But I’m going to have to drive. I don’t want you driving it into the water.” He continued as he turned to Xris.

“Oh, but I wouldn’t dream of driving your car into the ocean,” She told him. “I know *now* never to listen to Aly. It’s like the story ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’.”

“How so?” Paul asked.

“I don’t know.” She answered. “I don’t have to come up with an answer, do I? That would require thinking, and-“

“Let’s just go get the car,” Aly suggested.

So they walked back to Munky’s house, got in his car, and proceeded to watch ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’ on his tv.

“Ah hate tuh break this tuh y’all,” Xris drawled. “But we’s ain’t gonna git nowheres without someone drivin’ thuh cah, which can’t be done if we’s all are watchin’ this here movie.”

“Why are you talking like that?” Munky asked.

“Ah don’t rightly know, but it sure is fun, Ah tell ya’,” Xris replied. “Try it.”

“Fine. Ah’ll let one uh y’all drive, so’s thit Ah kin watch thuh movie. Hey, this *is* fun. Which one uh y’alls wanna drive?”

“Ah think it’s Paul’s turn,” Xris announced.

“And I think you’ve all gone bloody bats. Good Bye.” Paul opened the car door and left.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Aly cried.

Jason came running from behind a tree.

“It worked! My plan to rid us of Paul worked!”

“What plan?” Aly sobbed. “We scared him off!”

“But now you get to be with me!” Jason exclaimed.

“As long as we can still be PAXMJ, in memory of Paul,” Aly suggested.

“Fair enough,” Jason agreed.

“All right, y’all. Jason, you’s drivin’.” Munky ordered.

“Ah’ll have uh numbuh fouh soopuh sized, with a Coke. Thank y’all.” Xris ordered as well.

So Jason took Munky’s place behind the wheel, and Munky took Paul’s place in the back seat next to Aly.

“I wanna be next to Jason!” Aly screamed.

“Alright, alright. Ah’ll switch places with ya’,” Xris comforted her.

So Aly and Xris switched seats, and Xris was happy watching the movie next to Munky, and Aly was upset that Paul was gone. But she was happy to be with Jason, her macho, manly man of a boyfriend.

“Jist don’t ya’ wreck my cah!” Munky warned Jason.

“And you quit talking like that. It’s annoying,” Jason warned Munky.

“Okay,” Munky agreed.

“You too, Xris,” Jason told her.

“But Ah-“ Xris argued.

“No buts. Just speak like a normal person from the Boston area,” Jason said.

“Please don’t make me!” Xris begged. “I don’t want to talk like my father.”

“The way you’re speaking now is fine,” Jason compromised.

“Aly’s getting jealous,” Aly announced. “Jason has talked more to everyone else than to Aly.”

“Sorry,” Jason apologized.

“That’s okay. Now, let’s go to Germany!” Aly replied.

“Ich freue mich schun darauf! (I am looking forward to it already!)” Xris exclaimed.

“Quit it with the German already!” Aly snapped…her jacket closed as she spoke to Xris. “No one knows what you’re saying.”

“Ich schreibe übersetzungen{I don’t know if that’s right} zu englisch in parenthese obwohl!(I write the English translations in parentheses, though!)” Xris exclaimed again.

“Save it ‘til we get there.”

Because Aly and Xris are present, they arrived in Germany even before the movie started.

"Ich komme mit! (I didn't know how to say 'we're here', so I used the next best thing: 'I'll come too.' Close enough.)" Xris cheered.

"You know what? I don't even care about what you mean anymore. Just don't get us arrested or anything, okay?" Aly asked.

"Billigung, (okay)" Xris said. "That means 'okay'."

"Famous last words," Xris' mother decided to say. It's one of her favorite phrases.

But back to Germany-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is a nice place. There are lots of German people there. People speak German there. Aly doesn’t know a darn thing more about Germany. But that’s okay, Aly will just make up the story as we go along! :)

All of a sudden, Jason noticed something. “Waaaaaaait a second!”

Everyone waited.

“I didn’t mean literally! Anyway…. This is not my car.”

PAXMJ (minus P and J) looked at each other. “Ummmm, you’re very observant!” Aly congratulated him.

Jason looked proud of himself. “I know.” He smiled. “But back to the car business… what happened to *my* car?”

“Aly did it,” Xris blurted out.

“Me? ME? I wasn’t driving! Why is it *my* fault?” Aly whined.

“Would you like some cheese with that wine?” Munky asked sarcastically.

“No. I am not old enough to drink. And neither are Xris or Jason,” Aly replied seriously.

“My car?” Jason asked a bit impatiently.

Aly decided to tell the story, since she knew Jason the best. “See… Xris drove it into the water.”

“AFTER Aly told me to!” Xris exclaimed.

“BUT this is not the first time it happened… Xris should have known better than to listen to me this time.” Aly stated. “So it’s not all my fault.”

“This is the *second* time it happened? Whoa… that’s pretty… pathetic.” Jason stated.

“No comments from the peanut gallery, please,” Aly told him.

“I don’t have any peanuts…. What are you talking about?” Jason asked, but everyone ignored him.

So Jason drove around Germany.

“Umm, Jason?” Xris asked. “Can we go *into* Germany now?”

“Sure!” Jason exclaimed as he whacked the car and PAXMJ into Germany.

“Ouch!” Munky held his head. “That really hurt! Did we have to go into Germany *that* hard?”

“Hey, do you want to drive?” Jason asked. “If not, then just please be quiet.”

Aly pinched Jason. “Be nice to Munky, otherwise Xris will get mad, and who KNOWS what she’ll do!”

So PAXMJ (still minus Paul) took in all the sights of lovely Germany. Every once in a while Xris would blurt out something that sounded German and confused everyone in the car. Pretty soon they arrived at McDonalds.

“Wow, they have these all over, don’t they?” Aly observed.

“Let’s stop. I never had my order fulfilled,” Xris told Jason.

So they stopped the car and went into the fast food restaurant. Everyone ordered, but as soon as the food came, something came over Aly and she went running into the bathroom.

“Whuh’s wron wif her?” Munky asked, his mouth full of food.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you go get her, Xris.” Jason told her.

“Why me? Haven’t I put up with her long enough by now?” Xris whined.

“Well, she’s in the ladies room, and neither Munky nor I are ladies,” Jason stated. So Xris sighed, went into the ladies room, then 3.4 minutes later returned.

“It’s okay,” She reassured Munky and Jason, who appeared not to care. “She just had a flashback of when Paul was with us and she forgot he was a vegetarian.”

Jason nodded, and they both continued eating. In a few moments, Aly emerged from the ladies room, sat down, and joined in the food feast. Everything was going well, until…

… Xris ate a cold fry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PAXMJ (minus Paul and Xris) stared wide-eyed at the huge, pink alien- looking thing with some sort of antenna sticking out of it's head and a square, shiny belly sitting in front of them.

"AHHHHHHHHH! Teletubby!" they screamed.

"Where?" asked Xris, still flinching from eating the cold fry. She turned to look.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! Giant Po!" she screamed as she hurdled the table to join the rest of the group in a frightened huddle.

The group gave her a questioning look.

"Uh, long story. It's not like I watch the show or anything," she tried to explain.

"Uh-huh," Aly said. "Let's just get out of here."

"But I'm not finished eating," Xris complained.

"But what about the monster-thing?" Munky asked (Xris' heart lifted a bit after hearing concern in his voice). "Come on. We're leaving."

So PAXMJ (minus Paul and Xris, plus Xris, times the square root of 2i) headed back outside to Munky's car.

"I'm driving this time," he said (Munky, not the car). "I don't want Jason driving my poor car into anything else."

So Munky slid into the driver's seat, Aly and Jason slid into the backseat, and Xris slid to home plate, got up, dusted herself off, and sat down in the front passenger seat.

They started off, with no particular destination in mind, when Xris spotted a bus.

"What'd you do that for?" Aly asked.

"It looked so plain. I think it looks just mah-velous in polka-dots," Xris explained. She was about to turn around and get back into the car, when she saw six German men.

These weren't just any German men, they were...Rammstein!

"I'm gonna go ask them for their autographs," Xris whispered to Aly.

She walked up to them and said, "Haben Sie etwas heilig Kuhe?"

All six of the German men from Rammstein fell over onto the ground, laughing and holding their sides.

Xris looked back at Aly, very confused. Aly shrugged her shoulders.

"We speak English, you know," Till, the lead singer, said in his sexy German accent as they got up.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot," Xris replied, very embarrassed. "What did I say?"

"You said, 'Have you any sacred cows?' I do not believe that that was what you wanted to say," Till responded.

"No. I meant to ask you for your autographs," Xris told them.

"Surely," They all signed a napkin that Xris had saved from McDonald's.

"Danke schön! (Thanks a lot)" Xris said.

"Bitte sehr! (You're welcome)" they said.

So Aly and Xris got back into the car, and they kept driving (doesn't that sound familiar?).

"I really am tired of all this driving around," Jason complained.

"You? What about Aly and me? We've been doing this since the beginning of the story!" Xris yelled at him.

"Well, we haven't been driving the whole time," Aly pointed out.

"But isn't the reason we're driving around that we've got nothing better to do?" Munky asked.

"No," Xris said. "The reason we're driving around is that we were taking a break from looking for the Mr. Yello look-alike."

"Who?" Munky and Jason asked.

"Oh, yeah," Aly said. "I forgot about that."

“So did I,” Xris said. “Until I looked out the window just now, and saw him jogging down the street in the other direction.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, why didn't you say something?" Aly asked.

"I did." Xris defended herself.

"Yeah, but just now!" Aly rolled her eyes. Munky and Jason were still mighty confused about the Mr. Yello look-alike.

"Is he a past love or something?" Munky asked.

"NO!" Xris shouted, throwing herself at Munky.

"ARGH! I'm driving!" Munky gently pushed Xris away. Aly and Jason giggled in the backseat.

Xris took this opportunity to explain the whole story - with Aly sometimes interrupting and telling it as she remembered it. Xris got annoyed, then Aly got annoyed, so they just handed Jason and Munky copies of the story so they could read it themselves. It was amazing how Munky could read and drive at the same time. When everyone finished reading, Xris reminded them: "Mr. Yello look-alike?"

"We passed him a little over 2 hours ago! How are we supposed to find him now?" Jason asked.

"Oh, I don't know." Xris bitterly remarked (after eating a lemon). "I'm getting sick of Germany in general. Let's leave. Since the Mr. Yello look-alike always seems to find us, he should have no trouble finding us if we go back to the USA."

PAXMJ (minus P & X) agreed, especially since they were sick of not understanding the language of Germany. Which is German.

Yeah.

So they left, simple as that. Although nothing is really simple when we're talking about PAXMJ. They got sidetracked, then lost, then ended up in Australia. Don't ask how - no one knows. But they ended up there. And this writer knows nothing about Australia, so they left and went back to the USA. They landed (landed?) in Florida. But then they drove to Texas.

"It's hot here." Xris stated.

"Yes, you are correct." Munky agreed.

"Xris is very smart." Aly observed.

"Where are we again?" Jason asked.

"Texas." Xris told him.

"Wow - she amazes us once again!" Munky looked at Xris with admiration.

Xris puffed up with pride. (What a weird saying!) "Why thank you!" She was very happy to have impressed Munky.

Soon they drove down Haight Street.

"Hey, wait a minute..... I thought we were in Texas!" Aly looked out the window. "Well, we're not in Texas anymore, Toto!"

Toto barked.

"Who let the dog in here?" Xris asked, as Toto jumped on her lap.

"Let's stop here!" Aly exclaimed. As soon as the car slowed down, she jumped out, stretched her arms out wide, and inhaled deeply.

"Cough, cough." Aly coughed.

PAXMJ looked at the stores. Haight Street was filled with stores - including tattoo parlors - in all sorts of colors. There were lots of neat stores that Aly was in love with. The only one not happy to be there was Jason, because the incense was getting to him. But otherwise, people were happy to be in San Francisco.

"Oh, look! Haight Ashbury!" Aly almost keeled over with excitement. Jason yawned.

"Who cares. Let's go get tattoos!" Xris said.

PAXMJ (minus P and J) thought that was a splendid idea, so they went into one of the tattoo parlors. Xris got Munky's name on her ankle, Munky got Xris' name on his arm, and Aly ended up with a huge picture of Paul's face on her back.

"Aly! I thought you were going to get a ladybug!" Xris couldn't believe what Aly had just done.

Aly burst into tears. "I know, but..... I miss Paul!"

"That isn't the solution." Xris scolded Aly. She liked being able to scold Aly so much that she started chanting 'bad Aly'.

"What?" Xris asked when Munky looked strangely at her. "I don't get to do this too often."

Well, what was done was done, so it was done. And my part of the story is done, because at the moment I am uninspired.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can I just start by saying that while they were in Florida, they stopped in Jacksonville so that Xris could get Limp Bizkit's autographs? No? Oh, okay. Well, they still did anyway, but here's my part of the story:

"Well, whatever makes you happy," Munky said to Xris, shaking his head.

"It's fun. Try it." Xris urged.

"Bad Aly. Bad Aly," Munky chanted. "Hey, it *is* fun!"

"Alright, you guys," Aly said. "I'm done shopping. We can go now."

"Funny how we ended up in California again," Xris mentioned.

"Yeah. We've gone full circle," Munky acknowledged.

"I used to think that every little thing I did was crazy- but now I think the karma cops are coming after you!" Xris sang.

"What???" Aly exclaimed.

"It's Full Circle, by Aerosmith," Xris explained. "Oh- I miss Steven!" She knelt down and cried.

"Still your line," Aly whispered.

"Oh, yeah- Weird, I never cry," Xris sobbed.

"Hey- what does Steven Tyler have that I don't have?" Munky asked. "You *do* love him, don't you?" He sounded hurt.

"NO!" Xris jumped up and hugged him. "I love *you*! It's just that we became close friends because he hung out with Aly and me a lot at the beginning of the story."

"Oh. Okay," Munky said as he hugged Xris back.

"Oh, how sweet!" Aly exclaimed. "You know, you haven't hugged me since you got here!" she yelled at Jason.

"Sorry," Jason said as he rushed to hug her.

So PAXMJ (minus P) were caught up in the moment- they stood around hugging each other, when they heard a strange voice calling out.

"Good girl! No dress! Buena chica!"

PAXMJ (minus P) looked up just in time to see the Mr. Yello look-alike run into a tree.

After they finished laughing at him, PAXMJ (minus P) ran over to see who it really was.

"God, I feel like Scooby- Doo!" Xris exclaimed.

"You dog!" Munky said.

"No, not like that. I meant, we've now caught the 'bad guy', and it's like we're about to reveal his identity by pulling off his mask."

"Oh." Munky said.

"But I'm not *wearing* a mask!" Aly told Xris.

"Not you!" Xris turned to point to the "villain". "Him."

"So, who'd like to do the honors?" Aly asked.

"It doesn't matter now," Munky said. "We've stood here babbling for so long that he's run off again." He pointed to the Yello look-alike, who was now quite a bit farther away at this point.

"Gee- wilikers!" Aly exclaimed. "We've got to catch him!"

"Scooby- dooby- doo!" Xris howled.

They jumped into Munky's car and followed the villain to...

The cul-de-sac at the end of Aly's street, where they found him running around in circles, trying to figure out how to get out of there.

"Hmm. This looks familiar," Aly mumbled.

"Did he do too many drugs in the 70's as well?" Xris asked.

"Wait a second! I've got it!" Aly said. She walked up to the Yello twin and prepared to yank off the mask. "I give you none other than- Steven Tyler!"

She ripped off the mask to reveal a bewildered evildoer, freshly unmasked.

"That's not Steven, you dope!" Xris shouted. "You were right when you said he looked like a pineapple in the picture we took- he *is* a pineapple!"

"But why were you following us?" Aly asked.

"And why don't you like me wearing a dress?" Xris asked.

"How come you didn't wear a dress for me?" Munky asked.

"Theoretically, I should still be wearing it. I haven't gotten a chance to change yet," Xris pointed out.

She then realized they had a pineapple. "Hey- we have a pineapple!"

"Yes, we know that," Aly replied.

"But now we have a mascot for TPWAP!"

"Great idea!" Aly agreed. "We'll have to take a picture and scan it."

So Aly and Xris posed with the Pineapple/Mr. Yello evil twin while Munky took their picture.

"Let's go to my house for cookies!" Aly announced.

"Awesome idea!" Xris said. "How'd you know I wanted cookies?"

"You're Xris. You always want cookies," Aly reminded her.

"Oh, yeah."

So PAXMJ (minus P, plus Pineapple) went to Aly's house for... (Gasp)... cookies! (Talk about a surprise ending).

Scared? Fine. Go run home to mother and hide beneath her bed