Poems

To wrap my arms around you
Love you with my eyes
And hold on to you forever

But each time I try
You turn your back to me
and slowly fade away

Why can't you understand
that I need you
that I am cold without you

Life is so lonely now
I miss you as I miss myself
Without you I'm nothing

When you're close to me
I die a little more
Because I know its over.

Alexandra
June 8, 1999

It was the way you said my name
and held my hand
and looked into my eyes
and said, "I understand"

It was the way you smelled
The warmth of your breath
The security of your arms
and the way you said, "I love you till death"

It was the way you touched me
with strong tender hands so soft
Stroking my delicate skin
as though it were made from satin cloth

It was the way you looked so honestly
and said, "Just give me one chance"
Then you twirled me around in confusion
and looked back with one last glance

It was the way you walked away
As if you never really cared
It told me all I needed to know
But I never wanted to be aware

It was the way I cried
The way I felt used and betrayed
The way you found someone else so quickly
That is how I knew I was played

It was the way my heart sank
The way you took my trust like rape
These were all the things
That caused my heart to break.

Alexandra
June 16, 1999

Angry Tears

Angry tears fall from my eyes
As bitterness burns within me
I search for an answer for this betrayal
But I am to blinded with confusion to see

I hug my pillow as if it will bring him back
Alone in my empty and cold bed
I can still smell his cologne on his pillow
And hear his tender words in my head

I miss his strong arms around me
Stroking my hair and saying it will be alright
I become flooded with tears and memories
I wonder how I will make it through the night

My heart aches and my soul cries for him
I love him deeply even now
But I know I must go on alone
I just wish I knew how.

The Borrower

Can I borrow your happiness
You see I have none of my own
I lost mine years ago
And since have been all alone

Can I borrow a smile or two
To cover the pain I feel
Patch it on this open wound
And allow my heart to heal

Can I borrow a little love
To warm this tired old soul
Add new life to this barren one
Let the seeds of your love grow

Can I borrow a life
The one I have is dead
I don't even have a happy thought
Wandering around in my head

So if you could share some joy
With this heart made of stone
I would be forever grateful
And no longer would I be alone

Alexandra

A Beam Of Light

Cast down in a spiral of darkness
Arms outstretched to the sky
Searching for a beam of light
Alone in my sorrow I cry

The lonliness is neverending
As my quest for light goes on
The affliction makes me weak
While my desire makes me strong

So I continue the pursuit
To bring happiness to my heart
I need just one beam of light
To penetrate the dark

Then I will climb aboard
To ride into the sun
Happiness and contentent
With my soul become one

Alexandra

The Beginning

I picked a pretty flower today
It was delicate like my heart
But then it reminded me of you
So I tore it all apart
With each petal I remembered
The lies that you spoke
The pain that you caused
The hearts that you broke
The flower was a thing of beauty
But now its ugly and bare
I tried to stop the destruction
But I just didn't care
I just kept ripping and tearing
Pulling it all apart
Wanting it to be you
Wishing it was your heart
I looked at the petals
Lying on the ground
A crumpled up pitiful mess
As a tear fell slowly down
It dropped on the petals
I couldn't believe my eyes
A flower started to grow
Much to my surprise
Out of something so ugly
A new start is made
As my heart heals
Memories start to fade
Time is my friend now
As I watch the flowers grow
I can let my heart mend
Because I have let you go

Alexandra
April 4, 1997

Confused and Alone

There she sits
confused and alone
Afraid of what lies ahead
Appalled at what lies behind
She is sick of life
Yet she is in love with living

Things are complicated
Nothing makes sense
The love she wants to feel
Isn't a reality
Each time she closes her eyes
the dream takes over

When day breaks
so does her heart
as the truth sets in
Confused and alone
she sits and cries

She walks the path of hope
and follows the road of lonliness
She wanders endlessly
searching for him
she can't seem to recall
What it is to be loved

Alexandra
2-2-99

Cyber Lover

Warm liquid sadness streaming down my face
An emptiness in my heart that can't be replaced

I don't even have real memories to hang on to
Only words on a screen, that probably weren't true

My friends tried to tell me, "he is stringing you along."
But I didn't listen, so sure they were wrong

Loved me hard one day, then ignored me a while
Say something mean but then flash that smile

Oh wow, this is stupid, I mean really lame
To fall in love on AOL, it was all just a game

Silly little me, I thought you loved me too
I guess in this game I'm the one to lose

But I learned a lesson, never love what can't be
what you can never hold, never touch, never see

It will take away your heart and rip your soul in two
Wondering what is fake and wondering what is true

Leave you lying in your own sorrow, a pityful mess
What did I do wrong? Was it not my best?

Made me feel like a fool, like a disgrace
I searched your words for love, there's no trace

So farewell CyberLover, See ya on line
Please send back my heart, cause it is still mine!

Alexandra
2-7-97

Dreamer

I'm a dreamer, yes this is true.
So many things I want, but probably will never do.
Time keeps ticking and I keep dreaming of days gone by.
Wishing I could change the past, and if I could you know I would try.
One dream that has come true, is having you to love.
And for that dream I must have had help from above.
If you could look into my heart, you would see just how I feel.
How much I really need you and want to be with you, forever and
until....

Alexandra
2-2-97

Dream Lover

My life will be empty and alone
Until I have my lover here
My arms will be empty and cold
Until I have my sweetheart near.

I will wake happy each morning after dreaming
Dreams of his sweet kiss and gentle touch
I will cry each night before I sleep
A painful void in my heart, cause I miss him so much

Each day the time seems to go by more slowly
I try to keep him from my mind
But each time I close my eyes
He is there everytime

Looking deep into my eyes
He is in my heart and my mind
I could search the world over
Another like him I would not find

So come join me dream lover
Stay with me the rest of your life
I'll be your best friend, your lover, your girl
And forever I'll be your wife

We can grow old together
Sit and watch the decades go by
Happy and content in each others arms
From today until the day we die

And when we are six foot under
Even then together we will be
My spirit joined with yours
Together forever in eternity

Alexandra
March 13, 1997

Erroneous Love

A cold chill blew past my heart
And it gave my soul a kiss
Cold rain on my face
But your warm breath is bliss

I go where the river flows
Deep within my fears
To ride the waves of sadness
And swim in my own tears

A candle won't burn forever
Soon the darkness prevails
Forever lost in my darkness
Yet blinded by the flames of hell

Only true love will light my path
An autumn moon to lead my way
Joy and peace to fill my heart
Content until my dying day

But is true love the truth?
Or an emotion I'll never feel
Is it a terrible lie?
I hope and pray it is for real

Alexandra
June 14, 1997

Everlasting Love

As I sit here watching the words scroll by
reading the lines of Poets'
I think of how much you mean to me
And I must be sure you know it
Each day I love you more and more
My heart it over flows
And I have to wonder to myself
Do I always let it show
I know that I can be stubborn
The truth I don't always see
It hides away in the dark
Waiting to be set free
Afraid to put my trust in you
Afraid that you will leave
That you will take my heart again
And throw it back at me
But as much as I fear the love
It grows inside me still
Filling me with thoughts of you
Its the pain I want to kill
My heart aches for you Sweetheart
Its so full its about to burst
In my life you will always be
The one that I put first
I'm sorry if I ever hurt you
My love does not always show
But I can make this promise to you
My love for you continues to grow
I swear to always be here for you
And I know you'll be here for me too
I can't wait for that special day
When we each say "I do"
We will live happily forever
In a home overflowing with love
And each night before I close my eyes
I will thank our God above
For giving me someone so special
A love thats always true
If I ever lost you Sweetheart
I don't know what I would do
You are the reason I'm happy
The reason that I live
And for your happiness Darling
My life I would gladly give
Please don't forget that I love you
And that I need you so much in my life
And we will be together forever
As husband and as wife.

Alexandra
April 6, 1997

Farewell

You are all that I am
and all that I will ever be
Even though we are no longer together
I hear your name with each heartbeat
Please don't forget that I love you
and that I will always care
And should you ever need me
You know I am always here
I want to be your friend
and I know its all I can be
But in my heart you will always be more
loving you from now until eternity
If you need anything at all
Just pick up the phone
and give me a call
Just one last kiss
before I go
a deep look in your eyes
so you will know
I will forever love you.

Alexandra
March 23, 1997

First Love

I felt the sunlight warm my face.
It was like the first time we touched.
When you pulled me close,
I held my breath for what I wanted so much.
I was afraid to look into your eyes,
afraid that I would get lost and not find my way out.
Would it be so bad to get lost in you?
Isn't that what love is all about?
That warm feeling....
Yes it feels good.
I knew I shouldn't,
But in the end I knew I would.

Alexandra
March, 1993

Flooding Memories

Salty drops of misery
fall from my eyes
sliding down my cheek
and unto my pillow
filling it slowly
with my heartache
Each tear I shed
is a memory of you
Of our love
Our laughter
Our tears
Our dreams
Many tears I will shed
before you are out of my heart
Every memory pours out
Until my pillow is flooded
And I drown in memories of you

Alexandra
April 23,1997

Friendship

Its very rare
and hard to find
a special friend
someone whos kind
to keep your secrets
and never tell
no matter how mad
they will never yell
always there
tried and true
pick you up
when you feel blue
make you happy
when you're sad
protect you at all cost
when you're bad
never leave you
always by your side
shows true feelings
the truth never hides
my best friend sweetie is you
love me forever
and I'll always love you

Alexandra
April 3, 1997

Gone With The Wind

The wind blew out the candle
As you slammed shut the door
I felt a chill go past my heart
I knew we were no more
I sat in the dark, stunned
My mind racing, yet blank
Asking a million questions
But unable to think
Everything was wonderful
We were happy as hell
But the lies started
And the happiness fell
I know you felt guilty
But it was too late
The damage was done
Our love turned to hate
You said bad things
It hurt me deep
Never to be erased
In my heart they seeped
I realized its over
And I turned on the light
I had a life before you
I'll start a new one tonight

Alexandra
April 19, 1997

The Game

What do you do when you love someone,
but you are IN love with someone else?
You don't want to hurt him because you love him,
but you must also think of yourself.
So you play the game thinking time will give the answers.
But the answers never do come.
Instead life gets harder, the lying, the cheating,
the knowing you're doing wrong....
But you continue to play the game,
because you can't seem to choose between the two.
Knowing all along that sooner or later,
it will catch back up to you.
Then what will happen next is you'll be left all alone.
The one that you loved and the one that loved you, will be gone.
So you ask yourself, "is it worth it to play the game?"
"Can I handle all the heartache, guilt, and shame?"
Answer these questions and the truth will set you free.
To live a life of peace and love is the only way to be.

Alexandra
2-2-97

Hide Away

Through the day
I'll hide away
From my sadness
And my pain
Through the night
I'll fight the tears
That flood my eyes
Like pouring rain
Through the years
I'll hide away
From my sadness
And my sorrow
Hoping and praying
There will be a day
With no pain
Maybe tomorrow

Alexandra
May 20, 1997

Hold Me

Come hold me til I fall asleep
Love me with all your heart
Allow me into your soul
And I swear we will never part
~
I will love you with all that I am
And all that I will ever be
Just hold me through the night
And tomorrow you will see....
~
How deep my love goes for you
How it spreads far and wide
Look deep into my eyes now
Can you see I tremble inside?
~
I want you so much
My heart aches with pain
I need you so much
I think I'm going insane
~
Just promise you won't leave me
And that you'll always be here
If you hold me through the night
I won't have any fears

Alexandra
2-9-97

Imprisoned

The rain falls
and so does your tears
The days go by
they seem like years

Some are grey
Very few light
Almost all are dark
As black as night

You bled just to feel
numb from the pain
You want to be crazy
but you're too far insane

I scream your name
You're too deaf to hear
Poisoned by bitter memories
Imprisoned by your fears

You want to break free
but you're afraid to let go
of the lies and secrets
that flood your soul

There is an angels hand
to guide you in the light
All you have to do
is grab on and hold tight

Let go of the fear
Release all the pain
and I promise you this
You won't cry again.

Alexandra
May 1999

I Went a Walking

I went a walking by the sea
My toes buried in the sand
The sun set slowly beyond the blue
As I held my lovers hand

I went a walking in a field
All colored bright with daisys
I layed with my sweetheart in the grass
And enjoyed just being lazy

I went a walking in the rain
All ugliness washed away
I saw a puddle as a smile began
And I knew it was time to play

I went a walking under the moon
The stars shone bright above
I felt his heart beat hard against mine
And I knew he too was in love

I went a walking down an aisle
To my lover and said "I do"
I looked deeply into his eyes Alexandra
2-3-98

Kindred Spirit

My kindred spirit, destined to touch my soul.
For a moment I thought I would never find you.
That I was destined to be alone....
But then I looked up one day and there you were.
A smile so warm it reached into my lonely heart and made it glow.
A voice so soft and yet so strong, I once again felt safe.
Your touch so tender I felt love, yet with such urgency I felt pure
rapture.
The words that you spoke infiltrated the core of my soul.
My pervading spirit....
Are you for real? Please don't be an apparition in my dream.
If you are, I will forever sleep in the arms of Morpheus....
For to imagine walking the earth without you is an insufferable thought.

Alexandra

The Love Letter

My Dearest Lover,

I am counting the days til we are finally together, when I can touch
your face and hold your body.
I want to look so deep into your eyes that you will know you are forever
loved.
I want to kiss you so sweetly that you will forever taste me on your
lips.
I want to run my nails down your back, my fingers through your hair, and
entangle my body with yours.
I want to enslave you....
Like a person dying from thirst, I will always leave you wanting more.
But I will always more than satisfy your every desire.
I want to love you so hard, you will think I want to own your soul.
But its not your soul I'm after.... Only your heart.
And if I ever win your heart, I will love, protect, and cherish it
forever.
Like the sun rising in the morning, lighting the dew on the grass;
So shall your love light my darkness, and so shall I electrify your
soul.
Together forever in lust and love.

Alexandra
January 25, 1997

Letters

In my head
jumbled up letters
waiting to be sorted through
to become a sentance
with meaning or not
just to become words
of wisdom
of grace
of love
of happiness
but for now
just letters
sitting there
in my head
doing nothing
forming nothing
feeling nothing
empty like my heart
help me form the words
to say I love you

Alexandra
April 4, 1997

Live With Me

Walk with me
through the valley of flowers
Skip with me
in afternoon showers
Lay with me
in the pouring rain
Run with me
to escape the pain
Come sit with me
in my field of dreams
Underneath the moon
we will plan and scheme
To go hand in hand
through life we will glide
Over the rainbows
together we will slide
Dance through the forest
Skate across the sky
Happy and free
Just you and I

Alexandra
May 9, 1997

Love Waltz

Together we glide
Hand in hand
Eyes locked
Dancing heartbeats
Tiny dew drops appear
glistening upon your skin
Your glow gives light
to my darkest hour
Twirling underneath the stars
All night creatures jealous
We dance on clouds
and make the moon glow
with the love that shines
from within our souls
Carefree whispers
Vows of love eternal
We become one
The night owl sings our song
as we embrace
Together forever,br> in our dance of love

Alexandra
June 1, 1997

Memories Of You

Everywhere I turn I see you
Each word I speak
reminds me of something you said
With each breath I take
I smell your sweet scent....
And I still taste you on my lips
Every site I see
reminds me of the places we saw together
You have become my world!!!!
I know nothing but you....
Your scent
Your taste
Your words
Your laughter
Your touch
Your tears
Your Memories....
Thats all I live for now.

Alexandra
April 29, 1997

Moon Dance

A softer shade of the moon
Pale yellow light so divine
Basking in rays of affection
On this night I make you mine

Stars twinkle playfully
as I hear whispers from above
We embrace in the shade of the moon
Then in the moonlight we make love

With love in our hearts
and moonlight in our eyes
The only sounds heard
are our satisfied sighs

May I have this dance, you say
of course I accept with glee
I wrap myself in your arms
joined forever in harmony.

Alexandra
2-24-98

MoonLit Waterfall

So much beauty for my eyes to see
So many wonders to behold
So many lessons to be learned
So many stories to be told
But never will I live
If you're not by my side
to unlock life's lil mysteries
and all my secrets to confide
To walk with me in the forest
Staring in wonder and in awe
Making love and promises
Underneath a MoonLit Waterfall.

Alexandra
October 6, 1997

My Love For You

You asked me how much I love you.
God, where do I begin?
You are the reason I wake each morning.
And the reason I dream each night.
I can't breathe without whispering your name.
Or close my eyes without seeing your face.
When we are apart my body aches for you.
When we are together I long to please you.
When I laugh, when I cry, when I daydream....
Its all done with you in mind.
I know I have known you not just in this life,
but in many lives before.
Because I have more love in my heart for you,
than a person can gather in just one lifetime.
Without you I could not walk the earth.
For you are the reason I exist.
You are my whole heart as well as my soul.
Without your love I would be empty.
So you see, you are my everything, my life.
Thats how much I love you.

Alexandra
March16, 1997

One More Mile

Just one more mile
Until I make it home
One more mile
And I am no longer alone
The days no longer empty
The skies no longer grey
The nights no longer loney
A light to guide my way
Just one more mile
The hunger will be fed
One more mile
A love to share my bed
My heart will be so happy
To be filled with love so true
Content and complete forever
As long as I have you
Just one more mile
This journey will be over
One more mile
I will be with my lover

Alexandra
May 7, 1997

Perturbation

As I sit here watching you laugh
I realize just how I feel
Your life is moving forward
While my life is standing still

So much love for you to find
But only lonliness for me
Great things for you to become
So much I'll never be

We are so much alike
Yet we are worlds apart
I know you would give me your life
But I only want your heart

You say that you love me
But I fear you want another
Cause your attention I don't get
Its given to some other

So understand why I am scared
That your love is a fake
And if I give my heart to you
It would be a mistake

It hurts me to feel this pain
My heart breaks inside
But this is how I feel
The truth I can no longer hide

Alexandra
June 14, 1997

The Purest Love

They play without a care
so innocent and sweet
not knowing what the future holds
what they will grow up to be
If they knew what is in store
they would run and hide away
from the pain they will feel
dreading that very day
Love feels good as a child
But it kills you when you are grown
Needing and wanting it so badly
Never having enough of your own
Why can't we be like children
Just love from our hearts so pure
No backstabbing or lying
No more pain to endure
You would think we know better
Are we not more mature?
We never really grow up I suppose
Or do we, I'm not sure. to feel this way inside
and now that I know the truth
It is too late for me to hide.

Alexandra
March 23, 1997

Rare Love

While you are so far away
You seem so very close
Maybe its because when I dream
I see your face the most

I rush home to see if you called
Because I long to hear your voice
I would not pick another man
If I were even given the choice

You are everything I dream of
Perfection in its rarest form
I can't wait until you hold me
making my cold heart warm

You fill my days with Hope
as you fill my nights with lust
Of all the people in this world
Its only you I trust

I now give my heart to you
Treat it with tender care
It will always be open
As my love waits for you there.

Alexandra

Starting Over

How can you love someone
when you can't love yourself?
Living in your past mistakes.
Feeling beyond help.
Sorting through the good and bad.
Not knowing which to choose.
Did you learn from your mistakes?
Or did you loose?
Your future is what you make it.
Try not to live in the past.
Make yourself a brighter tomorrow,
with memories that will last.
Replace the hurt with love.
New memories to overshadow the pain.
Dancing in the sunshine,
Instead of drowning in the rain.
It seems really easy.
The idea sounds good.
Starting all over....
Oh, if only I could!

Alexandra
May 18, 1997

A Stormy Love

Rainy days are for making love
Not for crying tears of pain
To be held by someone you love
Standing and kissing in the rain
I hear raindrops falling on the roof
As my tears fall upon my pillow
I never knew I could feel this sad
This pain is inconceivable
I try to close my eyes
Hoping the dark will fade you away
But I hear your voice in my dreams
Saying what I didn't want you to say
I toss and turn as I search for clues
A way to win back your affection
Knowing I love you now more than ever
Much more than a physical attraction
You are beating in my heart
And pulsing through my veins
Going straight to my soul
You're driving me insane
You are a part of me now
You dwell deep inside my mind
I try to get you out of my head
But you're there everytime....
Loving and truthful
The passion avails
In dreams you love me deeply
In reality the truth prevails
So as it rains
I take my last breath
If I can't have you in life
I'll love you in death

Alexandra
April 10, 1997

A Sad Sky

The sky is blue when it is happy
No clouds to turn it grey
So clear you can see forever
An endless beautiful day
But then when the sky is sad
It turns terribly dark
Pouring out its tears
From its breaking heart
You cannot see far then
Because the darkness consumes
Taking over the happiness
Only sadness looms
But as time goes by
The sky begins to clear
The clouds slowly drift away
And the sun dries up the tears
So keep the faith and remember
The sun will again shine
We all just need a little love
And a lot of time.

Alexandra
March 23, 1997

Sea of Dreams

It trickles off my tongue
Like a little dance
Words of love spill out
As if it were by chance

Can you meet me tonight
Where the moon meets the sea
We can dance along the waves
As the stars sing our melody

We can walk along the beach
As the sun shines on a new day
Wondering what our future holds
Only destiny can say

We can walk hand in hand
Entranced in eternal bliss
We can pledge our love forever
And seal it with a kiss

Goodnight my dearest love
I'll hold my pillow tight
I'll wish that it is you
Until my next dream tonight

Alexandra
2-6-98

Silent Tears

Inside my heart is breaking
Although you can't see it
Because I mask the pain
Hiding behind my laughter
Pretending not to care
I hold the tears inside
Causing them to build
Creating a torrent of sorrow
that surrounds my heart
The more I hold in the tears
The deeper my despair
Flooding my heart
with immense pain
Filling me with darkness
and complete misery
As I drown silently
in my own tears

Alexandra
April 23, 1997

Tear Stained Pillow

I'm as lonely as the tear
that slides down my cheek
It falls for what seems like an eternity
Finally it settles on my pillow
Leaving yet another stain to prove the
sorrow that I feel is for real
The pain dwells within me
While outside a smile
has settled on my face
Convincing all who see me
of my false contentment
I am ashamed of the lie I live

I want to reach out to you
But I am afraid of rejection
So I continue my charade
All alone with only my
tear stained pillow to hold
Oh if only it could hug me back!
But alas, its only purpose
is to absorb my tears
I have to wonder how long
it will be before it drowns
Where then will my tears fall?

Alexandra

Two Souls

Soft feathery kisses
Underneath a silvery moon
Two sweaty souls embrace
A warm night in June
Pulling even closer
Afraid to let go
Looking ever deeper
Their true love shows
Drifting in the surf
While laying in the sand
Holding on to eternity
With one anothers hand
His kiss placed on her hair
Her nails run down his spine
Two souls unite together
Until the end of time

Alexandra
May 7, 1997

Us

When the wolf howls at the moon, he professes my love for you.
When the water rushes down the stream, it is rushing me on to you.
When the wind blows it whistles a tune, keeping rhythm with my
heartbeat.
The moon's only purpose in shining, is to light the path leading to your
heart.
When the sun rises it is only to show that I have yet another day with
you.
When my you smile, the flowers bloom because they too are happy.
The grass is our pallet, where we sew the seeds of our love.
Enveloped in each others arms, nuturing our needs and desires.
True love that evolved from a friendship, so natural as nature itself.
Without your love I do believe that every living thing would die.
Maybe not, but I know that I would stop caring if I lived or died.
Because you ARE my life, my love, my world.

Alexandra

Where The River Flows

Where does the river end
Where does it start
Where does it branch off
making a new start

Does it flow from me
and continue on to you
Or are you to far away
to know my heart is true

My heart cries tears for you
The ripples begin to show
and I just sit and wait
to see where the river flows.

Alexandra
2-16-98

Where The Sun Don't Shine

I woke up this morning to find the sun did not rise.
No light to be shone, a day in disguise.
Hiding from the truth perhaps, or maybe just plain lazy.
This is reality isn't it? Or am I going crazy?
Come on Sun, light the darkness for us all.
Or are you afrain that we will still fall?
Even with the sun lighting the truth for all to see,
We close our eyes to hide in the dark from our reality.
But now its time to face it, the good, the bad, the true.
Come hold my hand and walk beside me, I am here for you.
As long as we have each other, we will have it all.
As long as we have each other, we will never fall....
In the darkness.

Alexandra
March 12, 1997

I Wait

With unbridled passion, I wait
I wait for you to call me
I wait for you to come to me
I wait for you to make love to me
I wait

The hunger inside me builds
The pain in my heart grows
The lonliness inside me dwells
The love starts to melt away
As I wait

The time keeps ticking away
The sun rises and sets each passing day
The seasons come and they go
The flowers replace the snow
And still.... I wait

People have passed through my life
Many birthdays have gone by
Days changed to months, Months to years
Happiness to sorrow, joy to tears
And even still.... I wait.

Alexandra
2-16-97

Winter Blues

The October sky
sports an Autumn moon
Yet another reminder
of my lonely blues

Sins of my tormented past
Seem to creep up on me
The sky turns dark grey
The clock is striking three

I wonder where you are
At this point and time
Are you as sad as me
Does your heart break like mine

Do you ever think of me
The way I dream about you
The long summer nights
Underneath the glow of the moon

The way you held my face
As we passionately kissed
Filling my heart with love
Filling my soul with bliss

Yes I remember those days
And it fills me with pain
To know that never again
will things ever be the same

So as the sky turns grey
and I become blue
I will try my very best
to go on without you.

Alexandra
3-3-99

Candles Of Remembrance

I lit a candle
in remembrance of you
It softley flickered
as your memory shined through
As the wax trickled down
I thought of days gone by
Of how much I miss you
And then I began to cry
I lit another candle
And watched it slowly burn
I can't believe you're gone
That it had to be your turn
As the wax gathered
so did my memories
Some were a little hazy
seemed more like dreams
The wax turned hard
and so did my heart
Realizing we will never be together
but forever apart
I blew out the candles
In the dark I reside
Forever to be lonely
in your memories I hide

Alexandra
May 9, 1997

My Guardian Angel

Eyes soft as the moon
A voice like an angel
Hair that's as shiney as dew
Skin soft as a rose petal

When she sang the birds stopped to listen
When she spoke it was with poise and grace
When she scolded it was with love
When she loved it was with her whole heart

God called her home entirely to soon
The angels rejoiced to learn she was there
But here we mourned to learn she was gone
I hope she knows how much I still care

I feel her with me everyday
My most loved Guardian Angel
Her memory makes everything okay
God took the rose from my bouquet

Alexandra
2-4-97

The last line of this poem came from my grandmother. She said each of her 10 children had a flower that represented them. And together they made up a bouquet. My mom was her rose. After my mom's death, she would often be heard saying, "God took the rose from my bouquet." My grandmother died 6 months after my mom, on my mother's birthday. Thanks for allowing me to share that with you.

Anger

Deep within my soul I feel a darkness
It overcomes me, washing away my happiness
taking away my joy and contentment
Leaving me heartbroken and full of resentment
This pain caused by you and your apathy
I hate Me for loving you
You are Perfect
I am not
My anger is raw
Its pure
I hate this pain you have caused
but I love You still
So I hate Myself even more

Alexandra
April 11, 1997

Accept Me

Accept me as I am
Accept what I must be
Please don't try to change my soul
Cause then I won't be free

What I feel is what I am
What I am is what I feel
Even when its ugly and dark
Its whats inside, its what is real

I know I'm not perfect
I know I have flaws
I know I've made mistakes
But some, you were the cause

And now you want to change me
Have you gone insane?
You know I am only human
I'm not your pet to train

So accept me as I am
Accept what I must be
And if you can't accept it
Then walk away from me

Alexandra
12-26-96

Addiction

I have to have it
This much I know is true
And if I don't get it
I don't know what I will do

Its gone beyond my control now
The desire I can no longer hide
Its taken away all I have
Even my dignity and my pride

With it I know I can't live
But I can't seem to leave it alone
Its the elixir I need to survive
This addiction seems to have grown

I have tried many times to control it
But the remedy is always short lived
The longing to indulge is out of control
My life I would gladly give....

For just one more taste of the freedom
No need to medicate my soul
Just wake each day and be happy
And let my love for life grow

But instead I am trapped in this hell
A purgatory of narcotics divine
A drug that is so addictive and strong
The very worst of its kind

One dose and it becomes irresistible
A need that must be met
An uncontrollable urge to get lost
A propensity to forget

Dissolutely I chase after it
Knowing I'll never win
Wishing I would just get over it
But always going back again

I hate what you have done to me
Allowing me to love you so
You let me become addicted to you
And now I can't let go

Each day I grow to suffer more
From this misery and sorrow
But I just have to hope and pray
It will be better tomorrow

There are many addictions, I was writing about the addiction I felt in a relationship. Whether it is Food, Drugs, Alcohol, or Love addiction is painful.

Alexandra
March 29, 1997

Apathy

I'm not feeling very romantic these days....
I look in the mirror and I see nothing.
I am ugly and useless.
I know no one could want me.
So I'm not feeling very romantic.

I'm not feeling very religious these days....
Would a god let me go through this hell?
Would he let me suffer this way?
Besides I have to hide my sins.
So I'm not feeling very religious.

I'm not feeling very happy these days....
I try to smile but it looks fake.
I try to laugh but nothing comes out.
I look for a light but its all dark.
So I'm not feeling very happy.

I'm not feeling very loved these days....
I am so empty and lost.
I am always alone.
No one loves me for me.
So I am not feeling very loved.

I'm not feeling very trusting these days....
The people I love most lie to me.
I lie to myself.
The truth is something I rarely see.
So I'm not feeling very trusting.

I'm not feeling very human these days....
I hide away in my room.
In the corner, in the dark.
Liked a wounded animal.
So I'm not feeling very human.

I'm not feeling much these days....
I wish I could love you.
Anything but this nothingness.
My joy is gone and so am I.
I'm not feeling much, except.....

I am feeling hate these days....
I hate this hell you put me in.
I hate this world we live in.
I hate what I have become.
I do hate.

Alexandra
March 30, 1997

Bitter

Don't hate me for what I am
Life made me this way
I have to love the hate
Cause I live with it everyday

Rape me and I'll say I liked it
Hit me and I'll beg for more
If you ever try to love me
I'll show you to the door

I'm on my knees and beggin'
Show me your hate
I'll cry if it makes you happy
This is just my fate....

To be a lost survivor
In a world of angry souls
Left open for abuse
To come and take its toll

Death can't come to soon
I'm a loser, I can tell
I would love to go to heaven
But I'll probably burn in hell.

Alexandra
April 4, 1997

Depression

Misery puddles in my eyes
Making it hard for me to see
While confusion builds in my mind
And anger waits to be set free

Once again lonliness surrounds me
Pulling me from those I adore
I am isolated and desolate
Comfort for me is no more

Bewilderment sets in now
A totally muddled mind
Dazed, perplexed, and disconcerted
A hurt of the worst kind

Why do I feel this way
I want to be happy and content
Its too bad you can't buy love
Then all my money would be spent

Why can't I give love?
Or accept when its given to me
Instead of running away and hiding
What a fool I must be

But no I'm afraid of love
Scared of the pain it gives
So I exist a lonely soul
A tortured life I live.

Alexandra
July 8, 1997

Lonely

Funny my heart feels heavy, yet its empty inside.
I wish I had a place to run and hide.
As day turns to night and night to day,
I sit alone and I cry and I pray....
that you will come back to me.
I gave you the key to unlock the door.
Please use it so I won't be lonely anymore.
If you look inside the window of my heart you'll see,
that its filled with darkness and misery.
Please fill this lonely place inside.
For if you don't I may lay down and die....
from lonliness.

Alexandra
9-20-93

Perfect Tears

He was the perfect man
Perfect eyes
Perfect smile
Even the perfect plan

He led such a perfect life
Perfect job
Perfect house
Even a perfect wife

He had a perfect past
Perfect parents
Perfect schools
Perfect friends that last

One day the perfection stopped
He lost his perfect wife
His perfect job
An end to a perfect life

He discovered all that was perfect
Was deceptions through the years
All that is left of him now
Is his perfect tears.

Alexandra
6-8-99

The Man I Want

I have something I need to say
And I hope you understand
That I don't need a boy in my life
What I need is a man

I gave you all I had
I even gave you my heart
But you treated me like shit
from the very start

When you needed me I was there
I never turned you away
But I was left lonely and sad
Each and every day

You acted like it was my job
My duty to take care of you
So I started to turn away
What else could I do

I want someone that can love me
Giving back to me in return
Someone that can make me happy
And make my soul burn

I want to be treated special
Taken out, wined and dined
Receive flowers for no reason
A man who is loving, loyal and kind

Yes, thats what I want
And I hope you understand
A boy is NOT what I want
What I want is a MAN.

Alexandra
2-23-99

Trust

Why believe in someone
To hear more lies
To hope for truth
To feel more pain
Looking for trust
Putting belief in it
Its a false hope
There is no trust
If you trust...
You are gonna be hurt.
Plain and simple
Life sucks
So do people
Some more than others
But they all do
Friends....
Ha!!
No such thing!
Another false belief
Trust me on this,
Trust No One!!!!
Not even yourself.

Alexandra
May 16, 1997

If your going to take any of these wonderful poems by Alexandra you have to e-mail her first.

Did u ever love someone but knew he didn’t care
Did u ever feel like crying yet knew you’d get no where
Did u ever close your eyes and say a little prayer
Did u ever look into his heart and wish you were there
Did u ever watch them walk away not wanting them to let go
And whisper god I love you but never told them so
You cry all night in misery and almost go insane
There’s nothing in this world that would cause you so much pain
I say don’t fall in love you’ll get hurt before it’s through
See I thought you knew cause I fell in love with you.

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