The Pleasure Dome
Monty PythonBlackadder
Red Dwarf
Are You Being Served
Fry and Laurie
Young Ones
Father Ted
Peter Cook
Dudley Moore
E.L. Wisty
Oscar Wilde
-
Poetry
The Fuscos
Rude Star Wars...
Did You Know...
What Not to Say...
Autographs
About Me
Home
You are visitor number 
Smoke Me A Kipper, I'll Be Back For Breakfast
since Rimmer last had it
off.
Howdy smeggeroonies!
RD animation courtesy Beej.
- Kryten's Home Page!
- Check out a guitar transcription of the instrumental Red Dwarf theme, by Howard Goodall. If you play guitar, can read tab, and have a hankerin', check it out.
- There be scripts here! Check below under the script listing to view or download script files for each of season I through VII's scripts...
- If anyone would like to email your favorite quotes, tell me about your fave episodes, pass along bizarre Red Dwarf type lists, or any such thing of a Dwarfish nature, mail me (at the mailbox, bottom o' the page, Skipper). I am more than willing to find a place for the choice bits on my page.
- Browse a little Chris Barrie info, now with updated page layout!
- LISTEN UP, GOITS! Do you need a daily Red Dwarf fix? Then the place for you is the Red Dwarf AOL Mailing List. Digests containing posts from other members are sent out once a day in a handy compact format. Chatlogs from chats on AOL, RD sounds, surveys, poetry, and imitation Flibble erasers are optional. To join this happy bunch of smegheads, email Holly5120@aol.com with the following message (or the
equivalent): Flobber dob blib blob bleeb, please. Roughly translated: Sign me up!
Tell Hol that Supahz sent you!
- A special thanks to everyone who has sent along double-polaroid type exciting comments and criticisms!
T H A N K S!!
Buy Red Dwarf vids from Amazon.com. Click the image below...
Red Dwarf Episode List/Summary
There be scripts here! Click below on the appropriate series to read the corresponding script. Each file runs about 33KB in size.
- Series I
- Series II
- Series III
- Series IV
- Series V
- Series VI
- Series VII
Buy for Red Dwarf-related books from Amazon.com!
A Few Sounds
All sounds are WAV format unless otherwise noted
Click here to hear Talkie Toaster's greeting to you. (15k)
Rimmer (Arnie & Ace)
- Ace: "Smoke me a kipper Skipper, I'll be back for breakfast." (25k)
- Ace: "I'm sorry, Bongo... I'm strictly butter-side up." (36k)
- Ace: "Now look here, Arnie.. you can say what you like about me, but I won't hear a word against Skipper here."
Rimmer: "'Skipper'?"
Ace: "A man like him deserves a nickname. I thought 'Skipper' sat rather well."
Rimmer: "'Ace' and 'Skipper'?!? You sound like a kid's tv series about a boy and his bush kangaroo." (153KB)
- "With respect sir, you've got your head right up your big fat arse." (31k)
- "Oh smeg! (20KB)
- "Mr Flibble says, 'game over, boys'." (40KB)
- Lister: "Are you saying they were Psirens?"
Rimmer: "Of course! It's as plain as a Bulgarian pin-up." (43KB)
- "What's wrong with you?!?" (14KB)
- "Just this morning you referred to me as 'a cancerous polyp on the anus of humanity'." (84KB)
- "Is it me, or has it suddenly got rather hot in here?" (28KB)
- "You're about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican." (32k)
Peruse a few of my favorite Rimmer
Quotes
Read a little Chris Barrie info
Kryten
- "You're a complete and total smeghead." (26k)
- "Oh, spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!"
(33k)
- Kryten: ""Sir, you're a smeeeeeeeee."
Rimmer: ""A smeeeeeeeee."
Kryten: ""A smeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeee!" (84k)
- To Rimmer: "This is all your fault, you know, you little glob of tuberculotic sputum." (57KB)
- "This man is not guilty of manslaughter, he is only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime... it is also his punishment." (118KB)
- "Ahh, 'smug mode'." (25KB)
- "I have as much interest in saving my own life as a chronically depressed lemming." (43KB)
- (Lister plays a lame guitar riff)
Kryten: "Yeah, the axeman is back!" (72KB)
- Rimmer: "Step up to red alert."
Kryten: "Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb." (54KB)
- Rimmer: "What is there one could possibly loathe about me?"
Kryten: "Would you like the list, sir?" (45KB)
Engage reading mode on a few of my favorite Kryten Quotes
(soon, soon)Lister
- "Smeghead." (10k)
- To Rimmer: "Your name was never Ace... maybe 'Acehole'." (37k)
- "I love you, Arnie." (11KB)
Scope a few of my favorite Lister Quotes
(working on this, too)Cat
- "She looks like something that dropped out of the Sphinx's
nose!" (32k)
- "I'm so excited all six of my nipples are tingling."
(44k)
- "That's it, we're deader than tank tops." (29KB)
- "All hands on deck, swirly thing alert!" (25KB)
- "This sounds like a twelve-change-of-underwear trip." (24KB)
Check out a few of my favorite Cat Quotes
(yep, working on it)Holly
- Hattie: "Hang on, I'm getting a powerful energy emission." (27KB)
- Hattie: "Quick, get in the cockpit. There's something strange going on out there." (35KB)
Gordon Bennett! This isn't exactly Holly from the big rouge one, but it is Holly5120@aol.com... browse a few of Hol's Favorite Dwarf Quotes
Sup's Red Dwarf Mini Gallery
Images scanned by yours truly, Sup.
The Theme Song
RD animation courtesy Beej.
|
It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere, I'm all alone, more or less, Let me fly, far away from here, Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun... I want to lie shipwrecked and comatose, Drinking fresh mango juice, Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes, Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun... Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun... |
The words to the Red Dwarf theme song have caused a bit of confusion for Dwarfers around the globe. The problem involves line seven, second word. The proper word here is "shoals", and not "are" as many gimboids (myself included) have suspected. A quick visit to Hol's databanks (actually the "Junior Galactic Dictionary (with pictures)") discovered this definition:
shoal (n) [(assumed to be from) Middle English 'shole', from the Old English 'scolu']:
a large group, as of fish.
Surprisingly, there are additional lyrics. James E Farrens (bloss-man@juno.com), clued me into this tidbit from the RD FAQ (version 5.19). The additional words appear on the CDs "Between The Lines" and "The Cult Files". Written by Ian Hu (who?), the lyrics are as follows...
|
I'll pack my bags and head into hyperspace Velocity at time-warp speed Spend my days in ultraviolet rays Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun We're locked on course straight through the universe You and me, and the galaxy Reached this stage, this hyperpathic age Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun |
So now you know, gimps!
Click here for a guitar transcription of the instrumental Red Dwarf theme
Links
Sheesh, talk about troublesome... Red Dwarf links come and go like winds in the smegging grass! There are many groovy personal RD sites out there, and Yahoo is probably the best way to get to them. Search Yahoo for whatever your greasy little hearts desire. Good luck, Novelty Condom Heads!
More on Chloe Annett
More on Chris Barrie
More on Craig Charles
More on Hattie Hayridge
More on Danny John-Jules
More on Robert Llewellyn
More on Norman Lovett
Sir, shall I pilot Starbug Back To Mr. Sup's Home Page?
 |
The Pleasure Dome is being erected in earnest by |
Special THANKS to Jeff Wright, Jeff Block, Alex Steedman, Beej, and James Farrens for their contributions... the gimps!!
This page looks smegging great after 5 beer milkshakes... and on Talkie Toaster's Crumpet Server...
DISCLAIMER! The words contained herein in whichever form are indeed copyrighted materials (except for my bits), and are the creative work of some of the most unbesmegginglievable and hilarious minds of the entire universe (yes, that includes even New Jersey). Use these words with flair, and/or use them to impress or confuse your friends. Now, run out and buy all of the Red Dwarf books and vids that you can get your hands on, m'laddo!