Age: 29
Occupation: Physics teacher at Pembroke School, Kilo's year 10 Science teacher
Marital Status: Married
Notes: Duffy has been the lust object of Kilo and Sooz for about a year. He is sooo damn fine! Originally from South Africa, Duffles has quite an endearing accent. Jo Moore, who was in his year 10 Tute Group, reckons he's a bit of a loser. Kilo and Sooz emphatically beg to differ! Duffs is noted for his poor dress sense, and his lack of ability to control the derro's in his classes.
Interesting Fact: Mr Duffy has a bum-fluff beard.
Mr Phillip "so good looking" Moore
Age:about 30
Occupation: Maths teacher, Kilo's year 11 Maths teacher
Marital status: Married
Notes: Mr Moore, otherwise known as the guy with the ass, is Kilo's maths teacher. He was first noted for his rather heavy eyebrows. That, and Sooz always seems to run into him EVERYWHERE (it's so bizarre!!)
Interesting Fact: Sources tell us Mr Moore has had butt-cheek implants.
Mr "jeansey" Jeanes
Age: about 35
Occupation: Maths teacher, Suzie and Kilo's year 10 tutor
Marital status: Single
Notes: Jeansey was first known as "The Guy" when he caught Kilo and Sooz wagging assembly to go to Kilo's house to get her jumper. We never found out his name, and it seemed that everywhere since, we kept SEEING HIM! It was incredibly weird. Kilo and Sooz were freaked. Then we landed him as our tutor in year 10. We found out he was a pretty ok bloke. But he does seem to have a strange gambling habit that made him lose his house, car, everything, so that now he has to live in the boys boarding house. There are many myths associated with his antics in the boarding house.
Interesting Fact: Jeansey once flashed us his hairy man-chest.
Ms Susan "grandy" Grandison
Age: about 34
Occupation: Head of Middle school Science, Suzie's year 10 Science teacher, part-time Owl
Marital Status: With a name like Ms, it's anybody's guess
Notes: Grandy was the perennial source of amusement for Sooz and Science buddy Penny in year 10. Grandy always seemed to show up every Monday with a new hair colour. She is famous for her curtain-material cardigan, and her owl-glasses. Grandy is a GUN!
Interesting Fact: Ms Grandison actually owns a gun.
Mrs Barbara "devils" Devlin
Age: about 35
Occupation: Sooz and Kilo's year 10 English teacher, resident "hot mama"
Marital Status: Married
Notes: Devils wears rather revealing clothes. Gezza, Sooz and Kilo used to spend all of year 10 english laughing our arses off at Devils. We used to go "PUT IT AWAY, DEVILS!!!" everytime she entered the classroom wearing a see through top just after walking cross-campus in the rain (which was fairly often).
Interesting Fact: Mrs Devlin always flashes her cleavage when ever a male student comes up to the desk for some "1 on 1" (excuse the expression).
Mr Daryl "McCannie" McCann
Age: about 45
Occupation: Sooz and Kilo's year 9 English teacher, part-time author
Marital Status: Married
Notes: McCannie is a legend. Kilo and Sooz laughed and laughed all through year 9 English. Once, McCannie stacked it while walking across the Quadrangle, and Kilo and Sooz heard him go "Whooaa" as he narrowly avoided falling flat on his face. It produced a year's worth of laughter! He is also known as Backpack McCann (coz he always carries around a backpack), McCannibal, Daryl, and Dazza. McCannie holds a grudge against rival author Peter McFarlane.
Interesting Fact: McCannie is a communist.
Mr Richard "Dickie Ando" Anderson
Age: about 43
Occupation: Former head of Wright House. Current head of Technology at some crazy school.
Marital Status: Married
Notes: Dickie Ando was the lust object of Kilo'n'Sooz for all of year 8 and 9. He hated Kilo and Sooz. Sooz thought he was cute, but a prick. Kilo thought he had funny knees. But Kilo and Sooz still have a soft spot for Dickie Ando, despite the massive dick on his head.
Interesting Fact: Apparently, Dickie Ando once had an extra-marital affair with Kristie, the new sports assistant.Mr Barry "frowney" James
Age: at least 50
Occupation: Assistant head of Middle School, permanently pissed off
Marital Status: Married
Notes: Mr James is everybody's worst nightmare. Once Sooz had him for Tech, and she got a C+ because she refused to go to class for fear of the wrath of Frowney. Mr James has a mouth that looks like he is on a solid diet of lemons. His face is always contorted into a frown. Scary stuff...
Interesting Fact: Kilo and Sooz will put in a burlap sack and severely beaten with reeds if Frowney ever sees this!
Mrs Angela "screwey brewie" Brewerton
Age: about 45
Occupation: Art teacher, Sooz's year 8, 9 and 10 art teacher. Kilo's year 9 art teacher.
Marital status: Married
Notes: Brewie has hairbrained ideas. Well, she IS an art teacher, after all. Brewie hates Sooz. Mrs Brewerton likes to dye her hair, work out, drive her BMW and make sculptures out of cement.
Interesting Fact: Brewie was born in England
Mrs Cathy "vixen" Newgrain
Age: about 25
Occupation: Maths teacher, Sooz's year 10 maths teacher, part-time seductress
Marital Status: Married
Notes: The Vixen once tried to seduce Mr Burford at Suzie's end of term maths break-up excursion. Damn, she was all over him like a rash!! She has dead straight burgundy hair, and pouty deep red lips. She NEVER wears her hair up, we reckon there's a festy disfiguring scar under there or something.
Interesting Fact: Newgrain has about 10 siblings.
Mrs "pleasure lady" Woods
Age: about 55
Occupation: health teacher, among other things
Marital Status: Married
Notes: The Pleasure Lady took Kilo for year 9 health, and she lectured the class, in detail, about masturbation and other ways of obtaining "pleasure". Oh, Good God! That incident had a massive impact on Kilo's mental pictures for years to come. EWWWW!!!!!
Interesting Fact: Mrs Woods looks like your nana.
Mr Jamie "wild thing" Holland
Age: about 40
Occupation: Middle school maths teacher, amateur guitar player, full-time dickhead
Marital Status: single
Notes: Mr Holland nicknamed Junie "Juniper Berry" after the cheif ingredient in Gin. Yes. He also serenaded Tassie Hill-Ling on the guitar by sitting her on his lap and singing "Tassie, you make my heart sing." What a derro.
Interesting Fact: He is a victim of male pattern baldness.
Miss "frenchie" Lauers
Age: about 35
Occupation: Middle school French teacher
Marital Status: We have no idea. She might have a boyfriend, who the hell knows.
Notes: Like Kilo n Sooz, Miss Lauers thinks Mr Duffy is hot. Junie Ban is Miss Lauers's favourite student. Miss Lauers is a legend. She told Kilo n Sooz about the end of year teachers party. We SO should have gone!!
Interesting Fact: Miss Lauers has never even been to France.
Mrs Carolyn "Matty doesn't know what a prostitute is" Mee
Age: about 40
Occupation: Year 7 maths teacher, current head of Wright house
Marital Status: Married
Notes: Mrs Mee is a real bitch. She hated Matty Bennett, Sam Hardy, the student teacher guy, and Jake Jervis-Bardy. She LOVED Jessica with the red hair (sorry. Forgot her name.) Mrs Mee was Sooz's year 7 teacher. Everybody hates Mrs Mee. As soon as she took over Wright, they started to lose everything. MEE IS TWEE.
Interesting Fact: Mrs Mee fell and broke her leg during a school netball match, and had to take 6 months off. When she came back, it was funny watching her waddle everywhere.
Mr Julian "Tud-inger" Trudinger
Age: about 40
Occupation: Middle School Indo teacher, part-time singer, full-time lazy bum
Marital Status: married
Notes: Tuddy is a knob. He once sang Throw Your Arms Around Me to Kilo'n'Sooz on his guitar. Tud-inger has no control over any of his students.
Interesting Fact: Tud often wears crazy shirts, like the infamous Mustard Shirt (Colonel Mustard, With the chainsaw, in the Library)
Age: 30 something
Occupation: Resident hot PE teacher, Kilos year 9 PE teacher
Marital status: married-to a foetus
Notes:Oatey hated his year nine all girls pe class. We showed up late and complained the whole lesson. He spent a whole lesson lecturing us after some girl threw a pie at him and another one said fuck Oatey.
Jo spent a good five minutes oogling his beefy man chest as he exited from the staff room in the gym.
Interesting fact: He married one of his year nine students. Kilo should have put more effort into year nine PE.
Mrs Carolyn "cockers" Cochrane
Age: 35
Occupation: PE and science teacher, her face is a part time stunt double for the full-moon.
Marital status: married
Notes: Cockers swore at sooz in year 7 science. She said "youre giving me the shits". She also spewed at kilo'n'sooz when we called her cockers in front of her tuckshop buddies. We laughed'n'laughed. She once found a picture of her that sooz drew. It was life like. Cockers laughed. Sooz was shitting her self.
Interesting fact: Cockers is really horny. She told soozs year nine class that she loved sex. When asked do you frequently enjoy sex she replied 'oh yeah'.
Ms Leane by name, lean by nature
Age: 20 ish
Occupation: Science teacher, part time toothpick.
Marital status: Single
Notes: Ms Leane runs Kilo'n'Sooz's volleyball competition. She is really skinny. She eats cornflakes dry and has a glass of milk with them but does not mix them. It must be her trick to staying so thin. Pete thinks shes wierd.
Interesting fact: Ms Leane's whole wardrobe is from Portmans. She wears lots of pant suits that are too big for her.
Mr Iain "Guish, Guish, Langers Guish"
Age: about 50
Occupation: Science teacher, Kilo's year 7 tute teacher, Sooz's year 9 science teacher
Marital Status: married
Notes: In year seven science langers told the guys in our class that it wasnt the size counted it was the power. Langers V8. Rev it Langers. He sliced his fingers off on camp on the center plate. It was funny. Poor langers. Langers let Josh drive the bus on our way to kensi Park. Josh called it the minda bus. Guish is noted for hs matching shirts and pants and his god awful ties. He once wore an army outfit to school. As he entered the classroom. Henry Ryan greeted him with a salute and a 'sir yes sir'.
Interesting Fact: Langers wears trackies that are 6 sizes too small for him.
Mr John Davis phone home
Age: about 70
Occupation: History and Aust Studies teacher
Marital Status: married with at least 2 kids
Notes: Davis is a schizophrenic. One second he's happy as Larry, then he's spewing chunks. Davis has waay unruly locks. He looks like Richie Benaut. Davis gets all worked up. He knows everything about everything. He hates lip gloss, but secretly he has a stash that he uses out of school hours. He likes Bob Dylan and Joan Baers. He hates McDonalds and other such "plastic food". He reckons ET was right for leaving planet Earth.
Interesting Fact: Davis wants to be a popstar