Who’s Gonna Win the Slobberknockin’est Rumble Ever… by Good Ol’ JR Well, it’s January and that means the annual thirty-man Slobberknocker to end all Slobberknockers…the Royal Rumble! I’m as sure that this Sunday’s Rumble match will be the most competitive ever as I’m sure that King is gonna disgust me every time he opens his mouth. But who’s going to win? Maybe I’m a little biased here, but I’ve gotta recognize Stone Cold Steve Austin as my first pick. He’s the Texas Rattlesnake, and I’d put all ma beans on the fact that the Rattlesnake rules. Thing is, he’s gotta be on-board for the 29 other participants to drink his Kool Aid… that means he’s gotta survive the elimination match. If I could think of one man who has a shot at winning an elimination match and the grueling Rumble match, it’d be Austin. Just look at what happened two years ago when he defeated the Undertaker in the Taker’s specialty match, a Buried Alive Match, then won the Rumble and eventually went on to win the WWF title at Wrestlemania. To add to this kind of experience and two other Rumble victories, he’s fuckin’ got his 3:16 and his “Ah’m the baddest ass!” He's gonna be kickin' some ass if you ask me! There’s no stoppin’ this guy! There’re a lot of big men in this year’s Rumble. In fact, the ring will have to be doubly reinforced to keep these grapplers contained. Kane, Diesel, Kurrgan and the Big Show will all make this one of the wildest Rumbles in history. All have been dominant in recent Royal Rumbles with the exception of the Big Show, who’ll make his Rumble debut this Sunday. Even when pitted against these ginormous competitors, Big Show still has the size and strength to completely dominate this match. Big Show’s shown this to everyone in the WWF in recent months by serving up one restaurant-quality ass whippin’ after another! Don’t count out Matt “The Surge” Hardy. When I talked to the reigning King of the Ring earlier this week, he seemed very confident in both his opportunity to win and his chances of victory. Although he's one of the smaller competitors in the Rumble, this kid's got moves tastier than JR's ol' fashioned barbeque sauce. I know his primary focus is going to be payback on his brother, Jeff, but this wily North Carolinean won’t carelessly throw away the chance for another shot at the Federation title. I’m as sure of that fact as I am that I love Oklahoma! The fluffy and kind Mick Foley might be a great guy, but the deranged Mankind is another story altogether! Unfortunately for the other Rumble participants, it’ll be Mankind, not Foley, who’ll step in the ring this Sunday. The Deranged One’s recent feuds with Kane and the Undertaker have brought out that frightening brutality of his more than ever before and that’ll give him a big edge in this brawl! All these competitors have a great chance of winning the Rumble, but who has the best chance? If I were a bettin’ man, which I am, I’d have to put most of my beans on the People’s Champ, the Rock! Never have I seen the Great One as focused on winning the WWF title as he was on this Monday’s Raw. Coming out of nowhere to win last year’s Rumble, the Rock has almost as much experience in this type of match as he does in his specialty match: the Brahma Bull Strap match! The Rock has had two months to brood over his WWF title loss and to get in the best physical condition of his career. With all that time off, he’s guaranteed to do something completely unpredictable. If I were an entrant in the Rumble, I wouldn’t want to be around when the People’s Champ hits the ring! One thing’s for sure: this is going to be the wildest Royal Rumble match in history! Along with all the superstars I already mentioned, expect to see some mudhole-stompin’ and ass-whippin’ from Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Jeff Hardy, Jeff Jarrett, Lo Down, Stephen Regal, and the explosive young stud Shawn Stasiak! These men are all capable of some restaurant quality wrestlin’ and, if necessary, good ol’ fashion brawlin’! I can’t wait! |