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| Absolutely no portions of the artwork on this page may be used, reproduced, or copied in any way without expressed, written permission from the artist. Failure to comply will result in legal action. All artwork, prose, and poetry (unless otherwise noted) is copyright © 2009 Jorge Gonzalez. |
| THE MANY SHADES OF JORGE GONZALEZ POETRY |
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| ''4K'' Written by George Gonzalez This room, This room, with it’s empty beds. These empty beds, These empty beds just torture my lonely head, These silent rooms remind me of everything that I lost that day, The fucking shadows on the wall taunt me every single night They taunt me, remind me, Of whom I used to be, and whom I used to have. See, for those who don’t know, I stabbed a friend in the back, In the worst kind of way. Instead of fighting those who controlled me, I was submerged into a deep depression. Instead of standing up for myself and for her, I threw her out into the trash while her back was turned Because of this, I was sure I’d die the following night. My love for her was brought to light, when my heart gave out on the 29th A light so rapidly fading, fading into the darkness I deserved. A darkness I was desperately wanting, Desperately seeking. Though now I know, I did not die that September night, So I could live my life knowing, that I took yours away You were my best friend, and yet I grabbed your heart And ripped it all apart The scars and burns left on my chest are just another reminder of my mistakes. So they take me apart, piece by piece, Frame by frame, sin by sin, I loved you very much, K And like Love, without you, everything just fell apart. And it hasn’t been easy picking up the pieces, No it’s not as much fun to pick up my.. Because I know, I did not die that September night, So I could live my life knowing, that I took yours away You were my best friend, and yet I grabbed your heart And ripped it all apart And how I wish I could take it all back, How I wish I could be so much stronger than that. So I’ll pray to absent gods, to let me live those days again, Have another chance, A chance to change these depressing ways. Because, God dammit, I.. I.. miss kissing your sleepy head goodbye before I went off to school. ..and I miss the late nights cuddled next to you on the couch watching Spongebob. ..and I miss how you’d jump out of the chair to give me a hug after I came back from class. ..and I miss when we’d stay in our pajamas all day drawing and cooking. ..and I miss us lying in bed together talking about how one day we’d will have our own place in Vermont.. Our own place in Vermont, Our own place. But what I did, it was so spineless, so heartless.. So I know, I did not die that September night, So I could live my life knowing, that I stole yours away You were my love, and yet I ripped out your heart And slit it all apart I loved you so much, but for what I did.. If I could just take it all back, I would. I’d run with you to the edge of this fucking world, and jump down together Both of us, forever falling, Forever together. I promised you a better life, And when it mattered the most, I let you down. I let you down. I let you down! So I’ll write these stupid fucking poems! And I’ll paint my insipid resentment onto these empty caracole pages! I’ll scream at myself and tear my fucking hair out from it‘s roots! I’ll inhale my brothers drugs and swallow my vicodin violence! I’ll smash my head against this desk again and again and again and again! And I’ll die, I’ll fucking die my angry fucking death! So I‘ll know what it‘s like to feel, A quarter of how you felt That September night, Because baby, I know, I know, I did not die that Autumn night, So I could live my life knowing, that I took yours away. You were the one, and yet I took out your heart, And raped it all apart. You were my only, and yet I took your heart, And ripped it all apart. I ripped your heart out, all apart. I ruined your life. And now, I don’t know what to do. No, I just don’t know.. What to do. What to do. I’m so sorry. So sorry. ..my Lady Cyan. Poem © George Gonzalez |