What's that all about? Eh? Fuck knows.

And now you can be as cool as fuck. Where, before, you were left feeling a damp squib (not pleasant at the best of times) in drunken debates about piss-poor music, now you too can join in and hold forth like some kind of patronising toss pot.

WAIT. Not yet.

When we say now, we mean SHORTLY. First you have to read our bluffer's guides to bands. Then you can argue your socks off. So get cramming: