An Average Weekend at Indiana University
by Supratuck
with the help of: Jim, "Steve", "Steve's Roommate",Sua and Monst
Monday through Friday Indiana University is a place of collegiate study and higher learning. Perhaps this pressure packed week causes such an "off the hook" weekend. Whatever the case may be, weekends have a tendency to get a little wild here, especially when some silly Ace Deucers come to town.
Indiana is frequented by college students from other Universities, curious as to find out what all the fuss is about. On this particular weekend, I was paid a visit by five kids who had never been to IU. Two attended Purdue University (You may remember them from "The Legendary Journey", "Steve" and "Steve's Roommate"). The other three visitors were from the University of Michigan, we'll call them "Monst", "J.O." and "Sua".
Well due to various circumstances, they arrived a little late Friday night, so we'd have to pack a whole night of excitement into just a few hours. Jim, Patrick and I were not too sure where to take them. Not every party will let 8 guys just pop right in. So we tried the Villas, notorious for having parties of varied hypeness. The one we picked out that night just couldn't cut it, especially when we needed to show our visitors the best time possible. So we packed back into our truck, 4 people in it, and 4 people in the back (all we needed to do was drive out to the country and do some cow-tipping and we would have been official Indiana trash. . .Also add to the fact that "Steve" had found a box of flares on the side of the road somewhere and was lighting them and throwing them out the back, it was definately a site to see. As "Steve's Roommate" threw one out the back, it managed to clock J.O. right in the noggin, but there was no room in the back of the truck for pain, and we drove on.)
Well you can't just walk into the best fraternity party with eight guys, so we went to Chi Phi, and boy was it like we expected. It was a Hawaiian theme, and I guess Hawaii doesn't have a single drop of beer on the islands, because when we brought ours in, they confiscated it. "However," said one of the pathetic members, "We have this really good fruit that has been soaking in vodka for 40 hours." Add to the fact that the girls there were very annoying, as one particularly unattractive one kept trying to run around and steal people's lay's in an attempt to get attention. As she kept doing it over and over again, finally we just started bitching and yelling at her until she stumbled away and harassed others.
Well it was time to make the best of the night. We got an idea to stage a fake rumble, and we were going to get it on the camera that Patrick brought. Well we were having trouble finding a place that was light enough, so Sua just broke out and shoved "Steve's Roommate" and suddenly there was what appeared to be a fight. All hell broke loose, and it went on for several minutes. Eventually they were separated, but that wasn't the end of it. As we were all escorted out the door, we kept blazing on the members. "Steve's Roommate" was kept in the party room until we left. As soon as he got out though, he and Sua rumbled more on the front lawn and we all heaved snowballs and flares at the members and the house. The didn't really do anything about it. Since the 8 of us could have probably taken on their whole pledge class.
Saturday Night
Friday night would be considered rather lame compared to Saturday. We got up around two and went to the SRSC to work out, and to show our visitors all the hotties that work out in sports bra's there. Jim took "Steve" and Sua back to his place first. So as Monst and "Steve's Roommate" waited for them, we noticed that a certain door to the pool was unlocked. We also noticed that there was a really, really high platform that was just begging us to jump off it. We stripped down to our boxers and went off it, and boy was it hype, we were about to go again but some security chick halted our fun right there and made us leave. We met up with everyone else and proceeded to work out and admire at all the hotties that IU has to offer.
Time for some dinner. If you are just going to have one dinner at IU, what do you have? Buffalouie's. We got a super bucket and devoured them all. But what should we do with all the bones? Ah, yes. The "kid who deserves it". There is a kid who lives in Wright Quad who Jim and I hate more than anything, for various reasons beyond explanation. Usually we throw trash in his room when its really late, but this time it was 9 p.m., a little risky. Nonetheless we ran down there, and as Monst opened the door, "Steve's roommate" chucked all 100 bones and bucket into his room. We all split up and ran and met back at my place, but where? Where was "Steve's roommate?" We were about to look around for him but decided it was too risky. Finally we got a call from him. Turns out he had been chased by the kids all the way through campus, and he finally was able to get them off his tail by the time he got to Eigenmann, which is quite a sprint from our dorm.
Well now our attention was focused on drizzing and partying. Of all the parties going on, there really wasn't one that would let in 6 guys. We consumed drizz in the dorm and finally decided to go find some rush parties. As we were on our way out the door, guess who decided to walk by? An R.A. making the rounds. "Is that beer?" she asked me as she pointed to about 12 cans of Busch Lite. "Uh. . . no," I tried to convince her. "Well what is all that then?" she replied. "Oh, those, oh that's nothing, its just uh, empty cans." I "coolly" replied. She wasn't convinced yet, I felt for sure I was about to get my first write up of the year. But after checking our fridge and not finding any actual alcohol, she let us go. And we were off to the parties.
When Monst was prank calling people in our room, he recalled some girl tried to get rid of him by telling him to go to Tekes or Theta Chi. On our way there however, we happened to drive by Chi Phi. We felt the debt we owed to them just hadn't been paid yet, so we pulled into the driveway and yelled and honked and told them how gay they were. As we were driving out, "Steve's Roommate" saw a kid walking into Chi Phi. "Hey," said "Steve's roommate", "Why are you going in there?" The kid replied, "Uhhhh, because I live here." "Oh that sucks. You're gay," responded "Steve's Rommmate." In a tyrant rage, the kid sprinted after our truck yelling and screaming. Well we were now hyper than ever, and we made our way to Tekes. The parking lot was full, but that didn't phase Monst, he just drove up onto the grass and made a parking spot.
The party was "deece". The beer didn't really start flowing till after midnight. But once it did, things got pretty hype. Players from the IU basketball team were there, and there was a line of chicks to get to them. "Steve's Rommate" (the finest out of all of us, or as Jim determined was "Alterna-fine") was getting sweated by this this one chick, which caught him off guard because he's never seen a girl at his campus (Purdue). So we were all having a pretty good time, doing a little bit a this, a little bit a that, but the beer ran out way too soon, so we were left trying to find something else that would be hype.
I had not seen Sua, "Steve" or Monst in a while. I wondered if maybe they had left or something, so I went outside to scope it out. . .as soon as I look out in the parking lot, I see three kids sprinting towards the house in nothing but boxers and shoes. I didn't have to take a second look to see that it was my peeps. They came running up to the door yelling and screaming. In panic, several pledges began forcifully pushing them back, but the kids didn't get in their boxers to be turned away that fast. "But wait!" said "Steve", "I heard Tekes is a good frat!!!" He repeated this, as Sua and Monst continued their own disruption. Finally half of Tekes was out there trying to control things. I knew that trouble was brewing, so I ran downstairs to get "Steve's roommate" and Jim. I couldn't find "Steve's roommate", but I saw Jim with a fineass. I notified him of the situation and said that we must go. I sprinted back up to the door and ran outside to find that Monst was naked humping a white Explorer. I then turned and saw Sua chucking a chair at a couple members in the house, and classic "Steve", he was trying to steal audio equipment through one of the windows, but couldn't get all the way through the opening due to his tremendous "party-ball" that he had attained at Purdue. Cleary a site to see, they had officially caused chaos. I turned and went back in to find Jim, but I couldn't find him anywhere amongst the confusion.
As I went back outside, the truck had vanished, and order had been restored somehow. So I found a ride back with some drunk ass kid who was clearly under the influence, and some girls he was driving made him let them out because they feared for their life. I just coached him back to my dorm and told him to drive slow as hell. I gave him a complimentary breadstick for his service (some random pizza guy sold me a pizza meal when I was on the street.)
Eventually everyone made it back to my dorm, all with a story of their own.
Monst, Sua, and "Steve" went to Pizza Express. Apparently while waiting for pizza, Monst turned to "Steve" and said, "Don't get offended at what I'm about to do." And proceeded to dump his whole cup of ice water on his helpless head. "Steve" was too drunk to really comprehend what had happened, and before they knew it, they were all getting kicked out by the manager for inappropriate behavior and craziness.
Jim stumbled back to the room with that same fineass girl but she lived in the dorm 'Read', so he kinda knew she wouldn't put out. Everyone hung for a while, and ate pizza, and Hooters girl somehow got a free pizza for us. I fell asleep in the corner on my hockey bag, and Monst decided to pour water on my head too, but this time he failed to tell me, "not to get offended," so I got pissed off.
But wait. What happened to "Steve's roommate"? In the early hours of Sunday morning, I answer a call from him. He was at Briscoe and needed directions back to Wright. As he came back to our room, he filled us in on his fun evening.
So he went back to the girl's room from Tekes and proceeded to get it on. (This may go into more detail than you want to hear about). "Steve's Roommate" then went down on the girl (I will point out she was rather decent looking) and she let out squeals of enjoyment that went like, "HIYEEEE! HIYEEEE! HIYEEEE!" She was getting into it, crawling and jumping all over the bed, and she then decided to screw him. So they did the wild thing for a while, but he just didn't "get off" for some reason, so she decided that blessing his bishop would do the trick. But in the process, "Steve's Roommate" fell asleep, and awoke to her nudging, "hey, Hey! Did you fall asleep?" She got so pissed that she hopped off the top bunk and left "Steve's Roommate" hangin on top. But she nonetheless gave him her number the next morning, since apparently he is a sophomore at IU who is in Beta and is a Business major.
Well that about sums up an average weekend about IU. However, I did fail to mention the following events that also deserve some recognition, and be sure to ask a participant in this weekends events about: Jim's bitch-slapping of Patrick's pizza slice, Jim's bitch-slapping Steve's cup of water, intense racism discussion held over Buffalouie's, Monst doing "Steve" up the ass with his lit flare, Monst fake doing an RA in the ass when he first arrives, attacking and jumping all over Supratuck in his sleep, Jim and Supratuck giving play-by-play commentary of two kids getting it on in the corner at Tekes until they got pissed and left, Supratuck entertaining IU b-ball player Jeffery Newton at party and making him crack up, Monst jacking off in his sleep BOTH NIGHTS, "Steve taking pic of Monst whacking, macking on fineass lifeguards at SRSC, Sua thrigging the first night, rocking cars with snowballs out of the back of the truck, get your roll on (nuff said), Monst making out with fineass at Tekes and getting classic, "I gotta go find my friends now" line from girl, Jim makes out with girl and then gets classic line, "Are you gonna call me?", Jim and Matt harassing fruit-meister at Chi Phi as well as punch-meister at Tekes, Indian's playing cricket in the hallway at 4 in the morning, after "Steve" asks girl at Dunkin Donuts if they have Boston Creme donuts, Matt asks girl at Dunkin Donut's if they have, "vaj cream".
If this hasn't given you enough motivation to come down to IU and experience such a weekend with Jim and Supratuck, I suggest reading this article again or asking any of our visitors about any of these many events.
to summarize: At least a couple of us got kicked out of the following places:
Chi Phi, Tekes, SRSC pool, Pizza Express and we were forced to flee from Wright Quad for a while.