Renewing My House
( Finding the Real Me )  
 
I am peeling away layers and layers of wall paper people have put on me; a layer of HATE one or two of ANGER, there's some THICK paste of SELF-WORTHLESSNESS- - another layer of JEALOUSNESS and a few of HURT..there's one or two of SHAME and another few of GUILT..
the rest I may be leaving. Only God and MYSELF (s) know the REAL  person under all those HEAVY LAYER'S...maybe even I don't know who I am in TOTAL!
 
I know I am DARING and CARE FREE, a GENTLE SPIRIT, COMPASSIONATE, I like to do things for others and not have them know I did it, a behind the scenes person. I like to laugh with others...I see the BEAUTY of a ROSE whose WILTED, ( it gave it's life for someone to enjoy it, for them to feel special). I like to teach children and watch their eyes open in wonder at something new. Or a raindrop making a ripple in a pond! I like to FEEL God's breath on my cheek as we walk along! I DON'T like DISHONESTY, or HATE between people. I DON'T like to see others in pain, or tears falling from SADNESS.....
 
The paper HURTS coming off- -worse then the moment it was being pasted on...but like an old farm house you buy- -you MUST strip other peoples pattern's and REPAPER and DECORATE in your OWN taste, MAKING it truly yours, NEW, so I must do the same. Take others patterns off and FIND my own pattern. This will include WHO I am, my LIKES, DISLIKES, MY BELIEFS, MY SPIRITUAL STRENGTH. I will repaper so that I AM the REAL ME!  NOT a mix of failure, abuse, others shame, self-hate etc...MY paper will tell who the REAL me is, who I was BORN to be! this process takes a lot of time and hard work...I'll need help and I must not work so hard at pushing that help and LOVE away, that's someone else's old paper, not mine. I need and WANT  love and friends, with their help and support, I WILL find the REAL me HIDDEN under all that paper. When all that OLD paper is gone, I will know WHO I AM and feel FREE and SECURE in who I AM!!!!!
  Written by Leesha Marie
March 1998