“There was a man who did not like picels and thru the jar on the flor but tis jar was specal be cause al the big picels lived on the top of the little ones. But when the man thru it on the grund all the pickels spilled out. The big pickels helped the little ones and no one will herts us again.”
“Danny thats us”
My name is Brenda and I’m the host our system known as VeryManyPickles. As you can see Danny is one of my special people inside.
He has written a story trying to explain how the system functions and at a very young age of 9 he has done a fairly good job. He, like many others inside all have special jobs to make our life somewhat manageable everyday.
“Manageable”, umm well for me, living with DID is very difficult and discouraging at times and thus the word “manageable” hardly seems the right word to use. On the flip side, I can be optimistic and think about every “battle” I have won, and the strengths that I have; using these strengths to get through each day. After all I have won the “war”, as I am living, breathing, and feeling as each day goes by. With hard work and painful memories to overcome and excepting me and all of me, I will continue to keep fighting this “battle” until the day comes that my life is very much manageable.
These are poems written by different parts of me.
I have not edited them. They each speak for themselves.
I Onle A Kid
I onle c wat I wan
I onle no wat tham teec
I onle wat 2 sin g and plai
I onle wat tat al tham dai
I onle wic to colr and dra
I onle wan tham
I onle a kid
(Untitled)
I sit on the moon, in the sky
No one can hurt me nope nope body they cant find me there
They cnat see me up there nope if they try I will jump on a star
And they wont see me because it will be too shiney to see me
I will ceep jumping to all of the stars
And they will never never never find me
When the night goe away
And the clouds are real big I will hide under them and they wont
See me either there nope nope
And when I see a rainbow I can slide down to the ground and hide
Down there
With all my friends so no body can hurt me
Ever again nope nope nonononono
Full
Full of joy
Cackling and snickering
Singing and dancing
Full of love
Wanting to share
And give a way
Full of innocence
Not knowing
And that’s what she’ll be
My angel, and that
She will glow forever
I
Smoothly, I rub and
Gently, I touch
Angrily, I scream
Hopelessly, I weep
Anxiously, I run
Frightened, I wait
Unwillingly, I seek
Terrified, I find
Deranged, I feel
Unaware, I hear
Dangerously, I ask
Saddened, I cry
Hopeful, I learn
I
No One Knows of Me
I am leaving a trail,
Why can’t you see?
Notes, signals, and also a plea,
But no one wants to know of me.I am leaving a trail,
Why can’t you see?
I want to scream,
But no one wants to know of me.I am leaving a trail,
Why can’t you see?
I would like to be like you, like all,
But no one wants to know of me.I am leaving a trail,
Why can’t you see?
Important and special I long to be,
But no one wants to know of me.I am leaving a trail,
Why can’t you see?
I am real,
But no one wants to know of me.I am leaving a trail,
Why can’t you see?
I am I am I am me,
But no one wants to know of me.
May I Speak
May I speak for the unspoken?
I would like to be heard
You must listen and listen well
As I am not going to disappear
No I am not going
I will, By reason
Be on their side
No quest for you, your nothing
You must know it is all too late to take back
May I speak for the unspoken?
Leave it be.
DON’T
Take A Stand,
Don’t sit there, and cry
Let me help
Don’t stand there, and scream
I am here
Don’t walk along
I will come
Take a Stand
And together we will
Become one
Hand in hand
So Sad
Don’t cry, I can feel
Your sorrow inside and I know
Remember you are not alone, though it may seem that way
Remember that I love you and will always be there
I understand your pain I remember as plainly as you do
I care and I love you can’t you see
Through all your tears and sadness that you are special
And you will always be close to me.
Do You Know (Mother)
Do you know? What you have done?
Your selfness, your betrayal,
You have made her more than one.Do you know? Your eyes were black
hands so cold, face so red
Why wouldn’t you try to take it backDo you know? Your heart was cold,
So bitter, so empty
She was a child and couldn’t have toldDo you know? Inside there are many
Lurking and longing
Waiting to be free of all that was plentyDo you know? Micheal he is the one
Caring and loving
And you, our enemy, never wonDo you know? Notta saw so much
the blood and gore
But yet, I wouldn’t allow her to be touchedDo you know? We have won
The war that you started
And that we will overcomeDo you know? You are no mother
You have made us strong and
In the end, we will---- be singing our song
Panic
Tightness,
Can’t breath,
What’s happening?
Legs, arms dumb
Heart racing
What’s happening?
Run, hide
Rock
Unable to think
What’s happening?
Heart attack
Okay be strong!!
Don’t think about it
Stop it! we will survive
What’s happening?
A pencil, write, draw
Punch holes
Think positive
What’s happening?
Slow shallow breaths
Fear, doom, death
Shhhhhh! Calm, slow deep shallow breaths
We can do this
What’s happening?
Help! Help someone help
