z'e sfdgf

===xbosf] x/ Ps t/+u af6 s;}nfO{ ;dkL{t

Jokes

JOKES

                                              NEPALI JOKES  HINDI JOKES  ENGLISH JOKE  FUN BUT SERIOUS  ADULT JOKES 

 

               

                                                                

 


                                                          NEPALI JOKES

af7L s]6L / cfdf
Pp6L !^ aifL{o s]6Ln] cfdfnfO{ egL5 M
s]6L M cfdf cfdf
cfdf M s]
s]6L M oL x]g'{ g dnfO[ p Tof] k/sf] c+snn]  @)) ?k}of+ lbPsf]
cfdf M lsg
s]6L MdnfO{ ?vdf r9\ ? !)) lbG5' eGg' eof] clg d ?vdf r9]
cfdf M wt\ nfl6 Tof] c+snn] t]/f] s_' x]g{ nfO{ ?vdf r9 eg]sf] x]f .
s]6L M cF d klg af7L 5}g /========
cfdf M s;/L
s]6L M d}n] s_' g} nufPsL 5}g gL

;latf sf] ljjfx
;ljtf / /fhg ukm ub}{ M
;ljtf M d]/f] ljjfx x'b}5 gL /fhg
/fhg M P xf] / n n dnfO{ sn u/ x} clg d ======== lar}df
;ljtf M x'G5 gL ltd|f] kmf]g g+ slt /]


8fS6/

8fS6/ M ev{/} ck|]zg u/]sf] 7fpFdf k]ml/ 6fFsf vf]Ng'kg]{ eof] ===
/f]uL M lsg 8fS6/;fk
8fS6/ M xftdf nfpg] k~hf leq} 5'6]5 ===
/f]uL M slt nf]eL x'g'k/]sf] xh'/nfO{  nf}, lngf];\ k}+;f . a? go} kGhf lsGg';\ .

 
kfFr kfFr xhf/

hfuL/sf]nfuL cGt/jft{f lbg uPsf] pd]baf/ cGt/jft{f lng] clwsf/+LnfO{ eG5 d cfhsf] cGt/jft{fdf kSsfklg kf; x'Gg o;df ;tk|ltzt lj:jf; 5
clwsf/+L M n To;f] eP afhL 7f]sf}+ kfr kfr xhf/ .

 

kfx'gf

aRrf M xh'/ lgs} a]/ oxfF al;/xg'x'G5
kfx'gf M lsg / afa'
aRrf M a'jf eGg'x'G5 ls kfx'gf ghfp~h]n vfg ga:g] /] . cfk"mnfO{ oxfF s:tf] ef]s nflu;Sof] ===

 

wfdL{s ;/

a'jf M cfhsf] ltd|f] k/LIff lng] k|f]k]m;/ a"9f s:tf vfnsf dfG5] /x]5g\
5f]/f M d]/f] ljrf/df pxfF a8f] wfld{s x'g'x'G5 M ha d pxfFsf] k|Zgsf] hjfkm lb+b} hfG5', pxfF x/]s rf]l6 cfsfzlt/ kms]{/ x/} lzj, x/] lzj===, pRrf/0f ug'{x'GYof] .

 

cbfntdf rf]/

GofofwLz M eujfg\sf] s;d vfP/ ;To s'/f dfq af]n M ltdLn} ck/fw u/of} ls u/]gf} cleo'St M Tof] kQf nufpg] sfd tkfO{+sf] xf] . To;}sf] nflu t tkfO{+nfO{ tna lbOG5 .

 

cf]xf] wGg cfv+fdf k/]5

cSsn] M k|wfgafh] s'g sf/0fn] laTg' eP5
ls:gk|;fb M lgwf/df ;fFksf] 7'FufOn] .
cSsn] M xf] t cf]xf] === s:tf] cfFv}df k/]g5 .

 

k|]d M

k|]dL M ltdL;+u kl/ro u/]b]lv ax't} sd vfg yfn]sf] 5' . /S;L vfg 5f8]+, w'd|kfg ulb{g k|]ldsf M xfdL aLrsf] k|]dn] ;a} s'/f] la;f{Olbof]
k|]dL M k|]dn] xf]Og, dfofn' . k}+;fsf] cefjn] .

 

s]xL lrgf/Lx? M

lax]sf] cf}+7L nufpg] cfOdfO{nfO{ ljjflxt eg]/ lrGg'k5{ .

;fdfGo cf}+7L nfof] eg] lg To:sf] s'g} dtna x'Fb}g .

olb lax]sf] / ;fdfGo b'j} y/Lsf] cf}+7L nufO{ eg] lg .

ljjflxt xf] t/ To;sf] s'g} dtna x'Fb}g .

 

k|hftGq

s'g b]z a9L k|hftflGqs 5 eGg] 5nkmn rln/x]sf] a]nf M
?ha]N6 M s'g} klg dfG5] XjfO6 xfp;lt/ kms]{/ s/fpg ;S5 M ?ha]N6, d'bf{afb === . o:sf] nflu p;nfO{ s]xL kgL x'g] 5}g .:tflng M ;aeGbf k|hftGqjfbL b]z xfd|f] b]z xf] . oxfF hf] sf]xL /]8 :Sjfo/af6 q]mdlnglt/ kms]{/ s/fpg ;S5 M?ha]N6 d"v{ xf] . o:sf] nflu p;nfO{ s]xL g/fd|f] x'g] 5}g .

lan u]6\; / :ju{

lan u]6;\ d/]/ :ju{ / gs{sf] lardf k'u]5 . Toxf+ b]jtfx? / bfgjx? u]6;nfO{ lng elg cfP5g . p;nfO{ 7'nf] dfG5] elg klxnf sx+f hfg'x'G5 elg ;f]4f lan u]6;n] klxnf d gs{ / :ju{ b'a} x]5'{ eg]5 / bfgjx? ;u+ uO{ gs{ x]g{ k'u]5 , gs{df k'/f ;d'b|sf] 5]pdf /fd|f s]l6x? gfu+} /dfO{n]f ul/ al;/x]sf /x]5g . gs{df ;fx} /dfO{n]f /x]5 / ha lan u]6; :ju{df hfG5 ToxfF b'v} b'v dfq b]v]5 / cGtdf, gs{df g} a:5' eg]5 . s]lx ;do kl5 lan u]6; ;fx} l/;fO{ od/fhnfO{ eg]5 M of] s] xf] . d}n] t :ju{df eGbf gs{df :ju{ b]v]sf] n] ubf{ gs{df a:5' eg]sf] lyP t/ ha d ToxfF k'u] s]jn b'v} b'v dfq kfP, of] s:tf] 5_'kgf xf] . eGbf od/fhn] eg]5 M  dxf;o , tkfO{n] x]g'{ ePsf] t s]jn l:s|g ;]e/dfq xf] k|f]uf|d t afls g} lyof] .

 

 

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                                                         HINDI JOKES

d/ hfg] bf] M

Ps 8fS6/ ckg] bf]:tf]+ s] ;fy vfg] sL d]h k/ a}7] xL y] ls 6]lnkmf]g sL 306L ahL . kmf]g ;'gs/ ckg] bf]:tf]+ ;] af]n] M efO{, Ifdf s/gf, Ps d/Lh sL taLot v/fa x} cf}/ d'e]m t'/Gt jxfF hfgf x} .
ox sxs/ j] rng] xL jfn] y] ls pgs] bf]:t g] xft ks8 s/ sxf M 8fS6/, cfh tf] ls;L a]rf/] sf] ckgL df}t xL d/ hfg] bf] .


pwf/ gxL+ b]t] ====

/fhg M kfFr ?kP pwf/ b] bLlhP
;tLz M dfkm sLlhP, d}+ cfksf] kxrfgtf gxL+ x' .
/fhg M O;Ll;P tf] d}+ cfk;] df+u /xf x"F . hf] cfbdL d'e]m ;xrfgt] x}+, j] pwf/ gxL+ b]t] .

ufo pwf/ gxL+ b]tL

 Ps JolSt g] ckg] b"w jfn] ;] emNnfs/ sxf M t'dd]+ cf}/ ufo d]+ s]jn ox cGt/ x} ls jx z'4 b"w b]tL x} cf}/ t'd kfgL ldnfs/ b]t] xf] .
b"w jfn] g]+ pQ/ lbof M gxL+ hgfa . Ps cGt/ cf}/ eL x} . d}+ pwf/ b]tf x"F, ufo pwf/ gxL+ b]tL .

l6s6 M

 6fsLh sL a'ls+u lv8sL k/ ha Ps xL cfbdL sf] rf/ af/ Ps xL l6s6 v/Lbt] x'P a'ls+u Sns{ g] b]vf tf] kfFrjL af/ p;g] 6f]s lbof M c/], hgfa . cfksf] lhtg] l6s6f]+ sL h?/t xf], Ps xL ;do d]+ n] nLlhP . Ps l6s6 s] lnP af/ af/ nfOg d]+ Sof]+ v8] xf]t] x}+
dflns, d'e]m tf] a; Ps xL l6ls6 sL cfjZostf x} . lhtgL af/ d}+ oxfF ;] l6ls6 n] uof, ptgL af/ u]6 k/ v8] cfbdL g] ltlst lnof, p;] b]vf cf}/ kmf8 lbof . cfk xL atfOP, d}+ Sof s?F  b]xftL g] a8] ef]n]kg ;] pQ/ lbof .

lj6fldg

bf] ldq xf]6n d]+ a}7] kmn vf /x] y] .
kxnf M of/, d}g] k9f x} ls l5ns] d]+ lj6fldg xf]tf x} .
b";/f Kn]6 d]+ l5ns] e/s/ M tf] d}+ vftf x"F kmn cf}/ t'd vfcf] hL e/s/ lj6fldg .


PlS6+u

 :6]h s] bf] PS6/ gz] sL emf]+s d]+ ckgL ckgL tf/Lkm s/ /x] y] .
Ps af]nf M d}g] Ps af/ OtgL cR5L PlS6+u sL ls b]vg] jfn] /f]g] nu] cf}/ Ps cf}/t tf] /f]t] /f]t] a]xf]z xf] uoL .
b";/] g] sxf M t'Dxf/L PlS6+u tf] s'5 eL gxL+ . d}+g] d/g] sL P];L cT5L PlS6+u sL ls nfOkm OGzf]/]Gz jfnf]+ g] tf] d]/L aLaL sf] d]/L OGzf]/]Gz sf k};f ts b] lbof .


n8s] n8sL cf}/ zfbL 
n8s] cf}/ n8sL sL zfbL sL aftrLt xf] /xL yL . n8s] jfnf]+ g] tf/Lkm s/t] x'P ckg] n8s] s] af/] d]+ sxf M xdf/f n8sf Gofolk|o x} cf}/ ;asf] Ps gh/ ;] b]vtf x}
n8sL jfnf]+ g] tf/Lkm s/t] x'P sxf M
xdf/L n8sL ax't xL sfd s/g] jfnL x} . x/ ;do Ps 6f+u k/ v8L /xtL x} .


x}6
 
Ps k|f]k]m;/ x}6 v/Lbg] Ps b'sfg k/ kx'Fr] . b'sfgbf/ g] ax't ;] x}6 lbvfP k/Gt' pGx]+ sf]O{ k;Gb gxL+ cfof .
crfgs sfp06/ ;] Ps x}6 p7fs/ pGxf]+g]+ l;/ k/ /vf cf}/ lrNnf k8] M
ax't cR5f, ox lans'n lkm6 x} . O;sL sLdt
O;sL sf]o{ sLdt gxL+, >Ldfg\ .
Sof]+  pGxf]+g] cfZro{ ;] k"5f .
ox jxL x}6 x} hf] cfk nufs/ vfP y] . b"sfgbf/ af]nf .


shf{
 
/fh M d}+ t'd;] kfFr 5 af/ tsfhf s/ r'sf x"F n]lsg t'dg] hf] /sd pwf/ nL yL, jx ceL ts gxL+ nf}6fO{ .
/fd M t'dg] eL tf] bz af/x af/ df+ug] k/ sh{ lbof yf .


 Ps l;g]df s] u]6sLk/ s] bfFt d]+ ;Vt bb{ x'cf . jx bf}8f x'cf 8fS6/ s] kf; uof cf}/ af]nf M
8fS6/ ;fxa, d]/] bfFt d]+ bb{ xf] /xf x} .
sf}g ;] bfFt d]+
gLr] sL afnsf]gL d]+, ;fdg] jfnL nfOg d]+ b";/] gSa/ k/ . u]6sLk/ g] pQ/ lbof .


 cWofks M ljgo, Sof t'd u/LaL sf] ld6f ;st] xf]
ljgo M xfF, ;/ . cfk af]8{ k/ lnlvP tf] ld6f b"+uf .


 cWofks M /fh Ps s'Dxf/ s] kf; rf/ 38] y] . p;d]+ ;] Ps k"m6 uof . atfcf], ca lstg] ar]
/fh M ceL atfg] ;] Sof kmfobf  cf}/ k"m6 hfg] bLlhP, Os6\7f xL atf b"+uf .


 cWofks M s[i0f, t'd Otg] a8] xf] uP xf], lkm/ eL ;f} ;] pk/ lugtL gxL+ lug ;st] .
5fq M d'e]m lktfhL ;fn e/ d]+ ;f} ?kP ;] Hofbf b]t] xL gxL+ .


 u|fxs M 5f]6L ;L Kn]6 x} cf}/ sLdt bz ?kP
b"sfgbf/ M Kn]6 kfFr ?kP sL xL x}, n]lsg /vt] p7ft] Ps Kn]6 6"6 uO{ yL . p;sL sLdt eL O;L d]+ hf]8 bL x} .


 /fs]z M tfHh'a x}, 6\]g d]+ sfkmL eL8 xf]tL x} . lkm/ eL t'Dx]+ /f]h ;L6 ldn hftL x} .
/fh]z M xfF, 6\]g d]+ v8] xf]t] xL d}+ sljtfPF ;'gfg] nutf x"F .

s]lx zfo/Lx?

s/n] a'+nGb O{tgf sL lxdfno sL rf]6L k/ hf kx'r]========@
v'bf eL t'Xsf] b]v s/ k'5] sL ca] uWff ;fnf ca lgr] pt/]uf s};]

                  )))

ha j]f /fxf] d] rntL x} tf] ;f} ;f} sf gf]6 la5f b]t] x}==========@
ha jf] 3/ rnL hftL x} tf] gf]6 p7fs] xd eL rn] hft] x}=========

                  )))

xd tf] arkg ;] xL P;] x} ;gd
cfv+ d] udsf Kofnf eL gf /xt]
Kof/ xL tf] lsof yf t'd ;] ;gd
t]/] lagf xd sx+f ca hL kft]

                  )))

x]fu]+ xhf/]f hf] t]/L Ps Xns s] lnP
Hofg b]g] s] lnP
xd tf] jf] x} ;gd hf] t]/L Ps :kif{ s] lnP
lhb+f hn hfP

                  )))
lbNnuL gf sL xf]tL cu/ xd ;] Kof/ xL gf s/gf xf]tL
c/] j]akmf lar ;d'Gb/ d] nfs/ df/f Ps sZtL tf] b] bL xf]tL
                 

                  )))

v'bf s] 3/ ;] s'5 uwf km/f/ xf] uP====@
s'5 tf] ks8 uP  cf}/ s'5 xdf/] bf]Zt ag uP

                  )))

j};] tf] Vjfaf] d] t'Dxf/f lbbf/ s/tf x'
Ps glx lbg d] xhf/ af/ s/tf x'
sfz sf]O{ t'Dx] P atf ;s] sL
d} t'Dx] ls; xb ts Kof/ s/tf x'

                  )))

rfFb rfbFgL ;] xf]tL x} l;tf/f] ;] glx
df]xAat Ps ;] xf]tL x} xhf/f] ;] glx
rfFbgL rfFb ;] xf]uL tf] l;tf/] Sof  xf]uf+
df]xAat Ps s] xf]uL tf] xhf/f]sf Sof xf]uf

                 )))

sf]xL kTy/ ;] gf df/f] d]/] lbjfg]sf]=====@
Go'lSno/sf hdfgf x} Go'lSno/;] p8fb] ;fn]sf]

                 )))

nf]u O[Zs s/t] x} a8] hf]/ s] ;fy
xd g] eL Kof/ lsof hf]/ s] ;fy
n]sLg ca s/]u] a8] uf}/ s] ;fy
So" sL sn p;] b]vf ls;L cf}/ s] ;fy

                   )))

agfg] jfnf eL sfz O{; lbnsf] lzz] sf agfof xf]tf
sd ;] sd lbn tf]8g] afn]sf] eL Ps hVd tf] /xtf
                   )))

v'bfsf] eL dfn'd glx p;g] n8sL So' agfof====@
c/] jf] ;fnf gf v'b ;f]of gf xd] ;f]g] lbof

                    )))

Kof/ lsof yf dfn'd gf yf lbn 6'6 hftf x}
Sof dfn'd lbn lkm/ /Zt] d] lav/ hftf x}

                     )))

 

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                                                      ENGLISH JOKES

The Arabic Man And Interview

An Arbic Man applied a Job In America, and he called for interview. In interview Time:
Managing Director : What is your name?
The man : akbar ulla ibran khan
Managing Director : How old Are You?
The Man : 26
Managing Director : Sex?
The Man : nine times in a week.
Managing Director : Excuse me ! I am asking femal or male?
The man : Doesn't matter male or female sometimes we used cannon for sex.

Poision

A man goes to chemist : I need to buy poison
Chemist : I can't sell u that...
Man shows his wife photo
Chemist : Sorry! I din know u had a prescription!!!

Searching Wife

Two men meet both looking For their lost wifes...
one : What urs look like?
second : she's 5'9 , fair, 36-24-36, blue eye....And Urs?
one : forget mine, Lets look urs...

Somebody, Nobody and mad

There were three friends named Somebody, Nobody, Mad. One day Somebody and Nobody had a fight and Somebody killed Nobody. Mad went to the Police station and filed a complaint that Somebody killed Nobody. So, the Police man asked" who are you?", so he said that he is Mad.

Bra - Painties

a sardar ji is standing at the bus stop, and a foreigner woman comes.
woman: excuse me, may i know the time please?
sardar: bra panties.
woman: are you in  your senses?
sardar: I told you..bra panties.
woman: you  look mad!
another man appears.
man: what's the matter lady?
woman: I asked this gentleman what's the time. and he talks nonsense!
sardar: ..she ask me time and i said in her language. I said in her language  bra pain tees (12:35) but she never understand  !!!

Why Sachin Married Old Woman?


why did sachin married older women?
because every great player like to play a loose balls.........

Screen Sever

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God immediately recognizes him and says to him "Bill Gates -- you're a great man, you gave every person a cute computer Operating Systems. I shall give you a choice of either heaven or hell." Bill Gates tells God that he would like to see both before making a decision.
So God takes Bill Gates down to Hell, where there are beautiful, nubile bikini models, perfect weather, free drinks, and eternal happiness. "That doesn't seem so bad," says Gates. "Let's see Heaven now." God and Gates go to Heaven, which seems to be just a bunch of old, crusty angels flying around and sitting on a few clouds. "I've made my decision," says Gates. "I choose Hell."
Six months later, God goes down to Hell to check on him and finds him hanging above a pit of fire with wild harpies tearing out his intestines. "What happened to all the bikini models and the sun and the fun?" Gates screams.
"Oh, that," says God. "That was a Screen Saver."

Woman

There is two times never man understand  woman, before married and after married, is not it friends?

Kiss

General Musharaf, Vajpayee, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train.The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Musharaf are sitting there looking perplexed.Vajpayee is bent over holding his face, which is red from and apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.Thatcher is thinking: These Indians are all crazy after Madhuri. Vajpayeemust have tried to kiss her in the tunnel.Very proper that she slapped him.Madhuri is thinking: Vajpayee must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped.Vajpayee is thinking: Damn it, Musharaf must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped me. Musharaf is thinking: If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Vajpayee again.

Poem

GOD MADE MAN AND THEN RESTED,
GOD MADE WOMEN AND THEN NO ONE  RESTED.........................................

Amazing

Rabri was walking on a beach when she found a bottle. She opened it to see what was inside. Out came a Genie with three wishes as usual.
Genie: You can have any three wishes. But remember whatever you ask, your husband will get the same thing ten times more.
Rabri: Make me the most beautiful woman on earth.
Genie: Remember that Laloo will get the same treatment, ten times. All the girls will be after him.
Rabri: That's all right. Where will Laloo go? After all I will be the most beautiful woman, so he will always be running after me. The Genie waves his hand and Rabri becomes the most beautiful woman on earth.
Genie: What is your next wish?
Rabri: Make me the richest woman on earth.
Genie: Remember that Laloo will get ten times what you get.
Rabri: That's all right. All that's his is mine anyway.
The Genie again waves his hand and it is done.
Genie: What is your third wish?
Rabri: Give a mild heart attack.

Phone Cost From Hell

Narasimha Rao, Mulayam Singh Yadav and Laloo Yadav died and reach hell. All Three of them desperately
feel like talking to their family members. So, when Yamaraj asks them for one last wish they say that they would want to make a phone call to their respective houses. Yamaraj says, "OK, but you will be charged at international rates for the phone call!". Next they make a phone call each and are then given their bill. Narasimha Rao's bill will read Rs. 50,000, Mulayam Singh's, Rs. 45,000 and Laloo's bill Rs. 1.50. Narasimha Rao and Mulayam Singh are pretty upset and think this is unfair, "How could you charge him just Rs. 1.50?". Yamaraj replies, "That's because from hell to Bihar it's only a local call."

Desire of  Saddam Hussain,  Musharaff and laloo yadav

Saddam Hussain gets a chance to visit God. He asks him: "God when shall I see the defeat of BillClinton?"
God replies: "Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying,is
disappointed and walks away. Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God next and asks him: "God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan?" God replies: "Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts weeping and goes away. Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him: "God when shall
I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state." Hearing this, God starts crying. Laloo is a little
surprised and asks: "God, why are you crying?" God replies: "Son, I will not see that in MY lifetime."

Bring me Water

Rupesh-A small boy is sent to bed by his father.?
[Five minutes later] "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out." [Five minutes later]
"Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!" [Five minutes later]
"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

Planning to Go Sun

Once a servant and his master were watching a show on astronauts on the T.V..Suddennly the servant got up and said " Master i will not work for u anymore ".The master said " Why ?? ".The servant replyed " I will be astronaut and I will not go to the Moon but i will go to he Sun ". With a laugh the master said " Hey , stupid you will burn there , dont you know that summer the sun is hot.The servant laughed and said " You think i am stupid i will go to the Sun in the night and not in the afternoon " .

Meaning of wife

Husband asked wife, ?Do you know the meaning of WIFE ? ?WITHOUT INFORMATION FIGHTING EVERYTIME.?
Wife replied, ?It could also be - WITH IDIOT FOR EVER.?

Who is my Son?

Donkey to Donkey: one day a donkey asked to another what are you looking for.First donkey says my son has lost.Second donkey said then what are you doing here find your son.First replied that in this house two man's are fighting and saying each other that they are donkey's Son.I want to know who is my real son.

Bush

One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.
After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you."
The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"
"I'll personally hand it to you," said Bush. "I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.
"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said Bush. "And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy.
"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!"
"No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning."

Because of......

Teacher ask to Raj,
Teacher : Why you come late in class room?
Raj : Because of sign board.
Teacher : What is in there?
Raj : There is noticed that " This is a School area so please slow."

Because of...

Mother ask To Raj,
Mother: why you failed?
Raj : Becasue of absent
Mother: did you absent in examination hall?
Raj: That Day front of me student absent so that.........


Peter-an old man was on his death bed. Peter wanted badly to
take some of his money with him. Peter called his priest, his
doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's Rupees30,000
cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my
coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding
away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and
confessed, "I had only put Rupees20,000 into the envelope
because I needed Rupees10,000 for a new baptistery."
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor,
"I only put Rupees10,000 in the envelope because we needed a
new machine at the hospital which cost Rupees20,000."
The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he
exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in
that coffin, it held my personal check for the full
Rupees30,000."

A general store owner hires a young female clerk "Roshani"
with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man
named "Bhavin" enters the store, glances atRoshani and then at
the loaves of bread behind the counter.
"I''d like some raisin bread, please," Bhavin says politely.
Roshani nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread
located on the topmost shelf.
The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided
with an excellent view.
As Roshani retrieves the bread, a small group of male
customers gather around the Bhavin, looking in the same
direction. Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread,
just to see Roshani climb up and down.
After a few trips Roshani is tired and irritated. She stops
and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men
standing below. Roshani notices an elderly man standing
amongst the throng.
"Is yours raisin, too?" Roshani yells testily.
"No," croaks the feeble old man, "but it''s starting to
twitch!"

Teeth


Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry it
will take just five minutes.
Naveen: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's Rupees90.00.
Naveen: Rupees90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

Sorry

"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you four
hundred Rupees for pulling your boy's tooth."
"Four Hundred Rupees! Why, I understood you to say that you
charged only hundred Rupees for such work!"
"Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so
terribly that he scared out three other patients out of the
office."


PUZZLED PARROT


Anand the Great magician worked on a cruise ship in the Indian
Ocean. The audience was different each week, so the magician
allowed himself to do the Same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows
each week and began to understand how the magician did every
trick. Once parrot understood, he started shouting in middle
of the show:
"Look, it's not the Same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician
was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the
captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. Anand found himself
on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate
would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with
hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and
then another.
On the third day, the parrot could not hold back: "OK, I give
up.Please tell me Anand... Where's the boat?

Talking Parrots


Linda approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a
problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know
how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how
to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a
solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over
to my house and I will put them with my two male talking
parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots
will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase
and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" Linda responded.
The next day Linda brings her female parrots to the priest's
house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and
praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in
with the male parrots and the female parrots say,
"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and
exclaims, "Put the prayers away. Our prayers have been
answered!"

who wants him back?

Simran went to the police station with her next-door neighbor
to report that her husband Shahrook was missing. The policeman
asked for a description.
Simran said, "Shahrook's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark
eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is
soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Shahrook is 5 foot 4,
chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
Simran replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

Bring me a water?

Rupesh-A small boy is sent to bed by his father.?
[Five minutes later] "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you
bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out." [Five minutes later]
"Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of
water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of
water?"



Maria went to see an old Chinese doctor and complained that no
matter how hard she tried, men never seemed interested in her
or interested in having sex with her.
"I'm the only 35 year old virgin I know !" The doctor took her
into his examining room and looked at her carefully, shaking
his head. "Hmmmm...very bad, very bad." he muttered.
"What is it?" she asked. "I'm not sure. Please take off all
your clothes, though." he responded. Soon, the woman stood
naked in front of him and he continued to shake his head
sadly.
"Now I want you to get on your hands and knees and crawl as
fast as you can to the other side of the room." He instructed
her.
When she did that, he then told her, "OK, now crawl back to
this side as fast as you can." When she finished that, she
heard him muttering again, "Very bad, very bad..." "What's the
matter? Can you tell me now?" she asked, nearly in tears.
"You have a very bad case of Zachary Disease. Worst case I've
ever seen." he told her. "Zachary Disease? What's that?",
Maria asked. "That's when your face look Zachary like your
ass.", he told her.

old man

Navmeet was kept in after school for messing around. Sybel
Teacher said to him, Navmeet is it true you have a big dick?
Navmeet said yes Sybel Teacher.
she said show me, Navmeet flopped it out, and she spread her
legs and said stick it in here.
Navmeet said, "No way my father said those things have teeth
and they bite,
she said no they don't, stick that broom stick in there" as he
did she farted.
Navmeet said, "My old man was right. If it will growl at a bit
of wood, imagine what it would do to a hunk of meat."

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple meet and are talking
about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes
up.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asks the Earthling.
"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap
partners for the night and experience one another.
The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom
where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie
member--about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says the woman.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with
his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows
until it's quite impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still
pretty narrow...."
"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each
pull his member grows wider and wider until the entire
measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims as they fall into bed and make mad,
passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal
partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, the Earth male asks, "Well, was it any
good?" "I hate to say it," she says, "but it was pretty
wonderful. How about you?"
"It was OK," he replies, "but a little weird. The whole time
she was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."


Sense in asleep


Raveena-the young lady's hopes had been high for two years
while Aditya Kapoor remained silent on the question of
marriage. Then one evening Aditya said to Raveena, "I had a
most unusual dream last night. I dreamed that I asked to marry
you. I wonder what that means."
"THAT MEANS," said his girlfriend, "THAT YOU HAVE MORE SENSE
ASLEEP THAN YOU HAVE AWAKE."
 

Aditya Kapoor's mother, worrying about her son's safety, said
to him: "Didn't I say you should not let that girl come over
to your room last night? You know how things like that worry
me."
"But I didn't invite her to my room," said Kapoor. "I went
over to her room. NOW YOU CAN LET HER MOTHER DO THE WORRYING."

 

Richard's family was upset because the girl he was planning to
marry was an atheist.
"We'll not have you marrying an atheist," his mother said.
"What can I do? I love her," the young Richard said.
"Well," said his mother, "if she loves you, she will do
anything you ask. You should talk religion to her. If you are
persistent, you can win her over."
Several weeks went by, then one morning at breakfast the young
Richard seemed absolutely brokenhearted. "What's the matter?"
his mother asked. "I thought you were making such good
progress in your talks about religion to your young
girlfriend."
"THAT'S THE TROUBLE," said Richard. I OVER DID IT. LAST NIGHT
SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS SO CONVINCED THAT SHE IS GOING TO STUDY TO
BE A NUN."

Planning to Go Sun


Once a servant and his master were watching a show on
astronauts on the T.V..Suddennly the servant got up and said "
Master i will not work for u anymore ".The master said " Why
?? ".The servant replyed " I will be astronaut and I will not
go to the Moon but i will go to he Sun ". With a laugh the
master said " Hey , stupid you will burn there , dont you know
that summer the sun is hot.The servant laughed and said " You
think i am stupid i will go to the Sun in the night and not in
the afternoon " .

Stupid

A boy was just passing by on the road suddenly he saw a water
melon he just picked it up a voice came and it said"order
please wat do u want?"he said "i want a beautiful home 2
live"that the voice came that"if i would have abeautiful home
so y would i live in this watermelon"


santa says to banta: yaar sab koi sardaro ka mazak udatey hai
chalo hum sardar milkey sabka mazak udaye.
they planned they will stand in front of a main hole and stare
at it. people would be find it interesting they would gather
around us out of curosity and we would turn around and make a
fool of them.
so as per the plan santa and banta stood near a main hole.
they stood their till the evening. lot of sounds were coming
from behind and they were very happy as their plan was
successful. when noice grew much and much they both decided to
turn and tell them that they (even being a surd) have befooled
the people standing.
when they turned their face to their surprize all people
standing behind them were "SURD" ONLY


Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent
almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her
hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the
second, she decided that no one could see her way up there,
and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly
begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was
lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her
rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager
of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The
Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would
very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did
yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather
calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered
with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man.
"You're lying on the dining room skylight."



Drunk Guy and...

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches
through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most
definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all
night?" she demands.
"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon.
Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a
golden floor, the works - hell, even the urinal's gold!"
The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day
checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the
Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's
story.
"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender
answers the phone.
"Yes it is," bartender answers.
"Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender
yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that
pissed in your saxophone last night!"

Relatives

a couple was going on the road. they have seen so many donkeys
on the road. the wife says to her husband "Look your relatives are walking on the road "husband says " OH yes ! but it's seems not from my family, do not you think they are belongs to my father in laws relatives?"


Don't Marry a Computer, Software or a Web Engineer.

Husband : (Returning late from work) "Good Evening dear....I'm now logged in."
Wife: Have you brought the groceries?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife: But I told you in the morning
Husband : Syntax Error. Abort?
Wife: What about my new TV?
Husband : Variable not found . . .
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do someshopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied
Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?
Husband : Too many parameters . . .
Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife: You are useless.
Husband : It's by Default.
Wife: What about your Salary?
Husband : File in use . . . Try later.
Wife: What is my value in the family.
Husband : Unknown Virus.



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Revised: June 10, 2004 .
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