Life, meaning, philosophy, Zen, computer, management… These have been the areas of my interest. For some reason, I wanted to tie these together and make sense out of them. So, I started to write a book, called a white book. It is still in a draft form, 60% done with critical elements still missing. But this jig saw puzzle seems to be being put together. If I try to summarize my work so far, it goes like this:

Life is a problem solving process to optimize and/or expand the potential of life energy by figuring out the maximum H-value (it represents the "liveliness" of living entity). It is to go against the law of entropy – to self-organize to maintain and expand as opposed to returning to the chaos. By studying the functions of conscious and unconscious mind, we may see how we go through this process.

In conscious mind, using words, concepts, etc., we can "simulate" the outcome of H-values so that we, or identified self’s, can choose the most likely/promising outcome. This activity is called thinking. In a way, it is like a portfolio management to come up with the maximum H-value from various activities in life. If we do (simulate) this by looking backward, it becomes reflection and learning. Also, handled incorrectly, it can become delusion, regret, self-indulgence, etc. Our major task is not to let mind overtake or bind us but find and practice a principle way to live our life the most meaningful way - lively, and truthfully.

So, conscious mind activity is one of seeking the best scenario to maximize future H-value and act upon it. Here, the images associated with the past experiences are tied to certain H-values. So, by having various experiences, images, and H-values, or likes and dislikes, associated with them, our conscious mind can play this simulation game, i.e., if we do this, then that, etc. Accordingly, we make judgment and act upon it always aiming at high H-value option. Our whole civilization was build by our ancestors going through such process - using this simulation tools in our brain. On the other hand, our whole "psychological" suffering is also tied to this process, as a result of not clearly understanding how to use this mind tool, but being used by them. It is like repeatedly going through the simulation/mental movie, e.g., if this did not happen, etc. (Since we live by balancing the act by checking future and present H-values, reconciling the difference is a critical concern for us.)

In unconscious mind, we have the same structure except that we do not simulate events to make judgment as we do in our conscious mind. It just responds with what is already programmed. In a way, it is like DNA. It is pretty much built-in and difficult to change the combination of programmed work already done. So, the process here is autonomously controlled utilizing the pre-set programs in our nerve/neuron system prior to our birth, e.g., functioning of our heart. Or, such programming may be done as imprint in our early age, e.g., I like the smell of flowers from my birthplace. (Here, likes and dislikes are built-in) Or, programming may represent internalized lesson as we find in artists’ and sportsmen’s skills. (Here, after repeated training, we can do things without thinking about it.)

If we live "here and now" like a bird, cat or fox, the present H-value is maximized as we simply follow the law of universe, or I call X, without any human intervention. It represents the nature’s way, the truth and there is nothing else we do but be one with it. In such a state, we are paying full attention, being fully intuitive, and utilizing all we have to focus on the current issues. Of course, our overall intelligence level will be less and the degree of freedom may be limited compared to us using the conscious mind with which we can create tools to assist out life’s activities. Yet, we have no "human" sufferings in this natural state.

So, away from "psychological" suffering that is connected to living in the dualistic world, some of us may choose to live almost like animals in isolation - away from civilization and being one with the nature. We often yarn for it as all of us came from there - our Home. Or, we may find such mental state when we are in deep sleep, meditate, play sports, or are engaged in a hobby experiencing oneness with the task. Also, we were once in such a state when we were very young still in the Garden of Eden. So, when hungry, just eat; when tired, just take rest; when die, just die. Time does not exist in such a state as we are one with the flow and time and meaning are found only in the dualistic world. (So, in such activities with no-mind, we feel time flies very fast when we come back to our conscious mind mode to realize what has happened.)

Fortunately or unfortunately, we are made to think. So, the experiences of absolute "here and now" is difficult to achieve if we live in our dualistic world. Then, the question is to find a way so that we can not be blinded by this thinking function, but still conduct/enjoy our life as it is meant to be. In other words, we need to think by not losing the sense of here and now. Or, our aim becomes one of "maximizing the future and present H-values at the same time." If we can do this, we are open, free, and be the master to any situation we encounter and we are detached from humanly created suffering. We then find the state where we use "all we have" in living the best we possibly can. (Such state corresponds to a life in the Garden of Eden superimposed to the modern world. In Zen, this corresponds to 10^th stage of Ox-herding pictures by Kakuan where we use tools but not to be used by tools.)

If we can do this, it is not "we" anymore that face the reality but our SELF, call it true self or X, doing the job. Then, I am that I am. Such is the absolute world without any artificial self or untrue image interfering. To practice such notion while living in the dualistic world, we need to learn to correctly observe, think, use correct words and images associated with them, conduct life engaged in activities that fit to the way, and let X do the job at the same time. In other words, we should recognize the fallacy of thinking and not to be overtaken by it.

The state is one of "let the mind flow freely without abiding anywhere." If we live from such a stance, we are one with X, and at the same time, we can engage ourselves in "thinking" or living in our modern world, yet not to the point of being overtaken or getting into illusion. It is one of direct experience of being here and now, living with the fact. So, even thinking and feeling become a pure act of X, nothing interfering. Then, with practice, we realize if we get into the illusion so that we can be awakened instead of staying in illusion.

By monitoring how we feel, and learning to take that quiet stance or X to observe and let it be at the center of our activity, we may then live our life at the flash point of creation, expressing the formless energy in all of our life’s activities. If we are caught up in thought, we are away from such state. But if we observe what we are doing in our conscious mind from the quiet center or X without effort, i.e., non-thinking of thinking, inspiration or awakening insight will come naturally – as such is not a human process. This X factor makes the difference of computer and our brain computer with self-evolving capability. It evolves by itself, self-organizes itself given the information, stimulation, and experiences. We are to be with that flow, channeling that energy in whatever activity we are in.

Everybody or every cell has X, creative energy, as a root of being. But we often engage ourselves in the issues of brunches and leaves as if they have the life of their own - away from the root, which is sub-optimization – not fully expressing and maximizing H-value. Some form of meditation, sleep, rest, sports, art, travel, etc. may revitalize the process or refresh our life. But ultimately, it should not be the escape. Without our own efforts but by living from X, we may find the correct, truthful path in our life. That appears to be the fundamental way of living.

As tree grows, it gets the feedback/learning from the situation to find the path it takes for its brunches and leaves to grow further. The same is true in human life. There are many mini-brains (brunches), each focusing on certain subject, e.g., health, finance, hobby, work, relationship, etc. Of course, they may overlap among themselves due to convoluted nature of neuron network. Then, there are various passages one can take to various directions. It is a growth and creation process. There is an exploration with thinking, and learning that we can apply to grow our own tree – individually and collectively. In the process, we go back and forth searching for maximizing H-value – across mini-brains and across leaves, brunches, trunk and root, or our whole brain-heart system. That to me is what life is and the way for us to be alive fully, as it is meant to be.

We see application of such ability in human history. There are positive and negative aspects. For example, technological evolution may be seen as positive, provided that we know how to use the tool. Technology, wealth, our body, our environment, each individual is responsible for these to serve their purpose. This is like we know how to use our conscious mind for H-maximization, i.e., not suffering. Yet, we should know that as soon as the task is accomplished, it is like words or dead body. There is no more life in technology, art, literature, etc. by themselves. We are to use them, and not to be used. The same is true to words of gurus or masters. The question is bringing out the life, and find "alive-ness," in the creation process to move forward. Picasso’s painting is dead as soon as we hang it on the wall. When we meet Buddha, kill Buddha.

As it has to be done at the level of each individual and at each cell for that matter, we need to figure out a principle that helps guide our behavior internally. For example, if we observe our anger, as if there is a "big" SELF, true nature, X, or a quiet center observing such emotion, we find that emotion of anger goes away. As we experience such process more, we find that we can discharge our negative emotion from many situations we are in. We are then free - away from the tangled situation, open for insight to guide us. So, the master, X, play this trick.

This is because X is functioning in a direct manner without our self caught in between. As such self tends to sub-optimize and builds a fence around it, big picture, connecting the root of why we live, is lost and we get tangled up. By not feeding the energy to such self so that it lives on its own but just to observe the way it acts, such emotion loses its base and dissipates. In other words, X helps to figure out that it is a waste of life energy to spend in anger or mechanical reaction as if wind is bothering a brunch of this big tree. So, it is a form of nature’s wisdom that is functioning to awaken us so that H-maximization is better oriented to the right direction – following the law of nature. It is an organic, holistic process. In case of suffering, it is a healing process. In such a situation, clarity, awareness, alertness, freshness, openness, humbleness, and as-it-isness are the outcome. We can then think, act, or feel like rain falling from the sky.

But to do this in this dualistic world with habits imbedded, we need to go through combination of things. We need to un-train ourselves, find our own nature by observing our reaction to things, have learning/ experience base and reference points, and practice so that we lose unnecessary luggage, words, concepts, ego, and human efforts we carry along. In a sense, it may correspond to rewiring our neuron to tie in with the root of wisdom, or X, so that that life energy is flowing without obstruction as opposed to our self keeps interfering or binding itself. The notion of self has its own purpose in this dualistic world. Yet, it is the same as the notion that our elbow does not bend outward. We need to be free to use it as opposed to be used and complain about its own limitation, binding nature. When we take that stance, there is no self, no elbow – but the freedom, one action.

We see that it is a nature of our conscious mind to build a net and define its circle of activity to play with. It has a lot to offer. Yet, we just need to realize the limitation and binding nature of such process. Our unconscious mind has the same structure, and limitation, e.g., karma. We need to be aware of the nature of its existence, and practice to live from X. The difference here is that of one’s own experience to be aware of X in us and live our life accordingly. Our heart, breathing, acting, and thinking need a direct link to X without interference. This is un-training, or letting go. (Then, we need to give up to try to let go of ego, either. So, "we" then is gone.)

Without identified self, a SELF in a larger sense (or non-self as may be called in Zen or Buddhism) operates following the law of the universe, that may be described as a formless energy that creates all living being. All creation, evolution, inspiration, etc. are expression of this energy. This X, naturally feeds energy to conscious mind to operate this human brain computer and try to make the best move for expressing this life energy. We are one with this, X, and there is nothing that is not an expression of X. (In Zen/Buddhist term, there is no life and death, or no learning, therefore.) The point is that H-value varies depending on how we run our mind.

Finding the operating manual of this conscious and unconscious mind and using it effectively is a question – if we look it that way. Robots or computer may not know who or how they are created. But as the one being created and at the same time a creator ourselves as we represent X in us at the same time, living in this paradox is only possible for us as humans. So, if God cannot see himself but through us, and that the life in the Garden of Eden is as it is, let’s do our portion of work that is only doable by us.

FYI, I have a club and a home page, discussing these issues:

http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/philosophylifemanagement

http://www.oocities.org/suzakico/

If interested, please visit and share comments.

* Just from my recent experience of fixing the sprinkler problem in my garden, I realize that we can make so many mistakes before mastering any art or profession. Riding bicycle, becoming a manager, painting a picture, all seem to go through the similar process. In the process, there are a lot of mistakes and learning. I certainly feel that if we were to master the art of using our brain/mind, we need to go through such a process, perhaps never ending. I hear even Buddha broke the precepts three times.

So what? Let us do the best one step at a time. It is an art of life for sure.