Reflection of Delusion (Jan. 9, 2002) - tie to Part 3
Thoughts are like drifting
clouds in the sky
Use the Brain, Listen to
the Heart, Live with the Mission
Review of Vipassana meditation – 6/02-12/02
This file contains my notes I wrote during Nov. 2001 to Dec. 2002 related to my practice of vipassana. As the practice deepens (so I think), I see changes happening. Still, each moment was what was my best (so I think) at the time. Best wishes, have a happy day, happy life! - Kio Suzaki
As if checking the situation from the shop floor point of view, we can check (our bodily sensation to see) how we may be deluded and spending the time and energy on wasteful thoughts. For example, I noticed in one morning that I was dwelling on the things that can not be redone. Money, relationship, work, etc., the thought went on for a while. In the bed, and feeling comfortable- perhaps too comfortable, noticing me doing this, I felt troubled. Noticing this, I did vipassana as if to clear up the mind to get back to the zero base (to live now). I also went through Shiku-seigan, with the emphasis on throwing away the delusion, and expressing my talent in saving people from suffering and learning the way. So, this is another moment to practice the principle way.
"Know how the enemy attacks"
As in JIT(Lean production principle) where we emphasize the importance of housekeeping and organization, waste will be generated if we are not paying attention in detail. As if taking a bath, we need to keep throwing away the delusion. From anywhere, delusion may attack us aiming at the weak moment and the weak spot. Overcoming sloth and torpor and delusions (craving, aversion, agitation, doubt), we are to remain balanced when unwanted situation happen. (Five great enemies: p56-7, 10 day course summary) Whenever we notice, we go back to the principle way. Also to help us notice the problem earlier, we hone the senses by practicing vipassana. "Any practice that interferes with the awareness of the sensation is harmful." (p92 10 day-discourse)
"Express!"
While getting back to the zero base is important, it is also important to express our talent (from the base of equanimity) in striving (say the Kushiseigan) "Great happiness sets in in the inner self of one who strives." (p100, U Ba Kin Journal)
There are ways to look at our thoughts as themselves as if they are standing alone and seeing them from the heart as if they are like clouds in the sky drifting away all the time, nothing to hang to.
Thoughts are like clouds
Seeing them come and drift away
Be centered where we are
Vipassana addresses the danger of being driven by the mind habit. If we are driven by our mind habit and be unaware of it, it is like bleeding from injury without knowing the problem. So pay attention to inattention.
It appears that from the heart, all "human" activity looks like clouds. Whether it is running a company, or doing small chores, the clouds are just clouds - and nothing more. But moment later, it may appear as having significance in progressing what we are meant to.
What is interesting is that Zen expression ties with vipasanna practice quite well. Here is an example.
Rinzai: At any situation, be the master.
- This phrase tells me the sense to be attentive to inattention.
- It is to go through the feedback, or PDCA, rather CA(take corrective action) to be at the center and eradicate the error.
- Then, when error is dissolved, there is a quiet mind. This is the mastery of mind. Be awake, open to explore, express the compassion and wisdom.
-
Here is an example: I felt sensation of desire, a cloud
like sense that stayed with me for a while on
- So, it was a whisper of devil. It was not as vivid as the sense I experienced while I was young. Still, it was a subtle sense of agitation. Perhaps the slow progress of my writing the white book contributed such a sense. Reflecting this now, I was separated from the center – I was with this conflict without resolution.
Process: The principle way
- Once I realized the problem, the cure was easy – at least in this case.
- In Zen expression, it is: “You have a troubled mind? Show me.” “You are bound? Who bound you?”
- This is to get to the center of activity and not to separate “I” from the subject matter, whether it is sensation, thoughts, desire, etc. “When hot, kill yourself in the hot. Be one with it as opposed to try to escape.” “To escape, we need to stop trying to escape.”
- So, this was the classic case of being caught up. As soon as I put myself in the condition for the insight to take place, this subtle “desire” and uneasiness was gone, leaving me the quiet serene mind.
- When I became one with this “desire,” the desire turned into a clean positive energy as opposed to giving me the sense of conflict. It was the release from the conflict, as nature took care of the problem. (Left alone, the nature sorted things out, and self-organized them so that the energy is now correctly aimed at H-max.)
- Again, we can be bound easily if we do not notice the situation and not to know the way of liberation. So, this again points the importance of paying attention to inattention.
Insight, Lessons learned.
- When we think, and our image wanders around (say in meditation or in daily life) we may be caught up in it.
- When we day dream, play in imagination, say with sense pleasure, we are not centered.
- It is the point of “Separation” from the “grounded state.”
- In vipassana, this is when nothing is happening in terms of achieving the benefit of vipassana, i.e., eradicating the errors. One is just day dreaming so to speak. Or, worse, it could be multiplying and storing the negative energy without release.
- So, watch out the devil’s deed to divert our attention and keep us occupied.
- Devil’s voice may be in the form of delusion, incoherent thoughts, daydreaming images, doubt, sloth, etc. to be away from the quiet center. If not handles well, we may simply use diversion tactics as opposed to deal with the root of the problem.
- Yet, to handle well, we need to find the quiet center and stay with it to notice the disturbance. Another catch 22. But, once got the idea/experience, this skill can be strengthened and stay with us – so far as we keep practicing in our daily life – from moment to moment.
Be awake!!!
May all beings be happily awake!
When we meditate, we get in touch with the heart. It is the zero base, the core of our existence. There is energy, peace, and the absolute, which is the law of universe, or dharma. It is the world beyond logic. When we are connected with heart as the base, we find peace, or should we say we and peace become one as absolute pure experience. Although there is nothing missing in this state of being*, if we superimpose the world we live in to this state, meaning of our act becomes clear and the right path becomes known**.
(* 8th stage of ten ox-herding picture, ** 10th stage)
On one side, we can detect our wrong doing and be able to correct it according to dharma. Being in that state (8th stage), it is as if the heart does the healing. This is vipassana. Wrong use of the brain is realized and insight gained. It is as if redeeming our sin. On the other side, having established there, we can express who we really are. (10th stage) This is eight-fold path. Being in touch with the heart, we can find right view, understanding, words, act, livelihood, efforts and concentration. We can then paint the canvas of our life as it is meant. These are two side of the same coin.
Eightfold path may be seen as representing shila-samadhi-prajna and prajna is seen as the ultimate wisdom. However, we can also say that with prajna, we can express right shila (in the sense of our act in life) and samadhi. This is the same point as in doing metta meditation, one has to have the quiet mind first. Right wisdom, compassion and expression of life is only possible when we are in touch with the heart – having established in the quiet mind and being able to see what is going on. So, this is the path, eight-fold path. Every occasion we step out of the path, we simply get back on it again. (i.e., before the 8th stage and after the 10th stage)
Then, the process is in the four noble truths, “suffering, cause of suffering, elimination of suffering, and practicing the way to eliminate suffering.” (8th stage) But, putting it in a “positive term,” it is, “listening to the heart, acting with the quiet mind as a base, expressing dharma, and practicing the way to express life.” (10th stage) It is as if, 1) live, 2) encounter problems, 3) get back to the quiet mind, and dissolve the error, and 4) express the law in life.
So what? As birds sing a song, we are to express life. We may do vipassana, but we are to come to the point of being able to 1) eradicate the error (suffering and misery) and 2) live happily by expressing who we are – in the society. So, in conclusion: we may do vipassana, but we are to keep the quiet mind as the base and express eight-fold path, the law of universe or dharma, in our daily living.
In meditative state, we let the thoughts to pass by. This is Makumoso or cutting the delusion to connect to the heart. Yet, once the connection to the heart is made, there is a benefit of wisdom as opposed to wrong use of the brain causing the suffering and delusion. For that purpose, the thoughts may be examined carefully and shared as Buddha did. The expression coming out of such a condition is the right thinking of eight-fold path.
I said, use the brain,
listen to the heart, and live with the mission.
More specifically, use the brain, touch the heart, use the brain as we
listen to the heart, and live with mission to express who we are. This is the way to transcend the gate between
science and religion, concept and intuition, conscious and unconscious. Just be aware with sensation of breath in
whatever we do (Sayadaw). Listen (Bankei). Express!
(- So, Picasso may say).
Death of a Monk
Birds sing and squirrels run
This quiet morning
I just heard that
Martin Hughes, aka Edgarhell, or Muttlieb passed away a week ago. He and I communicated on the net at his club Zenhell and met in
For my recent book, Results from the Heart, he gave a very nice endorsing comment. I recall him saying that he read the book twice in order to put his words. When I told him that I received a foreword from Dalai Lama, he was very happily surprised. Now, the book is about to be published and is being mailed to his temple, but there is no one to receive it. We kept a close contact for more than two years mostly through e-mails. He was often on the Japanese national TV, and was about to write a book on his life with a ghostwriter. Without finishing it, few things left with me are his essay and our correspondence (posted on my home page), and few of his drawings.
He wanted to see my
son and was curious when we could visit.
I also thought that it would be an interesting life experience for my
son to stay at his temple for some time.
But, now that cannot happen.
Impermanence, it is. What I
remember about his temple is the constant stream running next to it. The temple was a small one at the hillside,
overlooking the
Each cells of our body follows the same principle of H-theory (just like Bussho). That is, given the stimuli, each cell will function to maximize the H-value following the N-H matrix, which may be developed from the past programming (karma). Yet, this is as-it-isness. It simply follows the programs in DNA, which represents the intelligence collected up to that point. Yet, given the situation, it may be ready to explore its potential further. Although each cell may not appear to have the capacity to predict the future or to learn from the past, it always tries to express itself and/or with other cells jointly. This may happen as response to the specific situation given or in its evolutionary process that may take place over a long time period.
As far as there are many stimuli and myriad of cells to influence with each other, there are conflicts to be harmonized. More we know about what is going in us, more we realize that the nature doing a great job. When we have a wound, cells around will try to fix it among themselves. On the other hand, certain cells may feel a pleasant situation as in the case of warming up in the bathtub after the outing in the snow. When the cells are forced to go beyond the limit, there has to be awareness and corresponding action to be taken. We can apply this to the organization, e.g., some are programmed this way or that way, but collectively, we are exploring and expressing, we can explore and express, following the law of nature.
I thought an image of Edgar may be a Drum hanging down from the eaves. But, this is not an usual drum. It is called Nuno Daiko, or Drum that has cloth - not usual leather skin on it. So, even if anyone try to bang it, it will not make any sound. I read this in one of the Daisetz's writings somewhere, and it stayed with me as an interesting image - or as a koan. Of course, this drum by itself is useless. But, people see it as it is hanging there. Some people may be even annoyed by seeing things like this hanging. (Ask why annoying….anyway!)
Why Edgar reminds me of this Cloth-Drum? Well, perhaps, we see us quite involved in searching, seeking or accomplish things. We may be also involved in showing off, or be proud of ourselves as well. So, this drum is a reminder to let us know the futile nature of such efforts. On one occasion, Edgar posted few words to the conversation going on at the Universe of Zen (this club). He posted here perhaps around June of 2000 (my guess) with the tone of "Well I am not enlightened as many others in this club but I sure have fun living my life." or something like that. (This may be the voice of Cloth-drum.)
By the way, I talked with Prof. W few days ago. Prof W. is a mutual friend of Edgar and me. On this day, we did calligraphy together and I wrote Mu-shin, or no-mind, on this occasion. Calligraphy is an art and as any art, may I say, there is no purpose in the act of doing it. That is "no-mind." When we talked, Prof. W. referred to my note on Edgar (I also posted here) on the phrase, "Be nice." And we talked about what that phrase may be pointing to. To sum up this story, I sense the Cloth-drum is sending the message of "Be nice." by just hanging there.
Take care!
Kio
*BTW, Thunder of silence in Vimalakirti sutra may be "Be nice."
Disease can be cured by faith…(as found in many cases).
It is when we throw away our self and simply letting the nature to do the job.
This is awareness and equanimity.
This is meditation, or this is as if letting the quiet center to observe what is going on.
On the other hand, we can create disease - including delusion and suffering, by not paying attention.
Not paying attention is like letting our negatively conditioned mind habit to overtake the situation.
It is the same as not letting the nature's intelligence to work for us.
This is the case of having the gate.
Not having the gate is like letting the heart to speak to us - as in gaining the wisdom, extending the compassion to others, or letting the wounds to heal.
To know this is not to know this.
Because once you think you know it, you may well be caught up in thoughts.
It may be much better not to catch any disease - if we can avoid it.
Refer to Buddha's word on not dwell on unimportant things!!! Do this millions of times
e.g., when I see my wife wasting things (Boy, I learned a lot…)… what about other waste in the world? What should I do? Buddha and three days facing the army, and the kingdom perished on the fourth day… So, what is important?? This is the same as "think what to think"!
Thank you. So Myokonin said to appreciate the work of Amidha.
For Dogen, this is to throw oneself into the house of Buddha, passing through the gate.
However we may hurt ourselves without knowing so.
Yet, realizing this is seeing the truth (or living in the house of Buddha).
All bodily cells appreciate the relief of pain.
Feel compassion from Buddha…
Or, this may be said as letting God do the job
Dissolve the sankhara, find peace, and happiness in the quiet mind.
Understand what redeeming the sin, forgiven the sin mean.
So, do not carry the burden around
and cause problem for you and others.
As soon as you are to carry the burden - the unnecessary past, future and self, let go of them
We create sankhara, then redeem sankhara,
This is like taking a bath to wash out the dust of bad conditioning
But if we keep the good habit that is following the way (shila),
We can express what we are meant for- using the tools as they are meant to be used for.
This is use the brain, listen to the heart, and live with the mission.
On June 1st I met Mr. Goenka briefly. After his talk at Westside of Los Angeles during his North American tour, I happened to be able to ask a question to him in person. While he helped to clear up my doubt, thinking back of this short encounter with him, it was his open, smiling, gentle, and somewhat childlike posture that I may remember the most.
I had a hunch of the answer to this question prior to this meeting, and it was a confirmation that I got from him. The question was about going beyond mind and matter that he shared in his discourse - more like an ultimate state:
1) If this refers to a senseless state, how can you offer metta in such a state?
2) If one's aim is to get there, I sense that having such an aim may prevent the progress as you are divided between something that is to be accomplished and your current state. In other words, if you aim at something, you will never get there. So, to aim for such state seems to be wrong - unless this is a skillful means of conveying some idea.
3) You mentioned in the discourse the story of writing a line on the water referring to establish the awareness with equanimity. This is like a metaphor of mirror mind. I sense that living with such a state is the state of no-mind, but ties to live with compassion and wisdom. What I sense is that we may get to the state beyond mind and matter, but we cannot live as human in this world being in such a state. So, pragmatically speaking, we are bound to come out of it and express compassion and wisdom with the principle way of shila-samadhi-prajna. Do you agree?
In short, he said that the state of going beyond mind and matter is a short time and you come back to the state of awareness. When I asked that some assistant teachers seem to seek for such a state, he said that is wrong as I felt so. About the water and line story, and mirror mind, he seemed to support that such state refers to the state of awareness and equanimity. (- and perhaps the middle way.)
Another point I remember is: To help oneself first to help others is the principle he re-emphasized (this was in the public talk). When I was about to leave him, I sensed that he had something more to say. Or, perhaps that was a sense of connection I felt after this short talk. Perhaps, it was like magnetic or gravity field akin to the field of compassion I sensed. Since there were few other people around waiting to see him, I did not stay there.
In that evening, I felt like wishing to talk with him a long time to clear up some of my other thoughts ( to confirm few loose end). Yet, later in the evening, I remembered my encounter with Mr. Ohno - and the dream of him that followed. In essence, the dream was about him leaving me - and for me to figure out the Toyota Production System on my own. Here, the subject is different but the setting of me to find the path (for mastery) is the same.
Knock, and the door will open… was the message of the dream of Mr. Ohno, which brought the action that I took thereafter. It is the initiative that counts to conduct our job and to live our own life. All the masters, Picasso, Ohno, entrepreneurs, and mini-company presidents, have or should have that initiative to figure out the path. Whether we realize it or not, it is shila(in the sense of proven process following the law of nature)- samadhi-prajna.
Initiative is there when our mind and matter(body) found the link for energy to channel in a path (or general direction as in mission) that is to follow the law of nature. This is tied with the mission - connected to the heart. Our life is an expression of that initiative (dream/hope). ---and by the way, this is the point of my message in the book, Results from the Heart.
Whatever we do, so far as we live in this world and use out brain, knowledge, etc., we are guaranteed to get lost and fall into delusion every now and then. Some may bring more hurting and suffering than the other. The critical point is to know the way to find the path - shila-samadhi-prajna and practice it. Goenka, Ajahn Chah, Daisetz, Krishnamurti, … say the same thing - if we know what they are talking about. (so I think…)
Good luck!
Kio
Second Vipassana 10-day course (Nov-Dec/01)
- 12/30/01 ...................................................................................................................................... range 10-100 ....................................................................................................................................................... mean 55min./d
12/30-1/26 ..................................................................................................................................... range 60-160 .............................................................................................................................................................. mean 100
2/21-4/24 ........................................................................................................................................ range 10-100 ................................................................................................................................................................ mean 50
4/25- 6/11 ......................................................................................................................................... range 10-80 ................................................................................................................................................................ mean 45
6/12-7/16 .......................................................................................................................................... range 10-70................................................................................................................................................................ mean 25
After the travel to
1) Subjectivity is truth / Martin Hughes’ life, Mr. Nakayama’s life
2) Zen, and its lack of emphasis on description (In time, we defy description…and?!)
3) Perhaps, lost focus after publishing the green book (and its lack of public interest)
4) Realize the difficulty of writing a white book.
5) Yet, I still “search” for an idea like “Dogen-san no anraku seppo” (Is it not natural to do so?!)
Also, tied to the above, I have tested the life of less structure (shila – in away), e.g., investment- computer/TV(!), gardening, exercise, hiking. In a way, since 1999 fall, over two years, I cut down many external situations to explore internally to a level that I felt fairly solid. I just wonder that if my exploration back into the external world, e.g., investment, needs better/continuous check and balance/harmonious process.
1) How much external exposure do I like to have? (If you do something, that will tie you down… a case of Picasso and hunging shoe.)
2) What does it mean for my specific case, the idea of “living with mission”?
I just realized that the process I am going through is the meditation – my way process to reflect and gain insight as I live. Following through the rhythm, PDCA is crucial.
Meditation is to know who I really am…
and to experience what is beyond and/or within.
Morning and evening, I sit quietly
- experiencing the mystery of “life.”
Noticing my mind’s play,
I may see various thoughts pass by.
Or, I may be brought into a convoluted state
- when I am unaware
of what is going on.
Like a stream flowing out of a fountain,
thoughts may emerge out of my unconsciousness.
Yet, they drift away like clouds in the sky,
vanishing the traces only for nothingness to return.
An image may appear in a deeper samadhi
as if I am there in that exact moment of the past.
Suddenly popping up for a fraction of a second,
yet the darkness returns immediately after.
This happens when my mind is empty,
or I am paying attention to the bodily sensation.
As if going through the Penrose’s brain
experiment,*
some neurons must be firing in the unconscious part of my brain.
When all of my body cells are
activated,
the mind is liberated from its self-generated constraints.**
Energy wave may penetrate throughout my whole
body,
as experience is experiencing itself in pure vibration.
There is no me, no values, no paradox nor
conflict.
All are as they are in the state of as-it-isness.
In its mysterious form, life is directly
experienced
- in the unknown,
and in its indescribable state.
Call it the eternal home,
or, the blissful moment where the moment is infinite.
Tears may run down for no special reason,
perhaps as an expression of the universe itself.
After reflecting like this on my meditative
state,
I realize that there is nothing missing from
way back when…
Even before the beginning-less time,
it is as it is; and I am that I am.
Funny thing is; I often find cats and rabbits
meditating.
Birds and trees are also engaged in vipassana or zazen.
With no words, it is as if they are speaking
the secret of life:
“Be awake and live as we are meant to live!”***
------
* I recall it was Penrose
who did the experiment by putting the electrode to various parts of the human
brain. The subject experimented
reported that it was as if he/she relived the past moment of life as if it was
vividly new and real.
** Perhaps, Einstein’s words, “imagination is
more important than knowledge” correspond to this state.
*** We do not have to sit… just do what we are
to do……and when we notice that we have drifted off, just come back…to regain
the way….but not to be used by the conditioned mind. It is to live … Yuiga
Dokuson (above heaven, below heaven, I am that I
am.).
There is a path. This correspond to the way, dharma, law of nature, and H-max. In our life, we may go through or fall into the following five steps.
1) Sorrow, Misery
2) Dissolution, eradication, insight
3) Prevention, moment to moment practice
4) Extending metta, compassion and wisdom
5) Teach others, enjoy life, live life as it is meant.
Mastery is to have control over the “process” throughout our life. “We” may “apply” this in art (our hobbies), work and everywhere and every single moment – if we were to remain awake. If correctly practiced, we feel energy inside. We sense the world differently – as if there is interpenetration among all phenomena. Example, Toyota: Waste elimination, Goenka, Matsushita, my personal experience, e.g., FMI, B-Warner, GR companies, etc., fly-fishing, friendship, taking care of garden, listening to music, birds, etc. etc. and idea generation, communication with heart, etc., etc.
To deal with our monkey mind, we need to have this skill. By practicing good skills (scientifically proven), we can help direct our precious life energy in the direction that ultimately meet the idea of H-max (may all beings be happy.) As in any skill, however, if we do not use it, it becomes stale.
Few reminders:
- With awareness and equanimity, we can practice the noble eight-fold path.
- In mind contents, we may see: aversion, craving, and ignorance.
- Goenka says; "Observation of the mental contents does not mean that one should observe individual thoughts. If you try to do that, you will start rolling in the thoughts. You should simply remain aware of the nature of the mind at this moment: whether craving, aversion, ignorance and agitation are present or not. (page 90 of Discourse summary)
-
Then, we observe physical sensation;
"And whatever arises in the mind will be accompanied by a physical
sensation. Hence, whether the meditator is exploring the mental or physical aspect of the
phenomenon of 'I,' awareness of sensation is essential."
(ibid)
- This process control is essential. To strengthen the skill, for instance, we may build a fence around so that the impact of external event will not disturb us.
- (All are seen as a kind of shila, a proven way to help assist us to follow the way.)
(12/28/02)
During the months of August to October, I was busy in helping a small start-up company. This reduced my meditation time.* After being able to practice the principle way (to a degree) from 1999 to 2002 spring, and going through three months of business life, and back to the quiet life again, I now find myself balancing among various hobbies, carpentry work, gardening, and reading. These days, I spent less time in reading (since I feel many are often redundant) compared to the moment to moment practice of the “skill” in life. But, occasional reading of Daisetz, Blyth, Deshimaru, Bohm, et. al., give me a renewed insight which is more supported by my experience. (I plan to continue to re-reading books for confirmation and to deepen the insight.)
I think a major finding in this recent period is that of the balance and harmony. (Shusho-ichini: Dogen) My hobbies, interest in art, and life’s various activity seem to be more incorporated with the principle way. In other words, the inner world and external world seem to be better related. I think longer the practice of meditation, and longer the application of meditative process (or, principle way, awareness and equanimity), better harmonious balance to all the life’s activity. Subtle meaning are found and more insights are gained in broader areas compared to before. (Insight to some koans come suddenly, for example.)
Another point that I feel is that everybody’s Zen (or spiritual life) is different for each person. As Picasso in painting, and Daisetz in writing with certain focus, each person has unique focus. Reflecting the evolution of species, and the process of creativity, this makes sense to me. Perhaps, this is tied with what we have as karma, alaya consciousness, (what our talents are) and being able to process it with the principle way. The expression may be art, work or relationship with person or nature. Our happiness is found in this expression – in that state of our the being.
Second Vipassana 10-day course (Nov-Dec/01)
- 12/30/01 ............................................................................................................... range 10-100; median min./d
12/30-1/26/02 ............................................................................................................. range 60-160 median 100
2/21-4/24 ....................................................................................................................... range 10-100 median 50
4/25- 6/11…..................................................................................................................... range 10-80 median 45
6/12-7/16 ......................................................................................................................... range 10-70 median 25
----
6/23-7/26……................................................................................................................... Range 0-80 median 30
7/27-9/12.......................................................................................................................... range 0-80 median 10*
9/13-10/30........................................................................................................................ range 0-100 median 40
11/1-12/8/02................................................................................................................... range 0-160+ median 50