This report is about my second 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat during November 28 -December 9, 2,001 and related thoughts, experiences, and findings. The first retreat experience and journals are also posted on my home page. The insight I gained from this retreat is, in the nutshell: "Sensing mind and body being one and staying in equanimity, there is ultimately nothing to be known, or to be sought after. Yet, there is total awareness of harmony and peace as it is." To get the most integrated understanding and not to develop a biased view on Vipassana, I recommend the readers to read this report in a balanced manner with critical eyes. Words are words. They are dead as they are when left alone, yet, if something triggers in readers' mind/heart, I would be most happy to receive critiques or comments.

Vipassana Meditation Retreat (2) *

Since my last retreat about one year ago, on average, I sat about 30 min. per sitting in the morning and in the evening. My focus was getting the free flow. So, when I got a free flow, I felt that the clean-up of my mind-body was done to a degree. When I mentioned this to the teachers in this retreat, they suggested that I should keep one hour meditation regardless of the free flow experience. They pointed that there is marked difference between the sitting of 30 min. and 1 hour. Following their suggestion and confirming my past progress, I am increasing the sitting time with the moment to moment practice during the day.

If the peace of mind and liveliness is a measure, I remember a month or more of such period following the last retreat and when my wife and son were away in June-July this year. In these periods, I sat in the morning and evening as well as in the daytime. The sound of chime and song of birds penetrated through my body, leaving the resonating vibration. There was no me/self to react to the passing sound. In that period, there were very little interaction to the external world to bring any disturbance to my life. The life was simple, while I felt very close to the nature.

If the patient is weak, small disturbance can deteriorate the mind-body condition. To fill up the reservoir of life energy, clean up the sankhara, cure the wound, and using this energy to express what I can, the principle way of sila-samadhi-prajna needs to be practiced. Daily sittings and moment to moment practice throughout the day are the essence. While my mind may wander at occasion, let that mischievous act be clearly seen in my mind-body phenomena for the light of wisdom to shine.

Compared to the last year's retreat, I did not have noticeable physical pains during this retreat. It was a difference of night and day. I believe one major contributing factor is my continued practice. The other, but perhaps more important factor, I believe, is the skill to remove the psychological(dharma) pain simply by mere "equanimous observation." In most cases, it is the false sense of "self" that causes the pain. Here, typical Zen saying is, "Please release me -- Who has bound you?" Also, it is about impermanence, or anicca. If we practice the art of awareness and equanimity, or silent observation, then "liberation" - from pain/suffering - can be (re-)gained. Meditation is a practice of learning to throw away the self for liberation. Physical pain we experience in the sitting gives us an opportunity to acquire this skill.

As psychological pain is removed, it appears that physical pain is also reduced or extinguished in many occasions. As noted in my Qi file, my experience suggests that there is biological changes taking place as in homeostasis That is, small wound will heal itself if left alone. I believe that brain wave is in alpha mode while proper attention is made to the area of concern when this healing is facilitated. Certainly, there is no false sense of self in alpha wave mode. On the other hand, if we are in pain as induced by the concern of "self," more we try to escape from the pain, more we will be bound. This is the same mechanism when we face any suffering. If we are to escape from the pain or suffering, we need to give up trying to escape but merely observe what is going on. This patient observation is the core of this technique/teaching.

Examples:

Pain -> mind reacts -> stiffens the muscle/mind bound -> more pain (vicious circle)

Pain -> notice mind/body reaction -> observe and stay equanimous -> insight/no pain

Disturbance -> mind reacts -> less opportunity to explore, observe the truth, gain insight

Disturbance -> do not react -> relaxed/no stress -> can see things as they are -> insight

Song of bird -> mind busy/caught up -> not notice

Song of bird -> quiet mind -> notice it is the song of God, body resonates in vibration

Not equanimous -> mind and body separated -> wrong action generates sankhara

Equanimous -> no disturbing sensation felt -> wholesome action follows

* The question is whether our conscious mind is occupied, narrowly focused, sankhara playing the active role, or self getting into the way. Or, it is letting the unconscious (X) to play the role by staying equanimous to produce insight/right action. It is a question of whether the [conscious-unconscious] gate is closed or not.

The observation on bodily sensation provides an effective means to open the gate (to know that mind and matter is one). It automatically brings the brain wave to the alpha mode to reach out for release/insight as the false sense of self is dissolved at the same time. It is a release from the confinement of the relative/discriminating world to the absolute/holistic world. Since awareness of mind/body will bring the nature to do its principle job such that the life energy is effectively used, this process sets the condition to generate insight. That is, for nature to take its action. Once we learn this skill, we can practice this principle way as if effectively using the engine of life.

In Vipassana, we scan the body part by part, and do this over and over. We hone the skill to detect the subtle nature of our mind and body by the practice of awareness and equanimity. Every now and then, we find that we have the "Free Flow." When we sense that the whole body is "dissolved" from any blockage, we feel vibration and bliss. This free flow (as may be induced by "sweeping in mass") seems to "energize" my mind-body system as if taking a bath in a cold day. If a big sankhara is removed, it feels like a rebirth experience.

When we acquire the skill to get into the right condition for the nature to do its job, we start to practice this skill in our daily lives effectively as well. Depending on the nature of problem/suffering, the time that takes before insight/dissolution will be different. Yet, the principle is the same. In the setting like retreat where external stimuli is minimized, the mind-matter (mind-body) interaction is seen much more clearly, thus helping us to develop a skill to sense and dissect the phenomena of mind-body even in our daily life. Certainly, being equanimous in facing the problems of life is the essence. In our living, the dissecting and dissolving job has to be done in a timely and efficient manner. So, a knife of a mind surgeon has to be always sharp to do the operation whenever the need arises.

Here is a schematic to explain the process:

1) Paying attention to a narrow area of body

(Before attention) (After paying attention)

v

--

/ \

x / \

--------------------- ----------------------

(no sensation/pain) (sensation/happily alive!)

(gross sensation) (subtle sensation)

1. Shifting attention and finding the blockage

(scan ->)

--

/ \

/ \ à

---------------- (As the point of awareness shifts, the sensation follows.)

2) Observing the Blockage

-- --

/ \ / \

/ \ / \

----------------

^ (Pay attention to the area where there is a blockage, e.g., pain, blank area.)

3) Developing the Free Flow as Blockage is Removed

(scan ->)

-- -- --

/ \ / \ / \

/ \/ \/ \

----------------

4) Then, the whole mind/body may experience the bliss, the energy of life expressed with no boundary.

Note:

By paying attention to bodily sensation with equanimity, there is sensation felt vividly as if bodily cells in the focused area is excited for getting the attention, i.e., metta. The same is true in paying attention to our deluded mind activity. But, it is easier to focus on bodily sensation than chasing the discursive mind. Also, as blockages are removed, more blockages may arise when wider/deeper area is scanned. So what? Be wise and compassionate! Be wise to put us in the condition for the insight to take place - always. Keep the sensitivity honed, scan the body, be on top of the mind-matter(body) phenomena, keep resolving the disturbance - patiently and with equanimity.

To find the free flow, equanimity is at the base. Yet, equanimity is the goal by itself. This seemingly paradoxical situation should be transcended. To escape from the bind, we need to stop trying to escape. To find the free flow, we need to stop trying to find the free flow. The same with dealing with the physical pain in that we need to forget us to escape from the pain to escape. (Coleman said something similar in his book, The quiet mind, page 173 and 186, "When the search stopped, there was relief." "It was only when my search ended that peace followed." "Cannot invite silence by conscious efforts." "Be attentive that one is not attentive is a form of attentiveness." "To know reality, …, one must enter into it, become it and experience it." ..then "every action become creative…")

Through direct experience, mind-matter relationship becomes clear. For example, concerning the free flow, if we remain eqanimous, we will eventually find the flow. Also, if it is not found, it does not matter, just remain equanimous. Such is the wisdom. Another example may be that our reactive mind, or wrong use of our brain, often creates the bind. Here, we feel the bind in our bodily sensation. Yet, this can be released by equanimous observation of mind and body. Then, when we feel unconstrained in thoughts, the sense of liberation may be sensed in our body. Equanimity and awareness teach us the mind-matter relationship and the nature's magic functioning in us.

In this retreat, few times, I noticed I lost home. Even though I thought I knew the problem from my past experiences, my habitual mind took over. Then, I learned the patience to let the nature to do the job - again. Tied to the interplay of conscious and unconscious, here are a few Zen expressions, pointing the awareness and equanimity:

Shadow of bamboo leaves,

Swinging over the dust in the hall

Yet, nothing moves.

Empty hall,

The sound of rain drops.

* About the free flow, which may be seen as a localized enlightenment experience, here are few of my experiences/thoughts:

• A little conscious breathing may help develop the sense of awareness of subtle sensation under the nose and above the upper lip. (Pure awareness of sensing what is going on is by itself an enlightenment (Bankei said something like this).)
• A little conscious slowing of breathing with quiet mind may bring the free flow
• A little conscious attention to multiple locations of bodily sensation may stimulate the free flow as if they bridge the gap in between.
• Note the flow of thoughts itself, perhaps compare to the flow of oxygen delivered in the red blood cells to where they are really needed. A wonder of nature may make us realize who we really are.
• Stimulation such as the sound of crow (Ikkyu), The shout of "Mu" (Tetsugen) or Katz (Rinzai), or even garlic or milk pudding may trigger the free flow (experienced as Kensho, or Satori)

Here, "little conscious" effort may be seen as a form of volition, or skillful means. We see from these cases, sankhara and false sense of self block the free flow - the nature's way. Eradicating the sankhara equate to liberation from the bondage. Directly experiencing this is to realize that the compassion and wisdom.

A bright shooting star,

In the dark western sky,

And in my mind.

A spider on the wall,

Moving his long legs,

This precious creature!

A tree in the meadow,

Practicing his vipassana,

I am with you!

A bud on the branch,

Is it your new birth?

Bon voyage!

Bon Voyage,

Arising and passing away,

Following the way.

Dharma talk,

A bird sings from outside,

"Sadhu, Sadhu!" (I agree, I agree)

In the retreat, we may find nature very close to us. Instead of talking with human, we communicate with nature using nature's words. Woodpeckers in the woods, spider crawling in the dining room, shooting star over the western sky, etc. are some memories of such a precious moment. One day, perhaps around 7^th or 8^th day, as I was looking at a tree, I intuitively understood what the tree is. They are also practicing vipassana! They find a way to grow new branches, or address problems such as broken branches by paying attention. They scan the entire frame of the tree to see how and where life energy needs to be channeled. I do not know if we can identify such function of a tree scientifically. But, I see all the growth and healing follows this principle way - if not the evolution of species.

Shila is to follow the proven way, e.g., according to the program of its DNA. Samadhi is to scan and pay attention to find the effective use of life energy. Prajna is the biological/physical change for healing and growth, e.g., new buds, flowers, seeds, healing of wounds. As temperature, season, sun's direction, etc. change, insight is gained and necessary action taken. Their act is nothing but the act of nature. This is the Buddha nature found in all living beings to express their life. Then, we find that, in its principle way, we, all living being, are one, expressing one universal movement. Also, as all living being are made of non-living matters, we are all one. Life is a process of converting the non-living being into living being to express this Buddha nature, in its creative, insight generating process. There is bliss when we do this job well. Then, life flows as it is meant.

I meditated the first 2-hour sitting on the ninth day to test my skill to dissolve reactionary mind's mischievous act. Whether physical pain or disturbance in mind is noticed, I observed it with equanimity. Like scientist, I objectively scanned the area to identify the nature of the pain from different angles. If I found pain and I were separate, I threw myself into it. In other words, there was no sense of self as if experience is experiencing itself in this state. Or, observer(me) and observed(pain) are one. This is the absolute world of samadhi for the insight to take place. Stiffness of neck, blank spot on the belly, or locally pressured sense of feet, one after the other, pain got dissolved or blank spot became clear to reveal what they are.

As noted before, virtually all physical pains, in fact, represented psychological pains. So, this exercise proved to me that many are delusions/stresses that we create but can be eradicated by mere observation. This exercise also gave me an understanding that memories in our mind are most likely stored together with our body's memories. This seems likely because the situation of event that developed sankhara is linked to physical memory at the time of the experience. Penfield found that by giving electrical stimuli to a part of brain could bring back certain life's event vividly as if reliving the moment. Vipassana is to undo the faults in the programming, which caused the wiring of neurons that is unproductive in living our life.

Not just blockages, pains etc. in my physical body, I also observed the thoughts that came up in my mind the same way. One after the other, these thoughts were dissolved by "observation." In a way, it might be similar(?!) to Buddha defeating the Mara's attack during his meditation. By this time, my samadhi was deep and strong enough to counter the arising delusions. For two hours, I kept on working. It took some energy to go through this process while there were moments of free flow here and there. In any case, this was my first conscious experiment of addressing the mind-body impurities, preparing the life after the retreat.

As I see it, all words of Buddha represent the insights that were derived from such resolution process. Shila is seen as a moral conduct. But, all words of Buddha may be seen as representing shila in a broader sense as an expression of dharma. Of course, we need to be able to make these words alive as if koan is to be found as experiential truth.

(Note: The process mentioned here ties with the middle way - in the sense of interaction between conscious and unconscious, and PDCA process of management/problem solving. So, there is a relationship to individual and organization's path/progress. Here, the process is immediate, small loop - so to speak, as opposed to the large loop that may be experienced when we run a (mini-) company as a part of the Life Management process. Living as a human or working in an organization is like dealing with very complex feedback system. It is crucial for us to master the skill of insight generation.)

As Mr. Goenka pointed out, it is clear that equanimity or no attachment is the prerequisite of sending metta(loving kindness) to others. Otherwise, internal conflict/bias is created and sankhara developed. So, metta is only genuine when the right condition is established. Equanimity is the ultimate goal as well as the basis of all of our wholesome act. If any of our life's activity is not based on eqanimity, sankhara is created and the law of multiplication prevails within us and with others. As much as rituals, blind faith, or sankhara are to be converted to wisdom and compassion, all of eight-fold noble path can be practiced only when equanimity is the base. (Note "From the moment we are born to the moment we die, there is the in-breath and the out-breath. Every time we breathe in or out, the breath touches near the nostrils. Every time it touches we should be aware of it." - Webu Sayadaw)

With equanimity, we "see" things as it is without the disturbance caused by our reactionary mind, we use "words," "act" and live the "livelihood" without bias. Our "efforts" are focused yet balanced and "attentiveness" and "concentration" are pure. So, purity of mind brings the right "understanding" from equanimity. However, equanimity in the narrow sense such as concentration to image or fixed object is not what we are after. We are to be aware of anything going on in our mind-body.

* About Dana(giving): No expectation to get anything for return. This is a form of metta, the one way act. As in wisdom and compassion, it is the nature's way. It is free by itself, unattached. The act of dharma is the act of nature. Means and ends are one. Happy to give and happy to receive, happy to live and happy to die - as it is meant. In Zen, "For those who want to come, let them come. For those who want to go away, let them go." There is no "reason" attached to the act of nature. We do it because it is natural to do so.

Tears ran as I heard the metta discourse by Mr. Goenka when I realized that I/we should stop passing the misery to others - to stop the law of multiplication. If there is some one giving us a "present" of anger, abuse, or unwholesome act, let us not receive it - in any setting. Emotional exchange, and delusion are unproductive use of our energy leading to suffering. Every individual can contribute to this world and live as it is meant to be lived. Instead of passing the negativity, suffering, and misery, let us eradicate the sankhara and let the compassion and wisdom shine!

Equanimity and awareness are the base of our wholesome act. As we master the principle in a small scale, we can keep extending the coverage and eradicate the blockage where feasible. From focusing on the very limited area to covering the wider area, the progress is made. This is like developing a corporate strategy while addressing the bottleneck of operations. It may address the external issues or internal capability. In Vipassana, however, Mr. Goenka emphasizes the internal cure before helping others.

Make an island of yourself,

make yourself your refuge;

there is no other refuge.

Make truth your island,

make truth your refuge;

there is no other refuge.

- Digha Nikaya, 16

Every occasion to overcome the hurdle is a success. Also, in facing any situation, perfect equanimity is the goal - and it is the success by itself. Here, the notion of drawing line on the water is the analogy presented similar to "Mirror mind" often used in Zen. The opposite is the formation of a reactive/mechanical mind where the analogy is chiseling the line onto the stone. Mirror mind may produce insight and lead to a growth and progression of us as biological, social, spiritual beings with wise use of resources. Then, shila, the proven process, is to help live our life according to dharma.

The ever-changing environment, people, information, etc. brings a challenge for us to stay equanimous while being aware of the needs to come up with insight to clear the hurdle. In this process, for example, in meeting people, having relationship, conversation, etc., there is a way to be discovered - as if each of these corresponds to a insight generating process. While they are inputs, or stimulation for us to process according to dharma, we are to find the insight to keep exploring the process to evolve as humans.

To work on blockage, patience/equanimity/faith is the key. In fact, blockage may be just a representation of our ego playing its mischievous act when we do not have equanimity. So, we go over and over, say spending one minute at a time on gross sensation as we practice vipassana. When we do this, we may:

• be eqanimous (check the state of mind - if rushing, eager, etc.),
• identify the area of blockage carefully,
• work (observe) on the peripheral area,
• work directly on the area of blockage,
• work on overall area as if gently massaging,
• send metta to the blocked area to loose up the knot on its own.

Also, poking may be an idea. However, there is no self to be found in doing this job. Then, we may feel sensation like, worm moving, tickling, sizzling, heating, blood flowing, itching, vibrating, etc. as if heat(love/compassion) is applied so that a numb, lost, blank area starts to respond. In a way, this is like caring of a mother.

Is this image control? Self-hypnotizing? Yes, we are working on our unconscious. (if love/compassion/wisdom is called the work of unconscious). "I" do not know. Or, the other way to say this is that no-self or equanimity leads for nature/dharma to do the job on its own. Whatever we call it, in my experience, it is like, the techniques help develop equanimity while equanimity helps practicing the technique. Or, is this the 100^th monkey case where Buddha became the first monkey and that other monkeys followed the technique and be liberated? In any case, the faith mind seems to be the source of such a miracle. Caught up by itself, seeking mind cannot find what it is missing.

There was a memorable experience ('earth shuddering') in my first retreat. In this retreat, there were few memorable moments as well. They may not be meaningful in developing equanimous mind. Yet, for the sake of record, I will share some:

• Stars: In the evening of the seventh day at the last sitting, as I was sweeping in mass, I was amazed to find many bright stars in the dark under my closed eyes. As I swept, they became like many shooting stars. Amazed to this, I kept on sweeping from top to bottom, right to left, and from many directions. In every seep, I saw these white stars passing by. Totally absorbed in this, I kept on doing for more than half an hour. It was after everybody left and teacher called my name, when I came out of this experience. Later, after hearing the story of J, who pointed out that he could see various Qi points (i.e., Keiketsu, there are about 350 of them in our body according to Yuasa p.77) where Qi energy is concentrated, (By the way, acupuncture is to insert the needle to this point to let the Qi flow for treatment.), I thought these stars may represent some of these points.
• Garlic bread: In this retreat again, they served us garlic bread on the eighth day. I love them! Somehow, I expected this, because of the hunch I had from my last retreat. Remembering the unforgettable experience, I devoured this bread, thinking that that may induce the major bangha experience again. Well, it did not happen - thus, the lesson of Anicca, impermanence.
• Thousands of past memories appeared while in meditation. Like the last retreat, it was like watching a slide show every now and then. Each of these pictures lasted only 0.1 sec or less with no reactionary thoughts. They were, again, scenic pictures of my past accompanied with no emotional contents. (Re: Penfield experiment) This may prove the scanning of the unconsciousness done while in meditation.
• We had five or six days of rain/snow followed by pleasant weather in this retreat. When weather was bad, I sat, ate, and slept. When the weather improved, I saw beautiful sky, clouds, fallen leaves, deer, etc.

On the tenth day, we end the practice of noble silence. Here are notes of conversations with few people, some with even 15 to 30 years of Vipassana experience.

JJ: When JJ experienced jumping a foot from the floor in one sitting, he shared the experience with Mr. Goenka. His comment was, "Did you keep attention to the sensation under the nose and above the lips?"

JJ: When he was at Dalai Lama School, Mr. Goenka came and shared insight of Vipassana with Dalai Lama. Soon after this, Dalai Lama required all Tibetan monks to attend Vipassana course conducted by Mr. Goenka. During the interview period, there were many monks waiting in line for interview - due to their emphasis on visualization and tantra.

HB.: After his experience of Soto Zen for some years (San Francisco), he realized that in Zen circle there were too much ego and people generally appeared "unhappy," say compared to the people from the Pureland sect. He mentioned his experience of solving koan as "resolved naturally in the course of life's activities."

M: I shared my xperience of 8^th day of my first course with him. M had similar experience. In one occasion, he experienced something more. He said he might be much more open to share his stories compared to many others. (Warning: Do not play the game of sensation.)

***: I realized there were several participants without "home." Few were driving a car, or camper from one location to the next. Some are retired. They all seem to share the sense of "freedom" and appreciating a simple life.

I had less than half glass of wine with dinner after I returned home. (After the first course, I virtually stopped drinking.) While the wine tasted fine, in a few minutes, I realized that my mind became quite dull, losing its sharpness. There was a heavy feeling in my brain - almost nauseating. I am not clear is there is anything to do with self-hypnotizing. While I have a fond memory of drinking wine, awareness and equanimity with clear mind (following dharma) seem the right path.

Our teacher mentioned the high level of energy of Mr. Goenka from seeing him during his last August's busy traveling. Having traveled heavily myself but still surprised to see his travel schedule, I feel having a mission and skill to exert life energy for the good cause is the secret of his effectiveness. We tend to exhaust ourselves and waste life energy in delusion or meaningless task. A simple and good discipline like vipassana can provide a principle way of living that is equivalent of employing a sound strategy (with mission) to live our life. As we eradicate the errors/sankhara/blockage/screen, we will find the passage much easier.

Is it possible to be awake and asleep at the same time? Nakayama said, "Buddha's way is to practice the way of being awake while (consciousness is) asleep (p. 2-3 Dogen-san) He used the example of being in samadhi (as in the case of Einstein walking in deep thought without knowing where he was. However, such may not be the right samadhi as it is possibly focused on the object of thought.) Goenka said in the discourse, referring to conscious and unconsciousness, one may be fully awake throughout the night. Does this mean one's quiet center, equanimity, or mirror mind always functioning? It appears so. (Does this correspond to activating the "animal/intuitive" brain in us?)

I remember a night when I was dreaming, but I knew that "I" (unconscious, quiet center) was observing me dreaming, i.e., "I" could see I was dreaming. On the seventh night, I had similar experience of being awake during the night. One night (Dec. 17), I felt I was awake the whole night, observing my brain working on this and that. Goenka pointed out that one needs less sleep if he practices Vipassana. Does this mean the quiet center, the equanimous mind, is functioning ( as if in Zenki- Dogen) and life energy productively exerted - as if to eradicate the error continuously? These examples indicate that "equanimity" (quiet mind) may be functioning as if it is checking what is going on continuously even in sleep.

While in meditation (or whenever we are in THAT state), there are times when the whole body is covered in bliss, as if compassionate force is covering the body cells, vibrating in resonance. In such a moment, our conscious brain may be resting yet unconscious is functioning as noticed by bodily sensation. Then, it seems to lead to the functioning of deeper wisdom/compassion. In such a state, awareness of event, vibration, compassion, wisdom, are one (observer and observed as one absolute - nothing missing). So, if we use prajna's immediate denial logic here, sleep is not sleep, but Sleep (transcended). Is this what Krishnamurti calls the awakening of intelligence? Zen words like, conscious of unconscious, thinking of no-thinking, etc. seem to indicate the same point.

(Ksuyen is another ID for Yanavira.)

Ksuyen, your Dec 7 note, "so long as we spend time constantly solving problems, always looking over our shoulder, always wondering what to do next, we can never be at peace," suggests that searching for solution makes us lose the peace, center, grounded state, or nirvana. Or it seems to imply that we are to find and live in the absolute state - in commonly viewed dualistic world. In reality, however, is it not to go back and forth between relative and absolute world as it were? If so, would this be taken as the middle path - as if using the conscious and unconscious?

Now, I realize that as I ask this question (for problem-solving) I am searching and not at peace - as you may say. Still, as someone mentioned, are you suggesting us not to lose the absolute (say, feel the sensation at the entrance of the nose) - at all times?

"Showing its front. Showing its back. A falling maple leaf." - Ryokan.

BTW, I just came back from my second vipassana 10-day retreat. I hope to share my experience sometime in future. Thank you! - Kio

==

Hi Kio, it's wonderful to hear you took Vipassana retreat again. We're looking forward for your sharing experience.

Regarding to your several questions above, my answer is yes. Yes, we may take this as a middle path. Yes, we may not lose the absolute as long as possible; as it is enough. So long if we want to keep peace in our heart.

However Kio, it doesn't mean that searching for solution makes us lose the peace, center, grounded state, or nirvana.

There is a time when we need to let go things and let the peace embrace once again. By what mean, Kio, we do that? By always keep our mindfulness and equanimity even when we're searching for solution, we do that. In this way, we don't let our consciousness to leave its peace at most time.

Here is another note that we should be careful what do I mean by not searching at the first place is just to be in peace. Even if we cease to search, in the state of 'balance', we still won't arrive at nirvana (difference with peace). To find nirvana, where born and passing away have disappeared, we should look (not search) inside and observe thing as things are, as nothing is hidden for you, even the nirvana itself.

==

Your Dec 16 note says: "When the Buddha told us to separate the mind from the feeling [it] doesn't mean to throw them to different places but the mind must know happiness and know unhappiness during meditation."

Do you view that this statement points out the "transcending" mind and matter, i.e., remaining equanimous? In Mr. Goenka's story, he referred the drawing the line on the water vs. on the beach sands or chiseling the line on the rock. I take drawing line on the water is an expression corresponding to this point. In Zen, this is the "mirror mind." I see this tied to your previous response, does it not? Of course, I realize practice is (almost) everything.

Thanks,

Kio

==

About the mind... in truth, it is intrinsically pure. Within itself it's already peace. We should know fully the true nature of sense impressions we are unconcerned. Simply our practice is to see the original mind. But how? By training the mind to know the sense impressions, and not get lost in them... But it is not an easy task. One must know how to draw a line on the air.

==

LOL

(This is the summary of our phone conversation on Dec.19, 2001.)

The phrase wilbro uses, "Pay attention to inattention" is similar to vipassana meditator to be aware of sensation with equanimity. Inattention here may be tied to anger, fear, suffering or one being "caught up" in thought. There are cases of 1) abstract thoughts and 2) thoughts related to the self that typically leads to suffering (developing sankhara - aversion or craving). A case of abstract thoughts may be Einstein losing his whereabouts in the campus of Princeton University while wandering in deep thought.

Wilbro points out that one does not have to lose the place (i.e., home, alpha mode, being aware of bodily sensation, have inquiring mind, being presential, grounded in your sense, centered, etc.) while thinking. Or, one can be (always) centered. Yet, Einstein's case was the case of losing the place (i.e., lose to be presential) while him occupied in abstract thoughts. (He seemed to be in some kind of samadhi.)

Wilbro's approach to becoming equanimious may follow the following stages:

1. Be aware of losing the place after the fact
2. To come out of it by paying attention (quiet center observing..)
3. Be aware of one going to losing place (by caught up in thought for example) - Here one feels the tilt, i.e., the sense of losing the place.
4. Find, for example, thoughts of anger passes by without any reacting feeling/thought. So, one can be centered or grounded in his senses.

Or, in short, he suggests one to look for the rise of such inattention by having inquiring mind. (He affirms the mind-body relationship, here.) By having such stance, one can reach the stage 4). Contrasting to his explanation of his approach, anapana (attention to respiration) as practiced in the first three days of retreat teaches 1) and 2). Then, vipassana further develop a calm mind, sensitive awareness to bodily sensation, and the ability to be equanimous to accomplish 3) and 4). As pointed out, "looking for the rise of inattention," I realize that we are talking about the same state. It is the state of "quiet center" observing what is going on - with the fact. This is the same as equanimity and awareness toward mind/body phenomena.

After all, it is the nature's work to develop sankhara, eradicate sankhara, generate insight and compassion, or evolve as living beings. Once we understand this nature's way and live accordingly, we do not fear to fear, feel uneasy, irritated, angry, suffer, etc. to waste our life energy. The core is being equanimous while being aware of what is going on. It is as if when one masters any skill, he becomes equanimous, equipoised, relaxed, and open. Here, the process may be understood in the following manner.

For any system to perform well, blockages need to be removed (or transcended). As blockages are removed, the healthy system can extend its application further. As it extends its application, more blockage are to be removed by channeling the energy(resources) to that area. Along the way, the system will change (evolve) itself as in the case of DNA or any organization. Good system is a system that can deliver the results with minimum use of energy and resources. Continuous process of addressing the problem and continuous advancement of the system itself is a feature that is inherent in living beings. While interacting among themselves and with the situation that continue to change, humans develop a complex and dynamic system in our society - while the principle way remain the same.

So, society or as individual, complex or not, the basic process is the universal principle of nature. There is this principle way for any living being to address its own defect (sankhara, blockage), explore potential and improve its performance. To do this, it should know;

1. the area coverage of the system for detecting its blockages that generate undesirable outcome, e.g., wasting the energy and resources, causing suffering
2. the way to effectively and efficiently detect the blockage/problem, and
3. practice the way to gain insight and/or to remove the blockages for the system to function fully following the way.

Here, an example is that of individual human being, where the use of the system (mind-heart-body system) corresponds to the way he carries out his life. If the system can do a good job continuously for itself (to live well) while interacting with external situation well, such system is a viable, robust system. Then, as a master, he should be able to bring the best solution while accomplishing the mission by practicing the wholesome act. All living beings are representation of such a principle system. We all interact with each other. At the same time, we also constitute the universe of our own. Then, evolution is the process of how well we are exerting our life energy continuously as a living system of species, fighting against the law of entropy (and survival of the fittest).

I view that Vipassana helps to reveal ignorance and eliminate it to live our life truthfully.

By practicing this, I feel many negatively conditioned mind programs are being removed from my mind-body system even though I realize that the passage from here is long. From the viewpoint of the evolution of species, in fact, it appears never ending. While I will keep walking on this path, I thought of practicing the following at the end of (morning) sitting as a part of metta meditation.

There are possibly many events (externally or internally generated and brought to my attention) that I face in the course of this day. As I face such situation, I vow to:

• Have calm mind without reacting them.
• Observe the total situation (what is going on externally and internally, mind and matter) with attentive mind.
• Know misery comes from ignorance.
• Realize impermanence and no-self.
• Maintain equanimity.
• Extend metta to all.
• Realize my mission and live with it.
• May all beings be happy.

* I realize there will be certain problems I face today. The computer may break down, lightening may hit, etc. Then, my ignorant mind may cause various phenomena in my mind-body system. If not aware of this happening, it can consume my life energy in a wasteful manner while bringing unneeded misery or suffering to others and me. Yet, remaining eqanimous, and shedding the light of wisdom and compassion, insight (liberation) will be gained. This is the law of nature. So, whatever situation I may fall into, I vow to remain equanimous, observe things as they are, realize the true nature of things and act accordingly.

Another important point is to act in line to my life's mission. To know the mission and act according to the law of nature, equanimity is the base. My skills and experiences can help me and help others by practicing the wholesome act. Matching the identified needs with what I have is finding the mission and live for that purpose fully. With equanimity, I realize that metta (compassion) is behind such a wholesome act. It is to channel the life energy in a manner that suits the law of nature.

At the beginning of the meditation before going to bed, I may reflect various events of the day - to confirm the learning, and be ready to dissolve sankhara, or the negatively conditioning mind that may be developed during the day. I may also reflect if I have practiced awareness and eqanimity throughout the day. As I revisit events of the day from my memory, I may detect corresponding bodily sensations that I pay attention to. After working on these, I will practice anapana and vipassana, ending with metta meditation.

I expect that specific events and mission in my life are to be harmonized within my mind-body system. The idea behind is to link total liberation with appropriate handling of specific events in life. I believe that insight will be generated to guide me in this process.

Input-process-output is observed in our mind-body phenomena. Here, process needs to be controlled to have it in line with dharma, or the law of nature, aiming at "All beings be happy" or H-max. This corresponds to productive resource allocation in following the law of nature and expressing the life energy effectively in a wholesome manner. The input and environment for us to employ the process varies for each person and each situation. Insight generation process is out of human control except that we need to work on eradicating the sankhara and observing things as they are with equanimity. So, practicing this is the key to the process control.

Application of this technique/principle way is not just to address psychological suffering but also apply it in developing business strategy, scientific discovery, continuous improvement, etc. The principle process is a basis of any problem-solving. Note that endlessly comparing with others, or thinking of past or future is useless unless the condition (of awareness and eqanimity) is set to bring out the wisdom. This is not the job of conditioned mind and use of our consciousness alone, but ultimately it is the job of the nature - unconscious/heart.

PDCA, waste elimination, Toyota Production System (exposing problems) ties to lively workplace to express fully what we have in the organization.

• Toyota: Any supervisor is instructed to be able to explain the meaning of work to his subordinate.
• Liveliness of cells, each person, each workplace, each mini-company, each society, etc. is a measure of success.

Vipassana is in a way similar to Toyota Production System's approach in finding the bottle neck and removing it, i.e., reducing the water level (inventory) analogy. This is also similar to participatory management where people's ideas are incorporated in deciding the direction of the company as compared to traditional management style with emphasis in authority telling what to do for the people at the shop floor. In this sense, vipassana is similar to shop floor management in pragmatically addressing the problem from the shop floor (Gemba) up to find a healthy company operation where all people's capabilities are fully utilized (-Zenki). Corporate strategy then is seen as a wholesome act, aiming at H-max. for all. Practicing Glass Wall Management then provides a way for mini-companies to understand the history, capability, etc. among themselves to find the best match - in a self-organized manner. Mini-company open day is like "sweeping in mass."

Toyota's Ohno pointed out the importance of right observation in various situations to bring insight. (Examples: At Daihatsu: drawing a circle for a manager to stand and simply observe the line. At Aisin: observing the problem at a machine) These are examples tied to Toyota Production System(TPS). Then we may notice that right observation and all the rest of eight-fold noble path are to be practiced with equanimity at the base, hence, simultaneously accomplished. Certainly, shila-samadhi-prajna is applicable in business setting or scientific discovery as well. In short, we need to have a purified, equanimous mind to see, find, or experience the truth.

All business activity can be tied with insight generation. This is the same with our life management. In a way, insight may correspond to strategy development to channel the energy of organization effectively. Shop Floor Management, TPS and mini-company idea tie to self-organizing and eliminating the waste/blockage in the manner that each body cell is empowered to participate in living. By the way, this should be the same process as resolving the koan in Zen. Our habitual, mechanical mind does not lead to insight.

* Nature has no greed. Learning from nature, the resource allocation of human society may be oriented to share the resources for the good of all. (H-max.) This can be tied to developing the business strategy to satisfy the customers' true need(!) with minimum resource requirement - by removing the blockage, developing flow, energizing, and expressing what we have. We may experience the bliss in the process as if nature is helping us to confirm this passage. (* Note: Mission may be defined as fully utilizing the talent/resource/skills to strategically work following the law of nature toward the idea of "May all beings be happy.")

With his wealth collected justly, won through his own efforts,
he shares both food and drink with beings who are in need.
- Itivuttaka 66

Here is additional comment to Qi discussed in my first Vipassana retreat report in Nov. 2000. For those interested, I recommend to read my Qi file posted at my home page to help understand the mind-matter relationship. As much as such relationship become clear, biological(scientific) and spiritual linkage can be also better understood supported by our experiential wisdom:

* According to my friend, Brian, spleen shrinkage mentioned in Qi exercise on my first vipassana retreat report (See the Qi section of this report found in "after the course" part) may be tied to the healthy condition of the body. When error (unbalance of the mind-body system) is eradicated, there is no burden for spleen to produce white blood cells. Therefore, it shrinks (to its size corresponding to the healthier body condition). He also commented that the blood flow of kidney should be improved due to reduced blood pressure and less blockage caused by better harmonized blood flow throughout the body. This way, blood flows (and, therefore, distribute oxygen, white blood cells etc.) to wherever there is need (to maintain the healthy immune system, etc.)

* I also realize that less burden to the brain may help distribute more oxygen to the bodily cells for them to be healthy as well. This is due to the mechanism where brain is made such that it has the highest priority in getting the oxygen. Here, less burden means not occupying brains in unneeded thoughts, misery, suffering, struggle to fulfill unneeded desire, etc. It represents a form of nature's wholesome act.

* Yuasa's book ("What is Ki?" - in Japanese) is a good reference book to see the mind-body phenomena from the viewpoint of Ki(Qi). It appears that many experiments are carried out in Japan, China and more recently in the U.S. Holistic understanding of mind-body-spirit is yet a subject where comprehensive description and experiential wisdom are to be further explored.

* My Qi file includes other various benefit observed in our physical system relating to the balance of mind and Qi. For example, there was a positive correlation to the time of Qi exercise and benefits observed. Emitting Ki seems to correspond to the state of awareness and equanimity. Because of the dynamic interaction in complex human system, the holistic understanding may not be easy without experiential wisdom. Yet, I see this is the field where more and more understanding may be gained.

* The modern science has revealed that various kinds of cells in our body functions differently with the same DNA structure as a base. (This is like each mini-company working to address the needs respectively while cooperatively striving to promote the mission of total organization.) So, as needs are identified, these bodily cells perform amazingly cooperative task as if they communicate with each other to harmoniously balance the limited resource to address the needs. (White blood cells structure where T-cells function like head coach of other cells (B-cells) is an example of such amazing teamwork performed in our body at all times.) In this way, the identified needs are connected to the skills and capabilities so that each of these cells can fully contribute what they have. It is noteworthy to recognize that vipassana works on wisdom and compassion while harmonious balance of bodily system is also accomplished - all contributing full activation of potential - or Zenki.

I start to understand the meaning of words Mihoko-san characterized about Daisez, "His life was as if water was flowing - very natural, whatever the situation he encountered." It is to follow the way, the dharma. And what does that mean? It is to live with the everyday mind (of Zen). It is life lived without ego. Live with equanimity. As Matsushita said, it is as if simply using umbrella when it rains.

Not just our action, I also sense that the whole internal body can be in harmony in such way of living. All are functioning as they are supposed to function without bias or ego. As a wind chime makes sound responding to the wind, as the water flows from the high to the low, the life according to dharma does not leave any strain. Life just flows. It is as-it-isness, the nature's way without stress, ego, delusion, craving, aversion, or suffering. There is much bigger SELF, the law of nature, which governs our life as opposed to being strained by our small concerns of life.

As a businessman, Matsushita uttered words that indicate that he lived according to the way. His words include; "Follow the way of the heaven, the law of nature," "Have mission in life," "There are infinite ways to proceed," "To succeed, think you will succeed," "If a bird (Hototogisu, Jp.) does not sing, it is Ok as it is," "Desire is an expression of life energy (p.131)," "Know the value of things, act on them not too excessively nor insufficiently (162), "To live a fulfilled life is to use desire effectively, knowing the right way (133)," etc. (Jinsei dangi)

The point is that if we are equanimous and attentive to whatever is happening, the nature will take care of everything - to bring the insight, or address the problem even us being unaware of. This is seen in the case of biological responses observed by the studies of Qi. As Dogen said, we find that Buddha nature is everywhere and in everything. If all cells are functioning following the law of nature, they are in a happy and blissful state. Ryokan said, if we meet the disaster, meet the disaster. It is this equanimous mind we are to maintain. Everyday mind, beginner's mind, quiet center observing, or what ever it may be called, it is to follow the way of heaven, mission of heaven, the way, or the dharma.

***To end this report, here is my summary: Sensing mind and body being one and staying in equanimity, there is ultimately nothing to be known, or to be sought after. Yet, there is total awareness of harmony and peace as it is."

***May all beings be happy!!!

Kio Suzaki

* Back to my home page: http://www.oocities.org/suzakico/index.html

Also, FYI;

- My first retreat - earth shuddering: http://www.oocities.org/suzakico/vipassanareport.html

- My third retreat - gaining experiential wisdom: http://www.oocities.org/suzakico/vipassanareport3.html