- Coleman Revisited
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From 12/3/04-12/12/04, I attended my fifth vipassana retreat at California Vipassana Center. (This is a satipatthana course – establishing awareness.) This note is my brief reflection.
Previous reports are found elsewhere on my home page. (Warning: Without the experiential knowledge of this technique the contents posted here may mislead the visitor.) Wishing the best on your journey!
- Kio Suzaki (12/29/04)
Contents
Vipassana Meditation Retreat (5)
* Vedana (Sensation) and wisdom/insight
Whatever the reason is, I found difficult to summarize the experiences, etc. this time. It may be due to the fact that I do not find it meaningful to talk about the un-talkable. Yet, this may be of some use for some in spite of my nebulous comments.
I will continue this practice with integrated understanding of all I have leaned (or unlearned).
May all beings be happy.
- Keep sati (awareness) of the breath all the time – 24 hours.
- Importance of patipatti (practice) – learn by body/practice. Not just theory (pariyatti).
- Truth is known by dissecting – as if to see it from various angles.
- This process corresponds to disintegrating sankhara. It may be seen such that having equanimity is like seeing a line drawn on water as opposed to rock, i.e., be aware what us going on but not be occupied, reactive or multiplying emotion.
- Whether gross or subtle sensation, it does not matter. It is as it is. Just be aware of it and stay with it. The phenomenon will show us that the sensation (i.e., the only way to know/experience the truth) will change, i.e., arise and pass away.
- As we open our third eye, so to speak- that is, by establishing sati, or awareness, we can develop equanimity to impermanence (or to confusion/ignorance). This is based on the “experiential wisdom of realizing that all phenomena are transient, i.e., impermanent, and that there is no ego.
- Going through the impossible, this corresponds to purging the sankhara.
- Principle is simple. Living in the dynamic practice of it is the key.
- Sitting/meditating brings out the dharma pain as an indicator so that the progression in this path is easily identified. One has to face the impossible and break through IT.
- Also, experientially witnessing the impermanence is critical – find the sensation arising and passing away.
- When painful, it is painful. Nose is vertical; eyes horizontal. Know cold as cold and hot as hot. Elbow does not bend outward.
- There is Jiyu-jizai, or liberation.
- There is a situation when body, sensation, mind, and mind content become one.
- Observation is a scientific investigation. There is no clinging, no bias.
- Truth is to be seen by various angles, e.g., if painful, inquire and investigate if it is truly so.
- Also, inquire if IT is impermanent. Is it absolute and impossible to accept it as it is?
- Do nothing, be natural, experience now, that sensation/experience as it is.
- Goenka says bhanga is to sense the subtle sensation throughout the body in one sweep of breath.
- The principle is meaningful only when it is practiced. Be aware of the sensation from breathing continuously, for example.
- Some historical events from the past: Sensation, super bhanga/Kundalini? (1st retreat, 8th day), stopping to breathe, bhanga – whole body, etc.
- When eat, eat. Each moment is IT. Sit, walk, work, sleep, all are zen.
- No identification beyond this awareness – direct experience.
- “There is mere understanding along with only with mere awareness.” (p.7 Satipatthana sutra: p.89 note)
- “With the base of this awareness he develops understanding with his own experience. This is panna (wisdom). With his awareness thus established in annica (the arising and passing away of sensations), there is no attraction to the world of mind and matter.” (p.89)
- To realize truth, awareness has to be developed. Also, the awareness has to be “practiced” with all faculties, i.e., five aggregates. There are infinite ways to practice this awareness, e.g., eat, see, hear, smell, feel, think, and be conscious of unconscious, etc. As in probing from various angles in the practice of vipassana, whole existence should be devoted to get to the core of truth – or live with Dhamma (Laws of nature).
If the focus is on bodily sensation, living in here and now may be more straight forward – this is Shikan taza, or vipassana. (Monkhood) However, if our brain is to be a part of this equation, i.e., to live in this world, the harmonizing takes more discipline.
Mr. Goenka says vipassana’s tradition is focused on vedana (sensation). Satipatthana sutta points to be aware of body, sensation, mind, and mental contents. (This is sampajano: constant through understanding of impermanence) So far as we have two engines (my analogy of heart and brain, or unconscious and conscious), awareness should cover both sensations and mental contents.
Because of the changing weather, my feet hurt. Sitting seems to enhance the pain. However, it gives me an opportunity to look at the truth objectively. If it hurts, it hurts. Yet, we do not make it worse by having our ego (seeking mind of aversion or cracing) getting into the way. I have gone through this before. So, let me die and just observe the pain. How bad? Which area? This way, that way, etc., etc., “I” investigate the nature.
The mind cannot do anything, or go anywhere as I am supposed to sit. I face the issue (impossibility, no way out) where mind’s behavior is worthless. Sitting provides with the opportunity to experience the phenomena as they are. Hard, but will the pain go away, eventually? ???<<<!!!**&$^^%#
“This” has to be practiced for whatever the situation we face whenever it is. Be conscious of the unconscious. As the idea of impermanence is experientially known, the pain eventually went away. As we go through life’s difficult situation the same practice may be made. Investigate the pain or concern in life, the truth should be known as we investigate it from various angles while practicing the conscious of unconscious. Everything eventually passes.
I saw a lone bird sitting on top of the tree in the rain.
I felt inside my body like fluid. Although there are feeble strains (blockage in the body) noticed, they are minor. My awareness moves around inside the body as subtle sensation follows.
I noticed that Samadhi is not as deep when I am too focused to sit without moving any part of my body. (adattan- spell?) My consciousness plays a game as I witness it.
What is the knack to be in Samadhi? Playfulness, childlikeness, now, let go, use image, there are various combinations of these. Also, realize that when nothing works, nothing works. (Then, something may work.)
By practice, the traffic control of emotion (aversion or craving) becomes easier.
I noticed that the strain I felt in my back is gone.
The key is to “constantly” realize, be aware of arising and passing of various events – e.g., sensations, and mind contents – with equanimity. This is not equanimity by consciousness, it is “natural” equanimity which knows impermanence. It knows itself, so to speak. (in other words, the experience of “impossibility” is right there.)
During all the sittings, my posture remained good. However, I started to feel some fatigue. I felt strain in my backbone. So, I moved very, very slowly the backbone, say a quarter of an inch sideway, while paying careful attention to the nerves in the backbone.
Interestingly, as I paid attention like this, the pain went away. As in the past various experiences points out, as I focus on the task at hand (i.e., examine what is going on from various angles while maintaining the awareness), it seems that LIFE has a way of straightening things out/bringing the resolution whatever that is. So be aware, be equanimous, and let the story/reality/truth reveal itself. In satipatthana sutra, this is referred as sampajano, i.e., awareness and constant through understanding of impermanence.
I had experienced numerous bhangas (subtle sensations covering all over the body in one short sweep). After people left from the afternoon sitting at 5PM, I continued to sit. A few minutes later, I had another major experience like I had on the 8th day PM of my first retreat. (This was not like the whole body shaking like experience, but like an explosion.) It was like an explosion starting from the bottom of my body to the top of my head perhaps in 0.2 second.
As it happened without warning, it was quite surprising. I felt like my body turned to collection of particles and all of them splashing upward. After this incident, however, I maintained my equanimity and continued to sit as if nothing happened. (I now know that these experiences happen – and eventually passes away.)
When I went back to my room and laid down, I felt as if there were numerous tiny bubbles bursting on the surface of my body. One thing I feel is that Samadhi and consciousness can coexist, e.g., whole body is experiencing fluidity, subtle sensations, etc. while I can still think intelligently (perhaps, thinking clearly but detached.).
In the evening sit, I felt a long lasting state of subtle sensation covering the whole body more like wave moving around. This state reminds me of Coleman’s description of his sitting.
(This is an expert from Coleman’s book, p.186-7, Quiet mind. It pretty much covers all there is to IT.)
I know now that it is not necessary to travel the world in search of a leader or a system for the answers are all within us. In fact, such a search is in itself a distraction and only serves to delay the moment of vision. It was only when my search ended that peace followed.
The key is in suffering and conflict; it is necessary to regard the suffering of others with compassion and our own with tolerance and equanimity. We must be aware of it, but silently, without trying to invite this silence by conscious effort. And, this silent awareness must be allowed to come about its own time, anything we do to hasten it merely adds further conflict.
One must be aware of the moment without any attempt to change it; it will change itself. One must be attentive to an extreme degree as often as possible ((sanpajanna: constant thorough understanding of impermanence)). Even to be attentive that one is not attentive is a form of attentiveness. To know reality one cannot stand outside of it and intellectualize about it, one must enter into it, become it and experience it. Then the mind becomes quiet, at peace with itself. ((Body in body, sensation in sensation, mind in mind, mind content in mind content – Satipatthana sutta, p.3))
The beauty in living and the beauty of the earth unfolds and one’s attention are no longer self-centered and destructive. Every action becomes creative. The fire of discontent changes from a destructive force consuming our lives into a bright luminous light that fills our lives with peace and joy.
Suffering can be extinguished by accepting that pain is subject to the law of anicca or change as all things are. Try to escape from it and we only nourish it. To know there is no escape frees the mind of its desire to escape. When the mind makes no effort to escape from pain and ceases all resistance, it will absorb the pain so that the pain dwindles and gradually becomes imperceptible. Pleasure and pain become one; pain to most of us is, in any case, a form of pleasure for it keeps us occupied in escaping from it.
When we see clearly that suffering is caused by desire, the desire for pleasure or the desire to be free from pain – even the desire to be free from desire – there is no longer the conflict of duality. The observer becomes the observed, the illusion of a separate self disappears, there is integration with the universe. The experience is all. There is no experience of “you” experiencing the experience. There is pure action without purpose, there is love.
Then only can man live dynamically and creatively in peace with himself and therefore with others. He has discovered the quiet mind.
Mr. Goenka points awareness to the sensation ((which I interpret as whether or not one is “conscious of the unconscious”)) is the dividing point between one to multiply the confusion/delusion or to maintain equanimity, eradicate sankhara and purify the mind. From my experience, it appears that Samadhi is (often) found as the state of sensing the subtle vibration ((thus conscious of unconscious)) and that such state will help bring the insight as well as eradicate the errors/delusion.
One day, I found a loose hook I used in Alaska in the duffle bag. So, I kept it on the table next to my bed. This image somehow stuck in my mind and showed up in the dream. As I kept a note about interesting/bizarre dreams in the previous vipassana retreats, this one was also an interesting one that I reflected to find its meaning.
In the dream, I met two people (my customers). We were to play billiard. After introduction, I realized that there are many hooks spread out on the floor. So, I started to pick them up, but it took a lot of time to pick them up. Also, even if I pick them up there was no container/envelope. (Note: The word, mind, has a meaning of container or envelope in Pali language as I found in the discourse.)
Because there was no container/envelope, many hooks fell down. I asked a person nearby if she had any envelope, tray or anything but I could not communicate this to her somehow. While I was troubled in this situation, I met a person I knew. He says he was listening to the story from a man at the billiard table. I was then invited to give a seminar at Toshiba and Toyota.
Then, I received an envelope with my name on it. This was a reusable envelope used only to mail something in the company. For some reason, I crashed it to throw it away. But I decided to keep it and tried to restore its original shape as much as possible so that I could hand it back.
When I noticed, I was in the bus to go some unknown place. I was troubled as I wanted to do something for the customers.
I cannot make out of this dream except that I was pondering of the function of mind, sensation and impermanence. Or, perhaps, the first dream points that sensation (reality: hook) cannot be thrown into the mind as mind content. There is a gap in between these (mind-matter relationship), which cannot be bridged easily. Also, it may point that I cannot throw away my mind (envelope) even if I want to (so that the reality is seen as reality without interpretation of the mind).
The scene when I could not communicate to a lady may indicate that words cannot explain the reality - as it is. The scene of bus and me troubled also indicate there is nothing one can do when the reality (leaving in the bus) is disconnected to the content of the mind (do something to the customer).
* Another dream was about the “Apprentice”, a TV program. I was wondering why I was dreaming such a business related dream - as I was dreaming this dream. I was conscious however that it was something to do with creativity. (This dream may also indicate that “I” was still trying to work out a way of explaining something about creativity with words – which is not so simple.)
As I wake up and stay in the bed, I feel that the there are bubbles popping up to the surface of my body. I remember Buddha’s explanation: The entire universe is nothing but combustion and vibration. (Entire material world is nothing but vibration.)
Goenka says, when we arrive at this point, it is very easy to practice cittanupassana (i.e., observation of mind) and dhammanupassana (i,e., observation of the contents of the mind content). (P.111 Sayagyi U Ba Khin Journal) This is the state that makes us easy to realize (experience directly) that mind and body are in the state of impermanence.
In the previous discourse, dhamma was interpreted as mind in a case like dhammanupassana. It was then explained that that word, dhamma, has a meaning of envelope – to contain something. I thought this is very interesting as I see images moving on TV screen. Here, I see the connection to “form (all existence) is emptiness, and emptiness is form (all existence).” (Perhaps, the point is that both form and emptiness are dhamma – laws of nature, or reality/truth)
Observation of mind and mind content may continue when I am at sleep. It is as if there is no boundary between reality and dream, or the state of being sleep and awake. For sure, nothing is permanent – wherever I think, or feel.
Is this not when the boundary is lost, i.e., you become me and I become you…tree becomes me and I become tree, rain becomes me and I become rain, …. sky, air, water, food, and the universe??? All is ephemeral, transient, impermanent… as they are.
Very thin moon (new moon) is found in the early morning sky. Observe sensations; Observe thoughts; Be aware of impermanence. There is arising of feeling (craving or aversion) and passing away, one after the other.
Realizing that everything passes away, noticed that there is no stickiness of emotion, every thought can be thrown away – without doing anything. This may be the effect of meditation.
One koan came up in my mind. It is a Koan of a old lady sending a young lady to a monk, who she has taken care of many years. The monk denies this lady’s seduction. Thereupon, the old lady burned the hut, saying it was of no use to feed such a useless monk any more.
(This koan appears to point a departure between vipassana and Zen.)
Sampajanna: Constant through understanding of impermanence.
My experience points bhanga enhances awareness (sati) – especially bodily sensation.
It may be that vipassana may emphasize the side of sensation as contrasted to mind…although Mr. Goenka points sensation and mind are connected. In various cases however, I see the connection very weak, e.g., if I think of 1+1=2, I do not have but neutral sensation. When one is equanimous, can sensation be felt, anyway? Is it not like a passing of a sound through the body?
It could be that there is no realization of relationship between mind and body, first. Then, there is realization of relationship, as well as the realization of impermanence – arising and passing of all phenomena. Then, there is establishing the quiet mind with awareness and equanimity.
Here, the challenge is to bridge the gap to the daily life (from meditation as in this retreat). When there is so much information to be processed in the modern day life, being able to observe mind may become more critical. At the end, it is about finding the path in the environment we live in. Each solution for each step in each setting could be different. My view is, “liveliness” indicate how well the strain is released so that we are living the best we can.
Note:
- Searching can create problem.
- Sensation-mind dynamics need to be better understood and practiced in the wholesome manner.
Wisdom is a reflection of self-organizing nature of our being – as if to “process” information and its form (magically) by realizing the optimum path in nature’s way.
If there is blockage, or unprocessed state, dissect, disintegrate (study from various angles) and observe it. Behind the blockage may be a formation of logic developed in the past (i.e., karma) that may need to be readdressed. Certainly such situation may be hidden. However, being in the state of Samadhi will help disintegrate such formation and make the situation more liberated.
When this is done not just locally but in the whole mind-body framework, we have bhanga and liberation in the larger sense. It is a release from the burden. When this accompanies with insight, it is wisdom that other people may affirm as well.
At the end of the course, I found tear coming out of my right eye.
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