Learning Independence

            "Where do I go from here?", asked Laney.

            "I don't know.  That is something for you to decide all on your own, kiddo," answered Miss Margaret.  "You are a young lady, now.  You are in charge of all your decisions, from here on out."

            "I don't know what to do, though.   I have nowhere to go.  I've never been on my own, ever.  The adults have always made my decisions for me.  They told me what to wear, when and where to wear it.  They told me what classes to take, took me to the school of their choice and kept me home from any activities that young people participate in.  You see?   I have no experience of handling myself in any way.  And you tell me that I am now on my own?  You can't give me any idea what to do?" asked Laney.

            "I am sorry for the way that you were treated, Laney.  It is time for you to grow up, emotionally.  I can give you some ideas, I suppose, but the decisions are yours to handle.  There are a lot of hard lessons in life, so prepare yourself, now." said Miss Margaret.

            Laney's face was filled with torture and worry.  What was she going to do?  The only people that she had ever known, trusted and cared about, were dead.  She was scared, bewildered and in a panic.  What was to become of her?  "Okay, Miss Margaret, please help me in anyway that you can.  I'm totally lost."

            "Well, let’s see......"  Miss Margaret looked up to the ceiling.  Her wrinkled face scowled as she was thinking.  The dainty old hands intertwined under her chin as her elbows rested on the old oak desk.  "You have bookkeeping experience......typing skills."  The elderly lady sat back in her chair.  "You've taken psychology, computer workshops, photography and art classes.  Somewhere, in all of this, you can get some kind of job or make yourself a career."

            Laney sat on the edge of her wooden chair.  Her fists were so tight that her arms tingled.  She looked at Miss Margaret and let out a deep sigh.  Laney stood up in front of the oak desk, looking down at the elderly woman.  "Thank you for your very 'little' help, Miss Margaret.  I guess, I'm really on my own."  Laney turned to the door.

            "Laney".  The old lady stood up and walked around to the girl.  "I'm sorry that I can't help you.  You know that is the rule when you young women leave the school.  We can't give you advice for life."

            The younger woman briefly closed her eyes and nodded.  "I know".

            "You do have one advantage, Laney.  You have money that was left to you by the Jordans.  It should help you get a start."  Laney leaned over and hugged the elderly teacher she had admired for all the years that she had attended the 'all girl' school.  She smiled at Miss Margaret and left the room.

                                                    *         *         *

            Laney picked up the mail from her small box in the foyer of the lobby.  Bills and advertisements were addressed to Elaine A. Jenner.  She tucked them in her arm and started walking the four flights of stairs that awaited her.

            Finally, I'm home, she thought as she tossed everything on the old orange stuffed chair that sat by the door.  Laney kicked off her shoes and plunged down on the multi-colored couch.  She raised her forearms over her eyes as she closed them.  Relaxing from the long day, memories flooded her mind.  "This was the third anniversary of the Jordans death," she thought.  This day always brought Laney sadness.

            "Dete..dete.......dete..dete," the phone rang.  Laney got to the phone and answered.  "Hello." 

            "Hi, Laney", came the voice.  Laney recognized the person on the other end.

            "Hi, Gwen.  What's up?"

            "Laney, I haven't heard from you in three weeks.  I was wondering what had happen to you",  said Gwen.

            "Oh, I'm sorry, Gwen.  It's been a real mad house down at the store and warehouse.  You know, the Christmas season is a total rush for any business.  I've been working a lot of overtime.  Really, I haven't had time to think of anything but work."

            "That's all right.  I was just concerned about you, is all.  I know that this is a hard time for you, being the anniversary of your guardians’ death.  Do you have time for company tonight?" asked Gwen.

            "Oh, yeah...... come on over.  I think I can find something for dinner", hesitated Laney.

            "Are you sure?  If you'd rather be alone, I'll understand.  But really, I think you need someone to talk to."

            "Yes, I'm sure.  And you are right, it would be nice to talk to someone other than customers or colleagues.  Anything but work" assured Laney.

            "Well, I thought you may want to talk about the past, Laney.  I know that you still have a lot of bad feelings pent up inside," said Gwen.

            "We'll see, just come on over and let's get dinner going.  I know that I'm practically starved, for sure," answered Laney.

            "Okay, see ya' in a bit," then the phone went dead.

            After Laney hung up the phone, she headed toward the refrigerator.  "I hope there is something to eat," she said to herself.

            There was knock on the door.  It had been forty minutes since the two women had hung up the phone.  Laney opened the door.  "Hi, Gwen," Laney said with a very tired smile to the blonde woman that was standing in the hall.  Laney stepped back to let her guest in.  After Gwen entered the room, she turned around to give Laney a reassuring hug that she was finally glad to see her friend.

            Gwen had been Laney's friend for the past three years, since Laney came to the city to start a new life, after the deaths of her guardians and her own graduation from high school.  "So how goes it," asked Gwen?

            "Though a little hectic at the moment, things are all right," said Laney.

            "Mmmmm…., something smells good, Lane."

            "Thanks," answered Laney, admiring the bright purple and yellow outfit that her blonde companion wore.  Gwen was an extravagant dresser.  She loved to feel and look expensive, Laney thought.  All that make-up and jewelry, it's not for me.

            "What's on the menu, Lane?  I brought a bottle of sparkling apple cider, cheese and crackers.  I hope it won't clash with what you have," Gwen laughed.

            "Sounds great," Laney smiled back.  "Chicken noodle casserole is the entree with a can of carrots.  I have double fudge ice cream with chocolate syrup for dessert.  Does that sound all right, to you?"

            "When do we eat?" chimed Gwen.

            Dinner was great and now the ladies sat on the living room couch to relax.  Shoes kicked off and hair let down, it was time for the serious side of the visit.

            "I know you said that you were doing OK, Laney.  But really, are you over working to keep away from the holiday memories?" asked Gwen.

            "Well......maybe some of it is, but I really have had to work a lot.  I've just been promoted to a staff trainer and we've had a lot of new people to hire for the holiday rush.  This is on top of my normal work of bookkeeping and sales.  I'll be so glad to get the holidays over with," Laney said mournfully.

            "Will you come to my parent's house for Christmas dinner, this year?  Lane, I can't stand the fact that you're all alone here.  Please come.   Make some new memories so you can look forward to the holidays to come," Gwen pleaded.

            Laney got up off the couch and walked to the opposite wall where she had hung all the pictures of late family members and guardians.  She gazed into the photo of her immediate family.  A man standing tall and straight with a stern expression on his face was groomed in an old suit left over from his wedding, fifteen years before the photo was taken.  Sitting on a chair in front of him was a timid looking woman.  She was wearing a light blue dress with no frills, and a locket given to her on her wedding day.  The woman's hair was pulled back in a French knot with a small flower tucked in the side of the hair.  Beside the woman, stood a young boy.  His face was happy and delightful.  He was wearing a pair of gray slacks, a blue shirt and tennis shoes.  The young girl in the photo, was Laney, herself.  "I was about fourteen, then," she murmured.  Laney had long brown hair like her mother and blue eyes that belonged to her father.  Her fingers traced over the people very slowly.  She ran her hand across the girl in the pink A-shaped dress.  Her hair was draped softly, around her face and shoulders.  "This was the last day that I saw Mama and Daddy, alive.  Did I tell you that?" she asked Gwen.

            "I think you may have mentioned it," Gwen answered.

            "After the photos were taken, they left me at school and went on home.  They were with in a mile of the house when a semi jumped the median and dropped upside down, on top of them.  They never knew a thing.  That was only two hours later," Laney sobbed. 

            Laney turned to face her friend and leaned on the wall.  "Paul, my brother, was only twelve.  He was eager to start track in the spring.  He didn't get a chance.  Junior high was a big move for him.  He was in band, choir, the boys club and sporting events.  He was well liked and smart, he had a lot going for him".

            "Lane, why did your parents put you in an 'all girls' boarding school and your brother went to public school?  Why were you being raised so differently?" asked Gwen.

            "Well, I suppose it was my mother's promise to her mother.  My grandmother had wanted to go to boarding school when she was young but couldn't afford it.  She wanted to send her daughters too.  My mother was the only one of her sisters that didn't get to go.  There wasn't enough money.  Grandmother made mama promise that she would send her own daughter to boarding school when she was old enough.  According to my grandmother's idealism, that was the only way that a young girl would properly become 'a lady'."

            "Mama and daddy were very much in love, I guess.  Daddy would never deny mama anything, if he could at all help it.  Mama, never asked for much though.  She didn't take advantage of him."

            "The day that your family was killed, is that when you went to live with the 'Jordans'?" asked Gwen.

            "No," Laney strolled over to the orange chair by the door and sat down uncomfortably.  She stared at the gold shag carpet and continued, "No, I stayed with my aunt Elizabeth for three months, but then she had a heart attack while I was away at school.  She insisted that I stay in school.  After that, I stayed with my aunt Annis for a year.  She's the one I get my middle name from. Aunt Annis had been very ill for years and had almost died four times prior to her actual death.  I was at school, again.  Annis was very long time friends with the Jordans.  It was in her will that I stay with them.  They would make sure that I stayed in school and my needs were taken care of.  Both my aunts were spinsters and my father didn't have any siblings.  I’m was totally alone."

            Gwen motioned for Laney to sit beside her, on the floor, in front of the couch.  Laney shuffled over on her hands and knees, but laid down to stare at the ceiling.  Both women were teary eyed with the grief of the story.  Gwen held Laney's hand, "How long did you live with the Jordans?"

            "About two years".

            "Were they kind to you?"

            "Yes.  Well, maybe they just tolerated me for my aunt's sake.  I'm not sure.  They weren't overly friendly people.  They were 'hosh posh' kind of people.  They live close to the school, so I stayed in their home.  They took me to and from school, everyday.  Study, study, study."

            "Didn't they die in a plane crash when you were a senior?" asked Gwen.

            "Hm hmm.  They were coming back from their Caribbean cruise.  The plane went down in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia.  I blamed myself for a long time for all their deaths.  Sometimes, I still think it's my fault."

            "No, no, no.  You are not to blame.  It just happened for some reason.  You're not responsible in any way, Lane.  Do you hear me?" Gwen pushed.

            "I know what you're saying but I still feel that way.  I can't help it.  Gwen," Laney sat up.  "Can we take this up another time?  I'm so beat."

            "Yeah, I know.  I'm tired too.  I had better be getting back home."

            Gwen left for home and Laney went to bed.   

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