After hours of masturbating, and occasionally thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that techno music is, in fact, more retarded than you. Why is it retarded, I hear your faggot ass asking? Well, first of all, because you listen to it...
Second of all, IT ISN'T MUSIC, YOU CUNT. Going "bvvt bvvt bvvt tshhhhhh, bvvt bvvt bvvt tik tik PFFFFFF!!" Takes no talent. And the lyrics? Honestly, what the fuck? :: Insert generic term here :: AND WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE WHISTLES!?!? And the lights!! Why!?!? IF YOU WANT COLOURS, BUY PAINT, IDIOTS. Techno music is the audio equivalent of downs syndrome. And you're just a fucking asshole. By the way, take a little break from reading this to smash your face against the wall. Thanks. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, you suck… no, that’s not where we were, you lied to me… oh yeah, techno sucks. Do these assholes not now what music is? No, that’s the answer. They don’t. And neither do you.
I hereby start the ‘TECHNO IS GAYER THAN YOU, BUT ONLY SLIGHTLY’ organisation, also known as ‘FUCK OFF.’ To become a member of FUCK OFF you must first kill yourself, then send me lots of money in the mail, in that order, in fact… no, I like that order. YOU SUCK!! Sorry, tourettes. Wait, I’m not sorry. Anyway, FUCK OFF is dedicated to breaking stuff, especially stuff that makes shite music. By shite, I mean anything you enjoy. TECHNO SUCKS. Do you know what doesn’t suck? Rice. Be more like rice from now on. Me? Abusive? No, not at all. If I hadn’t beaten her to death, I’d still beat my wife. What does that have to do with techno, you ask? Fuck off, no questions. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU. Do you know what else is gay? Me neither. Your girlfriend dumped you because she was getting more action from her left hand. Wait; stop distracting me by being an asshole. Here are some lyrics for a techno album.
Track 1:
Yeah, yeah, oooooooh yeah.
Track 2:
Woo, yeah!! Woohoo, YAH!
Track 3:
I am greeeeeeaaaaaaaaat.
Track 4:
Fuck yeah, I’m stoned!
Track 5:
Shout out to my peeps at SONY!
And it carries on much the same way for 11 songs, in between annoying whistles at stupid noises. Two men having anal sex with each other isn’t even nearly as gay as techno.
However, without a doubt, the most annoying thing about techno is the people who listen to it. Here’s my message to them:
“ROLL UP YOUR FUCKING WINDOWS AND TURN YOUR RADIO THE FUCK DOWN, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR SHIT.”
In conclusion, fuck you.