Most of the time it's just basically what I like, don't like, favourite things and it's just the standard thing for any type of profile. Yes everything that I write on those are true. But most of what has made me into how I am today is from past inccidents, fights, years of torment by people that I would rather not be reminded of, and the loss of friends that I used to be close to and many visits to doctors-most of which my parents DO NOT know about and the medication I had been put on.
I'm only writting this so that people will have some sort of undestanding when the subject of me comes arround in conversations, (though I really don't have any undestanding of why anyone would talk about me in the first place).
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My Family isn't the easiest to get along with. Yeah sure we look like we are all friends and everything to everyone and sometimes even ourselves, but really, we don't talk about anything that has to do with us or our feelings or anything of the sort.
My grandmother, well she pretty much only like my aunt Sharon and my cousins Sarah and Jake. She buys them pretty much anything they want and they're always talking and going out together and they do the "normal" family type stuff. But when it comes to anyone else in the family, it's like we're friends and never anyt real conversations goes on when we get tother for "family" things. Our birthdays aren't ever really remembered and if they are then we get a card- in the past they would come over and give it to us- but now they jsut send it in the mail. Though it isn't just my grandmother who does this it's everyone on my dad's side of the family.
--There is a point to all of that, and it's to tell you how seemingly "normal" of a family we are to everyone else who is NOT part of it. Also how not close anyone is to anyother. It's where I get my detachement issues from. I've learned since I was a child how to not show emotions or feelings and to hide them and pretend they don't exist.-- It's has actually come in handy over the years but there's always a downside to everything. And that is most of what you saw and got when talking to me in the past.
Because of all of that I had become a recluse and very anti-social and never talked to anyone, particularly my family. I didn't really have too many friends that I could tell things too. I have always been insecure about my self and of what other people think of me.
When I was living in Essex and going to school in McGregor at St. Ursule I found that I had become friends with everyone I met- the change shocked me but stil I kept my distance and most of myself hidden away where I couldn't be harmed. I had managed to get a best friend. Her name was Elizabeth and we were inseperable, or so it seemed, we had been best friends for all of the years I lived out there in Essex. I told her everything. I opened up to her and she understood (at least as much as someone could when they were in grade school) but then when we got older and in the 6th grade we had this huge argument one day and it hadn't been the same between us after that. yes we had stayed friends but it wasn't the same. She betrayed my trust as well. She whent arround telling everyone what I had confidded in her. she promised to never tell anyone and I did the same, but I didn't tell anyone anything of what she told me. That happend not too long from the end of that year and I found out that I was moving back to Tecumseh where I had left another friend a long time ago. Me and Elizabeth never spoke to each other again after I moved.
Now comming back to Tecumseh was a big deal for me. I had a friend here that I thought would remember me and we would once again become friendds (interesting how i thought that...). She did remember me and we did become friends but only, it seemed, to reminise what we used to do when we were children, but we were friends. But ever since the first day back to my old school, someone didn't like me. So I instantly became the subject of ridducle and interest. I was 11 or 12 the year I came back here. I fought for my own sanity during the 2 years I had left of grade school. I was beaten up, scared, not only emotionaly but physicaly, and I was put on medication because they had discovered that I was ADD, and so I was put in ritaline then that didn't work so they put me on something stronger, it didn't work either. But all the while no one knew what I was going through at school because we just didn't talk about ourselves and what was happening to us at home. I did however be-friend 4 people, Stephanie, Jocelyn, Vicky and Brant. We became freinds but I knew from experience not to trust anyone with personal things so I didn't tell them anything of importance. Although I was still the "new kid" and even though they were sort of my friends they had their many oportunities to torment me and that's what they did. Every one took what ever chance they had to make fun of me, hit me, throw things at me, or do pretty much anything to make me fight back or to go "tell " on them, if I did go "tell" on them I would just make everything worse so I just didn't do anything about it, even though the teachers knew what they were doing, they didn't bother to do anything. So I suffered in silence for 2 years. Though on every field trip we took and we got to go our own ways with our friends, I always stayed in view of someone in charge, like a parent that had come along so that nothing would happen, and if it did then it would be stoped almost right away. I grew up really fast emotionaly and my physical was catching up as well. as side from my friend Vicky I was the most developed girl in the class...unfortunantely. So on top of everything else I had them teasing and makeign fun of me for that as well.
----Poor me your thinking... well yes and no b-cuz all of this is true unfortunantely and I can't change what happend, all I can do is live with the facts and the wish that time travel was possible.----
Well skipping ahead to towards the end of grade 8, about a month and a half befor the yearly grade 8 trip. Abruptly all of the makeing fun, beating and the hitting of me or anything stoped. I had no idea what was going on for them to stop. it had given them something to do for over a year and a half and just all of a sudden it stoped. I was clueless about why it had and I never really had gotten an answer out of it either. I did find out however that the main person who started it all had managed to start likeing me (I wasn't supposed to find that out but I did. I over heard because they didn't know I was there at the time and this was on our grade 8 trip). all though I wans't completely free of the tormenting because I ended up braking 3 bones in my foot on the 2nd day we wer gone. So no matter what I wasn't ever going to be free of them, or so I thought. the doctor who looked at my foot thought it was just badly bruised and told me to leave with out taking an x-ray or anything to be sure. That night I don't remember how many time Vicky hit , sat or threw something at my foot to make it hurt even more then it all ready did. I had to walk on it the next day b-cuz we were site seeing in ottawa befor we left for toronto and to stie see there and the next day we whent to Canada's Wonderland (theme/ amusement park) I had to walk everywhere, slowly mind you, and because of that I was left behind so I was alone walking around the park all day. I did go on rides but not as many as I wanted to, so I spent most of my time in shops looking around and buying stuff of no importance and watching the acts going on on the paths that were put on by people in the park.