nightmare

Sat on the sofa watching movies eating chips phone rings its you truely beloved "ere love I said we would go on a picnic tomorrow oops there listen pick yah up early" click
The day Dawns light filters through the curtains as you wait and wait and wait .
Midday a sound like a jet engine approaches the house clattering and banging horn sounds like a cat put in a spin dryer and he romanticly Bellows "Get A move on Love ,wanna be there in time to listen to the Footie"you stumble out in riduclous short skirt and high heels lugging a box in one arm and a pack of beer in the other.He like a gentleman sits there fiddleing with the radio.
At last you are off speeding along ..straight into a traffic jam everyone and there mother have choosen today for a picnic your tempers flare as the traffic wends its way for ever grinding teeth and silence. Then he is happy the footie starts and he yells and slaps the car steering wheel .Evetually Hot and tired you pull of the road to a quiet area and set out the food Pork pies squished sandwiches and warm beer.and it starts the ants plan there stratagy and march in getting into everything .gnats bite at any part of bare flesh then he winks and says "ere love how bouts we go for a walk "you stagger along behind him as he crosses a field and into some bushes privacy you start at it like two sex crazed beasts grunting panting and stripping you blouse down bra undone him with his trousers round ankles when hear a voice look up and is two damn hikers "Excuse me couldnt tell us where the youth hostel is could you?"frantic rearrangeing of clothes mumbleing "sorry strangers picnic going now" you run back to the car and head home never haveing got the sex the whole date was about!

Other unstated facts about English picnic, it always rains, you always get lumbered with some idiots children .someone is always sick, it always rains, you always set up picnic in field with a bull.Your partner always thinks open fields are great places for a spot of Nookie.Your partners best friend always drinks to much and thinks sex in a open field with you would be great..I HATE PICNICS! Did i mention it always rains? But at least we dont have skunks...... Nmm hangon yes we do there called boyfriends!!!!!!!!!(j/k Martin you know your my best friend !!)