| Its only me.. Merri |
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| January 2002...starting to enjoy life again |
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| My Info: |
| Merri |
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| I have never done this before so bear with me as this is new to you and me both. I wanted a place that I could display my poetry and a place that I could say whatever was on my mind. You will find throughout time that I can be a very deep person but easy going at the same time. I hope that you take the time to read through some of my poetry and let me know what you think of it and of anything I have said. I have been writing poetry for about the last three and a half years. I have had five individual poems published so far and looking forward to doing a book someday. You can find my published works at www.poetry.com under my name Merri Elizabeth Renaud. So a little about me so that you can get to know me better. I am 28, divorced and have no children yet. One day I would like to have a family of my own. I am originally from PA but now I am living in Wooster, OH. Its a small town south of Akron, OH. I moved here a year and a half ago because of my job. I am a driver manager/dispatcher for Wooster Motor Ways. Its a wonderful company to work for. I look forward to being with them for a long time to come. I have a cat and her name is Mercedes Mulberry. I work hard and try to play harder. I have a very serious side but I also have a very fun loving, easy going side that just loves to enjoy life one day at a time. I love to just spend time with my friends and my family. There is nothing better than to be able to make someone smile and laugh. I figure that if I can at least make one person smile a day then its been a successful day. As far as hobbies go.. I would have to say that they would include cooking and writing poetry. Both I find very relaxing and very rewarding. As fas as things I enjoy doing.. give me a beautiful sun shining day and I would do just about anything. I love to try new and exciting things in life. I love to spend time at a local lake and just watch the day go by. Its peaceful and so beautiful. I love amusement parks, roller coasters, movies, all types of music, biking, hiking, walking, parks, zoos, bowling, sight seeing, driving through the countryside and I also love to travel. A couple of years ago I was travelling all the time and loved it. If I could have a job that I could travel with I would be in heaven. To get paid for what I already love to do. I guess you could say that my goal in life is to live life without regret. To enjoy each moment for what it is. To appreciate each person in my life as I know that they will not be around forever. |
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| The poem "Unchanged" is an early work of mine. I guess you could say that is how I can see myself loving someone... forever, eternally and unconditionally. The way I believe it should be. I don't think you can force love or force someone to stay with you when they don't have the want or desire to do so. I think it is best to love them while you can and let them go..if its meant to be they will come back to you. I have loved and lost in my life many times. I am not afraid to love again just waiting for the right person to come along to steal my heart away and keep it with his for the rest of his life. Yes you can say that I am one of the true hopeless romantics in the world. If that is a bad thing oh well..because that is just the way I am. I look forward to the day that I can't wait to get home to the one I love and spend every night and day with him. I don't want someone I can live with.. I want the one I can't live without. There are many sides to me.. one that is extremely private and one that is extremely open but both are extremely honest. I just tend to need my own space on occasion to just get away from everything and everyone. On the other hand my open side loves to be around people. You can ask my any question in the world and I would give you an answer. I don't shy away from my past I embrace it and learn from it. If I can help one person by sharing my experiences then it was worth sharing. |
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| All my life I have simply wanted one thing that I seem not to be able to obtain. All I have ever wanted is to be happy and to be loved by someone unconditionally. I have achieved the happy part of the equation but I have yet to figure out the loved part. I have tried many times to find the one person that would love me for just me and nothing more. To date I have been married and divorced once, almost engaged again and been dumped too many times to keep track of any more. In my two most recent relationships I was dumped with a, "I don't know why!" I have become to hate those four words. If you are going to leave me at least give me a reason why are you. Don't tell me you don't know why because all that does is make me wonder what went wrong and doesn't give me a chance to try to fix what went wrong. I have been accused of being too nice and too understanding in relationships. I didn't know there were such things as too nice or too understandable but apparently I just haven't been looking in the mirror enough. Life is too short to waste it on fighting and being angry all the time. In all my relationships without my life I can honest count on one hand how many arguments I have gotten into with them. Maybe I don't fight back and maybe I don't get angry and maybe I should. I don't know what I should do anymore when it comes to relationships because what I have been doing doesn't seem to be working. I know that I can't change who I am. I have learned in my life that patience and understanding are virtues that I can't go without. Caring isn't something I just do it is a part of who I am from the inside out. I care more than I should sometimes and that is my fault but I would rather care too much than not at all. There was a time in my life where I didn't want anything to do with anyone or anything. I don't ever want to go back to that feeling. It was by far the loneliest place I have ever been. I recently bought a house that I absolutely love. When I walk through the door I know that I am home and I completely feel at home. It is a feeling like nothing else in this world. Unless you have experienced for yourself you just don't quite understand and if you haven't experienced yet you need to…everyone needs to feel what it is like to feel at home. Maybe I am nuts for buying a house on my own but I don't care what anyone else thinks. It's big enough to fit a good size family in. It's four bedroom and two and a half baths. It has a triple deck with a hot tub for ten and a twenty-four foot pool in the back yard. I look forward to the days when I get to share my home with someone and some day have children together. As far as relationships go…well where to start. I have always thought I knew what I wanted but every concept that I have had about relationships have been tested in the past couple of years. I truly and honestly want someone that I can simply love. I want the share respect and honesty. A commitment to each other of loyalty, warmth, love, tenderness, a love of life and of each other. I want to be able to sit out on my swing with him and not say a word but everything in the world be said with just a look. I refuse to settle for just someone that comes along. I want the person that I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. I want to love someone so much that when he is not around that I miss him and can't wait to see him again. I don't just want someone I want the one that I cannot live without. I want the relationship where we complete each other not over run each other. I simply just want to love someone and to grow old with him. |
| My life as it stands today |
| Some more of my poetry |