What is SWISH?
SWISH is the official anti-Star Wars organization. SWISH is an acronym for "Star Wars is So Horrible." Founded in 1996, we fight against the proliferation of Star Wars, but not the Reagan-era defense program; we don't care about that. It's the George Lucas film franchise that we hate.

Um, are you completely insane? Star Wars is a classic!
Sweet, sweet, good-natured child of the sun. Some of us are willing to settle for any old tripe as long as it's projected on a big screen. SWISH, however, as if in a moment of miraculous clarity, has seen past the film's ostensible harmlessness and identified that it, without a doubt, sucks. Flimsy and re-hashed plotlines, stiff acting, unrealistic and trite dialogue, a blitzkrieg of a marketing campaign -- all these things and more are enough to cause us to throw up our hands in frustration with all things Star Wars.

That said, even SWISH is willing to admit that, once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, the original Star Wars trilogy was groundbreaking and mindblowing for people who had little more to watch than Saturday Night Fever and Smokey and the Bandit. But today's Star Wars -- the flicks that cost more than $100 million to make -- are not qualified to receive the praise and adoration offered by many a brainwashed "fan." They are not worthy of the endless media hype that evokes a golden-calf-like worship that isn't even received by the most influential, poignant films that mean something to our society. Yes, the CGI is fantastic. But that should never be allowed to make up for the films' otherwise dismal performance. We just have one request: If we non-Star Wars fans can admit that the original trilogy has its merits, Star Wars fans should admit that the crap they're buying into now is of a completely different breed -- and that if it wasn't Star Wars, they would say it sucked. Can you do that for us?

So you hate a movie. Big whoop. Why must you taunt us with this silly website?
Wait, we're not done with that last question. Surely the media marketing synergy with this franchise makes you as sick as it does us. Such a marketing blitzkrieg for such a terrible product is particularly offensive, but par for the course when it comes to the Lucas machine. We're so sick of seeing Star Wars toys, posters, action figures, bedspreads, shoes, mouse pads, paper clips, coffee cream, hemorrhoid cream, hats, shampoo, toothbrushes -- the list never ends! Everywhere you turn, there's Jar Jar or Luke or Anakin or Darth Maul in your face. It's inescapable. And it's annoying. And it sucks.

Seriously, dude, answer my question.
SWISH came together before the popularity of the personal website really exploded. When the 'net hit, we found that the best way to reach a large audience and share our point of view was by having a web presence. Wait, why are we even explaining this to you people? Does it take a genius to figure out why anyone has a website? And since when do positive websites espousing love and admiration have a monopoly on the internet? That's possibly the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Aside from anything spoken by Jar Jar Binks, of course.

So have you even seen the movies?
An emphatic of course. Several of us made a special effort to see Empire when it was re-released, hoping it might spark a truce, but we fell asleep during the ... yawn ... laboring plot. Also, I lost a bet and had to go see Episode I, and boy was it terrible. The audience booed afterward.

Don't you realize that your efforts are futile?
Oooh, "futile." That's a big word for you! We realize that our position is not a popular one, but we feel that it's entirely necessary. Many, many people have been brainwashed to devolve into foamy-mouthed, jittery cretins at the mention of Star Wars, and though we're not exactly sure why, we certainly feel the need to provide an alternative viewpoint, you know, in case these spazzes ever want to come back down to earth and play nice with the rest of civilization.

Are you jerks a bunch of Trekkies?
Nope. Never seen Star Trek and we certainly don't hold any allegience to it.

So, besides making smart-ass comments on your site, what do you do to fight Star Wars?
Though SWISH isn't as publicly active as we once were, we generally try to spread the word and raise awareness of our cause through flyering, picketing, stickering and such. Getting media coverage helps as well. In the past, we've had major bonfires with media and effigy burnings, as well as marches, benefit concerts, boycotts, and hunger strikes. We've staged visible protests of film premiers, which always result in arrests and career re-evaluations for those on both sides. Our annual convention in Las Vegas brings us a lot of drunk, clueless, middle-aged men who harbor a lot of negative associations connected to Star Wars and their awkward adolescence. These days, SWISH fights more more of an info-guerilla-style war, where we plant memes everywhere we can in the hopes that they'll grow and spread.

How can you claim to hate the hyper-consumerism-fueled marketing blitz of Lucasfilm when you sell products for your club?
First, we don't make any money off our merchandise. Cafepress gets the money for their work. We just design the stuff and get the satisfaction of knowing that there are alternatives to pro-Star Wars merchandise out there. Second, we are an organization, not a piece of 'art' that purports to exist on a literary plane that is above making copious gobs of money off of every possible product tie-in. Organizations have merchandise. If there was a way for us to give merchandise away, we would do it in an instant.

God, I wish someone would kick your ass.
The anger you're feeling is a toxic mix of frustration with your own stupidity and anger that you've been duped by Lucas for this long. It's OK. We only make fun of you as long as you love Star Wars, but as soon as you start transitioning to questioning Star Wars, we'll have your back in an instant. We just want to help.