coomber

Winter Sports are king! The only sports that require you only to watch for five minutes to become one of the worlds leading experts in the field. Why?

Because they always and only consist of sliding down.

( Watch out! With this philosophy there is one exception: the British are good at the one event which is bowls, on ice, with cleaning)

But, nevertheless, we have one good competitor in the most stupid and sliding down orientated event of them all... the skeleton!

If you are beginning to get afraid, I will explain. This is a take off of the BBC's feeble obsession with Britain's only chance of a medal in one of the mad sliding down sports in the Winter Olympics. There is, on the BBC website about 2000 refferences to Coomber, a nine category special feature on her, a documentation of her every move, a pictoral of her excrement, a biography of her home town, a fucking camera up her arse during the bloody skeleton race.

I don't care about her, I could do the stupid sliding down thing, I fucking did it last time it snowed in Aber, we put a compost bag over a bodyboard and called it the body bag

- IT WAS MUCH FASTER THAN THE SKELETON. I didn't even wear a helmet, but no one had to indure the BBC's commentators repeating my name almost 360 times in an hour and a half long coverage of the olympics, which, surprise surprise - only talked about the skelleton and the kettle throwing housewives who clean up the ice when it's obviously clean already! The circles in the middle which say 'Salt Lake City Winter Olympics' are meant to be there! Don't try and scratch them off with your stupid brushes you curling fools, curl up and die won't you, or at least do curling while sliding down a mountain at 200mph - everyone else does in the bloody olympics, why can't you!

> NOTE. SHE CAME THIRD.

>Look at this. There is a video profile of Alex Coomber.

>D-day arrives! What - are the real D-day and some no hope sliding expert arriving in Salt Lake City on a plane and not parachuting into insane gunfire like a madwoman really comparable?
>Good training run! WOW! REALLY?

>In the Spotlight! WAS she?, really, anywhere other than in Sue Barkers' head?

>Team GB optimistic! SHE DIDN'T EVEN WIN FOR GOD'S SAKE

Read carefully the words beneath the picture. That's right.
Snow. Even though this is the winter olympics and the likelihood is that there will be snow hiding somewhere in the vacinity. But why didn't the snow hamper the other two competitor's 'bid' for gold and silver?