1. You like most to wear...

a chain mail dress
a miniskirt
three layers of leather
a dressing gown
an embroidered dress
breeches


2. If your friend died you would...

steal their clothes
I have no friend...I need no friends
break into mournful song
run away in case whatever took them out comes after you
stand and stare
hit your head against something hard


3. Your favourite food is...

lembas
something you cooked for someone else
something someone else cooked for you
food? Bah, who needs it?
mushrooms


4. If you sat down suddenly you would snap your...

sword
bow
axe handle
dildo
fingernail
staff
carrot


5. The most important item in your pack is your...

pipe
shampoo and conditioner
frying pan
lifesize blow-up Frodo doll
food
dildo
Sam carries all my stuff in his pack


6. You think that the Riders of Rohan are...

rather gumby because they wear horse tails on their heads
pyromaniacs
a bit slow on the uptake
makers of fine doors and providers of dramatic entrances
not natural blondes


7. When faced with danger you...

turn invisible
run away
blow a musical instrument
look surprised
look confused
throw something
attack violently


8. When you have a sword in your hand you...

drop it
step on it and break it
look at it stupidly while it glows
look at it stupidly
do a pirouette and attack something with it
pose with it
cut yourself with it


9.When you are wet you smell like...

a dog
a horse
a warg
an orc
rotting leather
soap and lavender
leaf mould


10. The floor of your home is...

magnetic
covered in leaves
stone
dirt
wood
being blown up


11. In the favourite room of your house you have...

one door
two doors
six doors
no doors
too many doors to count


12. When entering a house you...

leave the door open behind you
close the door after you
break down the door
knock on the door
blow up the door
use the window


13. When there's a lull in the conversation you...

talk about your homeland
break into song
talk about food
make stupid comments about the weather
introduce yourself to something
wish that the ring had never come to you
plait you hair


14. You became part of the Fellowship because...

Elrond told you to
Gandalf told you to
Aragorn was going
Legolas was going
Boromir was going
you wanted to get away from your girlfriend
you had too much coffee that morning and couldn't think straight
Frodo was going


15. At night you sleep with...

a teddy bear
your bow
a Hobbit
two Hobbits
four Hobbits
as many Hobbits as you can get your hands on
whoever you can get your hands on


16. When you are angry you...

shout in a different language
make yourself look really tall and change the weather
stand up
throw a tantrum
yell and throw things


17. While you walk you...

stay behind Legolas so you can check out his arse
stay behind Boromir so you can check out his arse
stay behind Aragorn so you can check out his arse
think about food
whinge and hope that someone will carry you
wear a hat
lead Bill the pony


18. You believe that...

the ring can save Gondor
Frodo is the most wonderfullest hobbit in all of Middle Earth
the ring should never have come to you
all the necessary nutrients for a healthy lifestyle can be got through smoking a pipe
the strongest form of insult you can give someone is to call them a fool
plaited hair is manly


19. When asked to make a decision you say...

'I wish the ring had never come to me'
'Let's all go to Gondor'
'I can't make a decision with out Gandalf'
'I can't make a decision without Elrond'
'I'll do whatever Aragorn says'
'I'll go with the Elf'


20. The two towers are...

Orthanc and Isengard
Orthanc and Minas Morgul
Oroduin and Barad-dur
what happens when Aragorn and Boromir sleep together


21. When you arrive you are...

10 miutes early
10 minutes late (again)
just in time to make a dramatic entrance
glowing
sulking because you wanted to go to Gondor
too late to make a difference


22. When you meet someone for the first time you...

offer them your ring
insult them
introduce someone
let someone else introduce you
cut your finger
eat an apple


23. can you count?

yes
no
only backwards


24. In your toiletries bag you carry...

extra shine conditioner
toe nail clippers
anti-wrinkle cream
a razor
tangle-free baby shampoo
shaving cream
what's a toiletries bag?


25. At crucial moments in battle you are likely to...

leave
faint
pose
die
be somewhere else
shout
talk to trees


26. Your preferred weapon is your...

big sword
little sword
broken sword
glowing sword
axe
arrow
apple
cooking


27. When you look at the ring you think...

'Why doesn't Frodo stroke me like that?'
'Why don't we just give it back to Gollum?'
'Why don't we lock it in a box so that Frodo can't keep putting it on all the time?'
'Why don't we give it to Boromir? At least he might do something useful with it'
'Why didn't Elrond take it to Mordor himself?'
'Why does that chain it's on keep disappearing and reappearing?'
'Where does Elrond get off telling everyone what to do with the ring? It's not like he's ever even touched it'
'If I was a Dark Lord, I so would have made a trendier ring than that'
'Why did the ring ever come to me?'


28. Your preferred form of transport is...

in Boromir's arms
in Aragorn's arms
on a horse
on a horse with Legolas


29. You like to chase...

Orcs
Hobbits
anyone taller than you
anyone shorter than you
anyone with longer hair than you


30. You don't want to go to Moria because...

you're afraid of the dark
Gandalf told you there were bogey men down there
it will be too dark to see Legolas' arse
it will be too dark to see Boromir's arse
it will be too dark to Aragorn's arse
actually you do want to go there because it will be dark enough to secretly grope the Hobbits


31. During the council meeting in Rivendell you are thinking...

'Hey, it's that hot guy I met earlier'
'Hey, check out that elf'
'I wonder if Elrond knows he has a whole lot of little knots in his hair?'
'I'm hungry'
'I'm bored'
'If Elrond remembers all this stuff about the ring, why didn't he just tell me instead of making me go all the way to Gondor?'
'Why am I wearing a poncho?'
'Doesn't Elrond ever sweep his floors?'


32. What you want most of all is...

Frodo
Boromir
Aragorn
Legolas
the Ring
coffee
someone to notice you


33. You would most like to lose...

Frodo
the Dwarf
the necklace your girlfriend gave you
the Ring


34. When someone else gives an opinion you...

ignore them
insult them
listen if it's Gandalf
listen if it's Elrond
listen if it's Aragorn
throw a tantrum


35. If you met Lord Sauron you would...

introduce yourself
tell him about Gondor
ask him for food
faint
hit him with a frying pan
attack him
introduce the person next to you


36. You are jealous of...

the Ring, because Frodo never touches you like that
Boromir, because Aragorn hasn't kissed you yet
Gimli, because he gets to ride with Legolas
anyone with hair longer than yours
Boromir's horn, because Boromir never touches you like that
anyone taller than you


37. The most important moment in your life was when you...

first saw Aragorn
first discovered coffee
decided to go to Mordor
washed your clothes and had to change your name because they weren't grey anymore
first got hugged by Boromir


38. On the Elvish boats you are...

angry that you don't get to ride with Aragorn
happy that you get to ride with Legolas
worried that Boromir is too busy looking at the Argonath and not where he is paddling


39. In an alternate reality or previous life were you...

stabbed
wearing a neck brace
about to fall off a cliff
misunderstood as a child
with dorky friends
a homeless drunk turned butler
in a submarine
a game keeper or secret agent


40. Is your cologne...

earthy
spicy
smokey
fruity
sweet
dank
cologne? what's that?


41. Do you think books...

are nicely bound amounts of toilet paper
something to sit on so that you can reach the top of the table
are things that belong only in cities
have pretty pictures- pity about the other squiggles
books? what are books?


42. The first thing you do after waking up in the morning is...

braid your hair
deck yourself out in jewellery that you are going to throw away
cook breakfast
eat breakfast someone else has cooked
drink coffee, lots of coffee
finger your horn
wake up? I haven't been asleep


43. When you come across a strange plant in the wild you...

nibble a leaf- it could be edible
investigate to see if it has berries which could be edible
steer clear- you don't know what it is
steer clear- it could be one of Sauron's spies
see if you can brew tea from it
see if you can smoke it
weave it into a circlet of flowers for your beloved's head


44. True love looks past...

age difference
height difference
racial difference
sexuality
personal cleanliness


45. When you lead people you go...

the right way
the wrong way
into danger
away from danger


46. If you had a silent letter in your name it would be...

X
C
F
P
K
O
M
Q
S


47. You have your coffee...

black
black with one sugar
milk with cream
milk with two sugars
milk with eight sugars
I only drink tea
can you smoke it?


48. You are confused when...

you are rescued by Arwen, because you expected to be rescued by a guy
Aragorn brandishes his sword in the Prancing Pony, because you thought it was broken a foot from the hilt
Elrond acts as though he was a really big part of the battle with Sauron, even though he was only a Herald
Haldir arrives at Helm's Deep, because you weren't expecting any Elves
Frodo helps Gandalf open the doors of Moria when you thought you were supposed to
you are looking at the shards of Narsil in Rivendell, because you thought Aragorn was supposed to have them
Bilbo isn't at the council meeting with Elrond
you arrive at Bree without going through the Old Forest
you fall off a cliff into a river that you didn't expect to be there


49. Your contribution to the Fellowship's medical kit is...

anti schitzophrenia medicine
athelas
bandaids
headache pills
tweezers
amphetamines
burn cream
anti malaria tablets
condoms


50. You are...

bleeding
angst ridden
paranoid
sexually frustrated
possessive
ignored
jealous
unobservant
comic relief