Ok, I come to you for advice simply because I found your webpage. I need some
advice with a person I think might be bisexual, and I want to know what to do
and what to say, so I am going to give the whole story and let you decide. If
you could help out with anything, even your own personal opinion, that would be
great because I don’t know what to do. Get back to me whenever you get the
chance. Thanks
THE STORY:
Ok, so I guess I started falling in love with Bob sometimes around last
year. I thought (and still think) this excruciatingly odd because I have
honestly fallen for only girls in the past, Anyway, I thought about him a lot
over the summer, but he barely called or wrote, so I started trying to push him
out of my head. Stupid, yes, but my only choice of action nonetheless.
Well, we moved in to our dorm in September, and before long we became closer
than ever. Bob started opening up to me, and well, one night we toke some
ecstasy and he kissed me on the cheek as I was driving with my other best
friend besides Bob, Hilary. I went wild inside because the boy I was falling in
love with kissed me, but I passed it off as ecstasy side effects so as not to
hype myself up for nothing. Well, the next week we were doing ether (meaning,
Bob, Hilary, and I), and Bob and Hilary unknowingly had a 10 second discussion
on the fact that they were bi-curious. I knew about Hilary from day one about
her possibly gay/bi-sexual nature because she would react so violently to
lesbianism that it would, well, give her away. I thought Bob could be too, due
to his secretive feminine nature, the way he wouldsit real close to me on the
couch, sometimes touch my hand and leave it there, and well, that was all I
could base it on, and I thought even thinking he could be would be smoke-
screening my problem onto him and setting myself up for a let down(as you can
probably tell, my experience with girls is limited to under 5 girls, so I try
hard to set myself up for a let down).
Well, that night with the ether, the school busted us, and we got into a whole
lot of trouble, and during this week Hilary decided she liked Bob, so I told
him and started them dating. This killed me because Hilary (the one girl at
school that I am in love with), and Bob (the one boy), were dating, and they
wanted our little triangle of friendship to be the same, but I knew it couldn’t
be. I had to distance myself from them because being around them shattered my
heart, and even though I knew their whole relationship was a joke, I couldn’t
do anything.
Coincedentally, one of these weekends Bob and I went to my house three hours
away, and while drunk and on some ambient(a sleeping pill) Bob let out a blurb
about a big secret he’s had since high school, and it has something to do with
his confidence, and when I asked him more he said he didn’t want to talk about
it, and would tell me someday. I to this day don’t know what it is, but Hilary
thought it meant he was either gay/ or bi, so this was my first possibly
serious clue. Come three weeks Hilary breaks it with Bob, saying she “was too
close”, and “kissing him was like kissing a brother, and she couldn’t see
herself doing anything else at all with him”.
Then, a few weeks later, Tori Amos’s new record, “Scarlet’s Walk” came out, and
I was so excited because it was a new Tori record(she, and Radiohead, are
personal saviours of mine), and both Bob and Hilary really, really liked it.
I was especially excited about Bob taking a shining to it, because in the past
he couldn’t get into Tori, and as of late he was beginning to like her more and
more, and even fell in love with a song called “Caught a Lite Sneeze”. I only
incorporate this because music is my truest way of judging the people between
who I would share a bottle of wine with, and the people I would share a pint of
crappy American beer with, and with Bob liking Tori, well whoo-hoo! We could
both discuss her musical and lyrical genius, and Bob also finally recognized
Tori is a fucking hot woman.
Well, the night of the new record, Bob, Hilary and I got REALLY drunk, and
sometime in the night, Bob and I started wrestling, and, well the sexual
tension could have blown up a building. Hilary noticed it too, because she
sounded really awkward in asking us to stop, almost like someone watching two
people have a major display of PDA and not knowing what to do. Well, Hilary
left later on to go get some pot(yeah, I know, we do a lot of drugs), and
somehow Bob and I were on the couch, and my hand went around his neck, and I
laid my forehead right on his throat and I told him I wanted to kiss him. He
said, “If your heart desires it”, and we pecked, but it wasn’t anything
big. I laid on him until Hilary came back, and we separated, smoked, and then
Hilary left for the night. I asked him to lay with me again, and he agreed even
though he was complaining about being really drunk and sleepy, and we laid in
each other’s arms for ten minutes, talking. I could feel the vibrations of his
vocal chords on my face as I lay on him, and I gently caressed his face, and it
was soft and so sexy, and I didn’t want that moment to end. It did.
Next weekend we drank again, and I asked him about it, and said “it was kind of
weird, but it was only two friends showing affection for each other and it
didn’t mean anything more than that.” I was disappointed. Now all I want to do
is tell him how in love with him I TRULY am, but the one night we laid
together, I asked him if he wanted to know a secret, and he said yes, and I
told him that I was in love with him, and he was like “I already know that!
What’s the real secret?!”
Am I just smoke-screening, or could be in to me too(a couple of my friends think
he is), but I never see him looking at me(except a couple times in the morning
I’ve caught him looking at me in bed), and would two people be able to sit like
that without feeling something? Is he bi, or am I just reaching? I mean, he
acts “gay” when it is just me around and he is fucked up, , but when he is sober
or with other guys he tries that macho bullshit, like talking about tits and
ass, and how he loves watching this chick and that chick get fucked in porno’s.
I just figured I write someone for some advice because I don’t know any gay
people or bisexual people, and even if I did I don’t think I would want someone
directly in my world knowing this information, but I figured if you could help I
would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.
-A
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