Church Bulletin Bloopers
(compliments of the "Bulletin Police")

1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
   
   
2. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
   
   
3. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
   
   
4. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
   
   
5. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
   
   
6. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
   
   
   
   
7. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
   
   
8. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.
   
   
9. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
   
   
10. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    
    
11. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
    
    
12. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
    
    
    
    
13. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
    
    
14. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    
    
15. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
    
    
16. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
    
    
17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
    
    
18. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
    
    
    
    
19. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
    
    
20. Evening massage - 6 p.m.
    
    
21. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
    
    
22. Ushers will eat latecomers.
    
    
23. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
    
    
24. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
    
    
    
    
25. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
    
    
26. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
    
    
27. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
    
    
28. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
    
    
29. Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
    
    
30. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
    
    
    
    
31. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
    
    
32. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? With hymns from a full choir.
    
    
33. Hymn 43: "Great God, What Do I See Here?"
    Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett
    Hymn 47: "Hark! An Awful Voice Is Sounding"
    
    
34. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness:
    GOD IS GOOD.
    Dr. Hargreaves is better.
    
    
35. Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
    
    
36. If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket.
    
    
    
    
37. Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.
    
    
38. Women's Luncheon:
    Each member bring a sandwich.
    Polly Phillips will give the medication.
    
    
39. Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well With My Solo."
    
    
40. Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.
    
    
41. If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
    
    
42. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
    
    
    
    
43. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
    
    
44. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict
    
    
45. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
    
    
46. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
    
    
47. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 P.M.. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
    
    
48. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered
    
    
49. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.