A THOUSAND SHADES OF FEELING

Warning: The violence isn't quite over in this, the last, chapter. It's not quite as bad as what we've seen so far, but it's still there. While I don't think you'll lose your lunch over it, consider yourself warned.

Dedication: I would like to dedicate this chapter, the most powerfull so far in my opinion, to the soul of my own Mark. While that was not his name, he still taught me a lot about what body and soul can endure. He unknowingly taught me where my limits are, he taught me in his own backwards way the power of love,and although may never know it he also taught me how to forgive. I give thanks for the lessons that I learned. Too bad some of us don't learn the easy way.

CHAPTER 6

Merlin could have floated in the blackness for a lifetime or a minute. Gradually a soft glow banished the darkness. She wasn't alarmed or frightened, even when the glow found a voice.

"Merlin Alwyn..."

"Uh...yeah?" She heard herself say.

The glow slowly morphed into the luminescent form of a beautiful woman who seemed to float effortlessly. She smiled warmly at Merlin.

"Morrigan is right, you are beautiful. I know how much you want to stay here, but she needs you. She's frightened and feeling very alone right now...She takes strength from being near you, did you know that? She also cares very deeply for you. Help is on the way Merlin, until it comes try and be strong. Try to withstand the pain...Tell her I hear her and I love her.."

The warmth and love faded and were replaced by cold and pain.

Merlin opened her eyes but didn't raise her head immeadiately. Instead, she focused on the bloody patchwork of her skin. It hurt like hell but she knew that she would heal. The dried rivulets of blood were caked and itchy, and had started to take on an angry red halo.

"Merl?"

Merlin raised her head slowly and regarded her friend across the barn.

"You okay Morr? Did he touch you?"

"He knows that watching you suffer hurts worse than being beaten myself. You scared me when you passed out..."

"Your mother was beautiful...She says that she hears you and she loves you."

"You saw my mother?"

Merlin wished she could shrug, but settled for a one word answer.

"Yeah."

Morrigan's eyes were bright with unshed tears, and Merlin wished she could free herself so that she could comfort her greiving friend.

"She said help is coming Morr...you have to be strong until then okay?"

Hearing the door open, Morrigan only nodded.

Mark strolled casually into the barn and eyed his captives with a triumphant sneer. Glancing first at his ex-wife and then at her lover, he stood facing the wall of the barn mumbling. Suddenly he stalked back in front of Merlin's cross.

"So, how're you feeling now? Those muscles of yours don't look so good anymore, not as toned as they used to be..." He reached out and slapped her abdomen and grinned when Merlin inhaled sharply. Mark turned to look back at Morrigan and guage her reaction, but he saw only impassivity and indifference. He went to where he'd thrown the whip down and bent to pick it up; still watching Morrigan. She swallowed but remained stoic. An idea lit Mark's features and he dropped the whip again. Reaching behind him for the folding knife in his back pocket, a broad smile split his face. Slowly he approached Merlin once more. With his free hand, he reached out and ran a hand down one of her legs.

"Hmm...feels like you need a bit of a shave. Let me help..."

He ran the blade roughly down one leg until the knife was stopped by the wire then he repeated the action. He did it again and again, ignoring Merlin's gasps of pain.

Morrigan looked across at Merlin and could see that she was trying to regain her composure, but under the onslaught of pain she was beginning to crumble. The torture she'd already endured would have broken a lesser person.

"Merlin...Merlin, listen to me okay?"

Merlin merely nodded.

"You know my dreams have taught me a lot, something I heard once has stayed with me but I've never really understood until now."

Merlin's eyes were clouded over with shock and she was limp from the strain of fighting the urge to scream. Morrigan's voice grew stronger to keep her friend from surrendering.

"There are two kinds of families Merlin. The one you're born into and the ones you make yourself. Our friendship binds us closer than blood ever could...Merlin, do you hear me? I want you to stay when all this is over. Stay with me Merlin, we'll start over without the pain and fear..." Morrigan's gaze was inexplicably drawn to the barn door where she was surprised to see Verne's head poking around the door's edge. She glanced at Mark's back, he was still "shaving" Merlin's legs through the blood. Verne started to ease into the barn, but Morrigan shook her head emphatically and mouthed "get help" silently. Verne nodded understanding and disappeared without Mark ever seeing him. Morrigan turned her attention to Mark then.

"It's too bad you don't understand Mark." Her calm, sympathetic tone stopped the madman mid-stroke and he half turned toward her. She forced her voice to be even, knowing she had his attention now. "I feel sad for you actually, but I think I understand why you're doing this." Both Merlin and Mark looked at her, waiting. "You're upset that you and I didn't have the kind of relationship she and I do. But no matter what you do, I'll never have the feelings for you that I have for Merlin."

Morrigan watched him step away from Merlin and she looked into blue eyes filled with relief.

"We understand each other, she and I..." Sea green bored into aquamarine, sending a message of love and strength and a dark head wearily nodded. "...You see, you've taught me something Mark, without even meaning to. I've learned that the spirit can endure, withstand and even thrive Mark. I look at you and see a tortured soul, and I can't help but wonder if I contributed to that."

"You wonder?!" Mark echoed Morrigan incredulously. "You only wonder? You married me and then turned away and you have the nerve to only wonder?! You created me baby, you put this anger here." He pounded his chest while pacing. "You betrayed me by not telling me the truth! But I know the truth now, they told me..."

"What truth Mark? Tell me what they told you." Morrigan tried to stay calm as he walked toward her with the bloody knife.

"They told me that you didn't love me, that you never loved me, it was a game to you. They told me you had to pay for what you did...I came back with every intent of seeing you suffer as I have. You don't know how you made me feel...I was alone in a marriage without love and only these voices for company!" He was shouting and brandishing the knife but at least he was still. Morrigan was just glad she'd been able to distract him from Merlin.

"They lied to you Mark, I did love you. We just drifted apart, that's all. I didn't betray you. The voices lied to you Mark, not me."

"No!" He dropped the knife and clutched his fists to his temples. "You lie! They've always been there...always! They were there when you weren't, do you hear me?"

"Mark, you left me remember?" Morrigan reminded him gently, she really felt sorry for him now.

"I had to...They told me to! they told me that you have to suffer, pay for what you did, pay for abandoning me..." Mark picked up the knife again and came toward Morrigan with a wicked gleam in his eye.

"NO!"

"Freeze, police!"

The voice from the door and Merlin's croak were simultaneous, but neither swayed tortured Mark from his goal. He raised the knife and took yet another step, ignoring the police entirely.

"You will...pay." Mark stepped forward quickly and jerked the blade to shoulder height. As he took the final stride toward Morrigan, he brought the knife down in an arc and a loud bang split the air.

To Morrigan, it seemed as though two things happened together and in slow motion. Mark's legs crumpled beneath him and his left side exploded in a spray of blood. Mark lay gasping and writhing in pain on the floor but found the strength to raise the knife once more. Even as he threw it weakly, the officers that were gathered at the door opened fire. The knife dropped ineffectually and Mark jerked twice, then was still.

Everything happened in a blur of motion then. Officers cut the two friends off the crosses and lowered them to the floor while another radioed for an ambulance. The officer that had released Morrigan checked for a pulse in Mark's neck and shook his head and, although it took strength she didn't realize she had, Morrigan made her way as quickly as she could to Merlin's side. Wincing at the pain, she reached for Merlin's hand. Verne came to them full of questions but was silenced when Merlin took his hand.

"Thank you..."

Verne was too choked up to answer, but nodded and turned away.

An officer covered Merlin lightly with a sheet he'd found on the clothesline and left them alone.

"You were pretty brave you know..." Merlin's voice was barely above a whisper.

"That's what friends do, they stand by each other..."

"Don't you mean "hang" by each other?" Merlin tried to joke.

Morrigan started to cry softly.

"Shhh, it's over now, we're gonna be okay Morr..." Merlin tried to comfort Morrigan, wishing she could hold her but settled for holding her hand against her cheek instead.

Morrigan started to whisper through her tears as shock began to settle over her. "We're gonna be okay, we're gonna be okay..."

Merlin held her arm out, inviting Morrigan to lay beside her. Morrigan needed no further urging. When the paramedics got there they found them laying side by side, succumed to exhaustion and shock and unconscious.

EPILOGUE

When Merlin regained consciousness, she felt a familiar weight sitting beside her and she opened her eyes to see Morrigan looking back.

"Hey..." Merlin gave her a weak smile and reached for a slim hand.

"The doctor said I could stay awhile..."

"Are you okay? How long have I been out?"

"I'm okay...a little shell shocked, but physically okay. Verne is staying on the couch until you're well enough...The doctor said you're going to be here a few days. You're pretty infected. I can't believe you took fifteen lashes..."

They were interrupted by a nurse who came to check on Merlin.

"I'm glad you're awake, that's a good sign."

"Can a cot be set up in here for her? I know I'd rest better having her close by."

The nurse pursed her lips and thought for a moment. "I'll have to ask the doctor, it's not standard procedure...But I'll see what I can do." She smiled and left them alone.

"Morr, what made you say that stuff to Mark?"

"I don't know really...it just kind of came to me...At least it drew his attention away from you though."

"You do realize that he tried to kill you?"

"Yeah, but only after he tried to break my spirit." Morrigan took Merlin's other hand and swallowed. "I meant everything I said Merl. I meant what I said about starting over...Stay with me, please?"

Merlin took a deep breath and winced as her skin pulled and stretched.

"Morrigan, are you sure? It's going to take awhile for me to heal..."

"Which will hopefully be speeded by the prescence of a healing room-mate." a voice boomed from the door.

"Dad!"

Morrigan ran to her father and uncharacteristically threw her arms around him. After hugging his daughter, he held her at arm's length and looked her over to see if she was alright.

"I'm okay..." She answered his unasked question. "...But Merlin..."

Paul Conway put an arm around his daughter's shoulders and walked over to the bedside.

"Miss Alwyn, how can I thank you for protecting my daughter?"

"Protecting?! We were hung from our arms on crosses after being drugged! I would hardly call that being protected...wait a minute, what did you say about a roomate?"

Paul smiled.

"I convinced the doctor that it would be in the hospital's best interests to allow a slight change in the rules just this once..."

As if on cue, an orderly wheeled in a spare bed and left it a short distance away from Merlin's bed.

"Miss Alwyn, I won't stay long, but I want you to know how much I appreciate your keeping my daughter safe..." He raised a hand to silence her when she opened her mouth to object. "I won't hear it...Morrigan is alive because of you; that's all that matters. Thank you." Paul Conway put his hand out and shook Merlin's gently. Then he turned to Morrigan. "Walk me to the elevator would you?"

Morrigan nodded and went to Merlin's bedside. She stood there holding Merlin's hand for a minute and smiling. Then finally she said,

"He's right you know. You saved my life, but you saved my soul too...I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

Merlin nodded.

When they'd left the room she looked over at the other bed and smiled just a little.

"Amazing what money will buy..." she whispered to herself.

When a nurse came in to make the bed, Merlin reached gingerly for the tumbler of water on the tray at the side of her bed. Her hand brushed a piece of paper she hadn't noticed before and curious, she picked it up. She had to read it twice to believe it, and even then, she wasn't sure she did.

"I'll be damned..." she whispered.

"I'm sorry?" said the nurse.

"Oh...nothing. Just commenting on twenty five grand worth of gratitude..."

The nurse gave her an odd look but finished making the spare bed and left without comment. No sooner had she left than Morrigan came back in. Merlin patted the side of the bed, waited for Morrigan to sit down and took the writer's hand. She took a deep breath and felt contentment settle over her like a blanket as she made her decision.

"You realise of course that as soon as I'm healed we have to paint the barn, I'll build some bird houses, the vegetables in the garden will need to be put up..."

Morrigan was too overjoyed to speak, she simply sat and smiled and nodded; her soul content at having found it's other half at long last.

THE END?