A THOUSAND SHADES OF FEELING

"You sure you'll be all right by yourself?" She heard herself ask again. The redhead smiled dazzlingly and nodded.
"It's been ages since anything more threatening than a papercut has happened, relax darling. Soon you'll be able to resign as my bodyguard and then we'll be able to stop pretending we're only friends." The redhead laid a warm and elegant hand over hers as they both opened the car door. It was an excuse to touch, and they both knew it. After seeing that the actress was buckled in, she smiled and shut the door. Reluctantly, her feet carried her across the parking lot to her own vehicle. Opening the driver's door, she turned back to see the woman she'd come to care deeply about lift a hand. As the fingers fluttered in a wave, the lips curved up into a loving smile. The unseen hand started the sports car and their eyes locked in a moment of promise and yearning. The promise was broken as the little red car exploded in a vicious fireball.

"Noooooooooooooo!" She jerked upright from the twisted sheet, shouting out denial once more.

Sitting up, she ran her fingers through dark hair and blew out a shaky breath. When she trusted her legs to hold her, she threw back the bedcovers and padded silently to the kitchen. A slap of the switch on the wall flooded the small room with light and she groped in the near-empty fridge. When she closed the door, she spotted her reflection in the sliding glass doors. As she drank deeply from the long-necked bottle, she watched her reflection. Haunted, pale blue eyes stared back at her, framed by unruly ebony hair and supported by high cheekbones. Her body was lean and trim in her cut-off T-shirt and flannel boxers, her favorite sleepwear, and even her glass-rippled reflection showed evidence of working out. Catching an errant dribble of ale on her chin, she shook her head at her reflection. "Geez Merl, get a grip. Don't you think it's time to have the screaming geebies about something else?" After draining the bottle she lifted weights until the sun came up , attempting to keep her mind off the nightmare. The strain and energy required went a long way toward working the fear and guilt to the back of her mind, and by the time the sun was fully lodged in the sky she was stepping from the shower.

As she dried off and dressed in black jeans and a long sleeved copper coloured top, she imagined she could hear her mother even now.

'Merlin Alwyn, when are you going to do something with your life? You're over thirty, living a dangerous lifestyle and alone....You mark my words young lady, you'll die alone unless you stop living your life on the edge and settle down...'

"Yeah, yeah..." She muttered to herself. Merlin glanced out the window and up at the sky. Grabbing both her sunglasses and her leather jacket, she left the dismal little trailer and settled in the driver's seat of her truck. Once on the highway, she turned on the stereo and hit the play button on the stereo. As the opening strains of Rush's 'Xanadu' filled the cab of the Explorer, Merlin thought about the meeting she was headed to and tried to banish the sound of her dead mother's scolding.

While Merlin was battling her conscience, another battle was being waged miles away. A battle of wills. "Dad, I don't need any protection...I can take care of myself. Haven't I proven that by now?" "Honey this isn't a simple matter of lighting a fire in the fireplace, this is your life we're talking about." The tall, silver-haired CEO sighed. "I know you can take care of yourself, and it's a good thing too since no one's heard from that bastard. How a man can just up and leave his wife alone on a farm like that, a mile from the closest neighbor. I don't even know who it is that's threatened to hurt you....but if this wacko makes good on his threats..."

The CEO let a frustrated sigh out and poured a cup of coffee for his daughter. She accepted it silently and watched the play of emotions on his face.

"Look, I promised your mother I would keep you safe, but never in a million years did I ever think we would be facing this! I don't know who this guy is but he says that he's out for revenge. I don't trust the police in that hiccup of a town to keep an eye on you, there's only two of them and it's not like you live in town anyway." The phone warbled, interrupting him. "Yes?..Oh, good. Send her in."

When Merlin stepped into the office, she could feel the tension in the air. But when someone was forced to hire a bodyguard, it was usually because of a life threatening situation. And in Merlin's experience, that kind of situation was usually a tense one. "Thank you for coming Miss Alwyn."

"Call me Merlin, please." She shook his outstretched hand.

"Are you named after the famous wizard?" A voice from behind her asked.

Merlin turned and answered the question. "No, not directly. My mother's family is descended from him though and family history has it that every other generation has carried it since his time."

"That's quite the family history...My name is Morrigan Artemis." She too put out a hand.

When their hands clasped, an electric tingle raced through Merlin's fingers and along her arm. It was unexpected but not painful. Morrigan felt it too, and involuntarily let go of Merlin's hand.

"Merlin, this is my daughter." Paul Conway spoke, completing the introductions. He waved Merlin toward a chair and waited until she sat before reclaiming his own seat.

Merlin looked at Morrigan pointedly.

"Are you married Morrigan?"

"No, I'm not."

"That's why I want to hire you Merlin. She lives alone in a big house out in the middle of nowhere. She's vulnerable and I don't like it."

"I may be vulnerable Dad, but that doesn't mean I'm fragile..."

Merlin studied Morrigan as she argued her case.. She wasn't tall by any means, standing at perhaps five feet tall. Her build was slight, making her look even smaller. But she had intense green eyes that Merlin couldn't resist looking at. They seemed to reflect a fire from within, the same fire that was making it's way into her argument against the need for a bodyguard. When she'd finished making her point, Merlin cleared her throat and added her opinion quietly.

"It's been my experience that those who don't want to be guarded usually avoid it any way they can. Perhaps better home security would be the better place to start. I suggest..."

Morrigan watched Merlin carefully; gauging, judging. This woman had a quiet, confident presence that was calming and yet...familiar. The longer Morrigan studied the other woman, the more she was convinced they'd never met. But everything about her was so familiar. The long ebony hair, the quiet voice, the long fingers, even her startling height of almost six feet. But most of all, Morrigan was captivated by her pale blue eyes. A clear azure that for some unknown reason, Morrigan wanted to lose herself in. She sighed as she let the low soothing voice wash over her, and as it did, she made a surprising decision.

"Morrigan, I wish you'd humour an old man and take my advice. I promised your mother I'd keep you safe..." Morrigan held up her hand, effectively stopping her father.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. You're right Dad, I am a long way off from a neighbor and the cops. I'll do it if it makes you feel better. You two iron out whatever else needs ironing, I'll be back in a minute.

"But honey..."

"Dad, I'm only going to the washroom twelve feet down the hall, I think I can do this with some measure of safety. I'll be right back."

When she re-entered the office the first person she saw was Merlin. Again those eyes bored into her and Morrigan felt her very soul being laid bare. Once the door was closed, Merlin leaned back in her chair and asked how Morrigan wanted to handle things.

"Well, Dad's made it pretty clear that he wants someone staying out at the house with me..."

"I'll have to pack some things then. Did you drive here?"

"I had my driver go out and get her. Her truck is...less than reliable." Paul supplied.

"If you don't mind a brief stopover at my place, we can go back in my truck." Merlin was playing it cool on the outside, but for some inexplicable reason she felt like a teenager asking someone out on their first date. Morrigan faced her with a dazzling smile. "Great!"

Settled in the truck, Merlin waited for Morrigan to buckle up.

"Ah...how do you adjust the seat?"

"Lever in front." After watching her grope blindly for a minute, Merlin leaned over to help. "You reach between your legs like this..." Her arm touched Morrigan's leg as she took hold of a hidden lever and she could feel firm muscle under denim. "And then you push your hips forward and the seat slides...like that."

Morrigan reached down to find the lever and covered Merlin's hand with her own, and at that moment Merlin looked up. The two women locked gazes and everything ceased to be, there was only the two of them and their proximity to one another. They could feel the heat in each other's hand, Merlin could feel callused skin and Morrigan touched the back of a strong, corded hand. They could have been like that a moment or a lifetime. For them, time had stood still. When Morrigan found herself falling into blue, she cleared her throat.

"Oh yeah, there it is."

She removed her hand and busied herself with the seatbelt. Morrigan glanced out the window and concentrated on the day outside as she fought a growing blush. The sky was a bright turquoise blue and clear of clouds, the sun lit the world in sharp, clear sunlight and the air outside the truck was growing warmer by the hour. Morrigan was glad she'd dressed in a T-shirt as she slipped her jacket off. As she did so, she missed the sidelong glances from the driver's seat. Merlin watched her blond passenger slip her arms from the sleeves, studying the firm contours of sculpted biceps appreciatively and smiling to herself.

`As the truck slowed to a stop outside the trailer, Merlin glanced over at her passenger.

"It's not much but..."

"Believe me, I don't judge by the home someone has." "Oh it's not home. I just live here."

Morrigan looked quickly at the tall woman. It was an odd thing to say. Merlin had no expression as she walked around the truck and opened Morrigan's door.

"Thanks, but you didn't have to..."

One long expressive eyebrow raised in an arch. "I didn't have to, no. But I did. Watch your step, I didn't clean up before I left."

Merlin put a hand under Morrigan's elbow, enjoying the feel of the other woman's skin as they stepped into the trailer. Once the light was on, Morrigan could see what Merlin had meant.

The trailer wasn't by any means cluttered, but weights littered the floor haphazardly. It would have resulted in a very bruised shin had Merlin not warned her. "Can I get you something to drink while I pack?"

Morrigan turned in time to see the tall bodyguard hang her leather jacket on a hook beside the door. Watching the muscles ripple under Merlin's T-shirt left her mouth dry and Morrigan's eyes strayed to the rest of her body. Merlin had a trim, sculpted body that begged study. A flat mid-riff, defined arms, long fingers and a seemingly strong back all had a peculiar effect on Morrigan, but Merlin's unassuming beauty compounded it. Her face was long and angular with high cheekbones. Blue eyes as pale and clear as a pristine mountain lake studied Morrigan patiently, while the corners of an inviting mouth danced briefly with the ghost of a smile. The smooth skin that she ached to touch was so soft looking, so...

"Do I pass inspection?"

Morrigan blushed and studied a ten pound weight at her feet.

"Sorry, I...don't know what came over me. Uh, whatever you've got will be fine."

Merlin let a quick smile settle on her features before retrieving a can of pop from the fridge. By the time she handed it to the blushing blond, the smile was gone from her lips but not her eyes.

"Make yourself comfortable, this won't take long."

Morrigan settled herself on the sofa with a book from the coffee-table and nodded.

When Merlin had disappeared into the bedroom to pack, Morrigan laid the book in her lap and leaned her head back.

'What is with me today?' She sighed, frustrated with herself. 'Since when do I stare at women? But damn...what a woman!' Morrigan grinned. 'Maybe it won't be so bad having a bodyguard...'

In the bedroom, Merlin was smiling too as she packed her gun and ammunition. She'd been pleasantly surprised to witness the effect she'd had on the younger woman, despite a gut feeling that this was a woman whose interests were male oriented.

'Hmmmn, this could prove to be an interesting job.' With the gun safely packed, Merlin put some clothes into a separate bag and then her workout sweats and a couple of towels.

"Just how far are you from civilization?" she asked as she left the bedroom. Even before the words had left her lips, she noticed Morrigan pretending to be immersed in Carlos Castanada novel. "I've found his writing to be more easily understood when read the right way up, you know."

"Here, let me help." Morrigan dropped the book on the couch and jumped up, already reaching for the duffel bag and small, locked case.. Merlin let her take them and knelt to pick up two twenty pound weights; one in each hand. "Well, the house is only twenty miles from town as the crow flies. But the roads are anything but straight." She let the comment about the book go by as they went back outside. When Merlin had put the weights in the back of the truck, she took the duffel bag and threw it behind the passenger seat. "This is pretty small; c.d's?" Morrigan lifted the metal case.

"No, my gun." Merlin smiled and slid the case under her seat.

When they went back into the trailer, Merlin packed a gymbag with her Walkman and headphones, her favorite c.d's and a few books, last but not least was a cellphone and thin, well-thumbed notebook. By the time the zipper was pulled shut, Morrigan was finished her pop and reaching for the bag. Merlin retrieved two more weights from the floor and allowed the less-burdened blond to precede her. With the weights held in place by a wide piece of lumber, the tailgate was closed and Merlin needed only to close the trailer up.

"You might as well use the facilities...I'm about done here."

When Morrigan emerged from the bathroom, Merlin took her turn, and then made sure everything was off. Checking to be sure she had her keys, wallet and sunglasses, Merlin eased into her leather jacket once more. Settled in the truck, she waited for Morrigan to buckle up.

On the road, Merlin loaded another c.d and tried to ignore the fact that Morrigan was mere inches away. As the heavy bass strains of 'Smoke On The Water' filled the cabin of the truck, Merlin shifted and addressed her companion.

"So what do you do so far from town?"

"I have a pretty god sized garden that needs constant attention, a few chickens, dogs and a house that's trying to fall down around me. But what pays the bills is my writing."

"What do you write?"

"My dreams."

Merlin glanced over at her passenger, but Morrigan was looking out the window. In a distant voice she explained.

"Ever since Mark left, I've had the most vivid dreams...Castles, thatched huts, a tall angry woman with silver eyes, hanging out over a river of lava and adventures that I don't completely remember when I wake up." Morrigan intentionally left out the image of loving blue eyes that she saw every night; eyes so similar to Merlin's.

"That explains why your father wanted to hire me." Morrigan turned to her, waiting. "You're alone." As soon as the words slipped out, Merlin realized how they sounded. "Aw, geez...I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that..."

Morrigan reached over and put a hand on her arm. "No it's okay. It's true, I am alone. I've come to accept it, it doesn't bother me." She took her hand off Merlin's arm, the gesture was starting to feel too familiar.

Merlin mentally slapped herself in the head. 'Way to go Merl, that's being sensitive...Jerk.'

Morrigan was gazing out the window, but the dark haired bodyguard suspected that she noticed very little of the countryside.

Merlin loaded another c.d, Deep Purple was beginning to get on her nerves. 'La Serenissima' seemed to suit the writer's mood better anyway.

"Want to talk about it?"

At first Merlin was going to say no, but as she glanced over their eyes met again and all of a sudden, she very much wanted to tell this woman what was in her heart. She took a deep breath.

"When Mark and I got married I was blissfully happy. But after a few years, the marriage started to feel like... someone else's. We had less in common every season and it gradually became painful to try and sustain something that I knew had been a mistake. Eventually, we had separate rooms...One day at breakfast Mark told me he just couldn't live a lie anymore and he would be packed and gone by lunch. I haven't seen or heard from him in five years."

"I'm sorry." Merlin spoke quietly, afraid to say the wrong thing.

"I know. I hope he's happier. I'm just sorry that I couldn't see the truth earlier."

Merlin didn't know what to say that would be comforting so she followed her heart, she reached out and put a hand on Morrigan's shoulder. She left it there long enough to convey the message, but Morrigan surprised her by reaching up and giving it a little squeeze.

"What about you?" Morrigan asked when she could trust her voice.

"Me?" Merlin's features were devoid of emotion, betraying nothing.

"Anyone captured your heart?"

Merlin shifted the stick again, silent for a moment. "There was someone I loved once..."

Morrigan waited. She could tell this was difficult for the dark-haired beauty, but as she was about to reassure Merlin that she didn't have to talk about it, Merlin continued.

"I was more in love than I thought at the time. The old saying about not knowing what you have until it's gone? It's true I've found. Life has proven to be too short to waste. Remember that Morrigan..."

As Merlin's voice faded to a whisper, Morrigan's heart wrenched for the tall woman's pain. She reached out and tentatively touched the hand on the stick shift "You must have loved this person very much."

"She was my whole world...I just didn't know it until she was gone."

Morrigan left her hand where it was and wished she could take away Merlin's pain. They stayed that way until Merlin had to turn off the highway, and as soon as the contact had been broken both hearts began to miss it although neither understood why.

"Turn left here." It had taken them three hours to get to this point, two hours driving and then had an hour shopping for enough groceries to get them through until the following day. As the truck bounced over the road that was little more than a wide deer track, Merlin could see why Paul Conway had been worried. Morrigan was out of the way out here. A sudden break in the trees gave way to a clearing, in the middle of which stood a house. The building seemed sad and in need of a coat of paint at first glance, but on closer inspection Merlin could see where the house was lacking in repair. The grass was well trimmed for thirty or forty feet in front with a bed of mixed flowers up against the house, but this was the only cheer in the yard. Out at the back of the building, twenty feet away, was a chicken coop with an attached run. This too seemed desperate for attention. Morrigan jumped out and unlocked the front door while Merlin retrieved her gun case from beneath her seat.

Once inside the front room Morrigan turned to her protector. "C'mon, I'll give you the dime tour."

Merlin soon discovered that first impressions are not always accurate ones. She expected the inside of the house to reflect the lack of attention that the outside had, but she was surprised by the opposite. The front room was the kitchen, a large farm house kitchen straight from the days of putting up food and men working the fields. The walls were the colour of old bone and scrubbed clean, a large window above the double sink flooded the room in bright mid-day light, a large wooden table held center court in the very middle of the room and a set of stairs led up and away from the roomy kitchen. The appliances were the only thing that looked out of place. Brushed stainless steel, they glimmered in the light and hummed quietly in the still air.

An archway beside the stairs led to an equally large living room. Here too, the walls were the same shade of old bone that the kitchen was, a dark wooden floor was scattered with rugs and a good sized fireplace dominated one size of the room. The entire right wall, the farthest from the hearth, was covered in books from ceiling to floor. And in front of the wall of books sat a computer and chair. Obviously where Morrigan worked. Recessed lighting was tucked into nooks and crannies aimed at various spots in the room, but dark for now. Opposite the archway was a wide bay window that looked out onto a thick patch of trees, and under this sat a myriad of houseplants; but these and the books were the only personal touches in the room. There were no photos, paintings or anything that spoke of the owner's personality on the walls. The furniture in the living room all seemed to match in one way or another. The sofa and chairs were all the same coffee coloured leather, the tables were not as dark but matched in their styling and seemed to fit well in the room, and cushions the same hue as the walls set off the darkness of the sofa and made it look more inviting.

"There's a bathroom upstairs if you need to clean up..." Morrigan pointed toward the archway and left the sentence hanging.

Merlin shook her head and looked around the room. "This is nice, it has a comfortable feeling to it."

"You must be hungry...ready for lunch?"

Merlin nodded and followed Morrigan back into the kitchen.

Merlin laid the metal case on the table and watched Morrigan survey the contents of the refrigerator.

"Hmmm...what do you feel like Merlin?"

"I'll be fine with just a sandwich."

"Okay, sandwiches and chips it is then."

They made the sandwiches together and talked about sleeping arrangements.

"There's a room upstairs next to mine you can have, it's not much but I think it's got a cozy feel to it. There's enough room for your weights I think."

"I'm glad it's next to yours..."

Morrigan raised her gaze from her sandwich. "Me too."

Then she realized how she must sound. "I'd feel...safer."

Their lunch finished, they brought in the groceries and carried the first load of Merlin's things upstairs. The room's focal point was a window that looked out on the front yard and the driveway. the view was nice but uninteresting to Merlin at the moment. She put down the weights, watched Morrigan deposit the duffel bag on the bed and left to get the remaining weights from the truck. When she came, she cast her gaze around the room. It was simply furnished with an iron bed, a dark wooden dresser and a matching nightstand. A reproduction Tiffany lamp stood waiting on the bedside table, but this was the only bright spot of colour in the room. The walls were ivory, the carpeting chocolate, and the drapery an interesting shade of fawn.

"Like I said, it's not much but..."

"It's nice. Where did you get the dresser?"

"A garage sale actually." Morrigan grinned sheepishly. "I bought both the nightstand and the bureau together for ten dollars when they were both hot pink." Merlin's eyebrows vaulted into her hairline. "I brought them home, stripped them down to bare wood and refinished them. It took a long time and a lot of sweat, but it was worth it."

Merlin ran a finger slowly and seductively along the top of the dresser, the lacquered surface was as smooth as glass. She looked up at Morrigan, unaware of her husky tone.

"You're very good."

The tone was not lost on Morrigan; she blushed furiously.

"I....I’ll get you some bedding and leave you start unpacking."

Despite what she'd said, she was in no rush as she left Merlin's room. Out in the hall Morrigan leaned against the wall and let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. When Merlin had spoken to her with that provocative tone, a tingle had started at the base of her spine and raced to her center. The fire that had taken hold there was demanding and disconcerting all at once. She'd never felt this way just from the sound of a woman's voice, much less a woman's. Shaking her head in confusion, she went down the hall to get Merlin's bedding.

When she was sure that Morrigan had moved down the hallway, Merlin leaned on the dresser and passed a hand over her eyes. What had she been thinking? Sighing in frustration, she began to unpack while she mentally chastised herself.

'Get a grip Merlin. She needs you to keep her safe, not seduce her for cryin' out loud.' A grin crossed the stern face. 'But it could be fun seducing her.' She heard Morrigan come back, her steps sure and even. Merlin cleared her throat and began to explain while she put there clothes away.

"Um, Morrigan, I'm sorry...I don't know why I said..." "I do."

"You do?" Merlin straightened up but didn't turn around.

"Yes, and so do you. We both know there's something that happens when we touch, we don't need to acknowledge it to make it real. I feel the same thing you do." Morrigan stepped softly behind Merlin and placed one warm hand on her lower back. "Did you hear me? I feel the same thing you do." Suddenly the comforting weight on Merlin's back was gone. Morrigan had left.

With her clothes put away and the bed made, Merlin looked out her window. From her vantage point she could see that the brush at the grass's edge needed thinning. It would be easy for someone to hide out there and stay hidden, so the first order of business would be to thin the trees. Merlin changed her clothes and went to find Morrigan. She found her half in and half out of a chest freezer, but no sooner had Merlin found her than Morrigan's feet slipped out from under her. As Morrigan's body began to slide into the deep freezer, Merlin caught her by the ankle and braced her feet. "Gotcha!"

Merlin wrapped one long arm around the blonde’s waist and lifted her effortlessly from the frosty chest. "Thanks, good thing you were here..."

"Hmmm, yeah." Merlin realized that her hand was still on Morrigan's hip, and that it felt good. "You okay?" Morrigan was conscious of the hand on her hip too, and disappointed when Merlin removed it.

"My pride's a little bruised, but I'm okay."

After closing the freezer, Merlin asked about an ax and was led to the barn.

As she followed Morrigan outside, Merlin explained why she needed the tool.

"Great..." the smaller woman struggled to open the barn door, "'cause I've been meaning to get to...that job..."

"Here, let me get that." Merlin gave a jerk and the big door swung open easily. She made a mental note to oil those hinges, and smiled at Morrigan's bemused expression.

"Are you stronger than most people or just me?"

"The hinges just need a little oil, that's all."

The barn was big, drafty and cluttered and gave Merlin an idea. As she took the ax from Morrigan, the bodyguard looked around until finally allowing her gaze to settle on the writer.

"You know, there's a lot of odd jobs that need doing. You should give the hired help a list so she has some idea of where to start."

"The hired help?" Morrigan was confused only momentarily. "You're right of course. I had to hire someone...I couldn't do everything myself, and now with that new book to finish..." Morrigan's grin was infectious and vibrant, and sent tingles up Merlin's spine. Involuntarily she reached out to touch Morrigan's cheek and then realized what she was doing. Pulling her gloves from her belt, she left the barn and tried to concentrate on her task.

Once she got into the job, concentration came easily and the two trees fell quickly. As she toppled the trees, she dragged them to a spot beside the driveway but closer to the house. When a good sized pile had been accumulated and the most recently felled tree dropped on top, Merlin stopped to rest. As she waited for her blood pressure to even out, she cast a watchful eye over the rest of the property, looking for movement that didn't belong, colour that wasn't natural, but a voice behind her pulled her attention away again.

"Dinner is almost ready."

Merlin turned to watch Morrigan, who had brought her a tall glass of ice water. Sitting beside her bodyguard on a log, Morrigan handed her the glass and then took a drink from her own. They sat quietly until Morrigan drained her glass and stood up.

"Well, I should go put the chickens in the coop before dinner."

"I'll clean the ax and finish the job tomorrow." Merlin stood and walked toward the brush line.

"Merlin?" She stopped and half-turned toward Morrigan. "I'm glad you're here."

Merlin could only smile hesitantly, she didn't know what to say. Morrigan didn't wait for an answer but left before she could say something else that was probably inappropriate.

"I'm glad to." Merlin whispered to Morrigan's receding back.

Dinner was simple but filling, and it wasn't long before Merlin pushed away from the table. As she put her plate in the sink Morrigan spoke from directly behind her.

"Maybe later you'll have room enough for dessert?" Merlin turned to find intense green eyes boring into hers.

"Depends on what dessert is." She answered in a low voice.

Morrigan reached around her, inches away from Merlin,and put her own dishes in the sink.

"Pie and ice cream."

"Sounds good." Merlin, conscious of the affect the other woman was having on her, moved back to the table and began clearing it off. If her hearing had not been as sharp as it was she might have missed Morrigan's whisper.

"Not my first choice, but I doubt that I can have who I want."

Even though she had heard quite clearly, Merlin feigned innocence.

"What was that Morrigan?"

"I said I think I'll go and grab a shower." The flushed woman headed for the stairs, muttering as she walked. "A very cold shower."

Merlin laughed quietly and finished cleaning up.

After locking the doors and checking the windows, Merlin went upstairs to read for awhile. But as good as the book was, she couldn't help but think about Morrigan's last few comments. It was obvious that Morrigan feeling attracted to her, but out of loneliness or something else? Merlin closed her eyes and swallowed. It had been a long time since she'd allowed herself to get close to anyone, and she didn't want to get into something with Morrigan for the wrong reasons. Hearing the bathroom door open, Merlin picked up her book and pretended she'd been reading all along.

Morrigan popped her head into the open doorway. "Give it five minutes and the shower's all yours. Do you always read upside down books?"

"That's what looked odd, no wonder I couldn't understand the words." Merlin grinned sheepishly.

The shower felt invigorating and refreshing, Merlin admitted. But the list needed to be done too. Going downstairs in search of Morrigan, Merlin thought about the jobs she had already planned on. The trees she had brought down earlier would need to be cut into firewood, kindling piled, the barn cleaned, the house painted, the chicken coop painted...Merlin wondered how long she would be here. She found Morrigan at her computer typing furiously with Celtic music in the background. The blond had an intense, determined expression while her fingers fairly flew over the keyboard and Merlin tiptoed out of the room. On the table she found a scrap of paper, in a drawer a pen. By the time the paper was covered in her small, precise handwriting she'd run out of obvious repairs and improvements. Again, she wondered how long she'd be here; if all these jobs would be seen to.

Suddenly, she didn't want this contract to end. In he heart this didn't feel like just another job. She closed her eyes and tried to reason with herself, but her heart knew what her head denied. She wanted a much closer relationship with the writer than the protective one she was being paid for. But while an intense relationship was not only foolish at this point, it was also dangerous. They had known each other only a matter of hours, she couldn't afford to let herself fall in love and let her vigil relax again, she didn't have room for anyone in her life. All of these reasons, and many more, raced through her mind as she found excuses to deny her heart's craving. While Merlin's logic ranted, raved and stomped it's feet, her heart whispered quietly and persistantly 'She is my other half'. Unable to reconcile the two, heart and mind, Merlin went to bed.

Continued in Chapter Two