Building suspense in our fiction not only makes the journey more exciting for the author, but it also keeps your reader engrossed in your story. Although building suspense, adding conflict and keeping your reader hooked sounds intimidating, it really isn’t. You simply approach it with a ‘one step at a time’ attitude. First, let’s look at wording.
Have you ever heard the maxim “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.”?
Read the following sentences and consider which one has a higher tension level.
• Sparky’s kennel was carried to another room, and the lights were turned on.
• Freckles saw the clippers coming closer, he felt the dark alpha put a cautious hand on his neck, his paw was picked up and the clippers moved into position.
An active voice tends to bring immediacy to any tale, and even though the passive voice DOES have its place, it’s an active voice that helps raise the tension level of almost any scene. Consider which of the following puts you in mind of a horror movie.
• Squeaky sounds were made by the door.
• The door screeched open with a horrible noise.
Active means the performance of action, while passive means the endurance of action. If you can keep this in mind while writing and re-writing you may find it easier to keep an active voice. I had this problem for the first few years I was writing, and it was not until I began doing multiple re-writes (one re-write for each element I was polishing) that I finally understood. It sounds like a large undertaking but if you look over a passage of writing done with a passive voice, and re-write using words that are more active, the passage will have been improved in most cases.
Active verbs create a kind of word music for the reader, and using the right words can enhance the experience for anyone. A train can chug up a hill, but it can also churn.
Read the following excerpt from The Hobbit and see if you can spot the active verbs.
• “They beat on it, they thrust and pushed at it, they implored it to move, they spoke fragments of broken spells for opening…”
Notice the verbs used. Beat, thrust, pushed, implored. All of these are active verbs. These are the verbs that not only do something, but they do it in a grand style. That’s what makes the difference between an active voice and a passive voice. Think and write emotionally. Charge your sentences, the character’s actions and the setting with elements that make the reader feel. Once they feel, they will hopefully connect with the story on an emotional level. Once that happens, the chances are good that they will continue to read your tale. So it is in your best interests to practise using active verbs and develop your active voice.
Sentence length also plays a role in building tension. Short, snappy sentences help the reader’s eye move quickly, but a long and wordy passage slows the story, and does nothing to keep your readers happy. Read both of the following passages and pay attention to how quickly your eyes track the words.
• Medea could feel the tension tightening her chest as she watched the two cars draw closer. The driver of the red convertible wasn’t watching. The white car steered erratically. They were aiming at each other and they didn’t even notice! Medea knew in her bones they would crash. They met in an explosion of fire, they crashed with a grinding and screeching of metal, and both drivers were thrown into the road.
• Merlin was at the bar waiting for her ale when a man in a cheap suit and too much Stetson cologne sat on the stool beside her. He introduced himself as Derek, a salesman for a pharmaceutical company. Merlin was polite, but she didn’t really want to make small talk, she had a date waiting for her.
Editing and re-writing where necessary is one of the most important things an author can do. If one word doesn’t work for you, don’t become so attached to it that it drags down the passage. Look for a better word. Use your thesaurus, (you do have one, don’t you?) and if a more vibrant word is what’s needed, then change it. The exception to this rule however is if you have a scene that needs dull, flat words. Let’s suppose you are describing a spinster’s home that has been neglected. In this case you want words that will reflect the condition and disparity of her surroundings.
• There was an olive green carpet beneath her dead body, worn from years of many feet trodding upon the thin fibers. The walls that had shielded her shame had taken on a nicotine patina and gloom prevailed in the air.
Many people find “War and Peace” difficult to get through. I know I certainly did. Not just because it was a massive tome, but because the sentences were long and far too wordy. (Not to mention the characters names were nearly impossible to pronounce!) I’m not suggesting that you write for five year olds, but I am suggesting that you not write for folks with an I.Q of Stephen Hawking. Try and find a middle ground between the two. Mix your sentence lengths, use active verbs, involve your reader emotionally, and always edit!